INT. 221B BAKER STREET/ LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
All is quiet. Sherlock is on the sofa, in a simple plain brown dressing gown with his feet up, engaged with John's laptop. The phone rings. Sherlock sighs, annoyed. He waits. Looks around. The phone is all the way across the room. It keeps ringing. Sherlock keeps waiting.
SHERLOCK
(muttering to himself)
Oh, for God's sake John!
He looks at the phone, still ringing, angry.
SHERLOCK
Oh, give it a rest!
Sherlock opens up Skype on the laptop and enters the username "Ruggedly Handsome Lestrade". He pauses for a moment of thought. The phone stops ringing.
SHERLOCK
Ah. You've heeded to my advice. How wise.
Beat. It begins to ring again. Sherlock shakes his head in disapproval then returns his attention to the laptop. He types in a password "*****". He is logged in to Lestrade's skype account. He clicks on one of the names to the side - "John Watson". He clicks call. The ringing of the laptop joins with that of the phone.
Eventually the call is answered.
JOHN (v.o)
(on the other end of the line, sleepy, tired)
Lestrade? Hello?
SHERLOCK
No. Sherlock. Wake up. The phone's ringing. Dear God, John, pick it up.
JOHN (V.O)
Pick it up yourself. And grow up.
SHERLOCK
I refuse. Why would I grow up? That's like inviting boring into my life.
John walks out of his bedroom, really peeved off, still half asleep. He picks up the phone.
JOHN
Hello?
(beat)
Murder? Weird one?
Sherlock drops the laptop on the sofa and walks to John, snatching the phone off of him.
SHERLOCK
(into phone)
Text me the address. I'll be there as soon as possible.
Sherlock hangs up and looks at John.
SHERLOCK
John, get dressed. We're going out.
JOHN
You first.
SHERLOCK
I'm already dressed.
JOHN
You're not going out there in your night gown.
SHERLOCK
I am. I have no interest in fashion. This night gown is perfectly acceptable.
JOHN
But it's freezing outside.
SHERLOCK
No. 2 degrees above freezing, to be precise. Either way, how cold it is is irrelevant so long as it doesn't exceed the temperature at which it interferes with my brain.
EXT. PLAZA - NIGHT
Blue lights flash from police cars surrounding a fountain boxed off by yellow tape. The water in the fountain is murky brown.
Sherlock, still in his night gown and wearing slippers, arrives on the scene with John. They are greeted by Lestrade.
LESTRADE
Happy hour of the night. Put a smile on.
JOHN
It's 2 in the morning. I can barely walk. Smiling is too much effort.
SHERLOCK
Don't mind John. He's being grumpy. I can't imagine why.
John snarls at Sherlock.
SHERLOCK
So, where's the body?
LESTRADE
Oh, you'll like this. There isn't one.
SHERLOCK
So how do you know there's been a murder?
LESTRADE
A young couple were passing by this here fountain slash wishing pool. Nobody else was here, they thought they might as well nick a few pennies.
SHERLOCK
I don't waste my time with petty thieves. Especially not at a penny-stealing level. I take pennies from John's wallet all the time. It isn't a crime as far as I'm concerned.
LESTRADE
The young couple are in hospital. Their arms partially corroded.
JOHN
Jesus.
LESTRADE
Don't worry. They got the proper medical attention in just the right amount of time. Damage is mostly to the skin. Not too serious.
JOHN
So... the water in the fountain burned their hands?
LESTRADE
Health and safety'll make a huge fuss in the morning. Anyway, there's a reason I called you, Sherlock. The fountain. Deduce away.
Sherlock bends over the fountain. He looks carefully at the liquid inside, noting the colouration.
SHERLOCK
What appears to be some Iron chloride deposits.
Sherlock feels the very edge of the fountain.
SHERLOCK
Water droplets all around here. Can't be from the fountain, it wouldn't reach over here. Also some on the marble paving. Hydrogen gas.
LESTRADE
What about it?
SHERLOCK
Given off from the reaction the fountain. Combined with oxygen in the air and condensed into droplets over here.
JOHN
Hold on, what reaction in the fountain?
