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It hurts so much to see the love of your life in a relationship with some blonde bimbo. No, she really isn't much of a blonde bimbo to be honest, I might have actually found her mildly attractive IF I was straight, but at the moment I couldn't stop thinking about MY Kendall being with HER. Why her? Why not me? I love him so much more then she loves him. I know everything about him. Everything! She knows nothing! This sucks! My thoughts were interrupted when Kendall walked into our room closing and locking the door behind him.
"Logan, I need your help!"
"What's wrong?" I asked, frowning.
I sat up on the edge on my bed, looking at Kendall who went to sit on his own bed.
"She wants to have sex with me." Kendall whispered.
My heart broke.
"What?"
"You heard me.."
I looked down. Yeah of course I heard you, you dork. I just hoped my ears were playing with me.
"Are you kidding?" I asked, looking at him.
"No."
"And why exactly do you need my help with this?"
"Yeah, uhmm.. I've never.. uhm.. had sex before, so I hope you maybe could ..help me?"
"How could I possibly help you with that?"
"Well, maybe I can practice with you?"
"WHAT?" I yelled in shock.
"SHHHHT! Don't yell! I don't want anyone to hear this, okay."
"Sorry."
"Now, do you wanna help me?"
"Why do you even want help with this? Can't you just experience things with her? I thought that was kind of the point of being in a relationship?" I threw my hand in the air, trying to make it clear to Kendall that he was being stupid.
"I know, Logie. But I'm scared. I'm scared that I will fail when I'm with her."
"And you are not scared you will fail with me?"
"No, you're my best friend, you won't judge me if it's bad, and I trust you like I trust no one."
"Shouldn't you trust Jo just as much?"
"Logaaaaan, I do trust her but it's just different okay. I have known you for all my life and you always help me, with everything "
"But isn't this just.. too much?"
"No Logie, please help me."
"I can't believe this. What if something changes?"
"What would change?"
"Feelings." I whispered.
"Why would that change?"
Are you kidding me, Kendall? You are asking your best friend to have sex with you to practice for the first time with your girlfriend. In other words: Your first time is gonna be with your best friend who is in love with you AND hasn't had sex before either. Feelings WILL change because sex is something beautiful, intimate and special. I shook my head at the thought, completely forgetting Kendall was sitting in front of me.
"Logan? Why are you shaking your head?"
"Because this is wrong!"
"No, Logie. It's not. It's just a best friend helping his best friend."
"You are crazy."
"So, do you wanna do this with me?"
"I need to think about this, okay. Ask again tonight or something." And with that I stood up, walked towards the door, unlocked it and walked away as quickly as I could. I didn't even close the door behind me. I just needed to get away, I wasn't even sure where I was going, I just walked. I found myself walking through the PalmWoods park and into the streets. I needed to clear my head. I love Kendall. He IS my best friend, but I can't do this. I'm in love with him, he's in a relationship with Jo. How can he even ask this? I don't know what to do. I'd be a horrible friend if I would say no. But if I say yes, what is gonna happen with me? I would want him more and more, but that's not possible because he wouldn't want me that way, he has her. ..Wow, that came out with a lot of disgust. I sighed and looked around and saw that I had arrived at the lake I always go to when I wanna think about things. I walked towards the lake and sat down in the grass, close to the water, I sighed again and let myself fall backwards. I placed both of my hand underneath my head and looked at the sky, trying to find an answer.
I stayed at this lake for the rest of this day, it really calmed me down. When I looked at my watch I saw it was already 4:30 PM, so I stood up and started to walk back home.
I walked through the front door and closed it behind me. When I looked around in our apartment, I only saw Carlos sitting in front of the TV.
"Where is everyone?"
"James is in our room, Kendall is in yours and Mama Knight and Katie are still shopping, they should be back soon though."
"Oh, okay." I said, walking towards him. I sat down next to him and started to watch TV.
30 minutes later Kendall walked into the room.
"Oh, Logan, you're home. Can I talk to you now?"
"Yeah, okay. Let's go to our room."
I sighed and stood up. He walked ahead of me and held the bedroom door open. I walked in and sat on my bed. Kendall closed the door and locked it like earlier that day.
"And?" Kendall asked sitting on his own bed on the other side of the room.
"And what?"
"Do you wanna help me?"
I sighed, thinking it all over one last time. "Kendall, I still think this is a bad idea, but yes. I'll help you."
Kendall jumped up and ran towards me. He hugged me with force causing us both to fall back onto my bed. Kendall lied on top of me, his hands around me neck, my hands around his waist, and he kissed my cheek a million times.
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You're the best!"
I pushed him off me. He lied next to me and we looked each other in the eyes. "Yeah, yeah. As long as you know I'm still not happy with this."
What have I done. I said yes. Fuck.
"If you're not happy with it, then why did you say yes?"
"Because I can't say no to you, Kendall." I sighed.
"It means a lot to me. Thank you, Logie."
