Disclaimer - I don't own Oh My Goddess! Or any other anime. All I own is a box of fortune cookies and my ex-boyfriend's car keys (heheh).

A/N - This is an *extremely* weird fic that I wrote in resource. Read and enjoy! Oh, also review…flames are welcome!

Oh My Fucked Up Goddess!
By megami_juhachigou

One day, Urd was pleasantly watching TV. 'Death of the Monkey,' one her favorite soaps was on, but know it was time for commercials. A phone company, a pizza place, others that didn't really interest her.

"Ahhhhh!" Urd jumped up and ran for the remote. A used car ad was playing an Austrian polka in the background! The blond goddess fumbled with the buttons, but it was one of those damned remotes where you need to press like 5 buttons before it turns off, so she just powered up an Urd Bolt, and blasted the screen to pieces.

But the music wouldn't stop!!!!! It just kept playing from some unseen source! Urd covered her ears and called for help.

"Belldandy! Stop fucking Keiichi and get your ass down here!"

Belldandy, who had been fucking Keiichi, ran down the stairs, not minding the fact that she was completely in the buff. "What the hell do you want!? I was finally getting some!"

Once she noticed that her sister had fallen asleep, she stopped yelling. She was about to go back to Keiichi, but then she heard the music.

"I'll be back in a minute, sugar bum!" Belldandy called to her lover and then proceeded to fly down the stairs and search for the source of the music. She stumbled through the house and, in the laundry room, found a boom box blasting away with Austrian polka and the demon Mara sitting nearby.

"Mara!" Belldandy staged a fighting stance, still completely nude, which made Mara burst out into laughter, but then she realized that the young goddess was actually serious so she stopped.

"This isn't me!" Mara assured. "I-I'm just a pawn - she's gone insane!"

"Who's gone insane?" Belldandy asked. "You mean-"

"Were you talking about me, dear sister?" Skuld asked as she stepped into the room. She looked like a captain in a suicide mission - armed to the teeth with guns, knives, and chopsticks of all sizes, and decked out completely in war paint and camouflage clothing. "I haven't gone insane…at least not yet!!!!"

With that, she pulled out a very big gun that no doubt had a long, cool name with numbers too and began firing rounds randomly at the two women now trapped in the laundry closet.

Meanwhile, back upstairs, Keiichi was wondering why Belldandy had not come back, and began to fuck himself, when he heard the machine gun go off. "Holy Shit!!!!" he cried, and ran downstairs to find the psycho Skuld blasting at Belldandy and Mara.

Keiichi found himself quite confused at why Belldandy was naked in the laundry closet with Mara (he's not that smart ya know) but decided that he had to do *something* so he screamed a challenge at Skuld and charged at her.

Turning at the sound, Skuld was surprised to see her sister's boyfriend running at her naked so she just kicked where her eyes followed - his crotch.

Keiichi doubled over in pain, and Belldandy and Mara took Skuld's preoccupation as a way to escape. They flew above the house, combined their powers, and blew the whole place sky-high killing the crazy Skuld, the (ahem)…troubled Keiichi, and Urd, who was still sleeping, and therefore not a very important part of the story, except in the beginning where she had a smashing intro scene.

Then, Belldandy and Mara flew off to Azabu Juuban, became Darien's whores, and lived happily ever after.

The End