Rating: R
Trigger warnings: Cutting, cheating (this chapter; there will be more later)
Pairings: Klaine, Seblaine
A/N: This is slightly AU; the only difference (and it's a big one) is that Kurt is in the closet from most of the school and from his dad. The only people that know he's gay are Rachel, Blaine, and Sebastian. Also, I AM NOT A BLAINE HATER. Please remember that; Blaine is by far my favorite character on the show. This story is modeled after events in my life. So if anything, I'm an ex-boyfriend hater.
"Ugh," Kurt groaned, tossing his chemistry notes to the side of his desk and rubbing his eyes. He absolutely despised anything involving math or science, and of course chemistry had to have both, and it was also a requirement for graduation. He glanced at the clock next to his bed, and was startled to see that it was nearly 8:00. He needed to start on his skin care regime if he was going to be in bed by 9:00
As he sat down to his vanity, his phone vibrated with a text message. Assuming it was Rachel, or one of the other Glee club members with a question, he grabbed it immediately. His heart dropped when he saw who it actually was.
Hey, Kurt, can we talk? It's Blaine.
An "unknown" number. But it was one Kurt Hummel knew all too well; he had dialed it about a million times, up until four months previously.
No, Kurt thought, his thumbs hovering over the keyboard. He was not going to answer this message. He had deleted Blaine Anderson's number, he had blocked him on Facebook, he had erased him from his life as much as possible. Blaine had done to same to him, he knew. Kurt heard stories from their mutual friends at Dalton, particularly Nick, whom they were both close to. Less than a week after their break up, Blaine had begun to date Sebastian Smythe. Kurt clenched his jaw every time he thought about it; because of the quick turnaround, Kurt was convinced that Blaine had been cheating.
Kurt had spent the better part of the last four months thinking of the flaws in the relationship, pinpointing things that helped him think that he and Blaine could have never lasted forever anyway. Unfortunately, the list was very small, so it didn't help much. Luckily Rachel was always there to listen to his complaints; it helped that she would listen to the same thing over and over again, and always say how Blaine was not worth his time, even though Kurt knew they had been friends.
He stared at his phone, trying to decide how to answer, if at all. Finally he typed, About what?
Less than a minute later he received a reply. I want to catch up.
Why?
Because I don't want to lose touch with someone I spent nearly three years of my life with.
That hit Kurt hard. Three years. It had felt like so much longer than that. Yet with all that went on between the two of them, it wasn't surprising. They had been through more than most couples ever have to deal with, and they weren't even eighteen. Between Blaine's depression and self-esteem issues and Kurt's constant struggle to become the Broadway star he knew he was destined to be, the two of them were always in some form of turmoil. But their love held them together for nearly three years, until it didn't.
Fine. What's been going on?
Nothing too much. Preparing for some gigs mostly. Always wrapped up in school.
It was true. Blaine was always trying to make up for the fact that he was gay to his parents, so he worked himself hard in his music and in his schoolwork. It was one of the things that always frustrated Kurt about him.
Not surprised. Same old, same old then.
Kurt clicked send, sensing the bitch in his tone. But, then, didn't Blaine deserve it? After everything he had put Kurt through, the absolute hell he had to deal with, wasn't Kurt allowed to be bitter?
Yeah, I suppose. How about you? It's been awhile.
3 months. You know McKinley; nothing really changes around here.
That's what Kurt typed. What he wanted to say was, 3 months. It's been 3 painful, slow months of me telling myself that you're not worth my tears, that you're an absolute bastard and I can do better than you, deserve to do better than you. 3 months of telling my friends that nothing is wrong, that I was just tired or stressed. 3 months of dropping grades, being unable to tell my dad what was happening, why I had suddenly gone from an A-student to barely B's and C's. 3 months of slicing my leg open with scissors I keep by my bed in case something hits me and I have to hurt myself so I don't feel the fucking emptiness you left me with. 3. Fucking. Months.
3 fucking months. While you sit over in Westerville, curled up with Sebastian, perfect, stunning Sebastian.
Tears sprung to his eyes as he remembered, thinking through it all. How badly he wanted to send that message, but no, all he could say was "nothing really changes around here."
I heard about the play you directed. Congratulations, everyone said it was a big success. They said your casting was flawless.
Kurt nearly snorted. Yeah, like Blaine really cared. Kurt had student directed the drama department's production of Steel Magnolias, which to anyone that didn't know him would have found weird, since it's an all women's show. It took a lot of self-restraint not to rewrite the script as an all-male cast, just for fun; luckily (sort of) there weren't enough boys in the company to be able to do the inverse.
Yeah it was fine. It's been about a month though, so most people have forgotten about it.
I'm sure it was unforgettable.
Kurt sighed, forcing himself to ignore the blush spreading across his face, suppressing the memories of Blaine calling him "unforgettable."
Well, Blaine, I need to go to bed. Busy day tomorrow.
Oh. Alright. Good luck with your skin care. Can I text you tomorrow night?
Kurt ran his fingers through his hair, pondering the question. Could he? Was Kurt willing to open up this relationship? Scratch that, he didn't want to call it a relationship, even in the platonic form. Was he ready to try to be friends with the boy that had completely broken his heart?
Yeah, I guess.
He breathed sharply as he hit send, feeling his heart drop to his stomach with the weight of his decision.
Alright. Good night, Kurt.
Night, Blaine.
Kurt subconsciously typed "xo" afterwards, like he had every night for the almost three years they dated. It hurt him to back over them, two small letters that made a world of difference in the tone of a message, something he'd done every night to show Blaine how much he loved him.
He quickly opened a new message to Rachel. We have a problem.
What is it? she answered back quickly. Rachel was always a prompt texter, as long as she wasn't performing, which she usually wasn't at 8:30 on a Thursday night.
Blaine just texted me.
Kurt could almost sense Rachel frowning in disapproval.
And? What did he want?
He just wanted to talk. He said he wants to maintain a friendship.
He has to have some kind of ulterior motive, Kurt. You know this, you're not stupid.
Kurt applied his moisturizer slightly more rigorously, taking in the truth of her words. The problem was, did he know that Blaine had another motive besides friendship? They had dated for so long, and Blaine had never given him any hint that he didn't lay everything out in front of him, that he was hiding anything, that he was doing anything to secretly benefit himself.
Right… I guess we'll find out soon enough.
Kurt, finish your skin and go to sleep. Don't make any rash decisions, okay? And please, please, PLEASE don't get too wrapped up in this. I can't watch you spiral back down again.
He bit his lip. The problem was, it's impossible to "spiral back down again" when he had never gotten back up to begin with.
