Jacky F. and the Farming Circus
By: BooBoo aka next Mel Brooks
**************************************************
[fade in][Jack is walking through the streets of town]
Jack: Hey Basil
Basil: Hey, motherfucker
Jack: Yo Basil, your damn high
Ellen: Oh Basil last time I saw thee you were this high
[Ellen gets out of her rocking chair and staggers around]
Basil: Fuck you to old lady
[Jack and Basil Walk to the next House]
Basil: Holy shit, Jack, look in the mayors house
Jack: Kano and the Mayor are walking around in nothing but velvet thongs
Basil: I'm not voting for him in re-election
Jack: This is a frickin' dictatorship, he was born into mayorship
Basil: Oh, yeah. I forgot
[scene fades out]
*******************************************************
[Jack's conversation with the Harvest Goddess]
Jack: Hey Broadzilla here's and egg now come out and talk to me
Harvest Goddess: Why have you come to seek my wisdom
J: How come you stopped granting my wishes
HG: Well I heard some stuff about you
J: Like what
HG: I heard that at noon every day you stop your chores to masturbate
J: Who told you this shit
HG: Kano
J: Kano? How the hell does he know
HG: Well, He's kind of like that
J: Yea, I know, He's always hiding behind my shipping bin. Then I see his big ass hair sticking up out of the top and I know he's just waiting for me to toss in some corn
[all of a sudden nappy comes by]
Nappy: Hey farmer, your mother was a hamster and your father stunk of elderberries
[Jack, rears back and kicks Nappy in his trolly ball and Nappy flies into the shipping bin landing on Kano who was, ah-hem, using my corn and broke his neck]
****************************************************
Host: It's time for poetry hour, and reading our poem today is Jack Farmer of Mineral Village
Jack: my poem is entitled "Kano Sucks"
[Jack's poem states]
Kano G.
Took a pee
In his pants
It turned brown
Made him frown
On his Face
What a day for Kano G.
Kano G. likes it long
He sucks on dong
And shoves it up his butt hole
[end of Poem]
Host: Jack please try not to bring profane literature on this show
[Just then Basil shows up]
Basil: hey Jack I just found this great Marijuana, it's the shit they smoke in Vietnam
It makes me say Damn
It smokes better than ham
I like to eat them clam
And to you I say No Ma'am
I did not fire one up with Jack's lamb
Jack: yea, I know how you got Bessie blazed
Basil: Bessie is a cow, right
Jack: yea
*****************************************************
10 Harvest Moon scandals
1. No matter how long you play the mayor is never up for re-election
2. Ellen won't die, dammit
3. Kano is gay, this is not a lie
4. If you look at barley you notice he has a chronic boner
5. No matter what the Old guy with the boner tells you, miracle potion is preserved bull sperm
6. How come Ann is always in Gray's room?
7. Pastor carte isn't a Pastor,... he's a Rabbi
8. We all know how you make moon drop dew, yep-huh
8. This should be nine
10. The artificial brain they put in Kano was from Abby,.. Abby,... Abby Normal? now that explains it
**********************************************************
[Time for the final song]
I never wanted to do this in the first place! I... I wanted to be...
A FARMER!
(piano vamp)
Leaping from Plot to Plot!
As they Fall into my bin!
With my best goat by my side!
The potato!
The turnip!
The Funky Cabbage!, whoops that shouldn't be in there
The Cucumber!
The Little Whopping Pineapple!
We'd sing! Sing! Sing!
Oh, I'm a farmer, and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day.
CHORUS: He's a farmer, and he's okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day.
I plow the fields, I eat my lunch, I go to the la-va-to-ry . On Wednesdays I go shoppin' And have buttered stones and herbal tea.
Mounties: He plows the fields, he eats his lunch, He goes to the la-va-to-ry. On Wednesdays he goes shoppin' And has buttered stones and Herbal tea.
I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. Kano puts on women's clothing, And hangs around in inns.
Villagers: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, He likes to press wild flowers. He puts on women's clothing And hangs around.... In bars!!!!!
I chop down grass, I wear high heels, Suspenders and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie Just like my dear grandpapa.
