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TRIGGER WARNING: Allusion of a rape.

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**Updates will be irregular**

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Optimus winced as Ratchet welded the jagged part of his right shoulder back together. This had to be done before his arm could be re-attached, and it almost killed me to watch him go through all of this unnecessary pain. Ratchet huffed as only he could and looked at Optimus sternly.

"I don't know why you didn't let me induce a local stasis for your shoulder joint Optimus. You don't have to be a martyr to your injuries! Gah, you're a stubborn fool at times." Optimus said nothing but growled softly, indicating that that particular topic of conversation was over.

I placed a tentative hand on the back of his own, and at once his expression softened. The pained look left his optics and his noble features melted into the familiar and gentle expression of the Optimus that I knew and loved so completely. I ran my hand back and forth over the back of his large, silver hand, and he turned it over, exposing his scratched palm to me. His thumb and forefinger moved to gently hold my hand in his mammoth grasp, though he did it with such care and tenderness that I felt in no danger of my hand being crushed between his colossal fingers.

I marvelled at how someone so huge and colossal, such as he, could move around with such gentleness and ease. I was amused at how it was me, a five foot one, eight and a half stone human was attempting to comfort a twenty-eight-foot-tall robot. It seemed to work though, and a small smile found its way onto Optimus' face plate.

His defensive wall went back up as soon as Ratchet spoke.

"Right. I've welded and filed all of the necessary components in your shoulder. The welding will need to cool before I can begin the re-attachment process. Come back to me in eight hours, and you should be fully functional once more in twenty-four hours' time. The usual rules apply, no transforming, no getting it wet. Et cetera et cetera. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and tend to the other injured. Bumblebee has a nasty mesh wound that needs to be cauterised."

With that, Ratchet scurried away, muttering to himself about wrenches and surgical repair kits. Optimus looked down at me, and the sad look that had been in his optics for the last two days was there again, albeit unwelcome. His shoulders sagged, and the covers on his audio receptors rotated furiously; indicating that he was either very angry or very upset. In this particular instance, it was both.

I gathered my auburn hair into one hand and arranged it into a messy bun just to get it off of my face. After I had secured it with the appropriate amount of hair pins, I fixed Optimus with a glare that I intended to be stern.

He looked straight at me, no doubt knowing what I was thinking without me having to voice my thoughts. I couldn't keep silent any longer. I stood up and paced up and down the examination berth.

"Optimus, why didn't you let Ratchet numb your shoulder? I hate to see you in pain…and when pain can be prevented, why choose to go through it?"

Optimus sighed and lifted the one hand that he still possessed to his faced and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked down at me incredulously before his hand came down and scooped me up. My legs dangled over the side of his palm while my hands found their way to my lap and laid limply in it. His optics appraised me for a few seconds, and I looked him straight back in the eye, without blinking.

"Cordelia…I could ask you the same question, hmm?" I abruptly stood up in his palm, my cheeks reddening already from the heightened emotion.

"That's not fair and you know it. It isn't the same thing! Don't turn this around on me Optimus, don't you dare shut me out!"

Guilt flickered across his optics, and they dilated briefly before returning to their normal state.

"I am sorry Cordelia. That was uncalled for. I apologise. I wanted to feel the pain because…because I felt like I deserved to feel it. I killed Sentinel Prime…my mentor…my guardian! I could not see past my rage Lia…all that was running through my mind was that he had taken you and that he had to pay for that. No one, Cordelia, no one can take you away from me and not live to regret it. You are the most important person in my life and I love you more than I know how to comprehend. It was due to my negligence that you were taken away by Sentinel. This pain is…this pain is my punishment for my inability to protect you and for murdering the only bot in existence who knew me better than I know myself."

His words knocked the breath from my lungs. His optics were misty and he ground his lip plates together in an attempt to hold in his warring emotions. I held my arms out to him, and he brought me close to his face so that I could touch him. I placed both of my hands on his nose and leant my forehead against his own. My hands were trembling, but I tried to rub soothing circles into his nose and his cheeks, my version of a hug when he was not utilising his human-sized holoform.

