It was a dark day in Forks, Washington. As Edward combed his fingers through his dark locks, he glanced at the clouds, and the sun trying to sneak in behind.
"Edward!" Called his adoptive father, Carlisle, "Aren't you coming to family vampire baseball?"
(It is a scientific proven fact that all sounds of thunder are actually beautiful vampires playing baseball.)
"No." Replied Edward. "I might just go for a run."
Edward loved to run, as vampires can of course run as fast as nearly goddamn light itself. Carlisle nodded, and along with Edward's other adoptive siblings with all fancy names straight out of a Gossip Girl episode, they went into their Ford Fiesta and sped away.
He gave a cautious look to make sure that no one could see his vampire abs peeking from his fruit of the loom shirt, and he sprinted as fast as a fucking jaguar.
It's true that vampires love running like goddamn greyhounds, because they are naturally fast?)
And even though I've used three different ways to describe how fast vampires run, to put it into perspective, if a vampire was riding your dick for a good time, it would snap in half and look like an eggplant.
As Edward reached his favourite glade, he stopped and looked for a nice patch of flowers to rest. All those analogies about dick riding made him think of his baby mama, Bella Swan and their beautiful child born from said dick riding. But alas, they were gone. As they had been not murdered by the volturi, but by an alfredo pasta made by Bella's father on a easter dinner those many years ago. As he began to rip out the throats of those insecure sexy thoughts, he heard a noise. A rustling coming from a nearby tree or something.
"Hello?" said Edward, "Who's there?"
A tall, yellow skinned figure stepped from out of the trees. He had long black hair, strong limbs and was completely naked.
"Hello." Said the figure. "I'm Frankenstein's monster."
Edward was in disbelief. Frankenstein's monster? It was only a legend. A fairy tale told by a 19 year old girl who was sexually liberated back in the 1800's. But one thing was for certain: Frankenstein's monster was hung, with huge dick and balls.
"What do you want?" said Edward Cullen.
"I want...release. I've been trapped in the arctic for many years, until I found my way and into...Forks Washington."
"Release? Release from what?"
"I want sex. A young man's taut asshole for my monster penis."declared Frankenstein.
"Well," said Edward, flipping his gorgeous locks, "I might be able to help you."
And then it happened. The sex.
The monster grabbed a handful of flowers and with his large meaty hand, he crushed them into a juicy pulp, and they transferred into Edward's ass as a lubricant. Edward then guided the monster's long 17 inch penis into his shallow pooper, with sexual moans filling the meadow.
After a couple of thrusts, the monster came purple bucket loads into Edward's body, and they oozed from his various crevices. Finally, The vampir shoved his sparkly dick into the monster's mouth, and let the monster's dead tongue slide all over it.
Holy shit, They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash.
