Small angst-filled drabble prompted by lurkingwhump (thank you). Thought I would try my first one-shot for the 4x12 promo.
Only three words, uttered in a broken sob, had Kurt Weller lose complete control of his emotions. He was trying his best to put on a strong face for his wife, to only allow himself a small reprieve from being brave when he was alone. She had cupped his face, uttering how she could "feel how worried he is", and yet he was adamant he would soldier on for her.
He had managed to keep up the light facade, filled with "I glove you's", right up until her eyes had rolled into the back of her head, her muscles tensing and jaw locking from the force of the seizure. She had started thrashing about the bed with such a violence, he was forced to restrain her until help finally arrived.
When they took her to recovery, he had still convinced himself that everything was ok. It was just another symptom. Until Rich and Patterson had broken down his walls, shredding whatever hope he had remaining. He had had no control over the emotion and disbelief that had surged through him, to a point where he almost blacked out. He became more aware of his surroundings when Patterson enveloped him in a much needed hug.
When they returned Jane to him, he tried to pick himself back up, knowing he needed to break the news to her, yet dreading it all the same. They had made a promise to each other that they would keep no more secrets, not after what happened when Roman had nearly torn their marriage to pieces.
But how do you tell your wife that she only has days left to live?
Patterson and Rich had left shortly before Jane had been brought back to him, saying they couldn't just sit there and watch her die. They had both felt as if they would be much more useful if they were actively searching for something, anything that might be able to save her life.
Kurt had taken a seat beside Jane, taking her hand in his as she weakly smiled, her eyes still not completely open.
He took a breath, schooling his features. Even though she could not see him, he knew if he looked ok on the outside, his voice might not betray him as much.
He told Jane of Doctor Roga's research, how the final symptoms of ZIP poisoning were already upon them.
How she only had days left to live.
He had made it through all of that without breaking down, Jane just staring at the black void that was her sight.
"You will beat this." he said adamantly. Jane had stayed silent, her face emotionless.
A few hours passed, silence had filled the room. Kurt had gotten a crazy phone call from a rather distressed sounding Patterson, telling him that she and Rich may have found a solution. That they were going to Peru of all places.
Kurt had reentered Jane's room, noticing a change in her silence. From silent nothing, to silent tears.
He had strode across the room, laying on the bed with her, pulling her close to him as she cried.
And then she uttered those three words. The three words that opened all of the emotion in his heart.
"I'm scared Kurt." she sobbed, her face crumpling. She took a desperate breath in and he pulled her even closer to him, kissing her on the side of her head.
Hearing his strong wife break down, so completely terrified, had him shuddering. He cradled Jane's head against his chest, rocking her slowly back and forth.
She wailed into his shirt, her cries loud and unfathomably heart wrenching.
"Shhh." he shushed into her ear, stroking her hair while he rocked. "Shhh my love. Just breathe."
Heeding his own advice, he took a shuddering breath, his own tears falling freely and silently into her hair.
She had eventually cried herself into an exhausted sleep. Kurt never moved from the bed, opting to hold her in his arms for as long as he could.
When she next woke, he told her of Rich and Patterson's plans. Patterson had briefly explained the book of secrets to him and how they were going to try and use it to get some stem cells.
She only managed to stay awake for about an hour, falling asleep, listening to the sound of her husband's voice.
Kurt watched her deteriorate. He had moved off of the bed, holding her hand to his face. Even in sleep he could see she was fading fast. She was becoming more pale by the moment, her skin nearly translucent, apart from the black smudges that were forming under her sunken eyes.
"I love you." she said weakly through cracked lips.
"And I love you too." he whispered back. His emotional floodgates opened, his tears flowing freely as he knew she was starting to say goodbye. "You just keep holding on." he cried, seeing all of the fight draining from her eyes.
She was asleep again in minutes, though he was starting to speculate she was closer to being unconscious than just asleep.
He bent his head onto the bed, laying his forehead on her legs. Grief welled up inside him and before he knew it, any resolve he had left was gone. A part of himself was dying with her.
"Please just keep fighting." he whimpered. "I can't lose you."