"Don't hold it in." I whispered, my own voice wobbling as I unsuccessfully tried not to cry with him. His fingers moved to curl around me, and he gave me what we called one of his 'hand hugs'. He rose to his feet, a little clumsily as he didn't have his other arm to steady him. At my words, he squeezed his optics shut and pure water started to trickle from his optics. It came slowly at first before progressing to a steady drip, drip and finally becoming a constant stream of moving liquid.

His intakes whirred with the increased volume of air being sucked into the vents on the back of his head. We stayed like that for a few minutes, just holding each other up with our silence. Optimus drew back and looked at me. Whenever he looked at me, be it across from the battlefield or when it was just the two of us in a room, it felt like he was looking into the very depths of my soul.

"Thank you my little one. With you I can always be myself…and I am eternally grateful. May I ask you a question?" His voice was lower than usual, husky with the weight of the emotion that he had just displayed. I leant into his index finger, which had moved to caress my cheek.

"Of course you can Optimus, you can always ask me anything." He hesitated before he spoke.

"Do you forgive me?" His question took me by surprise and I was thoroughly taken aback by the very fact that he felt the need to ask it at all.

"Optimus…" I began, my grip on his thumb tightening. "I have nothing to forgive you for…you have done nothing wrong." His large fingers curled into my long woollen jumper, pulling it ever so slightly.

"Please Lia…please Lia. I need to hear the words."

For a few seconds I couldn't make my voice work; my throat was thick with tears, but I swallowed past the huge lump and managed to speak with a clear voice.

"Optimus Prime, I forgive you." The relief on his face was almost palpable.

"Thank you." He whispered before cycling a large volume of air through his vents. I could tell that his emotions were now put back in their respective boxes, and filed away to be dealt with later.

The sun was hot and unrelenting as we exited the medical bay. Optimus placed me on his left shoulder and then used his hand to shield my vision from the bright sunlight.

I followed Optimus' example and composed myself, wiping my tears on my cuffs of both sleeves.

"What's the weather looking like for the rest of the day? Are there any showers forecasted?" Optimus turned his head to look at me, his metallic eyebrows raised in a silent question. I shrugged. "Fancy taking a hike out to the lake?" At that, Optimus smiled.

"Yes, that sounds like exactly what we need after everything that happened."

"Good. Will you be okay walking with only one arm?" Optimus looked at me confusedly.

"Are you feeling alright Cordelia? You are aware that I use my lower limbs to walk, not my upper limbs." I laughed in spite of myself.

"That's not what I meant! Y'know when you're walking and you swing your arms?" I tried to show him what I meant by swinging my arms whilst standing precariously on his shoulder. At least it brought him out of his dark mood. I was awarded with one of his secret smiles and it lit up his features like lights on a Christmas tree.

"I, unlike some little red-headed humans, am not gravitationally challenged." He winked at me – showing me he was only teasing. I huffed and elbowed him lightly in the side of the head, showing him that I too was only teasing. He chuckled ruefully and made his way towards the base's exit. The soldiers manning the security point leapt out of the surveillance bunker and stood to attention. Optimus saluted - a little awkwardly with his left hand. Then he stepped over the surveillance bunker and made his way toward the base of the mountains, in the middle of which was nestled the most beautiful lake.

The American government had very quickly re-located the Autobot base after the carnage in Chicago. Two days ago, Optimus and I had found 'the lake'- a smallish lake surrounded by a backdrop of forest-topped mountains. If a human hiked through the thick woodland, it would surely take them at least two hours. It would probably take me longer as I would have to take extra care of the exposed roots and fallen trees. I was not the most co-ordinated of people, and the ground seemed to love having my face in it.

As Optimus picked his way over to the foot of the mountains, I wrapped my right arm around his smoke stack and let my legs dangle off of his shoulder. He chose a path where there were very few trees, and the few that he did brush past were barley disturbed by his passage. He reached the top of the first slope and straightened to his full height. The view that met my eyes took my breath away.

