[Two-shot] - Thank you for reading. Reviews are always appreciated. I'm posting the second part soon.

1/2


But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die".

When Quinn heard the song for the first time, it's the image of Rachel that enters her mind. Then almost immediately, it also becomes apparent that for Rachel, it would probably be Finn Hudson.

So who's gonna watch you die?

She wonders… who's going to watch her die?


It appears that no one would, just when it registers to her that a truck had slammed squarely against her car.


She wakes up to Rachel sleeping, loosely clutching her bandaged hand. Quinn spots the gold band around her finger, and prays to God that this girl hadn't committed herself to a lifetime of mistake.

Out of desperation, she even haggles with God. He could take her life in exchange for not allowing Finn to take Rachel's.


There's a satisfied smile on her face when Rachel finally heeds her advice. She watches from afar, as the brunette takes the ring off her finger. She frowns slightly when Rachel takes Finn's hand in one of her own, and places the ring gently on his palm. His face crumples, looking as if a nail's piercing into his skin instead.

A part of Quinn feels disgusted at the fact this is making her heart flutter with hope. That seeing this happen makes her glad that she had a car accident on her way to a wedding that broke her heart.

It's for her own good, Quinn reasons out quietly.

Several minutes pass and Quinn eventually wheels herself out, effectively missing the final kiss between McKinley's dearest high school sweethearts. Quinn misses the tears that finally escapes Rachel's eyes as Finn lifts her just a little of the ground, clutching her tightly around the waist like he's never going to let her go.


Kurt's the first to break the news accidentally during lunch.

He gushes on and on about seeing some movie called 'Going the Distance', nodding at the brunette with excitement all throughout the bits that made him confident he'll make it through with Blaine. He only stops when everyone turns their heads towards Rachel—and all, except Quinn— cheers and expresses their approval.

Finn wanted to move to California after graduation. Apparently, he also wanted to keep Rachel. And even if she wanted to, Quinn couldn't blame him that he did.

Quinn doesn't even try to hide her surprise— as well as the hurt from the fact that Rachel kept it from her. Well, she kept it to herself, but Quinn assumed that even if their relationship is still quite shaky, it's at least above lack of trust.


"Why didn't you tell me?" It comes out more demanding than Quinn had intended.

Yet again, they have the bathroom to themselves, exchanging life-changing conversations over sinks and cubicles and the smell of disinfectant spray cleaner coating the tiled walls.

"Honestly, Quinn, now's not the perfect time." Rachel mumbles tiredly, taking her leave when Quinn quickly pushes herself between Rachel and the door.

"Move."

"Not until you tell me why you kept it a secret from me, the glee club-" The look on Rachel's eyes makes her stop mid-sentence. Brown eyes are hard and clear. Quite defensive, really, and Quinn's having a hard time letting herself inside.

"Quinn, please."

But Quinn wouldn't let up. Reaching behind her, she forcefully presses on the lock with her thumb.

"Rachel."

"Don't make me. I'm guilty enough to get nightmares of you crushed inside a wrecked car everyday, and—"

"What are you talking about?"

"It's you!" Rachel yells frantically, voice trembling to a magnitude. "I can't make decisions on my own anymore, without having to think of you. I knew that you're going to react negatively to my choice of continuing my relationship with Finn albeit long distance and this is what I want, but I'd probably deny myself this if you tell me not to do it."

Quinn gapes at her, having loss any coherent thoughts she had a few seconds ago.

"I know you're not trying to tell me what to do. That you only want to help as my friend, but..." "But everyday I regret not listening to you and almost getting married to Finn because it got you nearly killed and put you in a goddamn wheel chair."

"Rach..."

"I love Finn, I still want to marry him someday, and maybe this way it won't interfere with my dreams, right?"


Everyone has the tendency to imagine the future the way they want it to be.

They say it's called 'expectations' and that it comes out so naturally in human beings, having every potential to dampen their hopes when not met.

Quinn's no more than just another who fell into its promising quality. Several nights, she lay on her bed staring at the ceiling and seeing herself with Rachel. How Quinn would maybe invite her to dinner somewhere they've never been before and Rachel would just love it. Then maybe after they're finished with a delightful vegan dessert, she'd tell her.

She doesn't even think about the possibility of Rachel reacting negatively. It just…seems so plausible that maybe Rachel feels the same way.

So when graduation day comes, Quinn's smile for Finn's half-hearted, eyes betraying the warmth in her 'Congratulations'. She nearly says something else—something entirely resentful—when Rachel comes out of nowhere and tackles her into a clumsy (and a bit painful) hug. And just like that, everything else vanishes, except for the feeling of being this close to Rachel. Quinn tries not to breathe in too sharply, and listens as Rachel whispers a congratulation of her own for Quinn.

For Quinn.

Hazel eyes darts behind the brunette's head and she sees Finn who, by now, has gone five feet away to exchange well-wishes with the rest of the glee club. Quinn thinks of how much he has gained and been awarded for compared to herself. Look at what he's got, temporarily locked in Quinn's embrace.

Really, she finds all these salutations empty.


Rachel's not the same. Quinn can't tell whether the transformation happened in New York or way before they even graduated from high school.

