Once upon a time, there was a 31 year old brony lad named Fred McDoogle. But this brony lad wasn't your ordinary 31 year old brony lad. This was an advanced 31 year old brony lad.
Fred McDoogle grew up in a small town in Iowa. He was a normal boy at first - he played with Hotwheels and Transformers. When he was 8, his little sister Tanisha Monterray McDoogle was born. He liked Tanisha and they got along really well.
When Tanisha was 6, she learned about a new favorite toy. It was called My Little Pony. At last, for her 7th birthday, the McDoogles bought her a whole collection of My Little Pony dolls. Fred McDoogle laughed and thought it was a waste of money. A few weeks later, he went into his little sister's room to troll her by messing with her ponies. You see, she was a dick about them and always wanted them lined up in a specific order. He went over to her collection, and grabbed a few to throw randomly around the room.
Suddenly, as he placed his hands on the pony dolls, he realized that they were actually really beautiful. He stroked their flowing manes and admired their perfect forms. How had he not noticed these until then? He snatched them all and threw them in his nap sack. He was about to make it out with them when Tanisha walked in.
"What are you doing with my ponies, Fred McDoogle?" she asked.
"Uhhhhh just... throwing these stupid girl toys away!" He grabbed one to toss onto the floor to prove his point. He made a throwing motion with his hand, but he couldn't let go of the pony. He tried again, but he couldn't bare getting a scratch on the beautiful My Little Pony.
Tanisha stood there, confused. Fred knocked her down and ran into his room. She started crying.
Back in his room, 15 year old Fred McDoogle filled his laundry hamper with My Little Ponies to keep them safe. He lept inside and bathed in them. He saw one particularly attractive pony and began smooching it.
Mr. John Johnson McDoogle knocked on his son's door. "Fred!" he called. "Why did you make your little sister cry? What's going on?"
Mr. McDoogle slams open the door, and to his horror, sees his son frolicking naked holding pony toys. He throws up and does not stop. His own vomit flows him out of the room. He comes back after regaining composure with Mrs. Leedle Lee Leedly Loo McDoogle.
Upon seeing her only son swimming in a pool of girl toys, Mrs. McDoogle bursts into tears. "WHY FREDDY WHY!"
"Put those girl toys down immediately, young lad!" Mr. McDoogle scolds.
"No father! I would put them down if they were girl toys but they are not. Clearly they are designed for 32 year old men."
"NO SON I'M 32 AND I CAN RECOGNIZE A KIDS GIRLS SHOW!"
"STOP TELLING ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE! YOU AREN'T MY PARENTS!"
"YES WE ARE?" says Mrs. McDoogle.
"I BELONG TO NO ONE BUT MLP! MY FATHER IS FLUFFY MCSHITBEAN AND MY MOTHER IS SPARKLEPUSSDICK!"
"THE HELL IS MLP?" says John McDoogle.
"UR MUM IS MLP!" says Fred.
At this time, Grandma Twinky Dongdong McDoogle pops in. "YOU LIL FAGGOT BE A MAN!" she hollers, hitting Fred with her cane. "BACK IN MY DAY, BOYS USED TO BE BOYS AND GIRLS USED TO BE GIRLS. YOU LIL HOMO MCSHOMO! I WILL KILL YOU AND THE REST OF YOUR KIND!"
"WHO NEEDS TO BE A MAN WHEN YOU CAN BE BETTER THAN A MAN! YOU CAN BE A PONY! NAY, YOU CAN BE A BRONY! NEIGH!"
In that moment, Fred realized his inner pony. He would never be confined to human sociatal norms again.
"NEIGH! NEIGHT!" NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIGHJJ!GVASDGER!"
He began bucking like a horse and kicked his father in the throat, pulling his heart out with his hoof. He ate it like a horse eats a carrot. Then he hopped on his mother and road her like a pony, shitting on her because horses shit wherever they want. He shat on her again and hoofed her in the brain, removing her frontal lobe and reducing her to a zombie.
Grandma Twinky eyed her grandson and pulled out a machete. "GIVE ME NO FAGGOTRY OR GIVE ME DEATH!" she hollered and then she charged. She pulled out a cross in which to burn him on, but he caught the holy water in mid air with his frost vision and froze it into a dagger. He sliced her balls off with it and then sliced each limb off one by one. Limbless Granny McDoogle bit her grandson on the mane in a last ditch effort to save the world. But Fred was a Super Saiyan now, and he shed his mane and lit it on fire, burning down his house and the last remnants of his old life.
Tanisha McDoogle walked outside as he road off. "But Freddy, why did you steal my toys?"
Fred walked up to his little sister and kneed her in the gut. "They are not your toys, you are a little girl and they are grown men ponies." With that, he pounded his hoof down, splitting the Earth and dropping Tanisha into an enternal abyss.
He shook the blood out of his mane and tale, and grew wings. He flew off into the clouds, following his magical dick to Pony Land.