"Oh my God…Optimus, you can see everything from up here!" His answering smile didn't quite reach his optics.

"This planet is indeed very beautiful my little one. It is so different from Cybertron…it is refreshing." There was a sadness present in his deep baritone of a voice, but I chose not to press it. He would talk to me if and when he was ready. Instead I leant against his spinning audio receptor and played absent-mindedly with the base of his tall ear finial. The smooth metal beneath my hands gradually started to heat up, and I knew I'd found his sensitive spot. He hummed, a low sound that was hardly audible. It was akin to a cat purring, and I took comfort in the fact that I had eased his pain, even if it was only a little. "Cordelia…are you okay? You were…you were very vocal in your sleep last night."

"Hmm?" I snapped out of my daydream and shook my head a little in an attempt to ward of the sudden drowsiness that was overcoming me. "What did you say Op?" His hand rose to his shoulder and I scooted myself into his waiting palm. He raised me up to his face, looking at me thoughtfully. I started to squirm in his palm, as I always did when I was nervous.

"Are you okay? You spoke a lot in your sleep last night." I looked away from him and down at my hands, which were twisting themselves into knots. "Did you-" I nodded, answering his unfinished question. "Oh my little one, come here." He held me tenderly against his chest and I leaned into him, enjoying the soft humming sound of his Spark. "Shh. I've got you and I am here. I'm not going anywhere Lia." I nuzzled into him gratefully, the metal of his chest making my hair go slightly static as I did so.

He returned me to his shoulder and resumed a gentle pace through the woods. I marvelled at the cacophony of sounds all around us. Birds were singing in the trees and I could hear the squirrels scrambling around in the leaf litter below. Optimus took great care with each step that he didn't step on even the tiniest field-mouse.

"How do you not smoosh the squirrels and stuff Optimus?" One large optic swivelled around to look at me in amusement.

"Smoosh? I do not believe that is a word in the English language Cordelia." I shrugged.

"I just made it one. So, how come you don't smoosh the animals that are small, even to me?" I deliberately enunciated the word 'smoosh' and that made him laugh.

"It is quite simple; my proximity sensors and equilibrium circuitry work together so that I do not…smoosh the forest creatures." I snorted. Him saying it sounded so wrong but so adorable at the same time. "Of course, it does help if one looks where one is going." I stuck my tongue out at him and nestled into the crook of his neck. He chuckled again and we spent the rest of the journey in silence.

Silences with Optimus were never awkward or uncomfortable. Sometimes we would go for hours in each other's company without speaking and at other times we would talk until the sun rose.

Soon we arrived at the thick blanket of trees that surrounded the meadow where the lake was. Optimus gathered me gently in his fingers and set me down on the ground. I grinned up at him and then broke into a run, my now loose auburn hair bouncing on my shoulders and streaking across my face.

The grass was waist high, and the last of the summer flowers were beginning to wilt in preparation for the coming autumn. I felt the ground begin to shake as Optimus broke into a casual jog after me. Even with only one arm, he still managed to move with an easy grace. As he ran, he sent millions of dandelion seeds floating into the air. I upped my pace, pushing my legs into a sprint in a desperate attempt to beat him to the lake. Of course it was in vain. He overtook me in two easy strides and stopped just at the water's edge.

The running had made me hot, so when I reached Optimus' feet I pulled my woollen jumper off over my head and threw it into the grass. My thin vest top stayed on and I pulled it down where it had ridden up. Optimus laid down on his back in the grass and offered his hand out to me. I was deposited onto his chest and he grinned widely at me. Then his gaze darkened.

"What is it?" I asked, confused at his sudden change of mood.

He said nothing but slowly traced his index finger from my neck down to my collarbone. Ahh. I rested my hand on top of his finger. "Optimus, don't worry. Ratchet said it is fine, it's nothing to worry about. Just a scratch." His optics narrowed as he ground his lip plates together in clear annoyance.

