We call them our "Pillow Talks" because we meet in the bed of the truck. Don't get the wrong idea, it was just a clever name he came up with to throw people off. I have to admit, I was a little shocked too, but the look on my face must've been worth the momentary confusion, because the name stuck.
Jacin and I only talk there when something's wrong. So when he called me to pick him up, (He only calls, never texts. Something about 'faceless communication ruining even the strongest relationships of the generation…' yeah, I love my nerd.) I knew something was really wrong.
I pull up to his house in my pajamas, my hair in a loose knot on top of my head. I hadn't been expecting something to go exceptionally awry at 9 pm, but he called, so I answered. He walks up to the car hunched over, like he's wearing a huge backpack he doesn't know how to take off. My heart hurts.
We don't talk the whole drive. I know where to go, because we go there every time. At Myer's Park there's a little hill overlooking the rest of the area. It's away from the lamp light and people. I park and pull out the patchwork blanket from the month before. Jacin smiles a little at that, but it doesn't reach his eyes. Like tradition, he opens the door and lifts me onto the bed, but I can tell his heart isn't in it this time. What could've happened to do this?
He answers my thoughts once we're settled on top of the blanket. We always start off Pillow Talk on opposite sides of the truck so that we can say what we need to say without getting distracted. (That rule was my idea, I'll let you guess why.)
"So. What's the matter?" I ask, eager to take the pain off his expression. He's still slumped over, staring at his hands.
"…Jacin?" He lets out a huff, sets his jaw, and looks me straight in the eye.
"Anna has a boyfriend." I stifle a scream of joy, struggling to keep a straight face. Jacin's sister is one of my best partners in crime, and she's been pining over a guy from her dance class for forever now. What I don't understand is why Jacin thinks this is a bad thing.
As I try desperately to keep myself from smiling, I realize what a hilarious situation this is. I'm in my pajamas at 9 o' clock at night, thinking that someone Jacin knows has died, or something truly dreadful happened to him, and he's upset that his sister is dating someone.
That's it. I love the guy, but this is freakin' unbelievable. I let out a loud snort, which only leads me to burst into laughter.
His expression goes from doomed to embarrassed in an instant. I'm too busy clutching my stomach to notice.
"It's not funny, it's horrible! I caught them kissing—THAT IS NOT FUNNY, WINTER!" Tears are rolling down my face as I roll onto my side.
"Oh gosh… t-that, that is the best t-thing I've heard…phew, absolutely ever." I manage to say. I'm on my back, his feet under my head. I glance up at him. His baby blues are stormy.
My hands reach into the air, touching his jaw line. He closes his eyes but doesn't relax like normal.
"It's bad that your sister is happy with someone? Come on, Jacin. This is like her being mad at you for dating me." His frown is adorable.
"That has nothing to do with this, she loves you! She'd never want me to not be happy anyway…oh." I smile as his frown deepens. And that right there, is called proving my point. Jacin growls under his breath.
"Why do you always have to be right about this kind of stuff?" I sigh as I feel him give in, his jaw relax, and his hands fall to mess with my hair. He loves to play with it.
"You know you love me for it."
Oh. No.
Did I just say that out loud? I grit my teeth. His fingers are frozen, his whole body like ice. Oh no, oh no, oh no. that wasn't supposed to happen, he was supposed to say it first, and this is the worst possible ti—
"I do."
My heartbeat stops. I can't get any air into my lungs. My breath is hitched, my eyes dart up to his. Is he being serious?
Jacin swallows as I look up at him. We do nothing but stare for what feels like years. Neither of us move, or ever dare to break eye contact.
Then, just like that, the moment passes. I cough and sit up slowly, keeping my back to him. He's shuffling behind me, I can practically feel his anxiety. The only sounds are the crickets in the grass, and the street lamp flickering from down the hill.
I make my decision and step off the truck bed, walking to my side of the car and climbing in. he leaps off the back and whips open the door.
"What the heck was that?! I just told you I loved you, and you walk away?" He yells, slamming the door and gripping my face. I feign nonchalance and shrug my shoulders.
"Jacin, it was Pillow Talk, and that's only for when something is wrong. Me loving you back isn't a bad thing, is it?" I wait for the words to sink into his angry mind. His furious panting dissolves into disbelieving laughter, and in one yank, I'm on his side of the car and in his arms. I bury my face in his neck as he holds me close. His hand rubs up and down my spine, and I feel safe. Figuring it couldn't hurt, I tilt my head until my lips find his pulse. I feel the beat as his heart works to keep him alive, and I feel the rumble in his throat as he speaks.
"When? I mean, when did you realize you loved me?" he asked, barely above a whisper. I kiss the spot on his neck, then rest my hand on his heart.
"When your heartbeat became the only thing that kept mine from stopping."
He sucks in a breath. "A-and uh, when d-did that happen?"
"The night you became the only person who could calm me down during my panic attacks." I say, forcing myself not to blink as I stare him down. I want him to know how serious I am.
Jacin seems at a loss for words, which is news to him.
"What about you?" I ask, nuzzling back into his pulse.
"When I heard you singing. You looked so peaceful, like you were in your own world. That world looked better than the one I was stuck in, so, I guess I was hoping you'd take me there someday." I felt him smile. "But now I think we've created our own world."
I nod into his neck.
"Yes, and I like this one the best."
