I put my hand over his, drawing his attention and giving him a quizzical look. A mischievous half-smile played on his lips and I had to laugh. When we first found Valenna I would never have guessed. She probably hated and loved him in equal parts, but we both knew he'd win that fight. I suspected he already had.
As he turned to go, I stood up as well, suddenly aware of the fact that without him, I was alone with the King. It was too late though. Even as he stood to leave, it would be terribly bad mannered to walk out. I was too tired and content to put my normal effort into psychological defenses, but I tried my best as he slowly came around to where I stood, watching Nathaniel's back thoughtfully until it disappeared from the doorway.
"You really have something here, Kale" he sighed. The use of my nickname irritated me on some level, but I didn't bother to correct him. "Sometimes it even feels like it did before Ostagar, when they were all still alive."
I didn't see the need to answer since I'd never known them, instead watching his eyes as longing and nostalgia overcame him for a moment. Maybe he didn't forget the entire past when he became king – maybe he only forgot me. In his presence the last few days I found myself softening towards him when I knew I shouldn't. This man had destroyed my last wishes – spent them thoughtlessly to prevent effort on his part. But somehow I still cared for him – beyond measure, actually – and even if I was doing my best to suppress it, I couldn't entirely prevent it.
"How long do you intend to stay?" I asked – a formal question cast out in a casual tone.
"I'm not sure." He sighed, "I need some time away from …well, home. I guess I should start calling it that. It's worse than the Chantry even, because everyone calls me 'sir' and 'majesty' and gives me a wide berth like I have some deadly illness. And the looks! Everyone looks at me with either fear or adoration… It's dreadful." I had to smile a little at that. "You must have that problem a lot too, being the 'Hero of Fereldan' although you actually earned your title. I was born with mine, and barely even that."
"And you're a better King because of it" I relented, "Cailan was arrogant and entitled. He was raised to be that way. You have all his good qualities and few of his flaws."
"Is that a compliment from the lady made of stone?" he teased, "No, in all seriousness, I have my flaws. They've become blatantly obvious to me of late..."
"We all have flaws. I made you King because Anora covers your flaws and you, hers."
He looked at me, searching for something. "Do you ever think you made the wrong choice?" he asked carefully.
"Never," I sighed. "It was the right choice. It was always the right choice."
"I wish I had your certainty."
"You do have my certainty."
"You know what I mean…" he smiled gently and looked down to where my fingers played a little on the wooden table surface.
"Well, if it's any consolation, Fereldan seems to be thriving. Spirits are high despite the complete rebuild most places are undergoing. I should think that makes a statement."
"True…" he agreed. "I wish Vigils Keep had fared better these last few months for your sake. I'm sure the people of Amaranthine have been a handful."
I shrugged, "I was raised for this job on an even larger scale. It's work of course, but nothing more than I anticipated. Actually there is another matter I'd hoped to discuss with you: Soldier's Peak. It's the true home of the wardens in Fereldan and I'd like to see us return there someday. Levi keeps Avernus in check for now, but I shudder to think what twisted ideas that crazy old man might get in his head if we're absent too long."
Alistair nodded in agreement, "I agree completely, what of Vigils Keep though? You are the Arlessa here now. The people need you."
I hesitated, fully knowing my answer, but unsure if I could convince him. "I… was thinking of giving it over to Nathaniel Howe…"
"Kailis, are you crazy?!" He cried, "I just took it away from the Howes as a punishment for crimes against the crown and humanity and you expect me to give it back?!
"Its not as simple as giving it back, milord. Unlike a lot of Warden Commanders of the past he's actually seen…"
"Hold on! You're talking about making him Warden Commander?!" Alistair was completely at a loss. I paused for a second, thinking of a way to best proceed.
"Lord, Nathaniel is everything a Warden should be. He's probably a better Warden than I am. I trust him more than anyone. He's tough as nails, but he has a good, level head on his shoulders. He also has an impeccable sense of justice with a heart for redemption. Besides that, the advantage of picking him up right after I arrived here is that he saw a lot of action during the struggle against the Architect and the Mother. You can't say that of very many raw recruits, and I'll have time to fine-tune him anyway."
Alistair only shook his head in disbelief. I knew he heard my words, but it was obvious he struggled to grasp where I was even coming from. I had blindsided him utterly.
"I've actually had him picked out for some time now. He's the obvious choice really… Anyway, I wouldn't leave it to him right away. Before the Taint takes me, I want to return Soldier's Peak to the height of its glory. When it's complete, I want to leave Nathaniel as the new Warden Commander and therefore the Arl of Amaranthine. Even though he'll only have a few years left at that point, I know he'll be excellent and it will be the perfect stepping stone."
"And then what? You just want his heir to succeed him instead of a new Warden Commander?"
I stumbled for a moment, smiling as I realized those plans would have to change now that I knew Valenna was involved. "No… He won't have an heir…" Alistair's brow furrowed further, but he let me continue. "I want him to use the time he has left to train his sister and her husband to run the Arling. They're of humble means and she detested her father at the end. When Nathaniel leaves for the Deep Roads, I want him to leave the Arling to her and have the rest of the Wardens move on to Soldier's Peak."
"What if he insists on following you, even a few years before the Taint demands…?"
"He won't. His honor will tie him here, no matter what happens to me."
Alistair nodded slowly, and irritation nagged at me, seeing his distraction. This was important and he seemed caught on something else.
"The people of Fereldan will disapprove of this, you know," he finally offered.
"I don't think so" I smiled, glad to have a companion I could put so much faith in. "Nathaniel wants to reclaim his family's honor and I want to help him, although I doubt he'll need it."
"Do you even realize what you're saying? You're trying to fix Arl Rendon Howe's reputation, and that doesn't even bother you?!" The slow, deliberate way he said that name rubbed against something raw in me, but I swallowed the discomfort.
"Rendon Howe was a traitor and a murderer. His crimes will never be forgotten. But that shouldn't be reason to punish them all. Nathaniel was gone for a number of years before the Blight. He is honorable and even more – he has the patience to restore his own name for the sake of his better family members. I'd bet anything they'll have a statue of him in Amaranthine by the time the Taint takes me!"
"You think very highly of him…"
"I do. I trust him more than anyone."
It was obvious that stung. Alistair and I had always been close, and there was a time he might have been that, but even he should know better now. Not now, not after what he'd done…
