1. here and eternity
Later, Penelo promises herself. Later, she will agonize the question of how the hell her life got into this situation. Later, she will curse herself for being unable to say 'no' to a friend, for being too damn soft-hearted for her own good. Later, she'll wonder about the gods' sense of humour, later she'll consider killing herself or even that damn man, but she'll do it later. As in, not now Penelo.
Right now, she has a promise to keep.
And so she steels herself, taking a deep resounding breath, and before she can lose her nerve she takes hold of the door knob and opens.
For a moment, she's not even sure he's there.
But the moment passes, and of course he's there. Of course he's there; were else did he have to go? And she just stands there, can't help but letting the smallest spark of pity sweep through here. What must it be like to be forced to put down your sword, to abandon the one you have sworn to protect? What must it be like to have to come to a foreign city, to be under the care of a near stranger? But that's all the sympathy she can seem to summon for him; the rest of her is just plain dead and cold.
Gabranth turns to face her, and as usual, it's as if his face of stone, stone carved into a countenance of a man who has lost everything. Better than the moping, Penelo notes, recalling how not too many days ago, he would instead refuse to eat nothing in an attempt to waste his life away into nothing and die an easy death. It had not been a pleasant experience to have to Immobilize the man and force feed him. Even now, she can still remember the look in his eyes as she did so, ice-blue daggers piercing into hers, and just full of some emotion of which she could only barely associate with anger and maybe something else.
"Unfortunately, the world still needs you," Penelo had spat out. "Basch can't take your place forever; Ashe needs him and Larsa needs you."
However, it was obvious to the both of them that she didn't mean a word she said.
And she still doesn't. But at least he started to eat after that.
She sets down a simple breakfast of potatoes and eggs in front of Gabranth. It wasn't that much, she knows, but she wasn't going to go through the trouble of attempting to get anything better. Though Basch had attempted to compensate her for what she was doing for him, Penelo had turned him down and told him she was fine, she wasn't that poor that she couldn't afford to take care of another person.
"But I must repay you somehow," Basch had insisted. Penelo waved it off.
"Just take good care of Larsa."
And when he promised her he would, the look of gratitude shining from his face was so bright that it had surprised Penelo, for she couldn't recall any other time when Basch had ever looked so relieved.
However, he never said anything about having to like the guy.
"Thank you," Gabranth politely murmurs. Penelo says nothing. She doesn't need his thanks.
"I'm going to work now; I'll be back around noon or so for your healing session. If you need anything, just ask Vaan; he's next door. If it's an emergency, you can find me in the Muthru Bazaar."
It's a redundant speech; Gabranth has far too much pride to ask for anything and they both know that he won't be leaving the apartment anytime soon.
—
"So even though he will live…you are saying his legs are paralyzed?"
Penelo nods, casting a sidelong glance at the sleeping glance. "Yes. He was still healing from the battle on the Ridorana coast and then add his wounds from the other battle with us. In his condition, he shouldn't have been running around against Vayne; in doing so, he has damaged the nerve tissue in his legs to the point that he has become unable to control them."
Basch sits down and he wraps his head around this new information, his face a complicated mess of convoluted emotions that Penelo was never good at reading anyway. She sits down on the seat across from him and waits patiently for whatever conclusion he comes to.
"So that's why he asked me to protect Larsa," She can hear him quietly say to himself, bitter epiphany colouring his voice.
Penelo pauses, hesitant. Then:
"You know…I think I can heal him."
She isn't sure if she should have said that. Not only was she one not in the habit of giving what might possibly be false hope, but she didn't want this responsibility. She didn't want to be saddled with this—this—murderer, this monster that had cold-heartedly slaughtered Reks. She knows it's an irrational anger, especially since the said events happened during times of war, but that doesn't stop her from thinking it.
But she quickly forces herself to swallow her feelings when she sees Basch look up, and she can see he's struggling to contain his emotions, attempting to keep a calm and level face. His voice is slightly rough, hoarse. "Can you?"
Penelo bites her lip, but continues to talk anyway. "Well…it'd take quite a few months or so… Healing nerve damage is very much a slow and fragile process. Not only that but I'd have to do some research to learn about the finer points of repairing an injury this extreme."
He doesn't want to push her into doing this, she notices, yet the hope is too obvious to hide, it's too open and vulnerable and it's making her uncomfortable, because Basch isn't one to be like this. Maybe he somehow blames himself, and though Penelo can't see how he would, it would be very much like Basch. And he would carry this regret, another heavy burden of which he would have to retrain his shoulders to hold, and though Penelo knows he would survive (because he always does), she doesn't want to see him that. She wouldn't want to put Basch through that, if she could do something.
"Basch…I'll do it. Just leave him with me in Rabanastre."
—
"So, er, how is he?"
Ever since their return to Rabanastre, Vaan had not visited Penelo's apartment even once. Instead, he always goes to catch up with her after her performances and Penelo preferred it that way. She'd rather keep Gabranth her problem and hers alone.
"Well, I finally got through the texts Larsa sent to me, so I today I'm thinking about actually starting regenerating the nerves in his legs." Seeing his confused look, she goes on. "In other words, he should be able to regain feeling in his legs within a week," Penelo summarizes. She could go on, but knowing Vaan, he'd tune her out rather quickly.
"Oh. That's good." There is an awkward moment of silence. "You know, if you ever need me over there, I could take some time off…"
Penelo shoves him before he can finish the offer. The mood of the conversation has gotten too untouchable and she needs to break it up before it gets any worse.