"So, when do you wanna do this?"
"Tomorrow night?"
"Okay."
"Let's go watch TV now."
I nodded and stood up, I stretched my arm towards Kendall, offering him my hand. He grabbed my hand and I pulled him off my bed. He smiled down at me and pulled me into another hug.
"You're the best."
I shrugged and pushed him softly away.
"Let's go."
We walked out our room and towards the living room.
"Hey James! Hey Carlitos, what are you guys watching?"
"Spongebob!" Carlos said happily.
Kendall and I sat down next to each other, closer than needed, but I can't say I didn't enjoy it. I liked the feeling of his leg or arm brushing against mine every now and then.
One hour later Mama Knight and Katie walked in.
"Hey boys, who wants pizza?" Mrs. Knight asked place the pizza boxes on the kitchen table.
"ME!" We all jumped up and ran towards the table. Mama Knight had a pizza for all of us, we always had a pizza each, even though it was too much. We unpacked the pizzas and started to eat. Kendall and Carlos finished their pizza first.
"I'm still hungry!" Kendall whined.
"How can you still be hungry after a whole pizza? Here, take this, I'm gonna explode if I eat one more slice." I pushed my 3 and a half pizza slices towards him.
"Thanks Logie."
After a few minutes they all finished eating so we went to the pool together, leaving Mrs. Knight and Katie behind with the mess.
I was happy that we were finally doing something with the four of us together again. But my happy mood quickly changed when I saw Jo walking towards us.
"Hey baby." Jo said leaning down to kiss Kendall.
"Hi."
They started to talk and I tried to focus on James and Carlos playing in the water. They were fun to watch and it distracted me enough to not let Jo ruin my mood. When James and Carlos joined us though, I had nothing to focus on anymore other then Jo and Kendall. I handled it for a few minutes but after that I couldn't take it anymore.
"I'm gonna go back to the apartment. Bye." I said standing up and walking away immediately.
"Logan!"
"Wait!"
"Come back!"
My friends yelled after me but I decided to ignore them.
"What's wrong honey?" Mrs Knight asked me when I walked in and slammed the door behind me.
"Nothing really, I'm just tired."
She hugged me and kissed my forehead.
"Thanks, Mama Knight."
"Remember I'm always here when you wanna talk."
"Thank you. I'll definitely remember that. I'm gonna go to my room now. Bye."
"Bye sweety."
I walked towards mine and Kendall's room and closed the door behind me. I sighed and decided I wanted to read a book. I grabbed the first book I saw and started to read.
I was completely lost in the book, like I always was. I would completely forget everyone and everything around me, it calmed me down. It was just me and the book.
"LOGAN!" Kendall yelled, making me jump up.
"Jesus! You don't have to yell!"
"I've been talking to you for the past 5 minutes! You didn't respond."
"Oh, sorry. I was lost in my book again, I guess." Kendall smiled. "So, what's the matter?"
"Oh, nothing really. I'm gonna go sleep, so I wanted to say goodnight and stuff."
"Oh, okay."
"So, goodnight." He leaned down and kissed my cheek.
"Night."
"Sweet dreams, Logie."
"You too."
Kendall lied down in is his bed and was asleep within minutes. When I was sure he was asleep I carefully raised my hand towards the cheek Kendall just kissed and ran my fingers over the skin. What the hell was that? I was kinda confused as to why he gave me a goodnight kiss, but it was cute so I just shrugged it off.
I continued to read. After an hour or so I couldn't keep my eyes open so placed my book on my bedside table and fell asleep.
The next day started as a normal day, but both Kendall and I knew it wasn't a normal day. Today was the day we both were gonna loose our virginity, the day I was gonna 'help' my best friend by having sex with him, to practice. I shook my head at the thought. This is so not normal.
The day went by smoothly and quick, maybe a little bit too quick for my liking.
It was now 7PM, Mama Knight, Katie, James and Carlos left 15 minutes ago to go see a movie.
Kendall and I sat on the couch, staring at the TV. He suddenly turned off the TV and stood up. I felt so nervous.
"Are you coming?"
I nodded. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards our room. He gently pushed me inside and walked in after me, closing the door behind him and even though nobody was home or would be anytime soon, he locked the door. I sat down on my bed and Kendall sat down next to me.
"You do realise that my body is different than Jo's right?" I said, turning my head so I could look at his face.
"Yup."
"And I haven't done anything like this either, so I guess this is gonna be awkward."
"I'm sure it will be okay. Just tell me when you're not comfortable with anything, and I'll stop. You can always tell me you don't want to continue anymore. Okay?"
"Okay, thanks."
"If there is anything I'm doing wrong or when it's not feeling nice, please tell me." Kendall said.
"Okay."
We looked at each other for a while.
"How are we gonna do this?" I asked breaking the silence, still looking at him.
"I guess I can start by doing this."
Tadaaaaa! How was that? I hope you guys like it and stay tuned!
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