Title: Life of the Party
Author: Tiffany Adams
Summary: Willy and his school friend Laura go on a "date." Pre-slash
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Willy/Laura, sort of.
Spoilers: season 2 of the web series,"
Disclaimer: The characters of Willy, Bucky, Deadeye, Jenny, Bruiser,
and Blinky belong to Neal Adams and co. Just try to sue me. I have no
$$. The lawyer fee will be more than the settlement.
WARNING: This story contains violent language and minor sexual
content. None of the views of the characters in this story are
necessarily the views of the author. Any racial, ethnic, or other
slurs are meant not to offend the reader. This story is not
necessarily about how people really are, but about how people
*percieve* other people to be.
SCENE 1 - WASHINGTON HIGH SCHOOL
A typical, urban, high school. The classroom is crowded with kids
talking, listening to music, and busying themselves. Among them,
towards thie front, is LAURA TORENO, the girl from the TV series, only
older and obviously more mature. Behind her is SUSIE MICHELLS, dressed
in a more tight outfight, who is doing her nails. Beside her is TINA
CARERA, playing with her hair. In the back of the class, two rows
behind Laura, is T.J. PASTOR, also from season one, who is also much
more developed and wearing the most immodest clothing of the three of
them.
The bell rings. The teacher, MR. RICE, enters. The class quiets
down only minimally, and a few students actually remove their
headphones. Ignoring them, he sets down his briefcase at the desk
and pulls out some lecture notes.
As he looks over his notes, WILLY DUWITT stumbles in. He is his
usual disheveled self, along from a very warn out look on his face,
and a large black right eye. He stops at Rice's desk, talking briefly
with the concerned teacher.
SUSIE
(leaning up to Laura's ear)
Look who finally decided to show up this morning.
TINA
Yeah, fuck. We have a test in social studies.
LAURA
So?
TINA
If he didn't take it today, he wouldn't ruin the fucking curve again.
LAURA
You can't blaim him for being smart.
SUSIE
Well, yeah, that's coming from *you.* You're lucky enough to be his
lab partner.
LAURA
It's not like I get any help from him. He sleeps through every class.
And he's always busy after school. Either I do the lab myself or I
depend on him to do it at work the night before it's due.
SUSIE
But you get 'A's on the labs!
LAURA
(turns around to face her)
But not in the class! Do you think I understand a word of anything
that comes out of Doc Webster's mouth?
SUSIE
Ask your geek lab partner!
LAURA
I'm telling you, he *sleeps through class.* He doesn't know what
Webster says.
SUSIE
Then how's he getting a fucking 'A'? No one does good in honors
biology!
LAURA
I told you, I don't know!
Willy finishes talking with the teacher and takes the desk next to
Laura. Slumping down in his chair, he leans back and prepares to fall
asleep when Tina taps him on the shoulder.
TINA
(mock-seriously)
Your parents beating you again, Willy?
He does not turn around in his chair.
WILLY
(tiredly)
Fuck off.
Tina "ooohs" and just persists.
TINA
Christ, are you in a bad mood. Your parents musta beat you good.
Willy physically turns around, slowly, sneering at her.
WILLY
If you *really* have to know, I was in a bar fight last night.
SUSIE
Sheah, *right*.
He groans and faces forward again.
TINA
Musta been a faggot bar.
Another kid, from the other side of the classroom, calls out.
GUY
*Hey!*
TINA
Sorry!
(to herself)
Jesus Christ, I hate San Francisco.
Mr. Rice, who has long-since started the lecture, clears his
throat in their direction. They shut up. Laura turns to Willy, but
he's already asleep in his chair.
SCENE 2 - WASHINGTON HIGH
Later. The setting is now honors biology. Laura and Willy are at
their lab table, and the teacher, DR. WEBSTER, is handing out
disection trays. Willy is asleep with his head on the desk, with Laura
watching him. Webster approaches their table, setting a tray and tools
down in front of them.
WEBSTER
(to Laura)
I suggest you wake Rip Van Winkle from his marking period-long sleep
long enough to dissect your frog, Ms. Toreno.
LAURA
Thank you, Doc.
(turns to Willy and shakes him)
Willy! Wake up!
Willy is startled by her shaking and snaps up.
WILLY
I'm awake, Captain!
(awakens fully and realizes where he is)
Oh, yeah. Sorry, Laura.
LAURA
Christ, Willy! Do you want us both to fail?
(groans and dumps the tray on his notebook)
What is with you?
WILLY
Sorry ... really.
(picks up lab papers and pushes his glasses further up on his nose)
What are we doing?
LAURA
Frog dissection.
WILLY
(looks at frog)
No kidding.
They begin to proceed with the lab. Willy remains quite out of it,
but does the lab with the least effort possible.
LAURA
(trying to keep him awake)
Who punched you?
WILLY
Hmm? Oh, that.
LAURA
And *don't* tell me you fell down the stairs.
WILLY
(smiles)
No. Someone sucker-punched me.
LAURA
In a bar?
(raises eyebrows)
Or in the locker room?
WILLY
Bar. Seriously.
LAURA
Is that what you do on that ship of yours? Get into bar fights and
drink?
WILLY
Well, usually not in that order.
(rubs his eyes)
Actually, that's the rest of the crew. I usually don't get involved.
LAURA
So what got you involved?
WILLY
Someone called me a smelly hairless baboon.
LAURA
Not much of an insult.
WILLY
It is where I work.
LAURA
You must work in a freak zone.
WILLY
I do.
LAURA
(shakes her head)
What did McNamara used to call you? Wierd Willy?
WILLY
(rolls his eyes)
Please, not *you* too --
Laura laughs good-naturedly and smiles.
LAURA
Jeez, Willy -- what is it with you today?
WILLY
Sorry, I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
LAURA
Can I ask you a question?
WILLY
Go ahead.
LAURA
What drug habit are you financing that you need to work twelve hours a
day?
Willy grins sheepishly.
WILLY
I like my work. I get to work with my two favorite things.
LAURA
Computers and crack?
WILLY
Machinery and people who appreciate me.
Laura shrugs and looks down at their work.
