I searched through the database for a story such as this and have found nothing from the results. So I decided that if no one was going to write it themselves, I might as well. Just a heads up, I'm not writing this story from a first person perspective like I normally do. It will be in third person. Oh, and I'll update about once a month, maybe. I might have important things to do sometimes, so I apologize ahead of time for any future delays in updates. This way I won't have to do it more than once. :)
One And Only Disclaimer For This Story: Jhonen's characters belong to him, not me. Trust me on this when I say if I owned Zim entirely, all of you Zim fangirls would probably want to murder me for the doom that would happen to him on a daily basis.
"A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." - Dwight Eisenhower
Lard Nar shuffled nervously through the hallways, holding a smooth silver sphere away from his body. The holographic imager around his neck displayed him as a normal Irken going about their business, but the idea of getting discovered isn't what made him so fearful. It was the device he was holding before him with special gloves on. Despite its innocent appearance, it was the most dangerous object on the Massive, more dangerous than even the laser cannons mounted on the sides of the ship. The sphere was only seen once before in history, back during its making when the Irkens and the Vortians were still allies.
The scientists back then wanted to create a device unlike any other. This was after Zim's energy absorbing...thing...had devoured Tallest Miyuki. The ultimate rampage it went on inspired the workers in Zim's station to create something similiar, but a type of mechanical version, one that was easily controlled and didn't attack people randomly. Schematics for it were revised and altered several times in an attempt to make it innocent-looking, so as not to raise suspicions when Irken soldiers brought it into battle. Even if it was left behind, the sphere would still serve its purpose with its shiny reflective surface, tempting others to want to reach out and take it. But if skin contact were made with the smooth metal ball...well, let's just say that you NEVER should. Ever. It was dubbed the Captura, and was revered in the inner circle of the Irken Elites as one of the greatest weapons ever created.
But soon it was banned, for fear that people such as Zim might one day possess it if it were to be widespread. So all remaining Capturas were destroyed and the plans locked away in a vault. When Vortians and Irkens severed their alliance, only one Vortian, Lard Nar, had the guts to steal all the schematics for future use. After years of building up the Resisty, gaining various materials from several alien races, he had finally done it. He held in his hands the only Captura in existence. And he planned to use it to his advantage.
Lard Nar scanned the doors in the hallways, wondering which would be the correct one. He only knew basic Irken, unfortunately. And nobody ever really heard an Irken speak its full native language before, not since a translator was built into their Paks, causing anything they say to sound like the listener's own native language and vice versa. So he couldn't match their vocal sounds to the symbols on the doors.
Then he saw it. A door bigger than the rest, a sign above it more ornate than the other signs. This must be it. Lard Nar took a deep breath, made sure his holographic disguise was still operational, and opened the sliding door.
A tall Irken with curious violet eyes was the first to notice his entrance. Lard Nar resisted the urge to curl his lip in disgust at the two Irken leaders so casually lounging on chairs while an entire civilization was being attacked right outside the windshield. He couldn't afford to blow his cover now, not after so many years of careful planning.
"My Almighty Tallest," Lard Nar greeted, forcing himself to bow.
"Yes we are," Purple agreed. He turned to his friend, who hadn't noticed the new arrival yet. "Hey, Red! Check out little shorty over here! He has a funny accent!"
Ruby eyes quickly scanned the nervous Lard Nar. This was supposed to be the slightly more intelligent of the two. Would he see through the disguise? Apparently not, as Red only nodded in affirmation to whatever his preconceptions were at Purple's announcement.
"Who are you supposed to be?" Red asked directly. "Look, if you're from that ridiculous 'Worker's Rights' group, our answer stays the same. We will NOT give you more snack breaks!"
"That is not why I have come, my Tallest," Lard Nar responded. "I belong to no group that would dare question your authority." What a blatant lie that was. And yet, these so-called 'rulers' seemed none the wiser.
"Then why are you here, huh? Huh?" Purple demanded. "We're very busy...um...doin' Tallest stuff! Like blowing up that stupid-looking planet out there!" He gestured towards the window just as another explosion was visible.
Lard Nar bit his tongue and focused on the mission at hand. "I have come to deliver this device to you, my leaders. We discovered it not too long ago in the docking bay and no one seems to know what it is." He walked over to their table and carefully placed the Captura on the surface in such a way that it wouldn't roll off. Purple seemed interested simply by how neat it looked while Red only spared it a glance before taking a sip from his Irken-friendly soda. Apparently they had no idea what it was, or else they would have cringed away and refused to come near it. Lard Nar reasoned that this must be because they hadn't actually seen one in person, had only heard descriptions of it through word-of-mouth, since they probably weren't high up enough on the social ladder at the time it was made to actually witness its creation.