"Noooo thanks." She emphasizes, a smile spreading on her face as she sees Vaan stumble a bit from her push. "I'd rather you stay at your job. You still need to pay me back for all of those times…"
Vaan looks at her with alarm. "Tha-that's a bit much, doncha think?"
"No, I think it's actually kind of fitting payback for all the times you mooched off me."
—
When Penelo gets back, she's surprised to find three letters shoved under her door as opposed to the one she usually expects. One from Larsa and—she pauses—the other two were blank, without a return address. Flipping them over, she sees that they're all addressed to her, except for one to a Noah—Oh. Basch had sent them letters.
After she drops her bag on the couch, she goes into Gabranth's room to find him gazing out the window silently. As usual, it's as if he has never moved, despite the crutches she has placed beside the table (courtesy of Vaan and an accident he had when he was twelve). But she can smell that scent of a showered person, her lavender shampoo filling up the empty room; she can see his beard was recently shaven and cropped and his hair is still slightly damp. She sometimes wonders how he's able to do it (she'd offered to have Vaan help him, but of course, he had refused), but then again, there are a great many lengths men, especially this one, would go to keep even one scrap of pride.
Walking up to him, she puts the letter on the table where he can see it. His eyes flicker to her briefly before going to the letter, but she doesn't explain. "I'm going to change and relax for a bit before I get started on you. I'll be back in twenty minutes or so."
"Thank you."
Penelo just nods and walks out of the room. That was all he ever said to her nowadays, that quiet and short 'thank you'. Maybe it'll stay that way forever, Penelo ponders. Would it be so bad?
But it's too much trouble to think about stuff like that, so instead she just takes up her letters as she flops onto the couch.
Larsa's letter is the same as always: He's still adjusting to the duties of emperor, especially with having to deal with the Senate and establishing diplomatic relations with all of the new independent territories that had emerged after the Empire fell apart. Even yet, within all his descriptions of politics, he still manages to include stories of how he sometimes escapes the palace to explore Archadia, and she can't help but giggle at how he describes being mistaken for a girl for umptheenth time feels. Even when she finishes it, she finds herself rereading it a bit, letting the smile linger on her face. Larsa's letters always seemed to make her happy and she wouldn't give up her friendship with him for anything in the world.
However, her eyes then catch sight of a small postscript added at the end: Tell me how Gabranth is.
That's right, Penelo remembers. Gabranth had been Larsa's guardian and had been willing to risk his life just to protect the young lord, and had, in fact, nearly died for it. She draws out a sigh. This is why she's just going to keep their relationship professional and distant—getting emotions tangled in it would make her job far too complicated. She'd heal him and be polite, but that's all.
Penelo takes a lingering glance at Basch's letter, but somehow, she doesn't want to read it right now. She pushes herself up and brings herself to get up. It's time to do what she came here to do.
It is quite the silent process as Penelo attempts to revive the dead nerves of Gabranth's foot, her hands brushing over the skin as she pushes her magic into stimulating the cells back to life. Her eyes are closed as she tries to remember and follow what the texts had said, just concentrating and focusing on healing this one foot, because somehow, it's the whole world rests on this one moment. This is the moment where she'll find if she was lying when she told Basch she could heal, this is the moment where she'll see if she can keep her promises, this is the moment that will somehow change everything.
And in that one moment, it's done.
She takes a deep breath as stops the flow of magic. She had done what the book had said to do, and if this didn't work…
Penelo glances up at him, the look on Gabranth's face unreadable. "Can you feel…?"
In the few seconds he doesn't answer, for some reason, she feels scared beyond reason. She wants to believe that she's a good healer, she wants to believe that she didn't fail, that she can do it and if he says no then—then—
"I can feel it."
It takes a few moments for it to sink in, but when it does, she can't help but let the smile break across her face as her body sags out the tension she had been feeling. There was just such a relish in this victory, to think that she actually had been to do it, that she succeeded—it was enough for her to make her want to giggle and laugh as she did a victory dance.
She stands up, sore from having been seated for so long and streches a bit. "Tomorrow I'll start your other foot. Maybe in a week, you'll get feeling completely back in both legs."
"Do not push yourself."
Penelo's gaze immediately snaps to Gabranth's ice-cold one, startled, confused, perplexed. (Her heart skipped a beat.) Why…? Not only had he said something other than his usual, unfeeling 'thank you', but was it almost—couldn't be—concern? From him?
"It would not be fit, should you overexert yourself. Do not overestimate yourself." And although his face is rather emotionless as he says this, he somehow had this way of making his voice sneer oh so subtly, a quality that had always bugged Penelo ever the group had first encountered Gabranth.
"I think I know my limits," Penelo snaps back, letting out a little venom in her voice then she had meant to. When he merely says nothing, his gaze still upon her, she decides to just turn around and leave before she lets her anger get the better of her.
But once again, he's calling out to here again: "Why do you hate me so?"
Penelo stops, wondering why he's so chatty today, wondering if she should answer this, and if she did, how she would answer this. She could just imagine herself returning that sneer of his, going, "Oh let me count the ways…" But no, she would not do that, she didn't want to become that type of person. She had promised herself a professional distance, don't let the emotions get in. She doesn't turn around.
Gabranth continues talking, mock tiredness colouring his wry voice, as if he had gone through this conversation oh too many times before. "Or rather, who did I kill?"
Silence.
"My brother."
She's not going to tell him that Reks was more than a foster brother, more than a friend, just so much more than that, for that is a secret that even Vaan doesn't know about, these are memories and thoughts that'd she will keep to herself until death.
She walks out, and this time, Gabranth says nothing.
Even though she wasn't expecting an apology, it still stings a bit when she doesn't get one.
—
Thanks for reading.