LAURA
Are you going to T.J.'s party on Saturday night?
WILLY
T.J.'s having a party?
LAURA
Are you completely --
(stops)
Oh, wait, you *are* out of it. Well, there's a party.
WILLY
I would seriously doubt that I would be invited.
LAURA
The entire grade is invited.
WILLY
Oh.
(looking away)
Well, I have work --
LAURA
Don't tell me that you work on *Saturday* night!
WILLY
I do.
LAURA
Willy, has anyone ever let you in on the fact that you have *no* life?
WILLY
My parents, on a regular basis.
(beat)
Besides, what reason would I have to go to a party? I don't drink, I
don't dance, and if I ever wanted any mary j, I could just get it from
my parents.
LAURA
(smiles)
Willy!
WILLY
(innocently)
What? I know they have a stash in mom's jewelry box.
LAURA
They're your parents!
WILLY
Yeah, it's wierd. I think I was adopted. No one who's smoked that much
pot produces a kid with brain cells.
Laura stifles her laughter at Dr. Webster's throat clearing.
LAURA
(whispering)
Anyway, you need to get a life, Willy.
WILLY
You're probably right.
LAURA
So you'll come?
WILLY
(thinks about it)
Are we allowed to bring ... out of town guests?
LAURA
Like T.J.'ll notice.
WILLY
Good point.
(beat)
Okay, I'll come. I owe some people a good time.
LAURA
Who, the guys who saved your ass in the bar last night?
Willy ignores it and continues working, to her amusement.
SCENE 3 - WASHINGTON HIGH
The girl's bathroom. Laura enters, where Susie and Tina are doing
their makeup in front of the mirrors.
TINA
(not looking away from the mirror as she does her lipstick)
Girl, what is wrong with you?
LAURA
Who, me?
TINA
Yeah, you. I just spent all of bio watching you hit on that dork.
LAURA
What's wrong with Willy?
TINA
(huffs)
Let's see ... he's completely out of it, he ruins the fucking curve
every test, he --
SUSIE
(interrupting)
He's got that wierd-ass thing on his head. The wire thing. You seen
that thing?
TINA
I *know.* What is up with that?
(still not looking away from the mirror, doing her mascara now)
You stare at him all the time, girl. You should have seen that thing.
LAURA
Yeah, every once in a while.
TINA
What's that thing do? Make him smarter?
LAURA
I have no idea. I've never asked.
TINA
I wouldn't be surprised.
(beat, putting away her makeup)
So what were you guys talking about? Einstein's fucking theory of
relativity?
LAURA
(leans against the way)
T.J.'s party.
TINA
Don't tell me you actually asked him out!
LAURA
I didn't ... not directly.
SUSIE
What do you see in him?
LAURA
He's .. you know, he's not like other guys. He's sweet --
TINA
Now wait a minute, girl --
LAURA
(gives her a look)
When you're not a jerk to him, he's sweet. And he's honest. And he's
probably the only guy in this school not on smack.
TINA
You be quiet. Justin would beat your ass if he heard that.
LAURA
(goes to leave)
So send your boyfriend my regards.
TINA
Maybe you'd better not let DuWitt go. He might get "curropted."
Laura groans and leaves the bathroom, leaving Susie and Tina to
giggle endlessly.
SCENE 4 - T.J. PASTOR'S HOUSE
Saturday. In the warm San Franciscan night, mixed crowds of
teenagers have gathered inside and on the lawn of the high-class
house. From the inside, one can hear loud music. Cars improperly
parked litter the sidewalks and curbs. Gangs of romming teens scatter
the lawn, smoking and drinking.
Laura, in a casual skirt, is sitting on the rim of a car with
KAREN RIVERA, dressed similarly. They are talking quietly when Laura
notices a shadow approaching. Stepping into the light is Willy, in
jeans and a shortsleeve flannel. His hair is neat and clean.
WILLY
(shyly)
Hi.
LAURA
You came!
WILLY
Big surprise, huh?
(shrugs)
I said I'd be here.
LAURA
Yeah, but it's still a first for you. You know Karen, right?
WILLY
I think ... so. Maybe.
KAREN
I think we had English class together last year.
WILLY
Yeah, that was it.
LAURA
(looks around)
Didn't you say you were bringing some friends?
WILLY
Oh, yeah.
(looks behind him)
They should be around.
From behind the car emerge DEADEYE DUCK and JONATHAN WEISSMAN.
Deadeye is in his usual attire, and Jonathan is wearing his black
T-shirt and jeans.
KAREN
Nice costumes, guys. Even though this isn't Halloween.
Jonathan and Deadeye exchange glances, laugh, and turn back to
them.
JONATHAN
Thanks.
WILLY
(a little embarrassed)
Laura, uh... Karen, this is uh, Deadeye Duck and Jonathan Weissman.
They have whoopped some serious ass for me.
DEADEYE
Aye, we usually have to.
Willy chooses to ignore this.
LAURA
You guys work on Willy's ship?
DEADEYE
Since when is it *Willy's* ship?
WILLY
Since *I* build everything.
JONATHAN
He has a point.
DEADEYE
I didn' bring ya along to back up Willy.
JONATHAN
You didn't bring anything, pirate boy.
Deadeye smacks Jonathan, who is only remotely affected by this.
DEADEYE
Ignore me mate here. He's a schizo.
JONATHAN
I am not!
DEADEYE
Ya are. I read yer personel file.
JONATHAN
Did not!
DEADEYE
Did too!
The two animals engage in further argument. Willy shrugs and turns
back to the girls.
LAURA
So *these* are the people you work with?
WILLY
Yeah.
(hops up and sits on the car)
Deadeye works on our ship. He's the gunner. The other guy in the fight
-- that was Bruiser, but he couldn't come. Jonathan's the first mate
on another ship, The Screaming Mimi.
KAREN
Aren't schizophrenics, like, not allowed in the military?
Willy shrugs again.
LAURA
So who outranks who?
WILLY
Uhm... I can give orders to Deadeye, and Jonathan outranks both of us.
KAREN
(watching Deadeye and Jonathan duke it out)
This is *too* wierd.
