DeathNote, MattMello. Written from Matts pov. Check out Rosary Beads for Mellos pov :) Hope you enjoy it.

Warnings:
(Implied) character death.


I never meant to fall in love with him. But, it wasn't a mistake either. I guess he's like a cigarette. You have one, and then you get addicted. It spreads through your body until you get to the point where you'd do anything for one. The sad part is that they're gonna shorten your lifespan. Or kill you. One of the two.

It's funny, 'cause I kind of saw it coming. Each night I'd lie in bed with the thought of seeing him again in the morning; his eyes heavy-lidded and his hair all messy. It made my heart race – like boss levels. But better. And each night I'd find myself thinking of him more and more... Until I realised what was happening.

That bastard made me love him.

Suddenly the everyday things he did that used to mean nothing to me started to mean everything. If he couldn't find the toothpaste on a morning he'd wander out of the bathroom topless. Didn't bother me before. It was the same with the leather. His tight ass all wrapped up in a dead cow like a present. that was nice. Especially when he bent down to get the toothpaste from under the table.

Yeah – I hid it there.

Then there was that other time that I can remember very clearly. He'd got ill and I'd cared and nursed him; feeding him chocolate, even though that probably made him feel worse. Not like he cared though. No illness was ever going to make him not want to eat chocolate.

Unfortunately he got better quickly, and I found myself without a 'thank you'. Oh well. To be honest, I didn't expect one. Not like I really needed one anyway. Just by letting me fuss over him was thanks enough. I guess it kinda hurt, not being appreciated by him. But then again he won't let himself show weakness - or kindness for that matter. He was tired of being weak.

When that year's winter rolled around, I locked him outside in the snow - hoping he'd catch a cold so I could nurse him again. Selfish, I know. But that was the only way I could get close to him. Sadly video games don't teach you much about real life. It'd be good if they did though.

Of course, I wasn't stupid. I knew I had to keep my mouth shut. The last thing I wanted for him was to feel awkward with me. And anyway, I was content in loving him without him knowing. He never suspected a thing. But now, I regret not telling him. I regret not giving what could have happened a chance. Cause I realise I was never content in loving him from the sidelines. I always wanted more. I always wanted to be more than just friends. I just hadn't seen it before.

All the things we could have done... I could have hugged him. Kissed him even. I see now that loving him from the sideline was never enough. And it never will be now. It's too late.

All this pain in my body has opened my eyes. It's a great shame that it's time to shut them for good. I didn't even get a chance to tell him I loved him.

He's definitely like a cigarette. So I'll spend my last breath smoking him.

I knew he was gonna kill me.