The Nile's Edge

I love my parents and I love Smallville. I have a happy life here. Chloe and Pete, who are always there when I need them, even Lex, who maybe reluctant about certain things, but is definitely a good guy, and of course there's Lana, like a vision out of a beautiful dream.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, there's nothing to complain about. But there are night when I don't dream of Lana. On those nights I wake up in cold sweat all over my body, gasping for breath. I don't even remember most of those dreams the next morning, but they make me question things. I begin to wonder what could have possibly forced my real parents to send me so far away. I wonder if they even loved me. Sometimes when I'm alone in my room, I take out the tablet that Dad gave me. It's the only real connection I have with them. I wish I understood the language. It looks exotic. Letters like I've never seen before. They look so familiar yet at the same time so strange. I know I have it somewhere inside of me to read them, but I also know that I will never find it.

I realize I will never meet them. It's one dream that I know will never come true, yet I can't stop hoping that one day they'll come and say that it was just a big misunderstanding and that I somehow got left behind. I know better. Whatever happened, I know they're not coming back. It doesn't matter. I wouldn't change my life in any way if I did know them. And even if I did, in my heart, I don't know if I'd be able to forgive them. Lana thinks she has it bad. She at least know what happened to her real parents. Mine are somewhere…out there…Every night I look at the stars and nebulas and galaxies and wonder, maybe someone is looking for me somewhere.

I don't know what would have happened if Mom and Dad weren't there to take me in. I could have died, or picked by the government. I suppose they saved me. Gave me life and love. I'll be forever thankful to them. But I wonder, did they ever have second thoughts about picking me up in that cornfield? Mom always joked about finding the gift of the gods in the Nile. She always reassured me as long as I remember, sensing in someway my thoughts at shooing them away.

It feels so cold to know that I'm the only one. The only one of my kind and that there is no other being on this entire planet who ever experienced what I'm going though. It feels lonely and numb. As if standing outside in a blizzard for so long you don't even notice the cold, but it's still there, still waiting for you to give in, to collapse. Whenever I save someone, doesn't matter who, the numbness leaves for a little while. I will never give in to it. If it means pledging my life to this world, reaching out to whoever cries out for help, it will be worth it. If it means forever hiding from everyone, it will be worth it. Anything to make this deadness go away.

I know I'll never be a superhero or change the world, but maybe I'll change enough lives for the better so that in the long run it would make a difference.