LAURA
Yeah.
(tugs Willy's arm)
C'mon. Let's go inside.
The three of them stand.
WILLY
(to the guys)
C'mon guys. We're goin' in.
Jonathan and Deadeye pick themselves off the ground and follow.
SCENE 5 - INSIDE T.J.'S HOUSE
LAURA
I'll be back.
Laura exits the room, leaving the rest of them on the couch.
Moments later a very exotically dressed person in a sequined tight
dress approaches.
JONATHAN
(oogaling)
Hello.
SABRINA
(in a smooth voice)
Hi, honey.
(beat, putting hands on hips)
Didn't anyone tell you this isn't Halloween?
DEADEYE
Trust me, lass, we've gotten tha' a buncha times tonight already.
SABRINA
(sits down between them)
Really ....
DEADEYE
Aye, keep yer distance, lassie. Jonathan's already gotta girl.
JONATHAN
Thanks for so eloquently inserting that comment, four-arms.
SABRINA
(in a seductive voice)
Boys, boys ...
(to Jonathan)
Your girlfriend find you cute all dressed up like that or something?
JONATHAN
Are you implying that there's something wrong with doin' it with a
dog?
Deadeye breaks into laughter he is unable to stifle.
SABRINA
Everybody has their own way of getting off these days.
Willy returns, carrying a soda can, unphased by Sabrina's
presence.
WILLY
Hello, Simon.
SABRINA
(in a more masculine voice)
Hello yourself, babycakes.
"Sabrina" gets up and leaves in a huff. Willy grins to himself and
watches her leave, then glances back at Jonathan and Deadeye's
horrofied stares. They are babbling inchorently.
WILLY
(sitting down beside them)
What?
JONATHAN
(pulling himself together and burying his head in his paws)
G-d, I hate San Francisco...
A wiry-looking kid in mainly back and with a long haircut suddenly
grabs WIlly's arm.
WILLY
(looks up)
Hey! ... Oh, hi, Mike.
MIKE
(quietly)
Can you, like, play card games?
WILLY
Huh?
MIKE
I need someone to count cards. I figured you'd be good at numbers and
stuff.
WILLY
Uhm, I guess so.
MIKE
C'mon!
Mike tries to pull him off.
WILLY
Wait -- Laura's in --
MIKE
I need you, smartass!
Willy nods to Karen, who is chatting away but acknowledges him,
and goes off with Mike. Jonathan and Deadeye look up from the couch.
DEADEYE
Should we tell Willy's girlfriend he just ditched her?
JONATHAN
Nah.
(looks down at empty cup)
Let's get something *real* to drink.
DEADEYE
I dunno, matey -- what a yer medication --
Jonathan just grins wickedly and leads him into the kitchen.
SCENE 6 - UPSTAIRS
Mike and Willy are climbing the stairs, which is filled with
loitering people laying on the steps and people making out. As the
music from downstairs dies down in their ears, they reach a closed
door.
WILLY
What are we playing?
MIKE
(banging on the door)
Strip poker.
Willy has a look of horror on his face as the door opens and Mike
drags him in. Inside, a group of kids are sitting in a circle on the
carpet. There is an ashtray filled with reefers and T.J. Pastor is
shuffling cards.
JOHN
(muscular kid in varsity jacket sitting next to T.J.)
Mike, what the fuck are you doing?
MIKE
Can it.
(sits down, pulling Willy down with him)
Willy's cool.
T.J.
Did you bring him to count cards?
MIKE
No! I'm dyslexic. I need him to read the cards 'cuz he's like, smart
an' stuff. He does my math homework all the time.
(to Willy)
Right?
WILLY
(sits indian-style)
Uh... right.
T.J.
Whatever.
(dealing cards)
Aces and jokers are wild. Everyone starts with ten bucks.
Mike picks up the cards and hands them to Willy. He then stuffs
his hands into his pockets and pulls out a few rumbled bills.
T.J.
Everyone in?
MIKE
(to Willy)
How does it look?
WILLY
(looking at the cards, but still watching everyone else)
Okay.
SCENE 7 - KITCHEN
Jonathan and Deadeye enter the kitchen, which is in shambles.
Drinks are everywhere, alcoholic and not. MARSHA, a teenager girl with
brown hair down to her shoulders and wearing a purple flannel is
sitting at the table, with a tube hooked to a pump up her nose. Also
at the table is BENEDICT, a Philipino teen reading a textbook.
JONATHAN
Uhm....
MARSHA
Hi, cutie. Can we get you anything?
JONATHAN
You guys got something to drink?
MARSHA
I've got some liquid protein, if you want some.
BENEDICT
Watch out. It's disgusting.
JONATHAN
(blehs)
No thanks. Where's the booze?
Marsha points to a cabinet. Jonathan, only three foot in height,
climbs up onto the counter to reach the cabinet.
DEADEYE
Ach ... are you okay, lass?
MARSHA
What?
(points to tube)
This?
DEADEYE
Aye.
MARSHA
Just a feeding tube. I've got two bowel diseases. No, actually, one
disease and one syndrome.
DEADEYE
I ... see. Where's it going?
MARSHA
Up my nose and down my throat, into my stomach.
DEADEYE
Ach .... I see.
(turns to Benedict)
Ya came to a party to read?
BENEDICT
I've got finals.
MARSHA
Benedict has finals every consecutive week.
JONATHAN
(calls out with his head buried in the cabinet)
Got any scotch?
MARSHA
Sorry, neither of us drink. Claudia does.
JONATHAN
You know where she is?
MARSHA
Making out with Josh in the broom closet.
BENEDICT
(disapprovingly)
Marsha!
MARSHA
What?
(back to Jonathan)
The punch in the living room has some scotch in it, I think.
JONATHAN
(getting down)
Thanks.
(to Deadeye)
Let's go.
They leave.
MARSHA
Funny looking guys.
BENEDICT
Yeah.
SCENE 8 - UPSTAIRS
A short while later. The game has progressed, and there is a large
pot of poker chips in the center. Several members of the group are
wearing considerably less articles of clothing then when they started.
