AN: Hehehe my 2nd CCS fic ^_^ Quite angsty if you ask me, but yeah, I'm a S+S writer ok? So basically, naturally this fic is S+S :P Doesn't need a brain to figure that out okie dokiez? Well I hope you enjoy this fic, it's a bit complicated but not really.
Disclaimer: Not much to say in a disclaimer, just that I don't own CCS and its characters since good ol' CLAMP does.
" Speech
( ) Translation
Thinking in italics
Chapter One: Inner Beauty
2nd CCS fic by Fizzalicious Cherri
I'm standing here, waiting...waiting for her. Why hasn't she come? I'm sure she would...maybe she's just a bit late, like she usually is.
A smile forms on my tight lips as the wind picks up, blowing gently at my face and through the branches of the cherry blossom tree looming over me. This cherry blossom tree, was our cherry blossom tree. Five years ago, when I was only 12, she and I made a promise to come back here on April 1st, five years later. And I did just that, but where is she?
Why isn't she here? Did she forget? No...she wouldn't forget this would she? Or maybe...she's mad at me? Mad at me for having to leave for five years...so she decided not to come? But it wasn't my fault...I had to go back, the clan needed me, I had to go back. But it's not like her to be mad at me over something like this...
Then where is she? WHERE is she?
A young man at the age of 17 leaned against the trunk of a tall healthy cherry blossom tree. Its branches were covered with beautiful lush pink petals so full of color and life.
The boy looked frustrated, although awfully calm at the same time. The area around him was so silent...except for a few sounds of trees shifting about restlessly, a few birds singing out a few chopped up notes. But that was it. It was just him and nature.
He glanced down at his watch and turned around to look the other direction. Maybe she would come from this way...
His amber eyes searched the trunk of the tree carefully, until his pupils locked gaze with an engraving marked on the trunk.
"S+S forever." Was carved in childish writing deep into the trunk. The boy traced his fingers on the word 'forever'.
Is it really forever? If it is...why aren't you here? He breathed in deeply, lifting his head to the spring air and sunshine. He closed his eyes, feeling slightly relaxed, but disappointment filled his heart soon after.
You're really not going to come...are you? Are you really going to disappoint me like this? Break my heart...? That's not like you...my little cherry blossom, that is not like you at all. You wouldn't...have the heart to do this to me...would you?
Do you know how much I missed you when I trained everyday? Everyday I tried to keep myself busy, hoping the days would fly faster if I just had things to do. I had lots to do infact, but could I ever ever ever forget that smiling face of yours? No. You haunted me in day, at night, in my dreams and thoughts. Memories too.
Finally, five years have gone by, but...you are not here...I will wait this whole day for you...you will come, right?
...This tree hasn't changed at all...has our love changed? I feel that my feelings towards you, are stronger than ever, they haven't weakened. How about you, Sakura? Have you changed? Are you still the genki (cheerful) kind girl I once knew? I have so many questions to ask you, so many stories to tell you, so why don't you come back to me so I can tell you everything? And you can tell me all your stories...ask me all the questions in the world...where are you...
Now I feel tears, building in my eyes. No. Am I crying? Now I'm laughing...and crying. Great.
If everyone in the world could see me now, they wouldn't believe it was me, the cold heartless Li Syaoran. People will be shocked if they see me crying...then they'll start laughing, pointing at me saying 'Oh! The clan leader is crying!'. That's what I hate. I hate how people that have great responsiblities are thought to be...so strong. Tearless. No human is like that...everyone has feelings, emotions, times when they're happy and sad.
I hate how the world thinks I'm always strong, always there if the clan needs me. What if one day I'm not there? What would happen? Would mother cry and break down into despair? Would the clan collaspe because they thought they're leader would always be there carrying the responsibilities? How wrong they are, I could decide to step out on them anytime. But I don't.
But I laugh, because I was never like this before. Possibly, in my younger years I was cold, I was mean to everyone, but no one knew deep inside I had feelings too. Except for her. She knew I had feelings, she knew I had thoughts, she knew me . She released me from my cage of stress and dispair. She opened a whole new world to me, a world where sun could shine through, a world of changing seasons.
Unlike the world I use to live in, when it was always autumn.
Sakura, Sakura, Sakura. Your name has never stopped revolving in my brain. And it's not going to stop any time soon. Are you thinking of me right now? Thinking that you should be here, at our tree, right now? Please Sakura...please show up...
Sakura...Sakura...now I'm screaming your name out loud. I don't care, I'm going to keep on shouting. Sakura, Sakura, Sakura...now it's becoming like a song to me...can you hear me calling out to you? Do you hear the desperation in my voice?
I feel dizzy, sadness is filling me, corsing through my viens...it's so painful it's hard to imagine. I never knew I could be in so much pain...emotionally.
I so badly want you to show up right in front of me right now...but for some reason, I know you won't show up...not today, maybe tomorrow, but not today. Are you playing a game of hide and seek with me Sakura? Why aren't you here? Don't you remember our meeting today? I so badly want to see you, how a wonderful young lady you would've grown into....
I'm falling...falling to the ground as I collaspe on my knees. I've been waiting...for hours...it's twilight now...you still haven't come. The sun is setting...my hope is setting...Sakura...
Sakura....
.....Sakura....
I feel dizzy...hopeless...now I'm tired, tired of waiting and hoping...just come...come back to me....
