"Every dead body that is not exterminated gets up and kills. The people it kills, get up and kill." –Dawn of the Dead, 1978
IIIIII
"Hey, Harry Houdini! I was here first!" So saying, the orange-haired man leapt out of the way as an oversized playing card zipped past him. His stubby legs didn't get him very far, and he had to duck and cover as the card came at him once again.
"Sorry, my boy, but the cards don't lie, and this one is telling me that you can go find a different bank to burgle," said the top-hatted man. He waggled his fingers, and where one card once was, there was now an entire deck hovering ten feet in the air. After a moment, the cards descended into the large group of bank-goers with a noise that sounded suspiciously like nyoom. This latest development escalated the yelps and cries of the already panicked crowd into a frenzy of high-pitched screams and a flurry of futile running.
Mumbo took a deep bow and doffed his hat. "Oh, you're too kind! It's such a simple trick, slight of hand really, but I wouldn't mind a tip!" The bank tellers added their screams to the cacophony as thousands of dollars of crisp bills shot out of their stations. The money arced high into the air, formed a green tidal wave of wealth, and was sucked into Mumbo's awaiting hat.
The magician laughed jovially and resettled his trademark upon his balding blue head. His work done, he turned to go and found his way blocked by a fuming Control Freak. The shorter man's face was an alarming shade of red, and he was pointing a glossy black remote at the rather more successful thief.
"Y-y-you," he sputtered. In his rage, he actually began dancing a jig on the bank's polished marble floor. "I, the, you, the nerve of you, waltzing in here, just, I cannot believe, cards could've given me the mother of all paper cuts, and you—"
A swearing bank patron shouldered past him while sprinting from the ace of spades, effectively cutting off his furious tirade as he toppled over. "Ow," came Control Freak's muffled response—he had landed face-first.
Mumbo Jumbo sighed and rolled his eyes, stepping over the prone form of the other villain. "That's showbiz for ya, kiddo. It's dog eat—!"
Something large and reeking of fish slammed into his back and sent the gangly man sprawling.
"Ha HA," cried Control Freak, hauling himself to his feet and waving his remote. "Mumbo, meet one of the Mecha-Penguins, star of March of the Mecha-Penguins III! The third movie doesn't have the best plot, of course, but the Mecha-Penguins design and appetite for destruction are the best yet!"
Mumbo could scarcely hear the man over the crowd's screams and the brash honking of the B-movie bird. He rolled onto his back and beheld the metallic beast. The creature stood nearly 10 feet tall, seemed to be constructed out of plates of black and white stainless steel, and had beady red eyes. Glowing beady red eyes.
"Uh-oh," squeaked Mumbo as the penguin emitted an enraged squawk and shot two crimson laser beams at the magician. The flightless fowl's target crab-walked backward in an attempt to escape, while everyone else in the vicinity ran towards the exit.
"It's locked," bawled a woman as her compatriots pushed against the frosted glass of the double doors. As more and more people surged forward, some fell to the floor and were trampled. Suddenly, the solid oak doors burst apart, transforming into a cloud of iridescent butterflies.
Mumbo had found his feet—and his magic wand. Fresh air blew into the ravaged bank, carrying with it the sound of police sirens. Like lemmings, the bank-goers rushed blindly out of the building, leaving the villains, the giant hovering cards, and the homicidal penguin to themselves. It was, after all, much easier to fight whatever Control Freak could summon when there weren't hundreds of hysterical pedestrians in the way.
"Sorry, C.F., but there's only room for one tuxedoed baddie, and it's not going to be your penguin pal!" Mumbo flicked his wand at the bird, but before he could direct the cards towards the movie monster, green bolts of energy rained down from above and, in one fell swoop, incinerated the entire deck. "Hey!" Mumbo squawked, shaking a fist. "Those don't come cheap, ya know!"
"Well excuuuuuuuse me," Control Freak said. "It's not my fault you slowed us down long enough for You-Know-Who to get here. And, no, I don't mean Voldemort," he said while pointing toward the source of Day-Glo green light.
The two villains looked up and beheld the latest assault on the bank's infrastructure: a gaping hole in the roof, through which five teenagers were descending while bathed in golden morning sunlight.