Mike has lost his shoes, socks, hat, and sweatshirt. Willy is still
fully-clothed, holding the cards nervously.
MIKE
Geez, Willy. Chill.
(hands him a reefer)
Smoke?
WILLY
I don't --
MIKE
(shoves it in his mouth)
Shut up.
Willy involuntarily puffs on it before taking it out of his mouth,
looking at it. He exhales, blowing smoke and chuckling.
WILLY
Who wrapped this?
STEVEN
(perks up)
Huh? Me.
WILLY
This is terrible. The end is too tight and the mouth is too loose.
He begins to rewrap it, to Mike's endless amusement.
MIKE
Like you don't smoke!
WILLY
Seriously, I don't. My parents taught me.
JOHN
Like shit.
STEVEN
No, I've met his parents. Their potheads.
TINA
So what happened to you, Willy?
WILLY
What?
TINA
So why are you such a square?
WILLY
I'm not.
T.J.
(rolls her eyes)
Right.
WILLY
I'm not!
(grabs the reefer and puffs it)
Anyway, give me another two cards.
T.J. laughs and hands him another two cards.
JOHN
Hey, dork!
WILLY
What?
JOHN
I'm raising five.
WILLY
Oh, yeah?
(grabs Mike's chips and tosses them in)
I'll see you and raise it ten.
T.J.
You know the rules, DuWitt.
WILLY
Huh? Mike's doin' it for me.
T.J.
No, he isn't. You raised, he didn't.
JOHN
Yeah, dorkboy. Shut up and strip.
WILLY
Fuck you.
John stands angrily, but T.J. grabs him by his pant leg and pulls
him down.
T.J.
Cool it.
(to Willy)
Do it. And the shoes don't count. This is the second hand already.
Willy frowns nervously and, after some hesitation, pulls his shirt
over his head, feeling very unhappy that he didn't bother to wear an
undershirt.
STEVEN
See, what were you worried about? You're cute.
TINA
Steven you fag, stop making passes at him.
STEVEN
(offended)
What? He's not seeing anyone. Right, Willy?
The camera turns back to Willy, who is now nursing the reefer to
ease his nerves.
WILLY
Huh?
STEVEN
Forget it.
(beat)
You work out, Willy?
WILLY
No, but I have a very physically demanding job.
TINA
Like shit, DuWitt. You're an engineer.
STEVEN
Engineer? Where do you work?
Willy is now incredibly high.
WILLY
(laughing)
On a spaceship.
They all giggle, smoke filling the room.
SCENE 9 - OUTSIDE
Jonathan and Deadeye emerge from the house to get a breath of
fresh air. Deadeye is sober, but Jonathan leers a bit in his steps.
Outside, there is a gang of kids sitting in and around a beat-up car
parked on the lawn, crushing the mailbox. One of the kids is
recognizable as DOUG MCNAMARA, now a high school senior. They are
talking amongst themselves until they spot the two aniversians.
TOM
Woah, what a bunch of wierdos.
Jonathan growls drunkenly.
TOM
What?
(gets up, approaching them)
Didn't anyone tell you guys this isn't fuckin' Halloween.
DEADEYE
Aye, we ain't wearing costumes.
TOM
Like shit.
(looks at them closely)
Do you even go to our school?
JONATHAN
(slurred)
We're wi' Willy.
DEADEYE
Aye, crewmates.
DOUG
(from hood of car)
Willy DuWitt? That fucking wierdo?
Both of the mammals perk up.
DEADEYE
Ya be insultin' me crewmate?
TOM
What the fuck did you just say?
JONATHAN
H' ask'd if yer insultin' Willy.
DOUG
(stands, still on car, towering over them)
Of course I am. That faggot? I beat his ass once a week.
JONATHAN
Before or after I screw your momma?
Doug's rage is ignited by Jonathan's comment. Deadeye is confused
by it, but understand Jonathan's intent. The bully leaps off the car
and comes charging at Jonathan, who is less than half his size.
Unnerved, Jonathan simply puts out his paw in a fist in front of him.
Doug hits it, and the sound of a body hitting a metal-like object is
herd. Doug doubles back, seething. Jonathan laughs.
DEADEYE
Ya'd better watch out for me fleetmate, lass. He's a dawg of steel.
JONATHAN
You said it.
The charge at the group. Fighting ensues.
SCENE 10 - UPSTAIRS
The group upstairs has continued their game, the room filled with
smoke. Only Willy, Mike, and John are left with cards. Everyone else
has tossed in their hands or passed out.
JOHN
Okay ... let's get this damn game finished.
He tosses down his hand.
JOHN
Full house.
Willy also exposes his hand.
WILLY
Royal flush.
JOHN
Fuck you!
WILLY
What? We won, asshole.
John and Willy simultaniously stand angrily. Mike has an "oh shit"
look on his face as he rises beside his partner.
MIKE
Let's get out of here.
WILLY
What's the problem?!?
MIKE
(whispering)
He's gonna kick our asses!
WILLY
Oh, you're *quick.*
MIKE
Screw it, I'm outta here!
Mike darts out the door, leaving John and Mike standing. Before
Willy can say anything, John pushes his exposed chest. The engineer is
shoved back into the dresser. He collapses onto the ground, in a pile
of clothing.
T.J.
*Jesus* John!
(stands and grabs his arm)
You're going to ruin my parents' furniture!
With John distracted, Willy hurries to his feet and scrambles out
of the room. Still disoriented, he stumbles through the hallway,
avoiding the other teenagers until he runs into STEPHANIE, one of the
girls from the poker game.
STEPHANIE
Hey ....
Dumbfounded that somene popular is talking to him, Willy gapes and
says nothing.
STEPHANIE
Come on...
SCENE 11 - UPSTAIRS
Stephanie pulls him into the bathroom, shutting the door behind
her. As he stands there, dumbfounded as the drugs wear off, she hops
up on the counter, her short skirt hiking higher in front of Willy's
eyes.
STEPHANIE
(in a soft voice)
Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to stare?
He says nothing, still quite removed from the situation, until she
rubs her hand against his chest. He doubles back, frightened.
