Hello all.
The title comes from "The Scientist" by Coldplay, and I'd definitely listen to that while reading this. "The Scientist" didn't inspire it, but because Fate is awesome sometimes, it started playing over Pandora while I was writing and fit perfectly.
This takes place in the days/weeks/periods of time following "The Descent" (yes, I am obsessed, if you check out my LiveJournal-see link in my profile-you'll see much more evidence of this).
I own only my own angst.
Happy (hopefully) reading!
He's trying, no one can say he's not trying. He stays mostly sober…most of the time, and when he's not any kind of sober, when he's so drunk he can barely make out the world with any of his senses, he's alone, curled up around a bottle of booze (hugging his lifeline) alone in his room because drunk him is even more of a masochist that sober him. And all the time he's drunk he spends thinking of redecorating or renovating or just buying a whole damn new house and not killing people. (Killing people is a good way to blow his cover and since he sacrificed Rose's dignity in death to that he doesn't feel—dammit but the switch isn't as good as it used to be, although was it ever good?—like he should misuse it. And that word "should." He hates it.)
It's so hard to stay in one piece when Elena looks at him that way. Like she's both disgusted and concerned, she's so young, too young to know how to feel only one thing at once. He's so old, even thinking the word weighs him down.
He wonders, more and more often, how difficult it can possibly be to put one foot in front of the other. His feet don't seem to know what to do anymore. The urge to just lay down is strong, so strong, these days and he keeps resisting merely because of the way the Gilbert kid looks at him (where on earth did he get the idea he'd make a good "role model?" Wasn't the neck-snapping incident enough to discourage this type of behavior?) and because of Alaric's timely appearances at the Grille when the drinking at home isn't good and because of Blondie's steadfast annoyingness. (He does not depend on people, does not because if he does they will surely disappear.)
Sometimes he consoles himself with the promise of a justified killing—John's gonna need it pretty soon, not to mention the wolf bitch.
When Stefan comes to him all "Damon" "Damon" "Damon" and heavy-browed worry, he almost throws himself and Stefan into the fire (Stefan first).