SHERLOCK
Iron Chloride deposits. Lestrade, you said the couple burned their hands, it must have been a strong acid. Taking a guess- the acid in the fountain is highly concentrated hydrochloric acid which has reacted with Iron to produce Iron Chloride and hydrogen gas.
LESTRADE
Iron?
SHERLOCK
From hemoglobin.
LESTRADE
Nemo goblin? What?
JOHN
Hemoglobin. An iron compound that makes up blood.
SHERLOCK
Thank you, John.
LESTRADE
Nice. Well done. Forensics took quite a bit longer than you to work it out.
SHERLOCK
Let me guess, Anderson? No, improbable. He'd still be working at it. After all, that is the effect of a lack of brain cells.
LESTRADE
So, we're looking for some remains. Anything that'll get us some more information.
JOHN
Well, I'm stumped.
SHERLOCK
As always, I'm not. We don't need remains.
LESTRADE
We don't?
SHERLOCK
Because there wasn't a body to begin with.
LESTRADE
Then this wasn't really a murder?
SHERLOCK
Exactly. Thank you for accidentally wasting my time.
Sherlock is about to leave.
LESTRADE
Wait! For the benefit of everyone else, explain. I'm not about to close a potential murder investigation because of an amateur.
SHERLOCK
I'm not an amateur.
LESTRADE
I know. But Donovan and Anderson and pretty much everyone at Scotland Yard think so. Prove them wrong.
SHERLOCK
There's not as much Iron in blood as everybody seems to think. Only 2.5 grams. The Iron Chloride deposits suggest the Iron present in the fountain relates to around about a pint of blood. Best guess is it was donated blood. Get your people to tell you whose it was and phone them. If they pick up, they're alive, no murder investigation. If they don't, call me.
JOHN
Right. So we can go back home now? I can get back to sleep?
Sherlock and John walk away.
JOHN
And if you're wrong-
SHERLOCK
(interrupting)
Don't be expecting a call, John. I'm hardly ever wrong.
INT. 221B BAKER STREET/ LIVING ROOM - morning
The phone rings. Sherlock is on hand this time and picks it up.
SHERLOCK
(immediately as he answers the phone)
I can't be wrong. You've made a mistake.
Beat.
SHERLOCK
(into phone)
Ah, so I'm right. Then why have you phoned me?
Another beat.
SHERLOCK
I see.
He hangs up as John walks in with a hot cup of tea in his hand.
JOHN
So you were wrong then?
SHERLOCK
No.
Sherlock takes the tea off of John and takes a sip.
JOHN
Oi!
SHERLOCK
Thank you.
JOHN
That was mine.
SHERLOCK
Terribly sorry but I had to. You'd have spat it all out otherwise.
JOHN
I would have?
SHERLOCK
Yes. Now sit down, John.
John lets himself fall onto the sofa.
SHERLOCK
They've found out whose blood it was.
JOHN
And? Whose was it?
SHERLOCK
Yours.
JOHN
Mine?
SHERLOCK
You gave blood a few weeks ago. That's where they must have gotten it from.
JOHN
How do you know I gave blood?
SHERLOCK
You were boring me with the details of your life one day and said "Hey, I gave some blood today."
JOHN
Oh. I never thought you cared to listen.
SHERLOCK
Listen, I did. Cared? Not a single bit.
JOHN
So why would my blood be in a fountain full of acid in the middle of London?
SHERLOCK
Well, you've had your bad days, John. Maybe you were drunk. Or maybe it was Sarah inflicting some form of revenge heavy with symbolism.
JOHN
She broke up with me.
SHERLOCK
She broke up with you because of you. That's enough to warrant revenge. And I agree with her.
JOHN
Sherlock, you've got to take this case.
SHERLOCK
Why would I purposefully bore myself?
JOHN
Because this is really personal stuff.
SHERLOCK
I disagree. It was most likely random. You're not being targeted John. Only valuable people get targeted.
JOHN
I'm not valuable?
sherlock
Oh, wake up, John! Just because some people care about you and just because mummy said you were her "special little boy" doesn't make you a big enough fish to be to be any kind of a target.
JOHN
(passively)
Could've been Moriarty. I'm valuable to him 'cause he can use me to get to you, right?
Sherlock pauses for thought, hints of a smile emerging on his face.
SHERLOCK
Phone Lestrade. Tell him I'll take the case.