STEPHANIE
What?
(beat)
It's just sex.
WILLY
I know .... but ....
(straightens himself out)
This isn't what I want.
Stephanie sighs and looks around.
STEPHANIE
Take it or leave it, Willy.
Willy steels himself, but says nothing, obviously intent on
standing firm. She groans, tosses him his shirt, and storms out of the
bathroom.
SCENE 12 - OUTSIDE
Deadeye and Jonathan are the only two left standing on the lawn.
The entire gang is laid out on the grass. The aniversians are
congradulating each other when they feel a tap on their shoulder. They
spin around to face BUCKY O'HARE and JENNY, out of uniform.
DEADEYE
Ah... hi, Cap'n. Can we help you?
BUCKY
Jenny and I wanted to check this out, after Chairman Warner told us
what happens at human parties.
JONATHAN
You gotta stop talking to Fritz. He's got an overactive imagination.
BUCKY
(checking out the pile of unconscious teens)
It doesn't look like it. What the hell happened here?
DEADEYE
Ah, Cap -- we were defendin' Willy's honor.
JENNY
Does Willy know about this?
DEADEYE
I haven't seem 'im recently.
JONATHAN
Me neither.
Bucky sighs and shakes his head.
BUCKY
Do I have to remind you guys that you are supposed to be *responsible
adults*?
DEADEYE
Corsairs consider honor-defending responsible, Cap'n.
BUCKY
They also consider looting and plundering responsible.
Deadeye shrugs. Willy emerges from the house in a haze, but
wearing all of his clothes.
BUCKY
Engineer DuWitt?
The teenager sobers himself and salutes.
WILLY
Captain.
JENNY
(looks at him)
Are you okay?
WILLY
Yeah, man.
Jenny shoots a glance at her captain, who rolls his eyes.
BUCKY
Isn't there someone you're supposed to be with?
Willy's eyes widen as realization sinks in.
DEADEYE
Aye, mate. The lassie was lookin' for ya.
WILLY
Oh *shit* -- 'scuse me, Cap --
He runs off, back into the house. Bucky grins, then turns back to
Jenny, seriously.
BUCKY
Is my engineer -- what's the word I'm looking for?
JONATHAN
Stoned, sir?
BUCKY
Right. Is he "stoned"?
JENNY
Ah, Bucky...
(wraps her arm around him)
He's just a teenager. He's acting his age, for once. Let him go.
BUCKY
(sighs)
I suppose you're right.
(turns to Jonathand Deadeye)
But that doesn't mean *you* guys get off. You're adults, remember?
(at Jonathan)
And *you're* on medication.
JONATHAN
Damnit, does everyone in the aniverse have to know about that?
BUCKY
I read your personnel file.
JONATHAN
G-d damnit --
BUCKY
Language!
(hardens)
As a result of both of your failures to keep a responsible watch on
Willy and yourselfs, you both have KP duty for a week.
JONATHAN & DEADEYE
*What*?
BUCKY
(grins maliciously)
You heard me. Now go.
The two aniversians salute and run off. Bucky shakes his head and
clicks his tongue.
BUCKY
You think I was too hard on them?
JENNY
It's always nice to make sure those ruffians stay in line, Buck.
(smiles)
Besides, you don't want them to set a bad example for Willy.
BUCKY
You want to stay and see how the girlfriend situation turns out?
JENNY
I don't think it's any of our business, actually.
BUCKY
Then let's ... what's the term Fritz would use?
JENNY
Blow this joint?
BUCKY
Exactly.
They walk away from the house, arm in arm.
SCENE 13 - TJ'S HOUSE, ROOF
Laura is sitting on the low, flat roof, staring out at the sky and
hanging her legs over the edge silently. She does not turn away when
she hears footsteps behind her, as Willy climbs out of the window and
makes it way up next to her.
WILLY
Geez, was it hard to find you --
Laura does not respond.
WILLY
Hey, I'm sorry, okay? It wasn't, like, supposed to happen.
LAURA
(not looking at him)
What? That you weren't supposed to ditch me?
WILLY
Yeah. But Mike grabbed me and you were in the bathroom and I was in
this game, and John Gretzky was gonna kick my ass, and --
LAURA
(sighs, looking at him)
Willy, do you get this conversation at *all*?
WILLY
What?
LAURA
(sighs heavily and looks away again)
Are we in a relationship or not?
WILLY
*What*?
LAURA
Are you *completely* oblivious?!?
(beat)
Are we going out or not?
WILLY
Huh?
(thinks about it)
I mean, yes ... no ... I didn't know I was committed to, like,
something here.
LAURA
(softer)
Well, do you want to be?
Willy looks completely petrified, not saying anything for quite a
long time.
WILLY
I ... don't know.
LAURA
What are you, gay or something?
WILLY
(without thinking)
No!
LAURA
Then what's up with you?
WILLY
I just ... I dunno. I'm not sure what I ... want in a relationship
yet.
Laura looks genuinely touched by his honestly. She leans over and
kisses him deeply, then pulls away before he can retract in fear.
LAURA
Give me a call when you figure it out.
She stands and climbs back in the house through the window. Willy
lies back against the roof, looking up at the stars for several
minutes. He is only distracted when his vision is blocked by an
approaching figure.
STEVEN
Hey, Willy.
WILLY
Hello, queer.
STEVEN
(unaffected; sits down beside him)
Laura just dump you?
WILLY
No, I think I dumped her.
STEVEN
Why? I mean, if I was interested, I would go out with her.
WILLY
Well, I'm not, so I'm not.
(beat)
How come the entire grade seems to think we're a couple?
STEVEN
Because she flirts with you. We were just assuming that you're
flirting back if she's keeping it up like she is.
WILLY
I'm not.
STEVEN
(shrugs)
That's life, I guess. Consider yourself lucky.
WILLY
Why?
STEVEN
Most guys would consider themselves lucky to have someone all over
them.
WILLY
I guess. But ... my mind's not on it, you know? I'm not used to people
finding me attractive.
STEVEN
This is because you were a dork all of your life.
WILLY
And I'm not a dork now all of the sudden?
