Yay, another fic! It's Callie-centric, going from the end of Callica to the beginning of Callizona. Each chapter will have the name of a Rascal Flatts song because they are the ones who inspired all of this.
Thanks to my pals Kristyn and Sam for helping me with the Callica scene in the beginning.
Enjoy!
Chapter One: Here Comes Goodbye
I met up with Erica in the lobby and we walked out of Seattle Grace together. I could tell that there was something bothering her, but I chose not to say anything. I was half afraid that it would have something to do with me and therefore I didn't really want to know what was wrong. Plus I knew that she would tell me when she was ready to. Erica was a very vocal individual. Not that I minded; I could sit up and listen to the sexy rasp of her voice all night long.
I couldn't stand much more of the silence between us though, so I decided to say something pleasant that would get a conversation started. I thought about what I could say and then I remember hearing from the nurses that one of her patients had had a big scare today. They had said something about Izzie Stevens too and a little more snooping around led me to the conclusion that Erica's patient had been the same on that Izzie had stolen a heart from a while back. It's amazing what the nurses know. I'm surprised they get any work done at all.
"How's your patient doing?" I asked we walked to the parking lot. I shoved my hands in my pockets to protect them from the sudden rush of cold Seattle air.
"Well, he still needs a heart, but I bought him some time," Erica replied.
"Good, I'm glad," I honestly stated, turning my head to look at her quickly. She didn't seem happy. Something was definitely not right. Normally Erica would have given me a detailed description about how she had saved the man's life. She was being very short, quiet. I could feel the heat emanating off of her, like a brewing storm. It didn't take long for her to tell me what was bothering her.
"I went to the Chief about Izzie Stevens and he completely shut me down." Well, of course he did, I thought. He's the Chief and you're just trying to open up old wounds. "Well, we'll see what he says when I report this to UNOS."
Now that was going too far. Being upset about the situation was understandable, expected even. Voicing concerns to the Chief wasn't even so bad. But reporting it to UNOS was not just stepping over the line, but taking a giant leap over it. It was a giant, dangerous leap that could not possible end well for anyone involved.
"Whoa…whoa, whoa, wait, why?" I stopped walking abruptly and reached for Erica's arm. She stopped ahead and turned to face me. "I mean, what…what good could come of that?" Erica looked confused.
"What do you mean?"
"What possible good would it do? I mean, would it benefit your patient's outcome, or…?"
"My patient wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her," Erica argued before I'd even finished my sentence.
"If you're going to report this to UNOS and cost this hospital our transplant certification…cost our patient's organs, cost people their jobs, cost Izzie Stevens her career…." Was she crazy?
"Wait, so you're taking Izzie Steven's side in this? Over mine?" Erica sounded angry, confused, disbelieving. I felt the same way.
"She's…a doctor. One of our doctors. There's a reason we have each other's backs, Erica—"
"Oh, please, do not talk to be about a 'code', because this is not that."
"No, this is that!" Erica just didn't get it. As much as I hated Izzie Stevens for what she had done to me, I would still defend her until the end of the earth and beyond, because she was one of us. Why couldn't Erica just understand that? Instead she shook her head indignantly. "Look, I don't know what happened between Denny Duquette and Izzie Stevens that night, but unless you were in the middle of that situation, I don't see how you can make a judgment."
"Easy," Erica countered. "There's right, and there's wrong. And this…was wrong. And illegal….There is no gray area here. You can't kind of think this is okay. You can't kind of side with Izzie Stevens….And you can't kind of be a lesbian." With every word she spoke, I began to understand her more and more. I licked my lips.
"Yes, I can," I said quietly. Her last sentence stung quite a bit, probably because I wasn't sure if it was true or not, but mostly because it was coming from Erica. Erica was silent, stony-faced for a moment, and then sort of laughed.
"I can't believe I didn't know this." She wasn't looking at me, but up at the glistening stars overhead, the only witnesses to our fight.
"Erica, the Chief is right," I began, prepared to ignore her comment and move back to the issue at hand. But Erica wouldn't let me do that.