It's just... Rachel's more distant. She still rambles and talks for hours, except she seems more contained, making Quinn feel like Rachel's constantly leaving out bits and pieces from her stories. She could still go on endlessly and annoy the people around her with her big words but they rarely have anything to do with her life.

They've manage to keep in touch because it's easy. More often than not, it's Quinn who makes the effort of traveling those miles to Rachel's dorm just so she could spend a few hours with her. Their activities commonly involves cooking a range of vegan dishes that Rachel had been craving for all week, and Quinn's more than happy to do just that.

Quinn's absolutely more than happy to just finally be with her. Her days are slow, as she counts them one by one until the day arrives where she gets to ride the train to Julliard.

"Go for Fabray." Quinn greets over the receiver. She likes it every time she has to pick up Rachel's cellphone when the brunette's busy in the kitchen. It makes their friendship much more… intimate to Quinn. Like things could easily belong to Rachel, just as they belong to her.

"Quinn?"

She goes rigid when she immediately recognizes the caller.

"Finn."

"I-is Rachel there?"

She doesn't tell Finn to wait up, just mechanically walks up to Rachel to hand her the phone.

Their routine manages to survive for the first year and Quinn still wants more.

But Rachel's status everywhere still enlists her as being in a relationship with Finn Hudson of Los Angeles, California.

She hears from Rachel that he's doing very well in both his studies and football, mentioning how he's made it to first string.

Other than that, Rachel doesn't talk much about her boyfriend, to Quinn's relief. But it also doesn't make her feel any better because for the first time, it occurs to her that they might just never break up.


Except they did.

Rachel shows up one night, carrying an overnight bag, as she tearfully informs Quinn that she and Finn have broken up.

For good— because in three months time, they're going to find out that he's getting engaged to an aspiring model and high school drop-out.

"Can I stay here for awhile?"

Quinn nods and takes her in, holding her by the shoulders as she leads her to bed. They fall asleep with Rachel's head tucked under her chin, and Quinn's arms wrapped tightly around the tiny brunette. Rachel clings to her shirt, as if her life depended on Quinn.

Rachel feels smaller this way. All five-foot-two of her, even more reduced into something Quinn wants to protect and never allow to hurt.

Rachel's finally single, free. And Quinn utterly stands a chance.

No, she doesn't feel like rejoicing at all.


Rachel refuses to talk about it. Quinn would occasionally check if she's ready to, but Rachel only dismisses her with a smile and an assurance that she'll be fine with just letting it go.


"Why don't you get a boyfriend, you sophisticated gorgeous…"

Rachel's adjectives go on for some time, drunkenly slurring the words so Quinn barely understands them anymore. Quinn arrived five hours ago for an impromptu sleepover at Rachel's dorm and what immediately greeted her at the front door's a warm kiss on her cheek and two bottles of red wine.

"What are we celebrating?" Quinn asks.

Rachel merely shrugs her shoulders and gives her a playful wink that surges a dangerous current all over Quinn's body.

And now, lying on her side, she hazily traces the contours of Rachel's face with her pinky, not bothering to think that somehow, the lines are starting to blur.

"Quinn, you're not even listening to me!"

Quinn laughs when Rachel tugs at lose blonde locks dangling in front of her eyes. "What were you saying again?"

"I'm saying, why don't you get a boyfriend, you crazy, flawless—"

"Okay, enough with the silly compliments—thank you very much. But I don't really get your question."

"Why don't you have a man, Fabray?" Rachel's voice drops, as she scoots closer to Quinn's touch. "No one's good enough for you back at Yale?"

"I'm not…" She debates over revealing her sexuality to Rachel but god, they're drunk and in Rachel's tiny bed and practically cuddling. "I'm not really interested in guys. I haven't been in a long time." Quinn finishes coyly.

There's a weird expression on Rachel's face, before it switches to a knowing grin, and raising an eyebrow she says, "Okay then. Why don't you have a woman, Fabray?"

Mother of god, she's going to be the death of Quinn, isn't she? The strong scent of liquor wafts in between them, with every breath that escapes their lips.

Because it's always been you. Because you ruined everyone for me. Because I don't think I will ever get into an accident again while on my way to attend the wedding of the woman I love…

Quinn has no idea how to put it in a way that wouldn't sound too cheesy.

In the end, she decides to speak with action rather than words.


She comes twice that night—first on Rachel's fingers, then on her tongue.

Her mouth's on Rachel's shoulder blades as soon as she recovers. She hovers on top of the girl she's loved for years, setting all her weight on her arms and legs, being careful and gentle. She's waited far too long for this— it won't be anything but perfect.

"Rach, baby, tell me what you want…" She whispers against tan skin, tongue flicking out to taste, to memorize texture and feel. Quinn licks at the base of her throat before peppering small kisses to her chest and it feels amazing that she gets to do this to Rachel, more than her last two orgasms.

Fuck, this is what she's gone without, all those years?

"Rach, let me," Quinn starts to say, her right hand moving lower, seeking out that warmth and—

"Go to sleep, Quinn." Rachel murmurs thickly.

"But…"

A smaller hand grips her wrist.

"I'm tired."

Quinn swallows hard and nods. She lets Rachel roll onto her side, facing away from her.

Quinn Fabray prays again, and this time she's pleading that Rachel won't regret this in the morning.