STEVEN
You wouldn't be if you fucked Stephanie.
WILLY
(sits up)
What?
STEVEN
The bet. You didn't know?
(takes out a candy bar, unwraps it, and begins eating)
T.J. bet Steph to fuck you.
Willy sighs and takes off his glasses.
STEVEN
Not surprised, huh?
(breaks off a piece of the bar and hands it to Willy)
If it means anything, I respect you for turning her down.
WILLY
I'm glad someone does.
STEVEN
You realize the entire school's gonna think you're homo now?
WILLY
It's occured to me.
(beat)
Of course, that's not really a bad thing in this town.
STEVEN
You said it.
WILLY
Do *you* find me attractive?
STEVEN
(glances at him briefly)
Yeah.
WILLY
(giggling)
Fuckin' homo.
STEVEN
Yeah, but at least *I'm* comfortable with *my* sexuality.
(stands before Willy can answer)
See ya in homeroom.
Steven leaves Willy to himself.
THE END
Author: Tiffany Adams
Summary: Willy and his school friend Laura go on a "date." Pre-slash
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Willy/Laura, sort of.
Spoilers: season 2 of the web series,"
Disclaimer: The characters of Willy, Bucky, Deadeye, Jenny, Bruiser,
and Blinky belong to Neal Adams and co. Just try to sue me. I have no
$$. The lawyer fee will be more than the settlement.
WARNING: This story contains violent language and minor sexual
content. None of the views of the characters in this story are
necessarily the views of the author. Any racial, ethnic, or other
slurs are meant not to offend the reader. This story is not
necessarily about how people really are, but about how people
*percieve* other people to be.
SCENE 1 - WASHINGTON HIGH SCHOOL
A typical, urban, high school. The classroom is crowded with kids
talking, listening to music, and busying themselves. Among them,
towards thie front, is LAURA TORENO, the girl from the TV series, only
older and obviously more mature. Behind her is SUSIE MICHELLS, dressed
in a more tight outfight, who is doing her nails. Beside her is TINA
CARERA, playing with her hair. In the back of the class, two rows
behind Laura, is T.J. PASTOR, also from season one, who is also much
more developed and wearing the most immodest clothing of the three of
them.
The bell rings. The teacher, MR. RICE, enters. The class quiets
down only minimally, and a few students actually remove their
headphones. Ignoring them, he sets down his briefcase at the desk
and pulls out some lecture notes.
As he looks over his notes, WILLY DUWITT stumbles in. He is his
usual disheveled self, along from a very warn out look on his face,
and a large black right eye. He stops at Rice's desk, talking briefly
with the concerned teacher.
SUSIE
(leaning up to Laura's ear)
Look who finally decided to show up this morning.
TINA
Yeah, fuck. We have a test in social studies.
LAURA
So?
TINA
If he didn't take it today, he wouldn't ruin the fucking curve again.
LAURA
You can't blaim him for being smart.
SUSIE
Well, yeah, that's coming from *you.* You're lucky enough to be his
lab partner.
LAURA
It's not like I get any help from him. He sleeps through every class.
And he's always busy after school. Either I do the lab myself or I
depend on him to do it at work the night before it's due.
SUSIE
But you get 'A's on the labs!
LAURA
(turns around to face her)
But not in the class! Do you think I understand a word of anything
that comes out of Doc Webster's mouth?
SUSIE
Ask your geek lab partner!
LAURA
I'm telling you, he *sleeps through class.* He doesn't know what
Webster says.
SUSIE
Then how's he getting a fucking 'A'? No one does good in honors
biology!
LAURA
I told you, I don't know!
Willy finishes talking with the teacher and takes the desk next to
Laura. Slumping down in his chair, he leans back and prepares to fall
asleep when Tina taps him on the shoulder.
TINA
(mock-seriously)
Your parents beating you again, Willy?
He does not turn around in his chair.
WILLY
(tiredly)
Fuck off.
Tina "ooohs" and just persists.
TINA
Christ, are you in a bad mood. Your parents musta beat you good.
Willy physically turns around, slowly, sneering at her.
WILLY
If you *really* have to know, I was in a bar fight last night.
SUSIE
Sheah, *right*.
He groans and faces forward again.
TINA
Musta been a faggot bar.
Another kid, from the other side of the classroom, calls out.
GUY
*Hey!*
TINA
Sorry!
(to herself)
Jesus Christ, I hate San Francisco.
Mr. Rice, who has long-since started the lecture, clears his
throat in their direction. They shut up. Laura turns to Willy, but
he's already asleep in his chair.
SCENE 2 - WASHINGTON HIGH
Later. The setting is now honors biology. Laura and Willy are at
their lab table, and the teacher, DR. WEBSTER, is handing out
disection trays. Willy is asleep with his head on the desk, with Laura
watching him. Webster approaches their table, setting a tray and tools
down in front of them.
WEBSTER
(to Laura)
I suggest you wake Rip Van Winkle from his marking period-long sleep
long enough to dissect your frog, Ms. Toreno.
LAURA
Thank you, Doc.
(turns to Willy and shakes him)
Willy! Wake up!
Willy is startled by her shaking and snaps up.
WILLY
I'm awake, Captain!
(awakens fully and realizes where he is)
Oh, yeah. Sorry, Laura.
LAURA
Christ, Willy! Do you want us both to fail?
(groans and dumps the tray on his notebook)
What is with you?
WILLY
Sorry ... really.
(picks up lab papers and pushes his glasses further up on his nose)
What are we doing?
LAURA
Frog dissection.
WILLY
(looks at frog)
No kidding.
They begin to proceed with the lab. Willy remains quite out of it,
but does the lab with the least effort possible.
LAURA
(trying to keep him awake)
Who punched you?
WILLY
Hmm? Oh, that.
LAURA
And *don't* tell me you fell down the stairs.
WILLY
(smiles)
No. Someone sucker-punched me.
LAURA
In a bar?
(raises eyebrows)
Or in the locker room?
WILLY
Bar. Seriously.
LAURA
Is that what you do on that ship of yours? Get into bar fights and
drink?
