Authors note: This was my first piece done on Fanfiction. I decided to rewrite it after realizing how underdeveloped it is as well as unrealistic it is. Now that I am taking a writing class, I see areas that I could fix. I don't believe it to be completely realistic but if it's half-ish realistic then I will content.
Tell me if you see an improvement between my first piece, The Trip and this rewrite
~DP
P.S. All rights relating to Phantom are property of the professional writers. Anything else is pure creative imagination of mine.
I feel my breath begins to slow at each tick of the faded black hands moves closer and closer to the hour. Allowing my eyes to scan the area a final time, I see everything is set. All signs of my existing have been erased, including my precious Don Juan. The only remnants that have remained untouched are young sweet Christine's. It pains me to think of her, of how much she could have lost, all because of my desperation for love and egoism. I'm beginning to feel the darkness slowly taking over my vision. I wonder what Christine is doing right at this moment. Perhaps she plans her wedding or perhaps she is just…it doesn't matter, as long as she smiles and lives in the blessed sun, the same sun that shuns me. My only and final wish is for her forgiveness and for her to forget about the events that have transpired over the past months. She needs to forget and live her life to its fullest, if not for herself then for her "angel".
My vision beings to blur and I glance at the ring in my hand, her last gift to me. I look straight ahead and allow the darkness to consume my vision and my body. With that my body goes limp and darkness consumes me. No one loved me nor will anyone ever I was born alone and die alone. My final thought, I'm ready for hell, for I have done too much.
Suddenly I feel lighter, as if I were air itself. Then I felt hot, not an unpleasant burning type but rather like a soft warm blanket. As I open my eyes preparing to see the horrors of hell, I was in for a shock. Instead of a world of torture all led by a sinister figure, I was greeted by white light. As my eyes are not use to the light it took my eyes a while to adjust. But as my eyes started to adjust I was surprised to see a young girl dressed in a simple white dress lying down on what seemed like white cotton playing with her soft, wavy, golden hair. I began to wonder why this girl was here in the first place, she didn't seem like she could have been capable of any harm. A bigger question was, where was I, for this couldn't be hell, could it?
"I'm guessing you're Erik?" she said as she lifted herself from her position.
I nodded wondering why she was not at all concerned with my appearance. After all, a black creature doesn't exactly blend in a white environment.
"What are you staring at? Do I have something on my face?" she inquired as she rubbed her cheek. "Well we have a lot to do before we enter the kingdom, I have it all planed out first …"
"Kingdom?" I asked
"Yes…that's what I said. I guess I should explain." She said brushing her hair from her face.
"Ok let me explain my name is Lila. I died. They stopped me right here on this very spot. They told me I needed to show you some things before I could enter. Apparently, I am the so called "best candidate" for this task."
"And what is this task?" I replied with a raised eyebrow though I doubt she would know it was raised. This time it was her turn to raise the eyebrow.
"Don't you know, to enter the kingdom means you are satisfied with your life and have no regrets? It appears that you aren't satisfied and feel unredeemed, after all you're out here and I was asked to help. So….are you ready?"
"I guess" I said, though I doubt there is any way of redemption.
"Alright then, come on and sit next to me. And don't worry I won't bite" Lila said with a smile that revealed glistening white teeth.
As I sat next to her on the cloud it suddenly started to sink slowly down and straight into a rooftop. I though I would hear a sudden crash but instead the cloud with Lila and I on it just sunk right though it. As my eyes adjusted to the slightly dimmer surrounding I see something that shocks me to the very core.
The room seemed unreal; it couldn't be possible for the walls to be full of images of me or rather imitators. As I scanned my eyes across the room, image after image of me reflected back like a mirror. When I finally got over the shock, I realized there was a messy, black, metal bed; this was a bedroom. There were articles of clothing scattered everywhere like leaves during the fall, as well as a mirror with colored images of girls with their hair down and clothing that were in an unfamiliar style.
"What year is this?" I asked.
"Oh it's the year twenty-ten or rather two thousand and ten" she replied as she looked out the window. "You were held for a while since they couldn't find a "good candidate", that is until I…well you know"
I then realized something; I knew my cause of dead, but why was this girl dead. I was curious, but I knew I had to be careful.
"Would you mind me asking, how did you die?" I asked carefully.
Lila looked down before tearing her eyes away from the window. She smiled a sweet but sad smile.