"Why wasn't I told?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Because you would have made a mountain out of a molehill. It's a scratch Optimus, nothing more. And don't get angry with Ratchet, I asked him purposely not to tell you."

Optimus stimulated a sigh. "How?"

"Megatron. He scratched me, that's all. It bled a little but now it's fine. It didn't even need stitches." Optimus nodded warily, appeased for now. "Optimus, you worry far too much about me." He lifted his head up.

"Lia, you are the most important person to me in the entire universe, known and unknown. The idea of you being hurt…it terrifies me. If I can't be there to protect you…I need to know that you'll be safe. You can't just go looking for trouble!"

I frowned at him. "I went looking for trouble because I knew you needed help. I love you, and I need you to be safe too! I would do anything for you Optimus, you know that. If it means temporarily putting my life in danger, then I will gladly do it." He looked at me with those brilliant blue optics and pinched the bridge of his nose.

We rarely disagreed, but when we did it was nearly always about my safety. He didn't like it when I took unnecessary risks, and I knew that sometimes I frightened him with my choices…but I couldn't lose him again. Not when I'd just got him back.

"This conversation isn't over Lia…but for now, let's just be." I nodded in agreement and sat down on his vast chest, hugging my knees. "Do you want to talk about your dream?"

"It was just the usual one…he was there. Grunting on me and sweating like a pig. It even hurt last night. I haven't had a physically painful dream in a long time." Optimus nodded sadly.

"I thought as much. You cried out. I tried to wake you but you were in such a deep sleep. I held you close...I love holding you close. You're like a little kitten. My brave little kitten."

"Are you okay?" He looked away from me for a second.

"I am not quite 'okay'. I am however, better for having you here with me." He was holding something back. His optics had a tell-tale squint when he wasn't telling the whole truth.

"Talk to me Optimus, please." A myriad of emotions flitted across his face before he settled on anguish.

"Sentinel…how could he? How could he turn against everything he believed in, against everything he taught me? He made me who I am today Lia…and now who is that? The one mech I trusted and loved with every fibre of my being…was a damned liar! The first and most inherent duty of a Prime is to protect. It is built into our personalities the day we emerge from the AllSpark. I know I speak for all Primes when I say that we have all felt the need to protect at least one thing throughout our existence. Of course, one Prime, such as The Fallen did not protect the right thing, but still, he protected. Sentinel protected me throughout my youth, and in return I tried my hardest to make him proud and to honour his wishes for me. I became the Prime he wanted me to be, I all but signed a death warrant for our race when I gave the order for the AllSpark to be ejected into deep Space.

I did as Sentinel bid me and it still wasn't enough for him. By ejecting the AllSpark I was protecting our planet, its very core was poisoned. Now…thanks to Sentinel, Cybertron may not exist anymore.

But that night, the night when Megatron and Sentinel Space-bridged the Decepticons from Earth's moon, that was when I knew in my Spark that I had truly lost him.

You may call Sentinel my father, he may as well have been. He has seen me at my worst, my best and everything that falls in between those two extremes.

When Sentinel had me up against that statue, with his sword against my throat, I knew all was lost. The Autobot within him had perished.

Sentinel taught me everything I know and believe in. He made me who I am today. His betrayal broke my Spark. It hurt me even more to end his life. But that comes right back down to the root of what being a Prime is; to protect.

Everything I believe about being a Prime has been pulled into question…am I fit to be a leader? They should just send me off to the nearest scrap yard and leave me to rust."

I moved closer to his face and grasped his cheeks in both hands.

"Listen to me Optimus Prime. You are fit to be a leader. You are fit to be a Prime. You are not worthless. You are capable and you are valid. A wise Prime once told me that, and reminded me never to forget it." He smiled weakly at me.

"What did I do to deserve someone like you in my life?" I shrugged.

"I could ask you the same question." I said, echoing his words from earlier on.

"I am lucky to have you, Cordelia Prime." I smiled at him and snuggled into the crook between his neck and his chin. He started to 'purr' again, his metal eyelids clicking softly when he blinked. "Are you warm enough?"