"Arigatou Sae," A women smiled at the girl who handed over her a bag of groceries.
The girl nodded slowly, and tried to smile. "Your welcome." She replied in a whisper that was barely audible.
The women frowned slightly as she watched the girl slowly walk up the stairs in a sort of limp. The women knew that the girl had gotten in an accident of some sort because of the scars on her face, and the limp in her leg. But she had never asked Sae about it.
Although Sae had showed up from no where, the women felt sorry for the girl and had accepted her into the house. She was a widow and felt lonely at times, and having Sae's company helped alot, even though the girl was so quiet.
Upstairs in her small but cozy room, Sae lowered herself onto her bed by the corner of the room. She glanced at the mirror that hung on the wall in front of her.
She frowned and a small tear trickled down her face. One hand raised to touch her cheek, a long bloody scar was left there, though she couldn't remember why and how it got there. She knew that scar would forever remain on her cheek, she hated it though, it was ugly. It made her feel ugly.
"You are a beautiful child," Ms. Egami had said warmly to her one day when she went out to help her buy dinner.
Sae tried to believe her, but she felt like Ms. Egami had said it to be nice. Sae sighed as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. One thing she was proud about herself was her hair and her eyes. But that was it.
She laid down on the soft bed and closed her eyes. Everyday she desperately tried to remember. Remember her past, why she had that scar on her face, and basically, who she was.
A pounding headache started in her head as she shut her eyes tightly and drifted into sleep.
The road sped quickly beside her from the rear mirror, the city behind her that she remembered clearly as Tomoeda became smaller and smaller.
The sky was dotted with stars, it seemed like a happy night, but not at all for her.
She pressed the gas pedal harder as tears of rage and sadness rolled down her cheeks in streams. Trickling off drop. by. drop. from her chin and down onto her lap.
Drop. drop. drop.
Every tear seemed to glow, catching the light from the moon, making them seem like falling stars. Tears...as streams of stars.
The road was empty, at least so far it was. But suddenly, a light came closer, and closer...and she felt her body being torn from the seat and torn from herself. She felt numb...she felt nothing.
"Sae!! Sae??"
Her eyes fluttered open as she got up to the call of Ms. Egami. "Hai Egami-san?"
"Dinner is ready," The women called back.
Sae sat up slowly, a small crack heard from her back as she stretched. "That same dream again." She mumbled as she placed her feet on the carpeted floor.
"What's for dinner?" Sae tried to sound cheerful as she limped down the stairs, holding tightly onto the rail.
Mrs. Egami placed a plate down on the table. "Noodles."
"Fried?"
"Hai, fried," Mrs. Egami replied as she sat down.
Sae joined her and placed her chopsticks in the middle of the plate, playing with a strand of noodle before placing it in her mouth. After a couple more minutes she noticed that Mrs. Egami was watching her eat. "Is something the matter?" She asked.
Mrs.Egami smiled, a sad smile. "Sae..."
"Hmmm?"
"You've been with me for a year or so neh?" Mrs. Egami questioned thoughtfully.
Sae nodded slowly.
Mrs. Egami took of her hands and held it tightly. "I don't know whatever happened to you child, but I care for you just like a mother, and I want you to know that."
Sae smiled, "Arigatou...to tell you the truth...I don't know what happened to me either."
Mrs. Egami looked at her, and Sae just sighed, "I always have the same dreams...two or three of them. I dream a different one of them every night. But it's always one of those dreams...I just had one a while ago."
"Go on," Mrs. Egami urged.
"I think it was me, in a car," Sae continued. "I was driving, really fast! I think...I was crying...and I drove faster, and faster...and then a light came nearer and nearer..." Sae said it in wide eyes. "Then I felt like my body was being torn from my soul..." Sae's eyes watered. "I was so scared...and I still am..."
Mrs. Egami tightened her grip on Sae's hand. "Oh child, you must've had a rough past..."
"I...guess so," Sae uttered.
"After dinner I suggest you go to bed early, there is school tomorrow."
Sae frowned slightly, "I don't like going there."
"Why?"
"...People make fun of me I guess," Sae laughed softly. "I sound like a child confessing that I've been bullied."
Mrs. Egima shook her head, "Iie (no) Sae. It is perfectly fine to say what you feel. People make fun of you?"
"Hai..." Sae sighed. "Of my looks."
Mrs. Egima sighed deeply, "Sae, don't let those people get to you ok? They all aren't as beautiful as you."
Sae laughed, "That's hard to believe."
"Iie Sae, it's inner beauty that counts. If they have the heart to mock you, they aren't beautiful inside," Mrs. Egima smiled and pushed her hair back. "Well, I guess we better get going on the dishes."
Sae sat there for a moment, taking in what Mrs. Egima had just told her. It's inner beauty that counts. Sakura's lips formed a smile as she helped with the dishes. Egima-san is so wise...I'm so glad I've met her.
That night, Sae was under her blankets. Knowing tomorrow was going to be another hard day, but days go by, and you had to face them.
Sae finished brushing her hair in bed, and placed her comb on her night table.
A single strand of auburn hair drifted down to the peach colored carpet.
AN: This was just getting into the story ok? Maybe you all might not have got this, but for the people that understand, don't spoil it all :P Hehehehe there's also more to it that will be revealed later on. The inner beauty stuff I actually got from one of my friends...hahaha thanks. Well, thanks for reading this first chapter and I hope you liked it so far ^_^
