This is the first redone chapter of the redux of this story. I started it several years ago, and I've finally decided to dust it off and rework it a little bit. I hope that you enjoy it! Leave reviews with suggestions and questions, complaints and random musings.

Erik awoke groggily. He moved his hand to rub his eyes to find that it was wet…and sandy. He jumped up quickly.

Where am I? he thought.

Then he noticed. The ground was moving. The wood-paneled ground. That he was standing on in pink flip-flops.
Oh please no, he thought, I'm at the fop's spa.

His gaze slowly moved up. He appeared to be wearing a black Speedo. And some sort of water-proof cape. His mask felt like it was made out of a coconut shell. He took it off.

It was.

Erik focused his gaze in front of him. He saw people. Many people. Most of them appeared to female.

They were wearing bikinis.

And they were staring at him.

Suddenly some strange chanting music came out of nowhere: Hoya hoy hoy hoya-ha-ha-ya-ha-ha-ya hoy hoy hoy hoya-hoya-hoy-a-hoy…

A strange man walked in between Erik and the other people. He opened his mouth to speak.

"Welcome…to Survivor."

Erik screamed, and fainted. Then the music started again: Hoya hoy hoy hoya-ha-ha-ya-ha-ha-ya hoy hoy hoy hoya-hoya-hoy-a-hoy…

The music reached some dramatic height, and some words flashed: Survivor: - Islands. The name of whatever Islands they happened to be was blocked out be the sunlight. Then the music ended and the strange man dumped a bucket of water over Erik.

Erik woke again, but this time he wasn't groggy. He jumped to his feet, his water-proof cape not as water-proof as he hoped.

The strange man glanced at him, and then began to speak. "Hello, I am your host Jeff Probst. I welcome all of you twenty-eight castaways to Survivor: (hiccup) Islands. This season all of you will be divided into four teams: Kappe, Tau, Deroos, and Hol. I have, in this bag, four types of buffs, colored black, white, red, and gold. When I call your name, come up and randomly pull a buff from the bag. Are there any questions?"

A short blond girl that Erik recognized as Meg Giry raised her hand. Jeff ignored her.

"No questions? Good. Now-"

Meg was now bouncing up and down with her hand up.

"-will Erik-"

Meg was now jumping up and down so hard, her bikini was in danger of falling off.

Jeff looked at her. "Yes?"

"Where's the bathroom?"

"Over there." Jeff pointed to somewhere over the ship's railing.

"Ok, thanks." Meg ran off, followed by a little splash.

"Now where were we…Ahh, yes. Will Erik please come up?"

Erik walked up. He stuck his hand in the bag and pulled out a black buff. Erik couldn't figure it out. It was too big for mask, but too small for a cape. But it was bigger than his Speedo. He stepped into it, forming a rather fashionable skirt. He didn't hear the disappointed moans coming from the group of girls.

"Congratulations Erik! You are on the Kappe tribe. Next we have Mr. Holmes."

As the tall man stepped forward and received a white buff, Raoul leaned over to Erik and whispered: "He doesn't even go here."

Erik ignored him, and adjusted his mask. Coconut husk was not a particularly comfortable clothing material.

The buff selection continued, and Erik became very uneasy as his team became filled with drooling, staring, and maniacally giggling phangirls. He crossed his fingers as he glanced sideways at Christine, hoping that she would draw a black buff out of the bag when her name was called.

Soon only Christine, Raoul, and a girl with a mask tattooed onto her face were the only ones without buffs.

The girl drew a red buff from the bag. Erik began to bounce up and down, fingers and toes crossed. Meg looked at him across the deck of the boat and mouthed, Bathroom's over there, with a flick of her hair towards the ocean.

Christine stepped up. Erik almost stopped breathing. She was so beautiful, even in a silly polka dot bikini. If they were on the same team, he would weave her a beautiful dress from palm fronds. And he would make a veil from fishing net and seaweed. It would go so beautifully with her new gold buff.

Erik looked down. His new fashion accessory was black, not gold. Which meant Christine would not be on his team. And that the last spot in his tribe would be filled by the last available person.

The resplendent Vicomte de Chagny.

For the second time that morning, Erik fainted.