"Are you kidding? I'm fine Op. You worry too much."

"Hmm." His hand moved to cover me regardless, and I nuzzled into his welcoming fingers. I latched onto one, marvelling at the thickness and strength of it. He could snap me like a tooth pick if he wanted to, but I never, ever felt unsafe with Optimus.

We laid like that in silence for a while, listening to the sway of the long grass and the trees in the light wind that stirred them. The sun was beginning its descent, and as it sunk lower and lower in the sky, the birds increased the volume of their songs, as if bidding it goodnight. I knew without having to look at Optimus that he was smiling, and knew that he knew I was doing the same.

He wordlessly clicked on his radio, and Sean Beeson's Distant Sunset filled my ears. The soothing piano music slowed my heartbeat and the humming of Optimus' Spark slowed minutely too. My breathing started to slow and my eyelids became heavy. Just as I was about to close them, Optimus spoke up, very softly.

"Lia? Sit up very, very slowly and have a look at this." It sounded as if he was speaking stiffly, as one does when they are trying not to move their lips when they talk. I did as he said, pulling myself to my knees. When I stumbled a little, Optimus' middle and index finger gently pushed me into a standing position. His optics were looking down his face and past his nose directly at me. It gave him the look of being cross-eyed, and he looked extremely comical like that.

It took me a few seconds to realise what he wanted me to look at, and to figure out why he had been trying to speak without moving his lip plates. A beautiful blue butterfly had landed on the very tip of his nose, and was opening and closing its wings very slowly. The upper-side of the wings were the most brilliant sky blue, whilst the underside was a muddy brown.

"Oh wow…" I whispered, hardly daring to breathe for fear of starling the butterfly.

"Oh wow indeed. She is a Morpho Helenor or a Common Blue Morpho." Optimus mused, his optics lifting upward with his signature small smile. "The caterpillar dies so the butterfly could be born. And, yet, the caterpillar lives in the butterfly and they are but one. So, when I die, it will be that I have been transformed from the caterpillar of earth to the butterfly of the universe. That was Ironhide's favourite quote. I believe John Harricharan said it. It is a beautiful quote."

"Optimus…in some cultures, the butterfly symbolises death or rebirth after death. Some believe that butterflies are actually the souls of our departed loved ones…maybe Ironhide has come to say goodbye."

Optimus was about to reply when his radio shut off the soothing piano music. After a short second of static, a deep, male voice came over Optimus' speakers. The pair of us listened in silence as the words rumbled from his speakers.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there; I did not die."

We looked at each other in a stunned silence. The piano music resumed as the speaker's voice faded into nothingness, as if nothing at all had changed. The butterfly took off from the tip of Optimus' nose and fluttered towards me.

Instinctively, I held my hand out for it, and was thoroughly surprised when it landed on me. Its wingspan was roughly the same size as the palm of my hand, and her tiny little feet tickled me as she danced on the spot. She spent a few seconds in my palm and then fluttered up to my face, and alighted on my nose. Her wings covered most of my face, and Optimus temporarily disappeared from view. Her proboscis came out and moved softly up and down the bridge of my nose.

Then she took off again, this time seeking purchase on the tip of Optimus' index finger. Her proboscis extended once more, doing the same to the tip of Optimus' finger as she had done to my nose. A look of pure wonder came onto Optimus' face, and I was certain that my expression mirrored his own.

A light wind picked up then, and the butterfly took off and flew towards the trees.

"Goodbye, my old friend." Optimus' voice was soft and husky, his low baritone trembling with emotion.

I nodded my head in the direction of the butterfly, and then my eyes welled up with tears.

"Did you play that poem Optimus?" He shook his great head.

"No little one, I did not." I didn't respond, purely because I didn't know what to say. Optimus seemed to feel the same way as well, choosing not to fill the silence with any meaningless words.

We laid back in the grass, well Optimus did – I curled up on his chest and was warmed by the soft heat of his Spark, humming contentedly behind its casing. Within seconds, sleep had welcomed me into its comforting arms.

