Undesired Romance
Chapter One: Drunken Promises
So what if you can see the darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal!
This animal, this animal
"Tsunade," the words were whispered in a soft manner. As if to a lover or to your grandma you didn't wanna piss off by talking too loudly, either worked in the given situation.
Tsunade groaned, not bothering to look up at who was trying to catch her attention, and not really caring either. She was too intoxicated to speak clearly, move or do anything of the sort. Alcohol ran freely through her veins, taking control of her mind and body. Tsunade didn't mind it too much though, not having control. She was actually glad to give the steering wheel to someone else for a change, even if it was a destructive force like alcohol. When you're as stressed and over worked as the Hokage your glad to be able to relax, even if that comes in the form of getting completely and helplessly wasted.
Someone lightly tapped her on the shoulder, but Tsunade just crossly shrugged it off. Couldn't the village elders leave her alone for just one night? Just once without putting their noses where they didn't belong and certainly weren't welcome?
"Tsunade," The male voice said again in the Hokage's ear, this time louder and not as gentle. Tsunade groaned as the "loud" voice of the intruder rang through her ears, causing ripples of pain to pound throughout her forehead. Tsunade forced herself to look up at the unwanted interruption, praying to every god that might or might not exist that it wasn't one of the village elders. However, when she looked up her eyesight was blurry and began to spin in circles. Her body swayed from side to side due to the exhausting effort it took to stay balanced when her head wasn't leaning against the counter. She held her head in her hands and moaned as the Sake took its terrible toll on her body. Tsunade was too disorientated to know or even slightly register that she had slipped out of the bar stool she had been sitting on and was now in someone's arms.
"Whoa now, Tsunade. Didn't I warn you about this? Too much Sake will ruin you," The voice said as he lowered Tsunade into one of the many booths of the bar and then sat down across from her, waiting for her to open her eyes and acknowledge him.
After a few minutes Tsunade forced her bloodshot eyes open and heavily blinked until the fuzzy objects that obscured her eyesight started to form into halfway recognizable shapes. She looked at the man across from her blankly, no memory of who he was registered in her mind. Then again at the time her mind didn't have control, the sake did.
"Oh god! Don't tell me you're so drunk you don't even remember me! Then again by the looks of you, you probably can't even remember your own damn name," The man said impatiently as if this had happened before.
My name? What is it? Taira? No. T-pain? ...No! Tenten? Hell no. T...t something. Whatever, that's something to worry about later; the important question is who is this creep? Do I really know him like he says, or is he just some stranger who wants to have a one night stand? Tsunade skeptically thought as she blankly stared at Jiraiya as best as she could.
"Come on Tsunade! I didn't expect to find even you this drunk!" The silver haired man said.
"Orochimaru? No, your not that much of a creeper and you don't look morbid...who are you?" Tsunade sluggishly mumbled with lazy half lidded eyes.
"Oh gee, thanks Tsunade! You remember Orochimaru, but not me? I mean I know you're wasted but still!"
"So-sorry, Jam-James? No, that's not it. Damn it! I'm not gonna get it am I?" Tsunade asked, slurring her words so badly Jiraiya could barely understand her. Her S's sounded more like Sh's, and her O's sounded more like Ah's.
"Jiraiya, Tsunade. I'm Jiraiya."
"oh...Oh! Jiraiya...what are you doing here?" Tsunade asked, squinting her eyes from the amount of brightness in the bar, even though it wasn't all that bright in the room. Tsunade smiled and she began swing her head hazily from side to side, humming a nursery rhyme in her thoughts.
"Here to deliver a report on Orochimaru and Akatsuki. I went to your office and you weren't there, I checked your apartment and you didn't answer the door so I figured you were here. However, you're so drunk that everything I say will go in one ear and out the other. So I might as well save my breath."
"Just tell me..." Tsunade said with half lidded eyes. Jiraiya sighed; her condition was getting worse with every second the dreaded Sake flushed throughout her bloodstream. Jiraiya sighed and shook his head with exasperation. In the state she was in it was best to just do what she wanted, when Tsunade gets drunk she is extremely...unpredictable. Last time someone didn't give her what she wanted, which at the time was more Sake (something that, at the time, she didn't need more of) she punched him through the wall, into the neighboring flower shop. Jiraiya really didn't have a choice but to tell her about Orochimaru, even if he knew she wouldn't listen or really care.
So while Jiraiya droned on about Orochimaru, Tsunade idly sat there, her head spinning this way and that in a bored and whimsical manner. The black bags under her eyes had drastically darkened from too much Sake and not enough sleep, making her condition look even worse than it really was. Tsunade ran her fingertip around the rim of a Sake cup as she pondered over random and senseless thoughts that could only be the product of drunken giddiness.
"I almost got Orochimaru...almost. If only had acted faster we wouldn't have ever had to worry about that morbid pedophile again," Jiraiya solemnly said, finally finishing his report. Tsunade bubbly giggled, which led to a series of uncontrolled hiccups, both of which made her sound completely delirious. Jiraiya looked at her with raised eyebrows and a dropped jaw. His concern for her current state of mind was growing with every second. When she was done with her hiccup fit she smiled and wistfully said.
"You know what I always say. Almost only counts in hand grenades and...and that one game...with horseshoes...and a stake in the ground," Tsunade said, still sluggish.
