Chap I - The chant of fucked-up-ness

"This is FRIGIN' AWESOME!"

"YEEEEEEYYY! Tobi is a goooooood boy!"

"Tobi is a TOTALLY fabulous swigSWAGGER!"

"Errr"

"Fuck YEEEEAAAAH!"

Something - or somebody - rushed past Kisame and Itachi (who had just stepped out of their shared room) to disappear around the next corner in a loud and blurry mess.

"Wh-what was that?" Kisame rubbed his neck (which hurt after being almost dislocated, looking after whatever just dashed past them). His eyes were big and surprised, verging on the shocked.

"Hn… Tobi?" Itachi mumbled startled, shortly losing his Uchiha-cool.

_Farther down the hallway_

CRASH! BANNG!

"$&%x&%¤*g! Are you fucking insane?! Get that piece of shit off me!" Hidan violently tried to kick off whatever had just tackled him. It writhed and twisted on top of his body, making it impossible for any of them to untangle. A large hand with funny markings around the underarm suddenly grabbed the burden by the collar and held it up in the air.

Kakuzu turned toward Tobi with a face as dark as a thundercloud.

"Explanation. Now. Or I swear to God I kill both of you - Hidan shut up." He angrily pointed at the slender boy with the wide grin and jade-green eyes in his grip, as he experienced ignored Hidan's annoying brag about his 'heathen disgrace toward Lord Jashin'.

"It's Chant-chan ~ He looked all lonely outside, so I asked him to come in - he's SOOOOO much fun!" Tobi squealed. Still all hyped, despite being threatened on his life.

"Yo guys! How's it going down there? You know, no offence, but those scars are wicked! Are they for real or just tats?" The boy - Chant - rattled off rapidly. "Anyways, would you mind putting me down? My armpits are burning!" Kakuzu indifferently let go and stepped back with an annoyed (or was it flattered) expression.

The boy easily got on his feet again and brushed dirt of his dark, totally out-of-place Ralph. Well, the Akatsuki wasn't exactly renowned for their cleanliness…

"If you gentlemen would excuse us? Me and the swag basketball here have important business to attend ~" He prepared to escape, when a heavy hand was placed on his right shoulder, effectively preventing any attempts in that way.

"Tobi. Leader-sama's office. Bring your fellow weirdo."

_In Leader-sama's office_

"Ulala ~ please introduce us ~" Chant glanced at the terrified blond through half-lowered eyelashes, as he made his eyebrows dance.

"Senpaiii ~ This is Chant-chan! Chant-chan this is Senpai! He is also a… a um… SwigSwagger!" Tobi began jumping up and down clapping his small hands. Then he added in a conspiratorial voice directed at Chant: "But, um, he's also kinda insane and violent, so..."

"Rough isn't bad, either…" Chant said in a low, seductive voice.

"Please, please save me Danna…" Deidara slowly moved sideways toward Sasori with an utterly disgusted/horrified look on his face.

"You're aware this is a boy, right?" The little redhead pointed over his shoulder, where the blond had taken cover.

"I do not discriminate nor do I prefer one sex over the other…" Chant announced in a formal voice as he elegantly waved him off.

Then Leader-sama awkwardly cleared his throat. "Well… If everybody have settled their matters?" He held his breath for a second. "Then… What is to be done with this weird, little, unexpected nuisance?"

"Sacrifice his ass!" Guess who.

"I totally agree, un!"

"Objection!" A voice uttered in indignation. "I'm not a threat! Nor an opponent - I just wanna live my life the best way possible and have a lot of fun and stuff!" Chant flashed his white teeth in a wide, amenable grin.

"Yeah… Suuuure… Anybody else?" Leader-sama tapped a single time on the desktop, using the end of the painting brush in his hand.

"He can sleep with me…" A tiny voice from the back of the bizarre-looking crowd.

"Tobi - I beg you pardon?" Leader-sama frowned deeply.

"He can sleep in my and Zetsu-chan's room!" He repeated loudly and clear, setting up his very best, pleading chibi-face :3.

