Santana Lopez had never - never in her entire fucking life - felt so broken. She didn't think it was possible, to hurt this much.
"Fuck you, Brittany," she hissed between sobs as she huddled in the corner of an empty classroom, not at all concerned whether or not she was missing class. "Fuck. You."
But she knew she didn't mean it, even when she was crying so hard she was hyperventilating, even when all she wanted to do was rip her heart out and make it stop hurting.
A strangled sob rose in her chest, and she sank her teeth into her forearm before she could start choking again. Her tears were scalding her, pouring from the deepest corners of her soul, pulling from emotions she hadn't know she had.
Brittany. Oh god, how was she going to live without Brittany? Santana bit down harder as the pain flooded her. She was drowning, fucking drowning in this wasteland because her life was over.
It took a while, but Santana found that she had cried herself out. She shivered as a dry sob welled in her throat, then choked on it. She dragged the heel of her hand across her eyes to catch the hot teardrops beginning to leave raw marks on her cheekbones. She knew she looked disgusting - god, she felt disgusting, choking on her own tears and snot and god knew what else.
The shivers replaced the dry sobs next. Santana pulled her knees to her chest and hugged herself, hard. At least I still love me, she thought mournfully, and immediately regretted it as a new wave of tears surged forward.
And that was true in a sense, she realized. She didn't hate herself for how she felt, not anymore. She hated that she had been so stupid, believing Brittany would leave Artie for her. She hated everything about her current situation, from the nasty corner of the abandoned classroom to the bite marks glowing on her forearm.
But for the first time in her life, Santana saw this hate, and she embraced it. She embraced the anger bursting at the edges of her soul and let it all come out, washed away by the tears that she couldn't stop for the life of her.
And once Santana finally, finally could breathe again, she realized that all she felt was empty. Broken. Like someone had left some sort of gaping hole where her heart's center had been.
Once a very dehydrated Santana had made it to the parking lot, she curled up in her car and fell into a deep, hollow sleep. She didn't know what she was expecting - maybe she could sleep it off, like she could a hangover or a night of bad sex. And when she woke again, part of her sank a little bit as she realized that it was still there, the jagged shards of her raw and broken heart.
Santana had been hurt before. But never like this.
A/N: Tonight's Glee you guys...oh god. I was in tears. Tears.
I feel like there's so so much more that can be explored in the Brittana relationship, so I'm taking up a challenge - I'd love to take Brittana and work with it until it becomes ENDGAME. Because it will, I swear to Cheesus. Anyone here ever read Keitorin Asthore's Someday You Will Be Loved? If I can, I'm going to do this with Brittana. Filling in the gaps.
Please give me feedbaaaaaaack. I love y'all. And this makes me hurt inside.
