I blame it on the bullet fragments still lodged in my brain. That's the only reasonable explanation as to why I did it. I always had a lot more control than that so it makes sense that my injury was impairing my judgment. I mean I was aware of my feeling before I was shot in the head but I had always been good at not letting them show. That's how I wanted it. He didn't need to know about my feelings and now because of my idiotic actions, he probably at least had an inkling about how I feel.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. All I've been doing since it happened is avoiding him. I know it's cowardly but I just can't face him, not yet. I need to figure out what I'm going to say to him before I face him again. And this plan was working until now when he walked through the door to the locker room just as I was about to leave.
He didn't notice me at first as he was rubbing his face tiredly with his head down. But when he looked up and caught my eye, all he did was stare for a few seconds and I could feel the tension surrounding us.
He eventually broke our stare down and sighed while rubbing his face again.
When he didn't say anything for a minute, I decided to speak, wanting to get through this as quick and as painless as possible, "Look, Ryan, about earlier-"
But before I could finish he interrupted, "Why did you do it?"
I snapped my mouth shut and his eyes bore into mine, waiting for an answer. I hesitated a minute trying to figure what was going through his mind. He didn't seem angry or disgusted, just curious and frustrated like he'd been going through something in his head all day and just couldn't figure it out. And maybe he had. With that in mind, I decided to take a chance and hope I wouldn't regret it later.
I took a deep breath and picked my next words carefully, "Look, I'm sorry it had to happen here of all places but I'm not sorry it happened. I know you might not feel the same and it shouldn't have come out like this but I do really like you."
Now it was out there and I couldn't take it back so I just waited there anxiously for how he would react. After a Moment, he cracked a slight smile and shook his head, laughing lightly and muttering something under his breath that I couldn't quite hear.
"You're an idiot, you know that Delko," he said louder now with that same smile gracing his lips.
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, not sure whether his response was a good or a bad thing, "What do you mean?"
He stepped toward me until I could feel his breath ghosting over my face, "You're an idiot because of this." And the next thing I know his lips are covering mine. I think kissing Ryan in the lab earlier was actually one of the best things I ever did.