Before anybody could say anything, Black-Zetsu stated his ultimate opinion. "You can't keep it. You don't know where it has been…"

"Zetsu-saaaan ~ I don't hate it when you bring weeds home…" Tobi sobbed grumpily. "Not even that time with the money-eating flytrap and the-"

"WHAT?!" Kakuzu usual, low growl raised to a volume approaching the roar.

Zetsu was by Tobi's side in a tenth of a millisecond, enveloping the orange-masked male's whole head and torso in his big, heavy Akatsuki-cloak. "WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT TOBI! He's of course joking, Kakuzu-san! No need to throw a fit or anything!" The black half tried a reassuring smile.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes in despising, fuming anger. "Later. I will not forget." His pitch had, once again, returned to low and ominous - which was even scarier. The whole scene was only slightly disturbed by Tobi's muffled sounds and desperate fight against suffocation.

"As we return to the subject - and hopefully stay there - who are you?" Purple-stained brush-hairs were pointed at Chant in a last attempt to regain at least the slightest bit of control with the situation.

"Chant, sir. Fabulous violinist and the world's greatest fan of Jackass, at, your, service!" He saluted.

"And from the little rock-village nearby, I guess? Onochise it was?"

"Err… LA, California baby! Speak English man!"

"He's weird…" Somebody mumbled to another somebody.

"Hn" The second somebody replied.

"What were you doing, wandering around in the woods?"

"Dunno. One second I am crashing at my old man's place gaming LOL, the next I'm dropping into darkness, feeling like shit and then I'm here. Or actually outside, until this little unicorn appeared and invited me into the digs. My hero ~

Oh, and while we're at it; I'm starving!" More like apropos nothing...

Leader-sama rubbed his temples. "Indeed. Konan… Please inform this bizarre personage about the schedules and rules in the hideout. Then escort him to the room of Tobi and make sure he behaves and does not mess up anything. I'll reconsider the situation as soon as this noise-induced headache has vanished. Dismiss."

"Waaaait! Can I have the wifi-password? Haven't been on fb all day and-" He was already bringing forth a little piece of black glass and dull, golden metal, "I don't wanna drown in game-requests-"

"DISMISS!"

Everybody hurryingly disappeared out of the door (maybe except Zetsu who sulkily kept glancing in Kuzu-chan's direction) leaving a completely exhausted leader of a fucked up organization back in final and Jashin blessed silence.

_In Tobi/Zetsu's room_

"This is wicked!"

Chant tentatively jumped a few times up and down on the bouncy mattress, before he let himself fall backward onto the soft covers.

"Holy Crist I'm sleepy! Who could have guessed falling through dimension would be so tiresome?" He belched. The foreign-tasting dangos hadn't been that bad.

"Er… Do what?" White-Zetsu said. He was the one of the two halves, who usually did the small-talk.

"Just a little theory of mine, never mind. Anyways ~ I see three dudes and only two beds. How come the almighty carrot-head didn't figure to put another one in here? Or the hot, blue-haired chick?"

"We'll just sleep in the greenhouse between the plants. The weed make it cozy anyway ~"

"Wait, weed? As in weed-weed or just weed?" Chant shot up in sitting position and stared curiously at Zetsu.

"Er… I dunno? Just weed?" He shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

Chant scrutinized him with his eyes. "Do you even understand the question? Weed as in narcotic drug… As in getting fucked up, stoned, high, 'under the influence', you name it? No bells ringing? Are you fucking kidding me?! Have you never been high in your whole life?!" He looked like he was about to burst into convulsing laughter for a second. "That's… sad…" The corners of his mouth moved remarkably downwards. Then he snorted.

"Well - let me see the goodies tomorrow. I'm sleeping in over here; any change I can borrow a toothbrush?"

"We got a spare one…" :3

.~.

Chant snuggled under the covers and maneuvered off his socks with great experience.

As sleep entrapped him, only a single concern made it to his mind: If his sulking math-teacher would ever recognize unexplainable, dimensional traveling as a bulletproof excuse for missing finals. But he didn't really care. Going back to there wasn't really part of the plan anyway…


*^.^*


Okay, it might not seem like it just yet, but this is gonna be some damn classy yaoi ~ Just wait for it and please Review - else, how am I supposed to get better? X3

*/SPOILER/* Chant is not even close to be as innocent as he seems… :3

~ NekoRainbow;