Dig Deeper, Look Harder

Sometimes, being with Light isn't what I hoped. He lives with me, he tells me he loves me, but it all feels fake. I love him too much to say anything, but I think that it's all fake, deep down.

I'm alone all of the time, but it's okay, I'm used to it. I was alone after my parents were killed, so why would it be different if every time I walked down the street someone recognized my name? Or that I'm known all over Japan? There's one thing that's the difference between the two: I actually have someone. But that someone doesn't know everything.

He doesn't know that I refer to myself in third person to feel like I have someone. That I still to Rem more than I talk to him. That I still cry myself to sleep at night. Maybe he would know if just took the time to look at me.

Maybe, if he could, he could push away the skin and get rid of my muscles. Do away with bones and nerves, then maybe, maybe, he could see the real Misa Amane. Not the model and actress, but the very soul that is trapped in the cage of flesh. The soul that watched her parents be slaughtered right before her very eyes, the one that was saved by a shinigami.

The one that has been crying out for help since she was too small to go anywhere. She cries for help every day, hoping that he'll pick up on the hints and ask her if she's okay. She needs help.

But he doesn't look at the soul, he doesn't pick up on the hints, he doesn't know everything. He stays asleep through my sobs, he doesn't hear my conversations, he doesn't know the real me. He just knows Misa- Misa. But, the real Misa would love to get to know him. She has so much to say.

He would know her if he could dig deeper and look harder. Hard enough to see down into my soul.