Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the places, people, or things mentioned other than the plot.
In my sixth year at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry something dawned on me that would change my life. Rather I realized two things: my best friends had basically deserted me for their girlfriends when Voldemort was defeated, and I was too good to be wasting my time and energy worrying about it.
Now, as the first day approaches again, I stand in front of my mirror in my bedroom at home, fiddling with the hem of my shirt. My mother is seated at the end of my bed, examining my fragile attitude through her eyes.
She notices my restlessness and asks, "Hermione, dear, I haven't seen you like this since…since we got your first letter, why so nervous?"
I smile an easy smile, one that will fool her and satisfy her need to break down my carefully placed barriers.
"Just first day jitters, Mum. Nothing to worry about, as always." I lie through my teeth – no longer buck-toothed but straight and pearly white. She must believe me because she hugs me then leaves. I look at myself in the mirror one last time, taking in my untamable hair, too-curvy figure, and mud colored eyes.
Mud. Mudblood. Malfoy. Brace yourself! My mind screams as another realization hits me like a train. I will have to face him by myself, or essentially by myself. Maybe he'll leave me alone since I've gotten Headgirl. I fool myself into believing this, knowing he wouldn't change if I were the bloody Headmistress!
My watch beeps. It beeps again and I raise my wrist to my face. Damn, 10:30 already? Thirty minutes. That's all I have to put a permanent smile on my face and push my emotions into the back of my mind for safe-keeping until the end of this year. I sigh. This will be difficult. A frown carves my mouth into a hard line as I realize once again that Harry and Ron will be with Ginny and Lavender while I am alone. Like I have been since last Christmas. Like I have been all summer. Like I will be for this new year.
"Hermione, dearest! Are you…oh, I can't remember what it's called…Are you disappearing, or are we taking you?" My father calls up the stairs and I almost laugh. Time and time again I've told him: It's Apparate, Dad. Like Ap-AH-rate. And he still doesn't get it.
I take a deep breath and open my door to reply. "I'm Apparating, we don't have enough time to drive." He looks sad for a moment, but then places a smile much like my own on his face.
"Alright, honey. Come say goodbye. You've only got about fifteen minutes left so you'd better hurry." I levitate my trunk down to him, glad that at last I can use magic outside of school, and my parents crush me into a hug. I can't breath, but I don't care. These two people love me and would never leave me for something as stupid as a new makeout toy. I smile to myself as I picture the three of us together and lock it in my mind. I never want to forget how much they love lack of air becomes uncomfortable and they release me; choosing instead to kiss me on the cheeks and cry.
I hate when they cry. I hate when anyone cries. And then I'm crying too. Not for them, but for me. Because I haven't cried in months. I haven't smiled for real in at least a year. I have to stop, I've got to leave them here and go to the hell that's my supposedly wondrous life.
I pull away, whispering that I love them and promising to write. They nod and my mother hands me the bag of galleons, sickles, and knuts that we traded in all of muggle money in to get. I concentrate on seeing the scarlet red of the Hogwarts Express in my head and suddenly feel as if my stomach is being shoved into my throat and all the oxygen is sucked from my lungs.
The sounds of voices and the train whistling reach my ears and I can smell the smoke fumes that assault my nose. I cough and sputter, then open my eyes and I am surrounded by the students I have grown up with and new ones I don't know.
Dean Thomas waves at me and Seamus does too. Smile, Hermione. Remember, no one's going to know how much you're suffering. Smile! I tell myself this for the thousandth time. I've been faking for so long, lying has started to come naturally to me, a sure sign that somewhere along the way I've lost the Hermione I used to be. I put the biggest and also most fake smile I can muster on my lips and wave back to the two best friends.
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Ok, so how'd you like it? This is MY first story, btw. I'm BW. The other stories are from BL. I do mostly HP or Twilight fanfics. Please review, I would like to know your response to the story. Thanks for reading!