"Titans, G—"
"You're just a bit late there, Boy Blunder!"
"A bit? You old geezer, the Titans couldn't be any later if…if they were dead!"
"Is your witty comeback reservoir running a bit low, my malodorous manfellow?"
"Aw man, will both of you please shut up? We literally just sat down to breakfast when our dang alarm sounds, and we think, "Okay, bank robbery, that's cool, that's fine, we got that in the bag." But nooooo, we get here and instead of just Mumbo or just Control Freak, we have both of 'em, and we have a giant—freakin'—penguin!" Cyborg threw his hands in the air at his last declaration, then buried his face in them. "I'm sorry, I am just really hungry."
A small green sparrow alighted on Cyborg's shoulder, fluttered off, and transformed into a teenage boy in midair. He had comically large bags under his squinted eyes and was swaying slightly. Beast Boy yawned, exposing sharp canines and releasing a blast of morning breath.
"Don't worry 'bout it, Cy. This won't—" He yawned again. "This won't take long."
Beast Boy yelped as a swirling blast of green and black crashed into the altogether bemused Mecha-Penguin, sending circuitry and burnt steel flying.
"It would take even less time if you would actually attack, rather than blabbering on about it, you know," Raven said.
"Oh, what a wondrous combined attack, friend Raven!" Starfire flew down and interrupted the two before harsh words could be said in lieu of good mornings. She casually tossed a starbolt in the direction of Mumbo and Control Freak, both of whom had been edging towards the exit. The two would-be bank robbers stopped in their tracks and offered the alien teen wide, cheesy grins.
Robin's raspy voice came from behind the rest of his team. "Nice job Raven, Star." He nodded to the girls; Raven nodded back, Starfire beamed.
Robin walked forwards to address the villains, crunching across rubble as he went. "We all know how this ends, you two. So are you going to save us all some time and come quietly, or are we going to have to—"
It was at this point that several things happened simultaneously. Mumbo whipped his wand out from behind his back, exclaimed, "Mumbo Jumbo!" and sent a bright burst of pearly light shooting towards the Titans. Control Freak pushed a large red button on his remote and a wide, jagged beam of TV static raced side-by-side with the multicolored magic light. Raven did not have time to say her mantra, but her arcane abilities did not fail her. She flung out her hands and dark energy rushed forward to counter the opposing assault. There was a dazzling burst of light and a soft whoom sound, akin to that of a glacier losing its battle with global warming and gravity and relinquishing part of itself to the ocean.
There was an eternity of silence as the light faded. Gradually, the world gathered its wits and allowed the sound of whining sirens and strident police officer's voices back into the bank. Mumbo Jumbo and Control Freak blinked the stars out of their eyes and looked at each other. Then, they turned to look at where the Titans had been. There, the bank's marble tiles had undergone a peculiar transformation. What once was white marble with veins of coal grey had become bright, unblemished gold in a circle perhaps nine feet in diameter.
Control Freak took a few steps back then fell onto his rear near the smoking carcass of the Mecha-Penguin. Mumbo, on the other hand, jerkily walked forwards until his shiny black dress shoes were only a foot away from the rim of the transmuted flooring. He looked down and, in a numb, shell-shocked tone, seemed to address the glimmering gold circle.
"Oh, god. Did we kill the Teen Titans?"
IIIIII
Starfire opened her bleary eyes and tried to take in her surroundings. Flat on her back, she could just make out the vaulted ceiling of the bank through the dusky shadows. Shadows?
Starfire sat bolt upright, craning her neck in order to keep her eyes fixed on the ceiling. The upper limit of the bank's main room was indeed swathed in darkness, and now Starfire could discern another difference as well: the large hole that had served as the Titan's entrance was conspicuously absent. Starfire tilted her head back down to take in the rest of the bank. Her eyes widened as they adjusted to the dim lighting and she whipped her head from side to side, trying to see everything at once.