WILLY
Well, usually not in that order.
(rubs his eyes)
Actually, that's the rest of the crew. I usually don't get involved.
LAURA
So what got you involved?
WILLY
Someone called me a smelly hairless baboon.
LAURA
Not much of an insult.
WILLY
It is where I work.
LAURA
You must work in a freak zone.
WILLY
I do.
LAURA
(shakes her head)
What did McNamara used to call you? Wierd Willy?
WILLY
(rolls his eyes)
Please, not *you* too --
Laura laughs good-naturedly and smiles.
LAURA
Jeez, Willy -- what is it with you today?
WILLY
Sorry, I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
LAURA
Can I ask you a question?
WILLY
Go ahead.
LAURA
What drug habit are you financing that you need to work twelve hours a
day?
Willy grins sheepishly.
WILLY
I like my work. I get to work with my two favorite things.
LAURA
Computers and crack?
WILLY
Machinery and people who appreciate me.
Laura shrugs and looks down at their work.
LAURA
Are you going to T.J.'s party on Saturday night?
WILLY
T.J.'s having a party?
LAURA
Are you completely --
(stops)
Oh, wait, you *are* out of it. Well, there's a party.
WILLY
I would seriously doubt that I would be invited.
LAURA
The entire grade is invited.
WILLY
Oh.
(looking away)
Well, I have work --
LAURA
Don't tell me that you work on *Saturday* night!
WILLY
I do.
LAURA
Willy, has anyone ever let you in on the fact that you have *no* life?
WILLY
My parents, on a regular basis.
(beat)
Besides, what reason would I have to go to a party? I don't drink, I
don't dance, and if I ever wanted any mary j, I could just get it from
my parents.
LAURA
(smiles)
Willy!
WILLY
(innocently)
What? I know they have a stash in mom's jewelry box.
LAURA
They're your parents!
WILLY
Yeah, it's wierd. I think I was adopted. No one who's smoked that much
pot produces a kid with brain cells.
Laura stifles her laughter at Dr. Webster's throat clearing.
LAURA
(whispering)
Anyway, you need to get a life, Willy.
WILLY
You're probably right.
LAURA
So you'll come?
WILLY
(thinks about it)
Are we allowed to bring ... out of town guests?
LAURA
Like T.J.'ll notice.
WILLY
Good point.
(beat)
Okay, I'll come. I owe some people a good time.
LAURA
Who, the guys who saved your ass in the bar last night?
Willy ignores it and continues working, to her amusement.
SCENE 3 - WASHINGTON HIGH
The girl's bathroom. Laura enters, where Susie and Tina are doing
their makeup in front of the mirrors.
TINA
(not looking away from the mirror as she does her lipstick)
Girl, what is wrong with you?
LAURA
Who, me?
TINA
Yeah, you. I just spent all of bio watching you hit on that dork.
LAURA
What's wrong with Willy?
TINA
(huffs)
Let's see ... he's completely out of it, he ruins the fucking curve
every test, he --
SUSIE
(interrupting)
He's got that wierd-ass thing on his head. The wire thing. You seen
that thing?
TINA
I *know.* What is up with that?
(still not looking away from the mirror, doing her mascara now)
You stare at him all the time, girl. You should have seen that thing.
LAURA
Yeah, every once in a while.
TINA
What's that thing do? Make him smarter?
LAURA
I have no idea. I've never asked.
TINA
I wouldn't be surprised.
(beat, putting away her makeup)
So what were you guys talking about? Einstein's fucking theory of
relativity?
LAURA
(leans against the way)
T.J.'s party.
TINA
Don't tell me you actually asked him out!
LAURA
I didn't ... not directly.
SUSIE
What do you see in him?
LAURA
He's .. you know, he's not like other guys. He's sweet --
TINA
Now wait a minute, girl --
LAURA
(gives her a look)
When you're not a jerk to him, he's sweet. And he's honest. And he's
probably the only guy in this school not on smack.
TINA
You be quiet. Justin would beat your ass if he heard that.
LAURA
(goes to leave)
So send your boyfriend my regards.
TINA
Maybe you'd better not let DuWitt go. He might get "curropted."
Laura groans and leaves the bathroom, leaving Susie and Tina to
giggle endlessly.
SCENE 4 - T.J. PASTOR'S HOUSE
Saturday. In the warm San Franciscan night, mixed crowds of
teenagers have gathered inside and on the lawn of the high-class
house. From the inside, one can hear loud music. Cars improperly
parked litter the sidewalks and curbs. Gangs of romming teens scatter
the lawn, smoking and drinking.
Laura, in a casual skirt, is sitting on the rim of a car with
KAREN RIVERA, dressed similarly. They are talking quietly when Laura
notices a shadow approaching. Stepping into the light is Willy, in
jeans and a shortsleeve flannel. His hair is neat and clean.
WILLY
(shyly)
Hi.
LAURA
You came!
WILLY
Big surprise, huh?
(shrugs)
I said I'd be here.
LAURA
Yeah, but it's still a first for you. You know Karen, right?
WILLY
I think ... so. Maybe.
KAREN
I think we had English class together last year.
WILLY
Yeah, that was it.
LAURA
(looks around)
Didn't you say you were bringing some friends?
WILLY
Oh, yeah.
(looks behind him)
They should be around.
From behind the car emerge DEADEYE DUCK and JONATHAN WEISSMAN.
Deadeye is in his usual attire, and Jonathan is wearing his black
T-shirt and jeans.
KAREN
Nice costumes, guys. Even though this isn't Halloween.
Jonathan and Deadeye exchange glances, laugh, and turn back to
them.
JONATHAN
Thanks.
WILLY
(a little embarrassed)
Laura, uh... Karen, this is uh, Deadeye Duck and Jonathan Weissman.
They have whoopped some serious ass for me.
DEADEYE
Aye, we usually have to.
Willy chooses to ignore this.
LAURA
You guys work on Willy's ship?
DEADEYE
Since when is it *Willy's* ship?
WILLY
Since *I* build everything.
JONATHAN
He has a point.
DEADEYE
I didn' bring ya along to back up Willy.
