Napoleon Solo stared at his reflection in the mirror, dismay crinkling the corners of his hazel eyes. "You have got to be kidding me."
Pat Merrick blinked and shook his head slowly. "No, not that I'm aware of, Mr. Solo. I am assured that this is completely in earnest."
A groan from Napoleon followed the statement. "Doc, be serious. If I put this on in the field, THRUSH would… would… fall down laughing."
"Facilitates hasty retreats," Merrick wrote on his clipboard as he spoke the words aloud.. "That is an added benefit, Mr. Solo. This head gear will amplify a standard communicator's range by nearly five hundred miles. Surely that is worth appearing silly for a few moments."
"You don't know Illya." Napoleon poked his finger at one of the antennas tentatively. "He would never let me forget this. It would make my life hell."
"Ill... Mr. Kuryakin will never need to know. You just need to take it, in a briefcase or some other suitable container, into the field and test it." Merrick checked his watch and held out an envelope. "If you leave now, you can test it and be back before lunch. If I'm not mistaken, your partner is in training this week and you will be leaving for the Easter holiday this evening."
Napoleon snatched the envelope from the man's outstretched hand and suddenly felt badly as the man shied from him. He managed a small smile. "I'll do it, but I won't be happy about it." He unbuckled the headgear quickly and placed it into a briefcase provided for its use. He patted his hair into place and then adjusted his tie.
With one more glare at his fellow employee, Napoleon scooped up the briefcase and walked out of the room.
"Mr. Solo, how did it go?"
"It didn't.
"I'm sorry?"
"I had a tail all afternoon and I finally figured out what was going on. It was a set up, wasn't it?"
"I don't know what you are talking about." Merrick pulled himself up to his full height. "I am rather hurt at the implication! You're being paranoid." Merrick opened the briefcase and checked the helmet. "Please put it on so I can be assured it wasn't damaged by your shenanigans this afternoon."
"But…"
"Mr. Solo!"
"All right…" Napoleon put the accursed thing on just as Illya came around the corner
"Hey, Pat, have you seen…" Illya stopped dead. "Napoleon?"
"Not one word, Kuryakin."
"Ah… wouldn't dream of it." Illya retraced his steps. "Well, I won't keep you from your second job."
"What are you talking about?"
"As a helper for the Easter Bunny. Love the ears, by the way." Illya waved and began to whistle, Here comes Peter Cottontail as he slid out the door.
Napoleon ripped the helmet off and shoved it into Merrick's hands. "Here, hold this. I have something to take care of."
"Where are you going?"
"To make a special Easter delivery. Good luck with the tests, Doc."
