***
You know you are alone for there is no breath hovering above your neck, no heat radiating into your body, no presence behind or next to, you.
You have no arms around your waist.
And somehow it gives you a sense of reality; a wave of desperation you never thought is possible. He isn't there anymore but you refuse to believe it, refuse to even think about it because it makes you weak with longing.
The wind caresses your hair and when you breathe it in, you feel young again, and for a very fleeting second you believe that you are. The castle behind you changes; becoming less old but remaining still and the field itself is a more vibrant shade of green.
When you look at your hands they are fairer again, thin and bony without any calluses just the way they were twenty years ago. You touch your face and note that the wrinkles have gone, replaced by the youthfulness of a sixteen-year-old boy.
You cast a glance at the left end of the field and see him running towards you with that boyish grin of his and his robes fluttering against the breeze.
At first you stare at him, then you smile because he always has that effect on you. He stops running and falls right next to you, saying nothing and letting the silence speak for itself. He always says you're a hopeless romantic and sadly, you know that you are.
He surprises you by reaching out for your hand and tucking it securely beneath his own as both of you, just watch the sunset. And it's funny because even something as clichéd as this can be so intriguingly romantic, but you dare not laugh because right now the whole point is to make this moment last.
The sun now sinks behind the mountainous horizon and you watch calmly as faint orange rays bathe the both of you. You feel so surreal, and a tad glad at the moment. Your problems lay behind you and you forget all that you will learn twenty years from now.
When you look at him, albeit terrified that he might not be there, he smiles at you and you feel the world slip away because he's right next to you, clasping your hand and breathing in your scent.
They say that love understands love and needs no talk, and you know you believe it now because he's right there saying nothing and yet you hear him speak the words. He moves to put his arm around you and you lean into his touch because it's all you need to keep you safe.
You wish it would always be like this. You wish he would never leave you because you know you're too weak without him. He kisses your cheek and you look at him, and he looks at you. You see a gleam in his eyes, a sad gleam and before you have a chance to ask him what's wrong, he tells you to look at the sun again.
And you do without questioning him further, albeit squinting as the fading rays pierce your eyes. Then you feel yourself breathe out, a small inaudible desperate sigh. When you turn to look at him, he's gone now and the grass is older and the environment has changed.
You steel yourself from crying and you try to convince yourself that he's playing tricks on you again, that he'll come out any second. But you know that this is reality you're living in, that really it's just your mind that's deceiving you.
Your eyes look lost, almost betrayed as in vain you try to search for a shred of him, perhaps yourself as well when you were more foolish and less wise. But you look at your hands again and they are calloused and thin. You reach out for your hair and see white specks.
And he… he isn't there. It is the wind, echoing his voice, his words of love and promises that has fooled you into believing he is there.
You value those times he spent with you almost too much; you cherish them because they're all you've got left. The promises you both made have now gone, although not broken.
You promise to love him and he in turn has promised to keep you safe forever.
You know you will keep it but you are uncertain if he's kept the end of the bargain. You know that he's gone, that he's left you because his time is now done.
And you know you'll always be looking back, with sadness sometimes of the moments you wasted on petty quarrels and love triangles.
You mimic his arms around you in a pathetic attempt to remind him of you at those times when he kept you warm against the stiff wind. But even his arms are sturdier, firmer and safer than yours.
You know you'll never forget him; his memory lives on. You love him and those moments you shared before are all that matters.
Fin