Disclaimer: It's not mine.
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It's the longest night of the year. It's also damn cold. I can see my breath swirling in front of my face as I stare down at the streets. I protect the streets and those who walk them. I don't meet any of the people, though. I've been trained to be invisible, but it's difficult to not feel alone.
I come to this building to think. There's nothing particularly special about it, but I know the people here. They have no knowledge of my existence, but I know everything about them. Take, for example, the woman that lives in apartment number 13. She's been widowed three times. There was some speculation as to whether or not she had killed her husbands to collect the life insurance and there was a short-lived investigation, but it was concluded that she just has bad luck with love. Thirteen hasn't married since her third husband, but she spends a lot of time with the woman in apartment 11.
Eleven has never married, but she did have a high school sweetheart that she's still in love with. He died of cancer in her senior year. She hasn't dated anyone since. Eleven has buried herself in holidays and always goes all out in the decorating department. She looks happy for the most part and I think she usually is truly happy, but every Valentine's Day she comes up to the roof. She'll have a look in her eye that says plainly that she still misses him.
I hear a window slam and the man from apartment 27 is on his fire escape. He has a full glass of brandy in his hand and his face is drawn in irritation. Twenty- Seven lives alone and always has. He's a cripple living off of disability since an accident at work. He was in the construction business before the accident. Now he's hooked on painkillers, barely getting by.
The tails of my mask flap in the bitter wind. I hear a noise behind me and jump into the shadows before the door to the roof opens. A girl I don't recognize walks out. She moves toward the ledge and looks out over the city. My muscles are tense and I'm ready to make a silent escape. Any thought of leaving, though, is forgotten when I hear a deep sigh. It sounded so defeated that I refuse to believe that it came from the girl I'm sharing the roof with. My body relaxes when I see that her breathing has become erratic.
A gasp escapes her and she pulls a cell phone out of her pocket. She groans when she sees the caller ID and hesitates before answering.
"Hey."
A few seconds pass as she listens to the person on the other end.
"I'm fine. I've just had a long day."
Her voice is convincing, but her body tells a different story. Her shoulders are slumped forward, hinting that it's been more that just a long day.
"It went fine. I got the results back form last week."
She takes a deep breath in. As she exhales, a cloud forms in front of her face. She shivers.
"That's right. I didn't tell you. I, uh, had an appointment last week, too. They did some tests."
I push myself further into the shadows as she begins to wander around the rooftop.
"No, I'm fine. Sort of. I mean, I'm not sick or anything like that. I just. . ."
She's facing towards me now. She's close enough that I can see the apprehension in her eyes. I can see her heart clenching. Her eyes cloud over with a pain greater than any physical wound could ever cause. She takes another deep breath.
"It looks like you're not going to be an aunt."
A miscarriage? I creep closer, keeping to the shadows. Her face is open and I can see every emotion flit across her features.
"No, I wasn't pregnant. I'm not going to be."
I recognize the emotion that has settled on her face. It's the emotion that comes with the knowledge that one has lost something without ever having it. It's the same emotion I feel every time I think about having a family. I feel the urge to comfort her, to tell her that I understand her loss. I want to tell her that I know the pain she's feeling in her heart. I keep to my shadows, though.
"Yeah. I love you, too. Bye."
She hangs up and returns the phone to her pocket. Her eyes are blank as she stares off into empty space. A cold wind blows her hair around her face and I see a flash of blue out of the corner of my eye. I push myself deep into the shadows as her head suddenly turns in my direction. I fear that she may have seen me and will scream, but her face relaxes and her eyes soften. She knows I'm here and she knows I'm not a threat. I move a little closer and see that her hand is resting on her lower stomach. Her lips pull up into a small smile that shows how young she is and makes her look older at the same time. She has already accepted her fate of being alone.
But, for tonight, she can be alone with me.
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Note: My plan was to post this on the Winter Solstice, but my Internet went on the fritz. I hope you enjoy it now.
