He had been told that he had a death wish, a certain lack of interest in his own safety, but John Sheppard of the Atlantis expedition knew that wasn't really the case. It wasn't that he didn't care about his own skin, he just cared about the city, his team and his friends more that was all. It was the first time in his life that John had had real friends. People who would put their lives on the line for him, even as he would them. They were special people, who just over a year ago, he didn't know existed. Now he was here, in the Pegasus Galaxy, far, far away from everything he had ever known, with a bunch of people he had never met before, and yet feeling more at home than he could ever remember.
Was she partly to do with that? No, she wasn't, she was all to do with it! The way she looked, the way she held herself, dignified and gracious, the way she looked at him, when she thought he wasn't looking...all these things about her made him feel uncomfortable, yet comfortable...it was difficult to explain. His team, his closest friends and her, these were the people that made the Pegasus Galaxy home.
He didn't often have time to think, to be still. He went offworld often, his team with him, exploring, making friends – and enemies in the myriad of worlds accessible through the gate and to be able to stand, elbows resting on the railing looking out over the vast expanse of water was a treat, a rare thing...like her, he mused.
"Whatcha doing?" Ronan slapped him on the back, bringing him out of his reverie.
"Nothin'" he replied, turning his head slightly to look at the big man next to him.. John was not short but Ronan Dex stood a good 6 inches taller than he and with his muscular body, dreadlocks and mischievous smile made an impressive sight to behold. His friend, Teyla, had taken one look and that had been enough. John didn't mind, he loved Teyla, she was like the sister he never had and after everything she had suffered at the hands of the Wraith, he wanted her to be happy. Secretly he was relieved, Elizabeth had not shown anything other than a professional interest in the man, and therefore he felt it was safe to be his friend. He would not want him for a rival!
"Been thinking." Ronan said, taking up position alongside him.
"You have," A question, not a statement. Since Carson Beckett had died in the explosion a month ago they had all done a lot of thinking, remembering. Carson had been the expedition doctor, a friend to him and to others on his team and had frequently accompanied them. He had saved his life more than once and John missed his dry sense of humour, his soft Scottish brogue and the way he would tut at him whenever he left the Infirmary against his advice.
"Yeah, been thinking,"
"Well you gonna tell me what about or do I have to work it out of you?"
"You wanna fight?"
"Nah," John replied, "Just chilling"
"That's cool" Ronan replied, using one of his favourite expressions and making him smile slightly. "But.."he hesitated.
"What?!" John asked, exasperation setting in, "For crying out loud you telling me or what?"
"Teyla" Ronan replied.
"What about her?"
"Well, you and her, you er..."
"No!" John replied, confident of what the question was going to be.
"Ok," Ronan answered, "I just thought you ..."
"Really?" he mused, grinning back at the big man, "no, no worries there."
"You don't like her?"
"Sure I like her, what's not to like, but she's my friend, part of my team, nothing more."
"What about Dr Weir?"
John felt himself go cold. "Elizabeth?" He asked.
"Yes Elizabeth!" Ronan said, a smirk on his face. "One thing I learned running from the Wraith, and since I been here too, life has to be taken hold of and lived, cuz lets face it we don't know about tomorrow, we don't know when the Wraith will come back." John was quiet but his heart was hammering. Had Ronan seen him looking at her? Had he seen the longing in his eyes? Nah! Ronan wasn't quick enough! Or was he?
"Sheppard!"
John turned his head and looked at the big man, whose eyes were staring out over the water, thinking of Teyla no doubt.
"Elizabeth is expedition leader, she doesn't allow herself relationships" he replied softly,
"You know this how?" Ronan asked, still not looking at him, "she has told you?"
"No, she hasn't told me!" His patience was starting to wear thin and he wondered just exactly where Ronan was going with this.
"So you don't know that then, for sure I mean"
"I know her well enough to know, even if she hasn't told me."
Ronan shrugged, "I think you're wasting time, we don't know when its gonna be it"
He was referring to Carson again. There had been several fatalities in Atlantis, but none had struck harder than the Doctor's death, none had had quite the same ability to leave the heart cold and empty.
"Oh you do huh?" John answered, irony in his voice, "you, who have been tippy toeing round Teyla ever since you got here!"
Ronan turned, his whole body bristling. "Tippy toeing? What is that, is that what you do around Elizabeth, cuz if it is...!"
"Ok, ok, for crying out loud, I give in, yes I tip toe round Elizabeth. I'm scared to death I'll say something and offend her, and yes I want her more than I've ever wanted anyone in my life...satisfied?!"
"Hm" Ronan murmered, "so you're not interested in Teyla?"
"Oh for God's sake! She's my friend, she's part of my team..thats it, period!"
"And Elizabeth?"
John groaned, his head sinking onto his hands, elbows still resting on the railing, his shoulders slumped, quietly he spoke, "Leave me alone Ronan."
"John?" the voice was soft, musical, it sent shivers down his spine and made his hands tremble. How long had she been standing there? He turned, slowly lifting his head and looked at her. Ronan had gone...