Girls: He cuts down grass, he wears high heels Suspenders and a .... a Bra???? (Villagers break off song, and begin insulting Jack)
Ann: (crying) I thought you were so rugged
Yes I meant Kano
Villagers: No he ddddddddiiiiiiiiiiidddddddnnnnnnnn''''''ttttttttttttttt
Jack: Oh hell yes I did
Villagers: No he ddddddddiiiiiiiiiiidddddddnnnnnnnn''''''ttttttttttttttt
Director: Cut it and print it
Jack: I can't get a WORD IN EGEWISE WITH YOU SONS OF THE VILLAGE PEOPLE
Villagers: we're the village people
Jack: (sigh)
THE END
By: BooBoo aka next Mel Brooks
**************************************************
[fade in][Jack is walking through the streets of town]
Jack: Hey Basil
Basil: Hey, motherfucker
Jack: Yo Basil, your damn high
Ellen: Oh Basil last time I saw thee you were this high
[Ellen gets out of her rocking chair and staggers around]
Basil: Fuck you to old lady
[Jack and Basil Walk to the next House]
Basil: Holy shit, Jack, look in the mayors house
Jack: Kano and the Mayor are walking around in nothing but velvet thongs
Basil: I'm not voting for him in re-election
Jack: This is a frickin' dictatorship, he was born into mayorship
Basil: Oh, yeah. I forgot
[scene fades out]
*******************************************************
[Jack's conversation with the Harvest Goddess]
Jack: Hey Broadzilla here's and egg now come out and talk to me
Harvest Goddess: Why have you come to seek my wisdom
J: How come you stopped granting my wishes
HG: Well I heard some stuff about you
J: Like what
HG: I heard that at noon every day you stop your chores to masturbate
J: Who told you this shit
HG: Kano
J: Kano? How the hell does he know
HG: Well, He's kind of like that
J: Yea, I know, He's always hiding behind my shipping bin. Then I see his big ass hair sticking up out of the top and I know he's just waiting for me to toss in some corn
[all of a sudden nappy comes by]
Nappy: Hey farmer, your mother was a hamster and your father stunk of elderberries
[Jack, rears back and kicks Nappy in his trolly ball and Nappy flies into the shipping bin landing on Kano who was, ah-hem, using my corn and broke his neck]
****************************************************
Host: It's time for poetry hour, and reading our poem today is Jack Farmer of Mineral Village
Jack: my poem is entitled "Kano Sucks"
[Jack's poem states]
Kano G.
Took a pee
In his pants
It turned brown
Made him frown
On his Face
What a day for Kano G.
Kano G. likes it long
He sucks on dong
And shoves it up his butt hole
[end of Poem]
Host: Jack please try not to bring profane literature on this show
[Just then Basil shows up]
Basil: hey Jack I just found this great Marijuana, it's the shit they smoke in Vietnam
It makes me say Damn
It smokes better than ham
I like to eat them clam
And to you I say No Ma'am
I did not fire one up with Jack's lamb
Jack: yea, I know how you got Bessie blazed
Basil: Bessie is a cow, right
Jack: yea
*****************************************************
10 Harvest Moon scandals
1. No matter how long you play the mayor is never up for re-election
2. Ellen won't die, dammit
3. Kano is gay, this is not a lie
4. If you look at barley you notice he has a chronic boner
5. No matter what the Old guy with the boner tells you, miracle potion is preserved bull sperm
6. How come Ann is always in Gray's room?
7. Pastor carte isn't a Pastor,... he's a Rabbi
8. We all know how you make moon drop dew, yep-huh
8. This should be nine
10. The artificial brain they put in Kano was from Abby,.. Abby,... Abby Normal? now that explains it
**********************************************************
[Time for the final song]
I never wanted to do this in the first place! I... I wanted to be...
A FARMER!
(piano vamp)
Leaping from Plot to Plot!
As they Fall into my bin!
With my best goat by my side!
The potato!
The turnip!
The Funky Cabbage!, whoops that shouldn't be in there
The Cucumber!
The Little Whopping Pineapple!
We'd sing! Sing! Sing!
Oh, I'm a farmer, and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day.
CHORUS: He's a farmer, and he's okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day.
I plow the fields, I eat my lunch, I go to the la-va-to-ry . On Wednesdays I go shoppin' And have buttered stones and herbal tea.
Mounties: He plows the fields, he eats his lunch, He goes to the la-va-to-ry. On Wednesdays he goes shoppin' And has buttered stones and Herbal tea.
I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. Kano puts on women's clothing, And hangs around in inns.
Villagers: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, He likes to press wild flowers. He puts on women's clothing And hangs around.... In bars!!!!!
I chop down grass, I wear high heels, Suspenders and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie Just like my dear grandpapa.
Girls: He cuts down grass, he wears high heels Suspenders and a .... a Bra???? (Villagers break off song, and begin insulting Jack)
Ann: (crying) I thought you were so rugged
Yes I meant Kano
Villagers: No he ddddddddiiiiiiiiiiidddddddnnnnnnnn''''''ttttttttttttttt
Jack: Oh hell yes I did
Villagers: No he ddddddddiiiiiiiiiiidddddddnnnnnnnn''''''ttttttttttttttt
Director: Cut it and print it
Jack: I can't get a WORD IN EGEWISE WITH YOU SONS OF THE VILLAGE PEOPLE
Villagers: we're the village people
Jack: (sigh)
THE END
