A/N: So just today, I saw Princess Mononoke for the first time in years. Let me tell you, watching it when you're the only one in the house and with a huge thunderstorm outside and you're watching it on a battery-powered device because the main power in your home has gone out, yeah, talk about a recipe for nightmares! Anyway, this is my take on what San was thinking during that big dramatic scene when Okkoto is turning into a demon. And I watched this scene over and over while writing this, so the dialouge should be pretty much spot on.
When I had first seen Okkoto's dead warriors watching us as, I immediately knew that hunters belonging to that stupid monk had skinned the warriors to fool us. Well, at least, they did so to fool Okkoto, and that part of their plan, regrettably, worked. Okkoto pushed himself forward, not heading my pleas for him to stop. I sent one of my brothers to warn mother that the humans were setting a trap for the forest spirit. "You'll have to hurry, or it could mean the end of all of us! Go!" I ordered as I ran, trying to keep up with the deranged, blind, boar god.
He ran off, leaping over the boar skin-clad humans. Soon after, Okkoto dropped to a halt, his wounds overpowering him. I brandished my spear at the disrespectful humans. "Stay back or you die! And then this whole forest will see just what you are!" I warned. But suddenly, a howl from my other brother broke my concentration. I listened to what he was telling me and I gasped. "Ashitaka?" I had not seen him since the night before he left after his bullet wound had healed. Perhaps, after this was over, I would thank him for the gift of the crystal dagger.
The humans used my distraction to sneak up on Okkoto. A pained squeal from the boar alerted me, and I attacked, but the humans dodged my spear. Satisfied, but only slightly so, that the humans had temporarily retreated; I went back to Okkoto's side.
"I burn." He said. "The flame's growing inside of me!" I shrieked as I saw blood-red tentacles begin to appear on his snout and I desperately tried to wipe them off. Okkoto had to make it to the Pool of the Forest Spirit, he had to! "You must fight it!" I begged him. "Don't let yourself become a demon!" I knew that my efforts were futile, the tentacles were already starting to grow on his body, but I refused to let him, or myself, give up so easily!
A sudden pain exploded in the back of my head as one of the humans slung a rock at me. I groaned as I fell unconscious and the last thing I felt was the slime of the Okkoto's tentacles as he gave into the rage and turned into a demon.
When I came to, I felt as though a sheer agony was ripping its way through my body. "I'm on fire!" I groaned. Realizing that Okkoto was carrying me in his mouth, I tried to fight my way out, but when my hand grasped Okkoto's tusk, tentacles began appearing on my hand, and I gasped. In my shock, I let go of the tusk and the tentacles and rage pulled me back in. I could feel my conscious slipping into the rage that drove a demon and I tried to fight at least that. "No, I don't want to become a demon! Please stop, Okkoto!" I begged, but my pleas seemed to only fuel his rage, making my mental battle against the anger and transformation even harder.
We moved through the forest, leaving death and destruction in our wake. My battle was almost lost, and I could feel myself slipping into the all-consuming rage of every demon.
"San! It's me, Ashitaka! San! San!" I could hear Ashitaka's voice and it broke through the rage. For a single moment, I could think clearly. As much as I hated humans, if Moro or my brothers could not save me from this horrid transformation, then I wished with all my heart that Ashitaka could.
"Ashitaka!" I called, desperately wishing that he could hear me. He said nothing more, but I clung to the memory of the sound of his voice as if it was the one thing that could save me from this monster that Okkoto was forcing me to become.
Suddenly, I heard a whisper of his voice, and then I heard him shout, addressing Okkoto. "Lord Okkoto, calm your fury!" Okkoto refused to listen, but I continued to cling to the sound of Ashitaka's voice, refusing to allow myself to give in and become blind with rage and insanity. "Oh, mighty lord, let me have the girl, I beg of you! Please, let her go!" Was that fear I heard in his voice? I prayed to the Forest Spirit that it wasn't. But then again, part of me wished it was, because that side of me had realized that Ashitaka was afraid for me. "San, are you there? It's me, Ashitaka!"
With that final question, I broke free of the oncoming insanity. I flailed around as Okkoto roared in rage, hoping against hope that some part of me would break free of the tentacles and alert Ashitaka to where I was.
"San!" I heard him exclaim. Soon the only thing I could feel was Okkoto's thrashes, and his squeals of rage dominated most of my hearing, but I could barely hear Ashitaka continue to call my name. Minutes later, I did feel something other than Okkoto's movements: I felt someone's arms gently wrapped around where I figured my head was, since I was nearly lost in the mass of tentacles.
"San." I heard Ashitaka's gentle voice near me, and he sounded desperate and sad. He sounded much nearer than I expected so, hardly daring to hope, I opened my eyes. Mostly I could only see tentacles, but in their waving mass, I could just barely make out Ashitaka's face.
"Ashitaka." I breathed, thankful that he had come to rescue me. Wait, thankful? He's human! Humans defile the forest and try to take it just so that they would have a place to live! Why should I be thankful to you, human?! I thought, but then instantly regretted it. He was saving me from becoming a demon. Anyone would be thankful, no matter whom or what saved them.
Okkoto thrashed even more violently and Ashitaka screamed out my name as he was thrown back. Even though he tried to hold on to me, Okkoto's fury was too much for him to handle, even with his own demonic strength given to him by Nago's curse.
"Ashitaka!" I shouted, trying to reach out to him as he was flung away, but soon my vision again became nothing more than a mass of tentacles.
Mere moments passed, but to me it felt like an eternity as the insanity once again forced its way into my consciousness, but it wasn't as strong as before.
"Give me back my daughter, demon!" I heard mother snarl to Okkoto, and a wave of relief went through me. Perhaps Mother would save me after all. Moments later, everything quieted down, and I could feel the presence of the Forest Spirit. As the tentacles calmed into choking ooze, I felt Mother's fangs gently pull me out of Okkoto's grasp. The ooze was causing me to sleep, but I could still hear and feel what was going on around me, but only to a small degree.
"Ashitaka, can you save the girl you love?" I heard Mother say. I was shocked, for two reasons. The first reason was because Mother would willingly entrust my life to a human, and the second reason was that last word: love. Ashitaka loved me? Usually I spat upon such human emotions, refusing to feel anything other than what my mother and brothers were capable of feeling, but when Mother said that Ashitaka loved me, I realized that I might, just might, have feelings for him.
I heard Ashitaka yelling something that I had trouble making out, but I thought I heard him say "Eboshi." I wanted to scream and slice that gunwoman to pieces, but the ooze so constricted me that I finally began to lose consciousness.
I felt Ashitaka gently taking me from Mother's mouth and gently holding me in his arms. I was disgusted, not by being held such by a human, but by how much ooze there was on me; it felt like I was wrapped in a cocoon of the stuff.
I was slipping fast, but I felt the water of the Pool of the Forest Spirit and heard Ashitaka whisper "Don't die."
I won't Ashitaka. I'm safe now that you're here. I thought, and then I slipped into the oblivion of unconsciousness.
A/N: Personally, I think that is the scariest scene in the movie, aside from the Headless Nightwalker scene, which immediately follows this.
