Three years ago:
"Cheese burgers and fries, a girls best friend.'
It scared me to feel this, love doesn't come easy for me there is always a price tag on it. And right now I felt that my heart was on my sleeve for the world to see, and the world to crush.
Before, after dad, after mom 1, mom 2, and but of course Derek, my heart was fully encased in a metal box.
What I didn't know was that Lucas had the key to it all along.
There he is mustard on his cheek, smile on his lips and his big blue eyes looking right into me. He was doing it again looking into my soul and always saying the right things at the right times.
Touching my soul when it was beginning to fade, bring it back to life once again.
"Don't forget vanilla milkshakes."
His lips taste like salt, vanilla, and everything nice.
Maybe this could last forever?
NOW:
"It cleaned up pretty well, P. Sawyer."
Brooke was there being well Brooke, with a lot of hugs and kisses. She was the same but with redder hair.
"It does, doesn't it?"
The new and improved office smiled at me screaming happiness. I had my own office and now I had my very first band.
Things were going great, even for me, the bad luck charm.
Not even the 'Good Luck Bamboo' would help me when the world came after me once again.
Lucas's Lindsay, why does saying that make my stomach turnover? She's nice, maybe a little too nice.
Lucas where ever you are, thanks. I owe it all to you.
-
'Peyton Sawyer is a fallen angel. She may be lost but she is the same Peyton that left those four years ago. She's my fallen angel and ex-girlfriend. All I want to do is restore her wings and watch her fly away.'
The word rang true, all but the end. Would I want to let her go or put her in a cage? There are so many things so many words I want to write, but what about Lindsay?
I don't want to hurt her; I never have and hopefully never will.
Peyton will always be there, safely in my heart. I had a good solid reason to no want her back, and now even that's gone.
"How's the writing coming?"
The image of Peyton with black wings was replaced with a smiling Lindsay.
Was I disappointed? Yes, no, maybe?
"Can I see?"
"NO! Ummm….I mean, not yet. It's not done yet."
Liar.
The kiss goodbye seemed hollow and nothing but a peak on the cheek.
Bird's peak, humans don't.
I thought about it, deleting every single written word with Peyton in it. But it was my book after all, and Peyton was in my life.
'Save'
-
"We meet again, awkward."
She was there in the same place as last time, staring off into space being the Peyton I always knew her as. The ball feel to the ground, it was useless now; my mind was on her own and wasn't going to leave.
"Yep, again. Sorry, I like it here a lot. Helps me clear my head."
She gave me that smile, it was so hard not to grab her and pull her into a kiss. Why do I have these selfish thoughts when I can never act on them?
"Me too, it's fine, hey free world."
The quiet was getting to me, all I had to focus on was Peyton, and I knew that was a bad idea.
"I missed you, Sawyer. You came back too late, I missed you so much. But you're too late, Peyton, too late."
I walked away, leaving her, something that took all my heart to do, and broke it too.
Why do I have to miss her so much?
