Title: Baby Mine
Summary: Three monumental moments in the journey to motherhood, seen from the eyes of Gloria, Marka and Red.
Disclaimer: I do not own OITNB or any of its characters. They belong to Jenji Kohen, I do, however, own my writing so please don't steal- Johanna002©
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-01-
"Oh, no, no, no," I kept repeating to myself. "No." This wasn't happening there was no way this could be happening. I looked in the mirror, at my own reflection and began to shake. I picked up the pregnancy test and shook my head furiously.
"No way." I put the stick down. There had to be a mistake. Sometimes these things were known to be unreliable. How many young girls like myself had been plagued with unnecessary angst and panic, just to find out they weren't really pregnant?
I looked at myself once more in the mirror. I gawked at my physique. How had I not noticed how much my body had changed? My breasts were swollen, and huge, nearly two times bigger than what they had been two months ago and suddenly, I couldn't deny the aching and tenderness that they throbbed with. My eyes cast down to my belly, and I could see the slight expansion it had made. It wasn't yet noticeable to the untrained eye, but I now couldn't pull my attention away. My hand, timid and shaky, slowly came down to rest atop of my abdomen. I rubbed slow circles around the flesh and my heart suddenly skipped a beat.
I was pregnant.
If my new ginormous tits, and the hard, small rounding of my belly wasn't enough indication, the fact that my period-which usually arrived like clockwork-was two months past due spoke volumes. My eyes flicked back to the test, the two lines confirming what I already knew.
"Fucking, Chris," I laughed softly. My hand continued its calming motion, rubbing back and forth against the skin of my abdomen.
Christopher Ramirez. My first. We hadn't meant for it to happen, but one night at a party and too many drinks later, we found ourselves involved in a fling we just couldn't end. He had been my best friend my whole life, and it was nice that someone I trusted so much was the one person I had decided to give myself to. We'd grown up together, and nothing had ever felt more right, but there was just one little problem in my sea of current problems. Christopher had a girlfriend. Marisol.
Marisol was a girl I knew well. Christopher and I went to school with her, and because I could only be so lucky, my tia and I lived three doors down from her and her family. Marisol was sweet and beautiful, and she definitely didn't deserve any of the shit that Chris and I had done behind her back.
I fell to my bed, sighing. My hand never left the comfort of my stomach. "Oh, baby," I whisper into the empty room. "What am I going to do?"
Everything about Chris and I, as hot and fun as it was, was wrong. I knew that much and I didn't deny it. I had no clue what his reaction was going to be, or what was going to happen, but some part of me, one I was well aware was foolish and naive, believed that he would marry me. I didn't know how likely that scenario truly was, but we both came from strong religious backgrounds, and an abortion would be out of the question, and a wedding would most likely be demanded by both of our families.
...
I paced up and down the sidewalk, doing my best to occupy the millions of racing thoughts inside my head.
"Gloria!" Chris greeted me with a tight hug and a kiss on the lips "Baby, you look so good," his hands traveled down the side of my body to squeeze my hips possessively. "Are you hungry?"
"Uhh… sure, yea," I nod. "I can eat."
"Good," he flashes me his boyish grin. That fucking grin was the reason I was in this mess, to begin with. I never could quite resist a man with dimples. "I know a little mom and pop restaurant that you will love. It's just a few blocks over."
How fitting I think to myself, but I don't say that. Instead, I just smile at him and say, "Okay."
The walk was short as he talked about work and the busy day he had. I listened attentively, smiling when I felt him pull me closer to him. It wasn't too much longer until we'd made it to the restaurant and before I knew it, we were sitting in a booth waiting for our food to be brought to our table.
As much as I wanted to pretend there was nothing amiss, and just enjoy his company I couldn't.
"Chris," I say quietly. "I need to talk to you."
His eyes looked at me with great concern. "About what?"
I twist my hands beneath the table, and just as I'm about to speak the waiter comes out with our food. She sets our plates down in front of us and asks us if we need any drink refills and if everything looks correct.
"Si, Senora," Chris tells her, smiling at her politely as she refills both of our glasses with water. "Gracias." He picks up the salt and pepper and begins to season his enchiladas. He looks at me expectantly as he reaches for his silverware. "What is it, Gloria?"
