The Gambit

Daniel Jackson sat in his office looking at his computer screen reading Star Wars fan fiction. Vader was good for some reason and plotting to destroy the Emperor, drawing his lightsaber he advanced on the cloaked man. A knock on the door sent Daniel jumping quickly closing the website and going to some pictures of ancient artefacts. Looking up he saw Jack standing at the door, "Hey Daniel." Jack said quite calmly, "What cha doing?" "Nothing, just erm. Looking up some information on these, these ah" Daniel paused for a long amount of time before continuing ".things." "Yes, cause you were. Anyway Daniel I wanted to ask you a question, you know between men I thought maybe you could help me more then Teal'c." Jack said picking up a scrunched up piece of paper from the bin and throwing it at Daniel. "Stuck in Pokemon again?" Daniel said readjusting his glasses and catching the paper at the same time. "Well yes but that's not why I came here." Jack paused for a moment looking at the bottom of the bin. "Wormhole X-treme Fan fiction? What kind of a sick freak would write this stuff?" Jack pulled it out of the bin and read through the first page, "This sound a lot like when we met the Nox." "Yes, erm. Jack could I have those." Daniel didn't really give Jack much of a choice and yanked it out of his hand before tearing the last bit of the last page where the Author would put down his name, screwing it up and shoving it in his pocket. "Anyway, what was it that you wanted to ask me?" "Well First of all I've got to ask, seeing you are all caught up with your." Jack leaned over so he could see the screen, some SPAM advertising had popped up on the screen for an adult website, ".things. Big, big jugs and ancient secretes of kept by the Pharaoh and Teal'c running his Star Wars Marathon I thought I might take a break with Sam. You know just take her fishing or something." "You know, you might want to cut the fishing idea." Daniel started before Jack cut him off. "So then maybe I should take here to the giant snowy peeks to the north or to go and explore the bush down under. I'm sure you like those kinda things, pitty your work is keeping you." Jack now not even pretending to be making a reply just attempting to be witty much to the confusion of Daniel. "I didn't think you'd have enough money for that." Daniel said very confused. "Well Daniel, you seem to have enough money to join fan clubs of rather strange people." Daniel looked shocked for a moment, how could Jack possibly know about his Fan Fiction subscription, "Don't worry I used to be a member back in school. Wasn't much of a hit with the ladies really back then." Jack left the room, turned and walked out of site. Daniel looked with a complete gaze of puzzle on his face. He turned back to the computer to see the SPAM on his screen, it all suddenly clicked. He rushed out into the hallway and cried down at the top of his voice. "No! Jack! Seriously that's not what you were thinking it was! It was just SPAM!" "Denial Daniel, don't deny it!" "What is there to be in denial about?" Ask Janet as she walked pass, "What was just SPAM." "The Porn on my computer." Daniel paused. "That came out wrong." "Yeah just a tad." Janet replied in an undertone. "Well Daniel I was just going to ask you to go somewhere but now I'll just give you this notice from Hammond." "Really you mean like a Medical check up." Daniel queried taking the notice from Janet. "No, not they type of check up your thinking about." She walked away before letting out a laugh, "Porno." "Oh, Ha ha! Very funny!" Daniel said sarcastically going back into his office, he opened the notice and started reading.

'Dear SGC crew, Due to recent computer viruses we are upgrading the SGC's Computer mainframe. The SGC will not be running for the next month so I suggest you go home and catch up with your family.
Regards General Hammond.'

"Great, what am I going to do for the next month." Daniel muttered to himself until a thought dawned on him.
*
Later that night Teal'c and Daniel sat in the Isolation room Teal'c was sitting in front of the couch on the floor holding an ice-cream container Grinning gidishly at the Television screen that they'd managed to take down from Sercurity. Daniel sat on the couch looking at the lightsabers clash. "Damn the force field Obi-wan could've killed Darth Maul by now." Daniel commented. Teal'c Raise his eyebrow. "That is impossible Doctor Jackson, Darth Maul is more skilled and more equipt with the force. Obi-wan was merely fuled by his rage and anger to kill him in the end." "Obi-wan kills Maul? Why thank you Teal'c! This is what, the Third time I've told you I haven't seen this before!" "Back!" Janet cried opening the door and wheeling in a Medical cart laid with Jelly, Cake and all manors of desserts. "Sorry I couldn't find any other way to get it up here." "Doesn't matter, pass me the Banana Split." Daniel said quickly. "The Banana split is so mine!" Janet huffed, grabbing it and sitting down on the couch on top of Daniels legs. "Ow! Get off!" Daniel cried. "That hurts!" "Well I'd thought you'd like a real woman sitting on you Porno." Janet said. "Quiet, Qui-gon is going to die." Teal'c said not looking away from the screen. "Qui-gon dies! There is a reason I don't read Fan Fiction about Qui-gon, and that's because I didn't want to know what happened to him!" "It is impossible to not read spoilers." Teal'c said. "Episode three has Wookies-" "Teal'c! Stop!" Daniel cried "Whats the matter mister grumpy." Said Janet leaned over talking to him much like he was a baby, "You know what you've got to do when your upset?" "I feel like I'm a clownfish in the middle of the ocean looking for my son." "Are you my conscience?" "Yes Janet I'm your conscience, we haven't talked in awhile." Daniel replied most sarcastically. At this moment the door opened widely and the short bald figure of General Hammond walked into the room. "What in the Hell is going on in here!" He cried loudly looking at Teal'c's Childish gaze the medical cart of desserts and Janet sitting on Daniel. "Slumber party!" Janet cried cheery. "And you can't tell us off we're not working at the moment!" "Well fine but all I want to know is wether I can have the mud-cake or not."