"Horseshoes?" Jiraiya skeptically asked.
"Yes, that's the one!" Tsunade happily said, pointing at Jiraiya while swaying from side to side.
Can't keep up with this one. One minute hazy and sluggish, the next happy and giddy, then sluggish and hazy again. Next thing ya know she'll get pissed off for no reason and slug me. I better get her home before anything really bad happens, Jiraiya thought as he stood and extended his hand out for Tsunade to take.
"Come on, I'm taking you home." Tsunade just sat there with a foolish grin on her face, obviously refusing to go home.
"No," She said, her lips barely able to form the word.
"Come on Tsunade I'm being serious here."
"So am I...fine...but not before one more cup of Sake."
"Not happening."
"Then no."
"Tsunade this isn't up for debate. I'll carry you home if I have to."
"I'll scream rape."
"You're too drunk."
"Ah...touché?" Tsunade asked, unsure if she had gotten the famed French phrase right.
"Right, touché. Now up, I am taking you home, whether you like it or not," Jiraiya firmly commanded, taking her hand and pulling her up from the booth. Tsunade stumbled around a bit and had to take off her high heels and grab onto Jiraiya's arm before she was steady enough so she could walk from the bar. Jiraiya just smiled and shook his head as he walked Tsunade from the bar, somewhat amused by her outlandish behavior.
On the way to her apartment Tsunade sang to her drunken hearts content. Her voice was shrill, loud, off key, out of note, and just plain dreadful. Jiraiya couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head when he realized Tsunade had royally screwed up the lyrics to an old Japanese favorite, a song everyone in the village knew by heart.
"Well Tsunade you certainly know how to ruin a good song," Jiraiya lightly chuckled. Tsunade just shrugged, her arm hooked with Jiraiya's as she swung herself all about the place. She stumbled a lot as she walked and swung to the beat of no present music, even if she didn't notice it. Actually the only reason she hadn't collapsed right about then was because Jiraiya had most of her weight leaned against his one arm.
After a few awful minutes of stumbling, awful singing, and giddy giggles people began to stick their heads out of windows and doors, only to see the drunken Hokage and the Toad sage walking together down the street. Jiraiya smiled apologetically to everyone who was disturbed by Tsunade's horrid singing and loud, shrill giggles. In response they just shook their heads and went back to sleep, they had seen it all before and they weren't too surprised to see it again.
Jiraiya shook his head and sighed after acknowledging the last of the curious villagers, "If you're not careful Tsunade you could go from being Hokage to being a drunken old cat lady in debt." Tsunade, however ignored his concern filled warning and continued singing. Jiraiya sighed, she never would get it, would she?
Finally they came to her apartment building, thank god it was on the first story. After Jiraiya finally got Tsunade into her lavish apartment, she crashed onto the couch with a loud thud. A chorus of groans and moans escaped from Tsunade's lips, the alcohol had begun to cause her physical pain, just like it always did. Jiraiya just stared at her, wondering if he should leave her know or stay and help her at least until she passed out for the night. Jiraiya was sure she had done this before so therefore she could take care of herself. Then again there had to be some kind of moral rule that said you couldn't leave your wasted friend, who does happen to be woman, alone in her apartment while she's crashed out on her couch and obviously in pain, right? Well even if there wasn't some kind of rule against it he couldn't just leave her...right? Jiraiya sighed to himself he couldn't think like that, he had to help her, whether he liked it or not.
He walked over to the kitchen and got an ice pack from the fridge and pain killers from a cabinet. He got Tsunade a glass of water and brought the three items over to the barely conscious Hokage. Tsunade sighed a sigh of relief after she had chugged down the glass of water along with the pills, she would've let the glass slip from her fingertips onto the tile floor if Jiraiya hadn't caught it with quick reflexes.
Once he had placed the ice pack on Tsunade's aching forehead and told her not to move, he went to the bathroom and got a trashcan for when Tsunade would inevitably throw up all the sake she had chugged that night.
When he finally got Tsunade situated and as comfortable as a wasted drunk can possibly get, Jiraiya sat across from Tsunade on another, smaller couch. His eyes ran across the features of her apartment, taking in every detail; even if it wasn't his first time in the apartment, it always seemed to amaze him that it could be possible for anyone to live so lavishly. Jiraiya smirked as his mind drifted off to other things, before he knew it he was staring off into space, his mind deep in thought.
There was once a time when I would've taken advantage of a drunken Tsunade. But I was a lot younger then...a whole hell of a lot stupider. Jiraiya thought to himself with a small chuckle.
Before he knew it Tsunade had completely passed out into a deep sleep. She had already thrown up, much to poor Jiraiya's utter disgust. He had already cleaned the bathroom for her to remove the stench of vomit and Sake and had taken out the trash. He had even cleaned some dishes just for the hell of it, not like he had anything better to do. Jiraiya stood up and walked towards the door, then he paused and backtracked his steps. He walked over to his childhood's crush's sleeping/unconscious body and gently kissed her on the cheek. He then lightly whispered in her ear, "Take care of yourself. Don't drink too much, I won't be around forever to take care of you, ya know." And with that Jiraiya left the apartment without a sound, leaving nothing behind but the smell of his cologne.
I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