"I don't really want to talk about it….I was basically tying to help and make a difference but I never finished my task. I guess that's why I was picked to help you"
She smiled again before returning her eyes to the window
"Ah well here she come"
I was about to ask who "she" was when the door open and revealed a girl. She was average height with straight blonde hair, half of which was held up by some clip. A young minor, she wore dark navy blue pants that seem to hug her legs, and a top that also seemed to cling to her. She took something out of her bag, a shiny rectangular piece of equipment that she placed on top another. She pressed something and songs that spoke to me rang out of it. I was in shock that I could only stare and listen to the songs that told me about the events that led to that faithful day. After a few songs played, I stared at Lila who was smiling at me.
"Well?"
"Well what?" I replied
"How do you feel knowing you are loved?"
"It feels…weird, this can't be true!"
"But it is! And it's just not this girl, but many have grown to learn your story and love you"
"How… How does everyone know my story?"
"Christine, with the help of others of course, she wrote about you and then her private writings were read. It inspired a man, a man who spent years tracking individuals and writing your story. Look, I can see you are convinced about being loved…. I will show you something else"
She suddenly stood from her spot and snapped her fingers. A sudden wind that only seems to affect us twirled around us spinning in circles. I felt myself being lifted then lightly placed down. The room was gone; in place was a dirty, brownish, brick building. There was a sigh that read NOW PLAYING: THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA call tell-a-charge at….
The doors next to the sign suddenly opened and a swarm of people came out.
"I love the show…it's my fifth time seeing it and it still never gets old" said a lady.
"Even though he was obsessed, I still do feel a bit of pity after all he is lonely" said a voice.
"The music is really haunting, it made the hair on the back of my neck stand and the story is never old" said another voice.
"Mommy, can we watch it again?" a young child asked.
As the crowed dispersed I suddenly felt my vision blur and streaks of wetness roll down my cheek. Wiping away the tears, I looked up at the brilliant sun and then at Lila.
She was still smiling.
"Are you convinced yet?" she inquired
"Yes, I see and am satisfied I have gained what I have longed for, acceptance. That's all I had asked for acceptance and love. Now I have both, I am ready to enter and you helped me. You must be ready to enter too."
She smiled.
"Yes I am my one goal my whole life was to help make difference in a life. I thank you"
"It must be I who thanks you, for without you I could not feel this way."
I wiped the rest of the remaining moisture from my eyes.
"Can I just enquire on one thing?" I asked
"Sure, what is it?"
"Do you know what happen to Christine?"
Suddenly she smiled the biggest smile that made her eyes lit up.
"Christine lived happily, as I said she wrote about you often. She wrote about how she often thinks of what happen to you and how she would mourn you death when it came. And she did. She had a son she named Charles Erik in honor of you. She lived her life to her fullest and her story passed down. Her family grew and lived though generations. The latest generation, is composed of a many relatives including one girl who took her great, great, great…grandmother name as her middle name. And that girls name is Lila"
I suddenly stared at Lila; I realized she did have some of Christine's features. She had almost the same color hair and her eyes were quite similar. I could only stare for I was speechless.
"I read Christine, my great, great…grandmother's diary a few years ago. I recalled her saying "if one who knows about my dear Erik and truly cares about him, may they take care of him for all eternity" So I as a descendent, wish to help you enter the kingdom and hope I can help take care of you." Lila said as she put her hand out.
"I…I accept" I replied taking her hand. She then did something that surprised me, she hugged me. I closed my eyes relishing the hug. I then felt the two of us suddenly being moved somewhere else. I opened my eyes to see the gleaming golden gates open. We stopped hugging and grabbed each others hands. Holding hands we slowly walked toward the open gates.
I then saw her; Christine and her husband waiting as well as other who had the same features. Christine smiled as her husband simply nodded.
I glanced down at Lila, who was still smiling then at the group in front of me. I smiled and walked in. the gates closed and I can to an epiphany.
I am accepted and loved, what more can one ask for.
Authors note: Ah so how is it? Better than the original? Have I improved at all?
Sorry that I haven't written in years, writers block then life caught up with me. Now I am so busy that I can create a story within the confines of my imagination but have no time to actually typed and edit the pieces.
I am probably going to just write one shots since it's a lot more convenient then if I write a long story that I will probably get writers block or have not time to write in the middle of the story…the story will most likely end up abandoned, something I would hate to do for those who actually would like to read.
