Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, or any of the Bleach characters used in this fic. They all belong to Tite Kubo: the genius behind the captivating manga that started it all. I only own any of my original characters that I choose to include, as well as any of my own original plot ideas.

No One Suspects

Prompt: Did you really dance...?

A/N: For LJ. AU.


There was an incredulous laugh as Nanao, smiling from ear to ear, pulled the glass from her lips, setting it down on the table. "Stop kidding around," she said, covering her mouth with a hand. "You did not dance with him."

All eyes were on Retsu as she nodded, handing her menu off to the waiter upon having ordered. No matter how much they wanted it, she wouldn't stop insisting that the event in question had occurred. It would make her a liar to deny the truth. When she'd first announced it to her friends, even she had been in a powerful state of shock, almost unwilling to believe it herself. It wasn't a thought she'd entertained beforehand, for fear of becoming too attached, but those childish fantasies had been placed neatly in the palm of her hand.

"Please, tell me it's a joke," Matsumoto whispered. "Please."

Her comment only made the group laugh harder, as she had a habit of not understanding jokes when they were made. She was usually too preoccupied with sending messages to the object of her affections to notice what was going on. Now was certainly no exception.

Retsu shook her head, still smiling. "Is it really that hard to believe?" she asked, stirring her tea. "It's not like I'm claiming to have danced at the Vaganova Academy of Russian Ballet."

"You're right. It's just much better, and far more difficult to believe," Yoruichi replied, ignoring the image of the blond man who'd appeared on the buzzing phone she'd placed on the table. "Well, since you insist on playing this game, you at least ought to tell us: What did you wear?"

The cup was raised to Retsu's lips, a drink being swallowed before she said, "Black."

"Well, there's a shock," the dark-skinned woman sighed sarcastically, pouting with her lower lip. "Throw us a bone, won't you? All this guessing is getting so boring."

She wanted them to believe it, but also didn't care if they did. She'd been given the pleasure of living the moment, without the slightest bit of input from any of them, and everything had gone quite nicely. That is, if she completely disregarded the way he'd rolled his eyes at almost everything she'd said. Knowing, from the start, that they wouldn't believe it, Retsu had kept half of the story a secret, certain that the missing pieces would drive them all mad.

They had started chattering again, some peppering her with the same old questions as before, while others continued to try and make her deny the claim. So as to silence them, she pulled the clincher out of her purse, setting it on the table with a smile.

"I hope that this answers all your questions," she said pleasantly,

The seats around the table were vacant as the three of them leaned forward, staring wide-eyed at the little black box. They had begun speaking to one another in hushed whispers, each hoping that Retsu hadn't done what they called "the unthinkable."

She watched as Nanao, hands trembling, opened the box, staring in awe as they spoke in shocked unison.

"By the gods..."

Realizing the box was empty, their eyes darted to Retsu's face as she raised her left hand, beaming.

So far as she was concerned, a simple "I told you" would suffice.


Anyone know CPR? I fear I might die of asphyxiation after having laughed through this.