The narrow rectangular windows were boarded up with rotting planks of wood. The spacious room had a musty, damp smell, and the creamy white walls had long tracks of black mold running down them. Everything had a thick coat of dust on it, from the neat granite counter that served as the bank tellers' station to the plush armchairs near the door—a waiting area forever waiting to be used once again. Upon closer inspection, Starfire saw that the chairs had had their stuffing removed. Perhaps it had been burnt in one of the incongruous oil cans that dotted the room. Until now, she had only seen them used by the homeless people in Beast Boy's movie collection, never in real life. Starfire felt a pang of sadness shoot through her when she thought of the ever-resilient citizens of Jump City holed up in a bank, burning stuffing to stay warm.
"Oh, my friends, what has happened here?" Starfire whispered to the stirring forms of her teammates.
Beast Boy gurgled. "I…arg, dude, my head feels like a martini."
"Is that some kind of euphemism?"
"No, Rae, it's a reference," Beast Boy said. He sat up and waggled his eyebrows in Raven's direction. "Y'know, James Bond? "Shaken, not stirred"? 'Cause my head is all sh—"
"Yes, thank you, I understand," Raven said. The sorceress huffed a breath of air out through her nose, trying to disguise her deeper agitation. Damn it. Why does this keep happening? She saw the three bolts of energy colliding and the flash of light, heard a sound like a great door slamming, sensed her friends' distress… Just when I think I have my abilities under control. Damn it to Hell!
"Hey," Cyborg said, interrupting her vicious thoughts. Raven looked up at him from her position on the floor, wiping a scowl off her face and only partially succeeding.
"Need a hand?" Cyborg offered her his metallic appendage along with a soft smile.
Raven sighed and gave Cyborg a small grin of her own before accepting his large hand. Cyborg pulled her gently to her feet and made sure she was steady before letting go. Raven opened her mouth to thank him, but before she could—
"Robin? Oh Robin, please to be waking up now!"
"Hey, Rob! Dude, c'mon, wakey wakey, tofu eggs and bakey!"
Raven glided over to Starfire, Beast Boy, and Robin, the last of whom was curled unmoving on his side in the fetal position. She knelt down by his head and placed her palm on his temple.
After a moment of inner debate, she decided to put it bluntly. "Robin's alive, but because he is human, whatever happened to us was rougher on him than it was on us. I don't know when he will regain consciousness, although I believe that when he does, he won't be too much the worse for wear."
"Uh…could you go over that last part again?" Beast Boy said. "Too many big words for m—Ah! Kidding, I'm kidding!"
Raven's glowing eyes faded back to normal, and she lowered her fist back to her lap. She had the distant realization that she had never had any breakfast, nor had she made her traditional cup of tea. Today is going to be a very long day.
"Do not worry, friend Raven. We are all together, Robin will soon recover, and all will be well," Starfire said, placing a slim hand lightly on Raven's shoulder. She seemed to only half believe her own words.
But Beast Boy nodded vigorously. "Yeah, Rae, it's all good! I mean, other than the fact that the bank somehow became a creepy hobo shelter while we were knocked out and, and, uh, I'm gonna stop talking now sorry."
"Naw, B., you're right about one thing: this bank is dang creepy, and," Cyborg bent down and gathered Robin's prone form in his augmented arms. "It's about high time we got the hell outta Dodge." With that, he began marching towards the boarded-up door.
Starfire flew ahead of him, red hair streaming behind her. She lit the way for the others with her spirit as she performed an elegant corkscrew in midair. "Oh, yes, come my friends, and we will leave this vile place behind us!" She paused as she arrived at the door and found that someone had pushed a heavy wooden roll top desk against it—the doors, after all, opened inwards.
"Oh, no. I am sorry, but we really cannot be staying any longer," Starfire said. Hovering, she grabbed the desk by one corner and flung it easily out of the way. Close behind her, Cyborg and the others ducked in order to avoid the airborne bureau, which landed with a resounding crash and enough splinters to give even Superman nightmares.
"Easy there, Starfire," Raven said, pressing a hand to her heart.
Starfire blushed and giggled. "Forgive me. I am simply excited to be free of this peculiar place. Anything is better than this!"
Beast Boy squealed and seized his own hair with his hands. "Dude! That's like, the one thing you should never, ever say when going into unknown territory! That, and "What could possibly go wrong?"!"
