Over You

Weatherman said It's gonna snow, by now I should be used to the cold

The snow seemed to be unbelievably loud as I my boot cladded feet carried me across the ground. A single snow flake stopped me in my tracks as it trickled to the earth. My thoughts immediately thought back to our very first snow fight. You were just so beautifully handsome, running and jumping around in the snow, with your golden locks framing your face, and your blue eyes, sparkling like ice. No matter how many times you said it, and tell others, I know I shouldn't have won that battle that day. Oh but I am so glad that I did, and I'm even happier knowing that you let me win on purpose, all because you wanted to see me again. Who would've thought that you would become my whole world. The chill in the wind immediately brings me back to earth, and my feet continue to carry me across the snowy grounds.

Mid-February, shouldn't be so scary, It was only December, I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me

It's been two months since we celebrated Christmas with my family and yours. You asked me to marry you at your parents ranch house, under the mistletoe in front of our parents and I said yes. Because you were in my future as far as I could see. I'll never regret giving you my heart and soul, because you were the best thing to ever happen to me. I remember how we decorated our first tree together, the popcorn mess you made, and the fight over it that led to making love in front of a roaring fire on our new christmas rug in the living room. God, how I miss those days.

But you went away, how dare you? I miss you! They say I'll be ok, but I'm not going to, ever get over you

You left me all alone. And I'm just so angry at you, some days I don't know how I'll make it through to another one. But I do. And I hate myself for it. I find it hard to smile, or even laugh anymore. Because it just hurts so much now that you've gone. They all say that I'll be ok, and that one day I wil move on. But I won't, because the truth is, I will never, get over you.

Living alone here in this place, I think of you and I'm not afraid,Your favorite records make me feel better cause you sing along with every song

Our home feels so alone now. I get scared to be there sometimes, but then I think of you, and I'm not afraid anymore. When I can't sleep at night, which has been more frequent lately, I put your favorite records on. Listening to them makes me feel better because I can hear your voice singing along with every song.

But you went away, how dare you? I miss you! They say I'll be ok but I'm not going to, ever get over you

I've made it to your headstone and as soon as I see your name etched into the stone, the dam inside of me finally busts open. "You left me." I whisper brokenly, as the tears start to fall down my wind burned, cold cheeks. I pray that you can somehow hear me because I have something extremely important to share with you. I fall to the ground and press my forehead against your name, my left hand is touching your last name, Whitlock, tracing the letters as my right hand cradles my ever growing bump. "You left me, but you've left me with an amazing gift to always remember you by Peter."

It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone.

I hear snow crunching and look right up into a pair of glowing emerald eyes framed by golden locks, just like yours. Jasper smiles and tilts his head to the side. "I'm pregnant Peter and I just have this feeling that it's gonna be a boy, with the bluest eyes and golden locks, just like his daddy." I smile through the tears and lovingly stroke your name one final time. "I know you didn't wanna leave me, us, and I know you wouldn't want me to grieve for you constantly, and carrying our child will help me get through this." I look up to find Jasper staring intently at soft glow that is starting to shine next to me. I'm not afraid because I know it's you. So I turn towards you. "I won't be alone anymore and I'm not, you see your brother has been here so patiently for me, and he'll always be here for me and the baby. I love you so much and I miss you every single hour of every day."

More tears fall and the golden glow has started getting brighter. "I'm not ever going to be fully over you Peter Alan Whitlock, but I'll be ok because you'll be watching over us, and I know I'll see you again someday." I smile softly and get to my feet. Before I can move, Jasper is at my side wrapping me in his arms and leading me back towards the car. I stop him half way there and turn back to the glow. "I love you Peter." I whisper into the wind and watch as the glow slowly disappears. Jasper tugs my hand and we continue on our way. Yes my heart may be hurting, but it hurts a little less each day that this child grows inside me. And for the first time in a month since coming here to visit you, I find myself smiling instead of crying. You'll always be in my heart and soul. Forever. But I need to start living for our child. So good bye my love, I'll be back soon.

Cause you went away, how dare you? I miss you! They say I'll be ok but I'm not going to, ever get over you