"What did I do?" I asked myself, my voice muffled.
It was an accident, I knew it was, but I just couldn't believe it.
A strong wind hit my face where I was standing, staring at my irreversible slip-up. The refreshing feeling I was looking for didn't come with the breeze, instead there was just numbness and shock, which was beyond description.
I'd resisted the urge so far as a newborn. It was hard but still possible, and Edward said that he would keep me out of temptations way.
Though, I know he did expect this to happen at some point. They all did.
But I didn't, I heard my thoughts whisper.
I was determined to keep my slate clean.
How was I going to tell them? How would they react??
"Bella, you've been a bad girl. Go to your room." I pictured Carlisle saying. I highly doubt it.
I guess I just never thought I'd actually do it. I never took myself for a killer.
That's what I was, a killer.
The word echoed endlessly in my head, reminding me, torturing me. A strangled gasp escaped from my throat.
I was meant to hunt the animals in the forest, but when I smelled the hiker I didn't even realize that I was already off running; my feet seeking a different path towards the tempting scent.
I thought I could trust myself.
Maybe if I went up on Alice's offer she would've come with me and this wouldn't have happened. Maybe… Just maybe… but its too late now, I'm a monster. I ended the life of someone innocent, who's never done a thing to me.
I want to suffer for what I did.
I pictured the young girl's family in my mind… That worked.
Suddenly, tearless sobs broke out from my chest. If vampires could cry I would have been swimming in a river of salt water now.
I closed my eyes. In my mind I could still remember the snap sound her neck made when I killed her. At least I did it swiftly, she probably didn't even have time to feel and register the pain.
This gave me little satisfaction.
I felt dirty, I had made a mess of myself. I was covered in the hiker's blood; the burgundy wet mess dripping off my white cotton shirt.
Though this wasn't the reason I felt filthy, it was complex to understand. I wasn't even sure if I could look at myself in the mirror.
This all made me remember the Volturi and the unsuspecting tourists walking toward the doors that lead to them. I also remembered how it made me feel.
"No." I winced, the wind slightly carrying my voice. I never wanted to be like that. Never.
I looked up at the sky in a quick movement – dark, threatening clouds covered the whole landscape; a storm would come soon, I could feel it building up in the air.
"What do I do?" I questioned my surroundings.
Even though I was distraught, I knew I couldn't leave her here.
I looked down at the stiff, pale corpse and stifled the cry that tried to escape from my mouth. There was blood everywhere and the girl's neck was slightly out of place. From what I could see she had blood dripping in her soft waves of hair and her hiking gear lay a foot away from her.
I moved to the other side so I could see her face. Worry seeped though me as I imagined what I would see … then I glanced at her. It was as worse as I feared.
Her face was so serene and peaceful that it hurt to look. She had light freckles across her nose and long flowing locks of honey brown that framed her delicate face. She was a pretty girl.
If it wasn't for the thin streak of blood down the side of her left cheek it might have looked as if she were sleeping.
"I'm sorry." I whispered sincerely, my frame shaking.
As painful as it was, I wanted to know more about her. I wanted to know her name, I wanted to know about her life but most of all I wanted to remember her.
She is going to be my motivation, I decided then.
I slowly reached down to her hiking pack and searched though it until I finally found her wallet. Along with her identification, I found a picture. I took a swift glimpse at the photograph before I was on my knees quivering.
This is something I'll never forget, I thought.
Two girls were together and you could slightly see that they were hugging each other. They were laughing together, unable to contain themselves with their face's glowing.
It was beautiful and I couldn't take it anymore.
I now understand why the Cullen's were 'vegetarians' better, but I'm not going to lie. Human blood tastes good. So good, that it was bad. The temptation of right and wrong can do that sometimes.
It started to rain – first drizzling and then beginning to pour. I re-adjusted my position so I was looking into the face of the girl with my legs crossed, staring with a mad sense of guilt. Soon after, small sobs found their way around my control.
I sat in the rain, fully-clothed and let the water seep though, probably making me look like a wet kitten.
My shirt was drenched with water and the deep red stain was fading into a light reddish-pink. But I could still smell the blood and I didn't know how long it would take for the smell to disappear, for the scent to stop haunting me the way it did.
Even though I could see myself physically getting cleaner I was still unclean. I started to rub furiously at my arms to take away the invisible grime that I thought was stuck to my skin. It didn't go away. It was lingering and slowly the waterless sobs that were coming out of my mouth started to become more panicked. I started to gasp while moving my legs up close to my chest. I enclosed my arms around my legs and started to swing back and forth like an impatient child. I rested my head on my knees.
Then suddenly, I heard a twig snap… "Who's there?" I questioned silently.
"Bella." The voice answered, concerned.