"Can it, BB, this ain't a horror movie. It's just another normal day in our abnormal lives," Cyborg said. " 'Sides, I'm curious to see what's going on out there, since in here looks like this." The broad-shouldered teen turned to Starfire. "Now then, little lady, would you do us the honor of getting those boards out of here?"
Starfire grinned, her eyes glowing emerald. "It would be my pleasure!" With that, the wooden planks and decrepit door erupted into green fire and billowing smoke.
Smells like a campfire, Raven thought. She waved her hand and deflected a chunk of wood that was on a collision course with her face. Another arm motion and the smoke blew rapidly away, leaving the path clear for the Titans.
In single file they walked out of the bank, first Starfire, then Cyborg (with Robin still in his arms), followed by Raven, who stepped cautiously over the smoldering embers and blackened glass. Beast Boy became a hard-hoofed goat and crunched across to join the others. He nearly rammed into Raven's back once he was outside—she had stopped dead in her tracks— and his short fur bristled as he sensed the wrongness of the world. The Titans stood still and took in their home.
Jump City was in shambles. The pavement was cracked and faded, buildings had lost bricks and acquired broken windows, and litter blew around stagnant cars, carried on a gust of cold, sour wind. Above them, the sky was cast over with dark grey clouds. There was no birdsong, no human voices, no rumble of traffic, and no barking dogs. The small saplings that had been planted only a month ago by Jump City's Beautification Committee were now barren skeletons; their trunks and branches looked as though they had been fossilized, and the multicolored pansies that had grown beneath them had become dry, withered husks. The city stood silent and hollow.
"Oh, no," gasped Starfire. She landed roughly on her feet as her powers of flight abandoned her. She spun around to face the others, her eyes overflowing with tears. "What has happened to our home? Please, I do not understand!"
The rest of the Titans were frozen in place. All that they had strived to protect, the place that they called home, had been devastated by some unknown force, and they had not even been conscious to fight it—or to at least witness their city's passing. After a minute or so of horrified wonder, Beast Boy was the first to move; he morphed back into his human form, took a shaky step over to Starfire, and enveloped the girl in a hug. Starfire wrapped her arms around him and rested her forehead against his shoulder, hiding her face.
Today has certainly been an emotional rollercoaster, thought Raven. And then: When did Beast Boy get so tall?
Cyborg softly bumped her hip with his. Grateful for the distraction, Raven glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and saw him straining exaggeratedly under Robin's weight. The corners of her lips turned up, and she mouthed, "Should we ask Beast Boy to turn into a pack mule?" Cyborg's shoulders shook with silent laughter. Only we could manage to laugh while in the carcass of our own city. Raven began to wonder if her friend's laughter was tinged with a bit of hysteria.
"Ah, Starfire, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but, um, you're starting to crush me," Beast Boy wheezed.
"Pardon me, friend Beast Boy," said Starfire. She dropped her arms to her sides and scuffled back a step as Beast Boy took several massive gulps of air.
"Hey BB, are you finished re-inflating your lungs? 'Cause I wanna get going and find some answers…and a cold bucket of water to dump on Robin here," Cyborg said. He looked down at the dark-haired boy in his arms and groaned inwardly, but he could not mask the fact that he was concerned. Whatever had happened to them had been powerful, human or no. After all, most people don't sleep through Armageddon, thought Cyborg.
"Yeah, I'm good now," Beast Boy said. "How 'bout you, Star?"
"I believe I am the good." Starfire wiped her eyes and sniffed, then offered the group a slightly crooked smile and flew a foot off the ground.
Raven adjusted her hood and joined her in flight. "Let's go."
Beast Boy turned into an alpaca and wiggled his tail invitingly at Cyborg. The electronic teen grinned and settled Robin's figure on his friend's fluffy back.
"If you get tired, tell me and I'll carry him for a while," Cyborg said.
The green alpaca nodded and clopped after the flying girls, who had almost rounded the corner of the bank's block. Cyborg stretched his arms and yawned—he hadn't even finished his cup of coffee that morning, and getting blasted by three funky energy beams really took it out of a guy.
"Hey!" Cyborg barked when he realized that Beast Boy the alpaca had left him all alone. "Wait up, guys! Man!" He took off running after them.
