It had taken Myka a while to settle back in to Colorado Springs, to her parents book shop. She figured it would take her even longer to get comfortable after everything that had happened. Her mom and dad obviously knew that something was wrong but they'd quickly given up on their attempts to pry details out of her. They were trusting their stoic daughter to know her own mind and hoping that eventually she would trust them with it. All she'd told them was that something had happened, it was her fault and that afterward she
couldn't let herself continue with her job like before.
The understanding that recent years and their events had fostered with her father had made it easier to actually come home. For the first time in her life she knew that her parents were proud of her regardless of her achievements. She didn't have to prove herself anymore, not to them at least but after what happened she had an awful lot to prove to herself.
The world had almost ended, literally and it was her fault. It was her fault for trusting Helena, for letting her in and being so blinded by what she was feeling for the strange woman from a hundred years ago that she hadn't seen how twisted the darkness buried in side H.G Wells was. She'd fallen in love and it had almost cost the world, whatever Helena felt for her in return just might have saved the world too but that wasn't enough for Myka.
Life had become quieter than it had been since she was a child. Despite life's pace and despite Pete's repeated attempts to drag her back into the world of the Warehouse she fell into a routine. Cataloguing and inventory were in her destiny no matter what and that was comforting. It was almost like she could hold the world at bay, locking out what had happened, how much it hurt, what and who she'd lost. Fate however seemed to have ideas to the contrary.
On a quiet Tuesday afternoon she was alone in the musty leather bound isles of Bering and Sons bookstore when the world snapped back into her life. It returned in the form of Mrs Frederick. The mysterious woman who'd first recruited her to Warehouse 13 appeared as inexplicably and as suddenly as she always had.
"Mrs Frederick!" Myka managed to sputter out in surprise.
The shock almost costing her sure footing she brought a steadying hand to her chest and took a breath, bracing her free hand against a shelf for support.
"I'd almost forgotten about that!"
As impassive and straight forward as ever, Mrs Frederick simply began to speak.
"You haven't forgiven yourself Myka." She offered.
Unable to find a response Myka simply furrowed her brow and held her ground against this invasion into her refuge. If Mrs Frederick noticed her discomfort and Myka was fairy sure she actually did, she didn't acknowledge it. Instead she just carried on talking.
"You should." She clarified.
"You're punishing yourself harder than almost anyone and you need stop."
Confronted so suddenly and so inescapably with what she'd been hiding from Myka moved to the offence, even beginning to raise her voice to her mysterious visitor.
"How can I !?" She protested.
"The world almost ended because I couldn't see past my own feelings!"
Mrs Frederick wasn't swayed by the outburst, she countered it with characteristic calmness and certainty.
"And it survived for the same reason, because of the bond that the two of you share." She clarified.
"In the end H.G. Wells couldn't finish what she started because she couldn't bring herself to kill YOU."
Myka shook her head unable to listen, it wasn't as if the thought hadn't been through her mind a thousand times. It wasn't as if something like it hadn't been repeated over the phone in one form or another just as frequently by Pete but she couldn't listen. Turning her back to Mrs Frederick for defence and for emphasis she spoke.
"If you're trying to get me to come back to the warehouse, it's not going to work."
There were times when all Myka wanted WAS to go back, she couldn't do it though. If she couldn't and wouldn't for Pete then she wouldn't for Mrs Frederick either.
She expected, she hoped for that to be that and for the turn of her back to signal Mrs Frederick's departure. Instead she was surprised to feel a hand on her shoulder and a voice that didn't correct but instead only comforted.
"That's not what I'm here for." The older woman offered.
With a grudging resistance Myka turned around to face her. Mrs Frederick held her in place gently with a hand on each shoulder.
"I'm only here to say this Myka. Forgive yourself."
What she said next was genuinely the last thing that Myka ever expected to hear. It was the last thing that made any sense and she had to pause to make sure that she'd actually heard it correctly.
Calm and assured Mrs Frederick continued, a crease of expression, almost of effort finding it's way onto her face as she spoke.
"If we can forgive her, then you can certainly forgive yourself wouldn't you say?"