"Why not just bring it to the people in the Experimentation Wing?" Red inquired. "Those arrogant brainiacs could probably tell you."
Lard Nar shook his head. "They did not know what it was either. They guessed it had something to do with snack dispension, though, and so they sent me your coordinates so that you may confirm their suspicions."
Purple's antennae perked up at the mention of snacks. He stared more longingly at the sphere for a moment before turning to Lard Nar, puzzled. "Um, how do you, you know, make it work?"
"It looks like it's made of one seamless piece of metal," Red pointed out. "No buttons or anything."
"Maybe it is touch activated!" Lard Nar exclaimed as if the idea had just come to him. "Would you like me to try it first, my Tallest?"
"Nuh-uh!" Purple protested. "Snacks are for the Tallest, you should know that!"
"I humbly apologize. I had forgotten in my eagerness," Lard Nar responded with an inner smirk. Purple looked eager enough to try it, and that was according to plan, but Red was a little too suspicious for his taste. "Is there a problem, all powerful leaders of the universe?"
Purple noticed Red's suspicion as well and narrowed his eyes. "What's wrong? Do you think it's gonna explode or something?"
"No, it's nothing," Red replied after a beat. He chuckled a little to himself. "It just looked familiar for a second, that's all. Like I've seen it somewhere before. But that's impossible. Right?"
"Right!" Purple agreed, casually placing both talons of one hand on the Captura and ushering his friend to do the same. Lard Nar watched the scene very carefully, but with joy. After a moment of impatient waiting, Purple had tried to pull his hand away in order to cross his arms angrily and proclaim it didn't work. Lard Nar openly snickered when the violet-eyed Tallest started to panic, trying desperately to remove his hand along with his friend. The leader the color of blood turned to him with a hiss of fury, glaring daggers in his direction. Those same eyes widened when they took in the device holding him captive, realization dawning on his face as he recognized the signs. The feeling of getting weaker...of becoming less sure of your memories and knowledge...
"YOU IDIOT!" Red shouted at Lard Nar. "DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS? HAH! WHEN WE'RE FREE, WE'RE GOING TO-"
"Do nothing," Lard Nar finished with a snicker. "Because you're never going to be free."
"What?" Purple paused briefly in his struggle to stare at his friend in confusion, but gasped and tried to back away. "Red! Your eyes!" Truly it seemed as if the very color of his friend's eyes were fading ever faster the longer they struggled.
"And yours too!" Red added. "Don't you see, Purple? This is that one thingy I told you about before! That Captur...whatever it's called!"
"The one that sucks out your soul, or the one that dispenses snacks?" Purple asked. Red facepalmed with his other hand.
"What do you THINK?" he yelled at his friend. Lard Nar watched the entertainment of the ruby-eyed Tallest trying to convince his friend that they were really doomed and not about to recieve any snacks while they were becoming weaker and weaker. His friend only completely understood in the very end, when one could barely discern what colors their eyes originally were.
"You...jerk..." Purple managed to say to the Resisty leader before both collapsed, released from the Captura's hold. The orb rolled to the floor when one of the Tallests' arms knocked against the table. It rolled across the floor to the leader of the Resisty, softly pulsing in the colors crimson and violet. Lard Nar carefully picked it up in his special gloves and looked around the room with a wide, triumphant grin.
"They really should get some body guards or something," Lard Nar snickered. "People could just come in here and attack them from nowhere! Now, wouldn't that just be horrible for the Irken Empire to lose its two leaders like that?"
He casually strolled out the door holding the glowing sphere, doing that strange marching step that each Irken does in order to avoid suspicion, since his holographic disguise was still operational. Not a single Irken spared him a passing glance, since he was quite short, and nobody ever paid attention to the tiny Irkens. He heard the door he had just exited open again, then a startled gasp from the pilot who had come to fetch the Tallest since Invader Zim was calling again. Alarms started blaring and four Irkens only about two inches shorter than the Tallest ran down the hall towards the room. Lard Nar raised an eye. So THOSE were their bodyguards. Apparently not only the leaders were lazy, but their subjects were as well. Maybe it was part of their society or something?
Lard Nar whistled innocently as more and more heavily armed guards and some paramedics rushed down the hall. Again, even with the emergency, nobody noticed the maker of all this chaos strolling near them, climbing onto a strange ship, then darting away through the stars.