"I'm pregnant." I swallow nervously.
"No, you aren't" He responds almost immediately. "There's no way. We always used a condom," he whispered.
I bit my lip and shake my head no. "Remember… the park?" I reach for my own silverware and unfold it slowly, placing the napkin in my lap and smoothing it out over my jeans nervously.
"I don't know what to say." He doesn't look angry. He cuts into his enchiladas and takes a bite. He cuts another piece and then lifts his eyes to me again. "A baby?" It's almost as if he's testing the words on his tongue. "You're sure it's mine?"
I want to be offended that he'd even ask me that, but I'm not. He has a girlfriend after all. We never were exclusive. It's only right that he'd be curious. "You're the only one I've been with," I tell him honestly.
"Wow…" He twists his fork in his hand, and an almost proud smile touches his lips. "I put a baby in you?"
"Oh my God, Chris," I can't help but laugh at his reaction. I shake my head and begin to cut into my own plate of enchiladas. I had never expected him to react badly, but I'm more than surprised at how well he's actually taking the news. "What are we going to do?" I ask.
He takes a drink from his cup and shrugs. "What we have to," he tells me. "You're not killing my baby, Gloria."
"There's adoption," I say seriously.
He shakes his head no. "I know we're young," he tells me. "But no. I don't want anyone else raising our baby." He takes a bite of his food, chews, swallows and then reaches for his cup and takes a large drink of his water. "You know my mom is going to want us to get married," he says. "Lourdes too, probably."
I sink against the booth. The thought of having to tell Lourdes that I'm pregnant is the most frightening thing I could ever imagine. "She's going to kill me, Chris."
He chuckles. "I don't think my girlfriend is going to take the news well, either."
"Maybe this baby will be better than us," I say hopefully. He doesn't respond but reaches across the table for my hand. I squeeze his tightly, interlocking our fingers. A lesser man would have walked out and probably screamed at me to get an abortion, but that was one of the reasons I had always been so attracted to Chris. He was different from any guy I had ever know. He wasn't a saint, but instead of making himself a victim, he owned his shit. We both did.
We were far from perfect, and neither of us pretended to be. We both had done things we weren't proud of, but we never shied away from the blame. We owned our responsibility and we didn't make excuses for situations that we created. If there was nothing else our parents could say about us, they could at least say that. Telling them wouldn't be easy, but knowing that I had him to depend on made the prospect of having to come clean to Lourdes just a little less scary.
...
Lourdes is surprisingly calm. Too calm. So calm, that I'm petrified. I'm waiting for her to scream, for her to throw something- hell, for her to hit me. I need her to react. Her silence is as maddening and it is uncomfortable.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" I can't believe that's my voice. I couldn't believe that it is sounded so calm, despite the fact that I was a nervous wreck inside.
My tia blinks, her brown eyes piercing mine, demanding my silence almost instantly. In a move that I'm not expecting she approaches me where I am sitting at the edge of her bed. She kneels down onto her knees and takes my hands into her own.
"Gloria," Her voice is soft, but I can hear the shakiness that she's trying to conceal. "Baby, you are so young. You're only sixteen."
"I know," I whisper.
Her eyes are nothing but pools of disappointment and I know I've broken her heart with my news, but she doesn't turn away from me. "You have options," she pulls my hands to her lips and kisses my fingers. "You don't have to do this, you know?"
I'm surprised that she's even suggesting an abortion, and I immediately shake my head no. I feel the tears stream down my face, and she pulls me from the bed to join her on the floor. She's holding me and stroking my hair.
"I'm not saying you have to," she whispered against my temple. "I just want you to know that it's an option. That I will love you no matter what. Okay?"
I can hear the fast and heavy drumming of her heart and my eyes cloud with more tears.
"I mean it when I say the decision is yours." She's crying harder than I am because she knows just how much I will be sacrificing, and she knows how much harder my life is going to become. Her hands stroke my hair as I begin to lose myself and sob into her shoulder.
She rocks me softly, her hands running soothingly over my head and down the length of my hair, "Mi Amor," she coos against my ear, "Oh, baby… why did you have to go and try and grow up so fast?"
I didn't have an answer for her, only tears.