.o

When I awoke, the sunlight had given way to the dusk of the early evening. Optimus' hand was curled loosely around me, heated so that I wouldn't feel the fresh bite of the evening. I turned over onto my stomach and pushed myself upwards into a kneeling position. Yawning, I combed my hair with my fingers to get the tangles out.

"Sorry I fell asleep, I just got so tired!" Underneath me, Optimus' chest moved slightly with the motion of his light chuckle.

"Don't apologise for falling asleep Lia, you needed the rest. I started a new book."

"Oh?" Optimus was an avid reader, and his interest ranged from non-fictional autobiographies to teen romance, to crime fiction. I smiled as I remembered his reaction to the Twilight saga.

.o

"She is in love with this…vampire?"

"Mmhmm." I nodded, enjoying his innocent confusion.

"But humans are the vampires' natural prey. Why would she willingly put her life in danger?"

I shrugged. "Because she loves him, and she trusts his self-control."

It got even funnier when he reached the final book in the series.

"She is with child?"

I nodded, smiling.

"I thought a human pregnancy lasted for nine months?"

"It does."

"How can she have only been pregnant for two months and given birth to a healthy female?"

I laughed again.

"That's teen fiction for you Optimus?"

.o

"What are you reading this time?"

"Tess of the D'Urbervilles, written by Thomas Hardy. I am not far in, only fifty-eight pages so far. But I think I will enjoy it."

"Okay, well I won't spoil it for you."

"Have you read it?"

"Yup!"

"Did you enjoy it?"

I hesitated before answering. "Yes I did, but I had to read it in stages. You'll find out why soon."

He nodded and opened his mouth in a yawn. He'd told me that all Cybertronians had to do that on occasion to regulate the temperature of their central processing units. Optimus had said since arriving on earth, he'd begun to yawn out of habit, not out of genuine need. The result was a look so sweet and endearing that it never failed to put a smile on my face.

"That reminds me! Whilst I was reading, I was also listening to the radio, and they played a song which reminded me of you. I can play it for you if you like?"

"Okay. I'm intrigued." He smiled at me and started to play the song.

Soft percussion accompanied by an acoustic guitar sounded through Optimus' speakers. A female voice began to sing, her light airy vocals a nice complement to the music.

Each and every day it's the same old game
And I play alone
Round and round we go but we never know
When we should get off

And we both tried, but that's just life
And now come to an end
The tears have dried, made up my mind
And know I'm ready to begin

Gotta let go even though I'm scared to death
I'm here alone, but I still got one thing left
I've got a brave heart
I've got a brave heart
I got a brave heart

I guess the safer play would've been to stay
Just make your world
But the other side is calling me tonight
Even though it hurts

And we both tried, but that's just life
And now come to an end
The tears have dried, made up my mind
And know I'm ready to begin

Gotta let go even though I'm scared to death
I'm here alone, but I still got one thing left
I've got a brave heart
I've got a brave heart
I got a brave heart

I don't know, know, where we're going
I can't breathe, breathe, all fading starts
I don't know, know, where I'm heading
Just know, know, you're stealing my heart
I wouldn't change a single page of my history
I'm gonna keep all the letters you wrote to me

Each and every day it's the same old game
And I play alone
Round and round we go but we never know
When we should get off

Gotta let go even though I'm scared to death
I'm here alone, but I still got one thing left
I've got a brave heart
I've got a brave heart
I got a brave heart

"Oh Optimus…that's lovely. I don't know what else to say! Are you determined to make me cry?" I laughed, wiping my eyes as they welled up yet again.

"Oh Lia, you silly goose. The lyrics reminded me of you, for you have an incredibly brave heart."

I laughed and was about to answer him when my phone started to ring. I fished it out of my pocket and saw Leo's name flashing on the caller display.

"Hello?"

"Oh thank God. Lia, you and Optimus have to get back to base right now!"

"What? Why?"

"It's Lennox and Epps, they've been arrested!"