"No, you….I don't know you, at all." Thirty seconds later she had turned and walked off, leaving me to stare at her retreating back in shock. That was it? She was leaving, over this stupid little argument?
It wasn't until I'd gotten into the car that I realized it wasn't over that stupid little argument. Our fight had nothing to do with Izzie Stevens or the Chief or the patient. It was about us. I knew that our whole situation must have been frustrating for her; she was so ready to be with me. But I was afraid to dive into that deeper end of the pool, afraid I wouldn't be able to touch the bottom.
I contemplated that thought as I drove home, not really paying as much attention to the road as I should have. Was it that? Was it just that I was afraid? Or was there more to it? Maybe Erica was wrong. Maybe I was "kind of" a lesbian. I mean, that's normal. Ish.
The apartment I shared with Cristina was mercifully empty. Cristina must have been either at work or at Joe's, the only two places surgeons ever were if they weren't at home. To be honest, I didn't care much. I was thankful to be able to drop onto the couch and lay there without having to explain myself to anybody. My body sank into the sanctuary of the cushions, where I knew I'd be all night. There was no way I was getting any sleep with this new incident on my mind.
It wasn't long before there was a knock on the apartment door. I knew it wasn't Cristina because she never would have knocked. Tired and numb I stood to answer it. Erica Hahn stood on the other side.
"Erica!" Relief flooded through me. I figured she'd thought about what had happened and came to apologize or to give me a chance to apologize. I would have said anything to keep her by my side. At that moment I wanted more than anything to hold her in my arms again and to feel her lips, hot against mine. But I didn't dare make a move, sensing that she was still angry.
She didn't return my smile as I invited her in. Her vibe had changed. The storm was no longer brewing. It had hit dead-on and was just beginning to move away. Things were just barely calmer than they had been outside the hospital.
"I just came to get some things," she said very quietly. My mind was working very slowly, trying to process all that had happened, and I couldn't figure out why she wanted to take her things from the apartment now. Couldn't she have just taken them the next time she had come over? "I'm transferring back to Mercy West. I'm going to tell the Chief in the morning. I'll stay until the transfer is complete, but then I'm gone."
Realization began to sink in. Erica wasn't going to be coming over anymore.
"So…this is it? You're leaving just because of this one little…"
"I've been thinking about it for a while Callie. This is just the straw that broke the camel's back," Her cool words slapped me hard. So it really was me that was driving her away. But I still couldn't understand why she hadn't told me these things earlier. We could have worked it out, worked something out. Instead she bottled it all up until she couldn't hold it anymore and had to leave.
"It wouldn't have worked Cal," she said in response to my questions. I got angry then.
"How do you know?" I asked, louder than I had intended to. "How do you know we couldn't have made us work?" She stood with her mouth slightly open, at a loss for words. "Exactly! You don't know. And now, you never will, and neither will I." A single tear slid down my face when I blinked and I knew that it would be followed by many, many more.
I sat in brooding silence on the couch as she searched the apartment, looking for scattered belongings. I said nothing as she combed through my bedroom and did a quick once-over of the living and bath rooms. I just rolled my tongue around my mouth, bit my lip, sucked on my cheek; basically, I did anything I could to keep my mind off what I knew was coming. Nothing I did worked. I still waited in horrible anticipation of the one hated word that had to come next.
"I think I've got everything," Erica announced, re-entering the room. "I guess I should go. You probably won't see me again."
"You don't have to do this Erica," I pleaded one last time. For a moment I thought she might break. I thought she might melt into me and tell me that she didn't want to leave, that she wasn't going to leave. But maybe that was just my hopeful imagination, because the next second her features had hardened again. Her eyes were shining, but were also colder than usual.
"Yes, I do," she replied in a half whisper. I shook my head, looking down, trying to remain calm. Finally, my tear ducts under control, I looked up. For a few minutes we stared at each other awkwardly, every unsaid word being expressed in our eyes. Then she opened her mouth once more and I thought: Here comes…"Goodbye."
Here comes goodbye
Here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight
But here comes goodbye
Questions? Comments? Concerns? Anything? Hit the green 'Review this Chapter/Story' button and tell them to me. I'd love to hear your feedback!