JONATHAN
You didn't bring anything, pirate boy.
Deadeye smacks Jonathan, who is only remotely affected by this.
DEADEYE
Ignore me mate here. He's a schizo.
JONATHAN
I am not!
DEADEYE
Ya are. I read yer personel file.
JONATHAN
Did not!
DEADEYE
Did too!
The two animals engage in further argument. Willy shrugs and turns
back to the girls.
LAURA
So *these* are the people you work with?
WILLY
Yeah.
(hops up and sits on the car)
Deadeye works on our ship. He's the gunner. The other guy in the fight
-- that was Bruiser, but he couldn't come. Jonathan's the first mate
on another ship, The Screaming Mimi.
KAREN
Aren't schizophrenics, like, not allowed in the military?
Willy shrugs again.
LAURA
So who outranks who?
WILLY
Uhm... I can give orders to Deadeye, and Jonathan outranks both of us.
KAREN
(watching Deadeye and Jonathan duke it out)
This is *too* wierd.
LAURA
Yeah.
(tugs Willy's arm)
C'mon. Let's go inside.
The three of them stand.
WILLY
(to the guys)
C'mon guys. We're goin' in.
Jonathan and Deadeye pick themselves off the ground and follow.
SCENE 5 - INSIDE T.J.'S HOUSE
LAURA
I'll be back.
Laura exits the room, leaving the rest of them on the couch.
Moments later a very exotically dressed person in a sequined tight
dress approaches.
JONATHAN
(oogaling)
Hello.
SABRINA
(in a smooth voice)
Hi, honey.
(beat, putting hands on hips)
Didn't anyone tell you this isn't Halloween?
DEADEYE
Trust me, lass, we've gotten tha' a buncha times tonight already.
SABRINA
(sits down between them)
Really ....
DEADEYE
Aye, keep yer distance, lassie. Jonathan's already gotta girl.
JONATHAN
Thanks for so eloquently inserting that comment, four-arms.
SABRINA
(in a seductive voice)
Boys, boys ...
(to Jonathan)
Your girlfriend find you cute all dressed up like that or something?
JONATHAN
Are you implying that there's something wrong with doin' it with a
dog?
Deadeye breaks into laughter he is unable to stifle.
SABRINA
Everybody has their own way of getting off these days.
Willy returns, carrying a soda can, unphased by Sabrina's
presence.
WILLY
Hello, Simon.
SABRINA
(in a more masculine voice)
Hello yourself, babycakes.
"Sabrina" gets up and leaves in a huff. Willy grins to himself and
watches her leave, then glances back at Jonathan and Deadeye's
horrofied stares. They are babbling inchorently.
WILLY
(sitting down beside them)
What?
JONATHAN
(pulling himself together and burying his head in his paws)
G-d, I hate San Francisco...
A wiry-looking kid in mainly back and with a long haircut suddenly
grabs WIlly's arm.
WILLY
(looks up)
Hey! ... Oh, hi, Mike.
MIKE
(quietly)
Can you, like, play card games?
WILLY
Huh?
MIKE
I need someone to count cards. I figured you'd be good at numbers and
stuff.
WILLY
Uhm, I guess so.
MIKE
C'mon!
Mike tries to pull him off.
WILLY
Wait -- Laura's in --
MIKE
I need you, smartass!
Willy nods to Karen, who is chatting away but acknowledges him,
and goes off with Mike. Jonathan and Deadeye look up from the couch.
DEADEYE
Should we tell Willy's girlfriend he just ditched her?
JONATHAN
Nah.
(looks down at empty cup)
Let's get something *real* to drink.
DEADEYE
I dunno, matey -- what a yer medication --
Jonathan just grins wickedly and leads him into the kitchen.
SCENE 6 - UPSTAIRS
Mike and Willy are climbing the stairs, which is filled with
loitering people laying on the steps and people making out. As the
music from downstairs dies down in their ears, they reach a closed
door.
WILLY
What are we playing?
MIKE
(banging on the door)
Strip poker.
Willy has a look of horror on his face as the door opens and Mike
drags him in. Inside, a group of kids are sitting in a circle on the
carpet. There is an ashtray filled with reefers and T.J. Pastor is
shuffling cards.
JOHN
(muscular kid in varsity jacket sitting next to T.J.)
Mike, what the fuck are you doing?
MIKE
Can it.
(sits down, pulling Willy down with him)
Willy's cool.
T.J.
Did you bring him to count cards?
MIKE
No! I'm dyslexic. I need him to read the cards 'cuz he's like, smart
an' stuff. He does my math homework all the time.
(to Willy)
Right?
WILLY
(sits indian-style)
Uh... right.
T.J.
Whatever.
(dealing cards)
Aces and jokers are wild. Everyone starts with ten bucks.
Mike picks up the cards and hands them to Willy. He then stuffs
his hands into his pockets and pulls out a few rumbled bills.
T.J.
Everyone in?
MIKE
(to Willy)
How does it look?
WILLY
(looking at the cards, but still watching everyone else)
Okay.
SCENE 7 - KITCHEN
Jonathan and Deadeye enter the kitchen, which is in shambles.
Drinks are everywhere, alcoholic and not. MARSHA, a teenager girl with
brown hair down to her shoulders and wearing a purple flannel is
sitting at the table, with a tube hooked to a pump up her nose. Also
at the table is BENEDICT, a Philipino teen reading a textbook.
JONATHAN
Uhm....
MARSHA
Hi, cutie. Can we get you anything?
JONATHAN
You guys got something to drink?
MARSHA
I've got some liquid protein, if you want some.
BENEDICT
Watch out. It's disgusting.
JONATHAN
(blehs)
No thanks. Where's the booze?
Marsha points to a cabinet. Jonathan, only three foot in height,
climbs up onto the counter to reach the cabinet.
DEADEYE
Ach ... are you okay, lass?
MARSHA
What?
(points to tube)
This?
DEADEYE
Aye.
MARSHA
Just a feeding tube. I've got two bowel diseases. No, actually, one
disease and one syndrome.
DEADEYE
I ... see. Where's it going?
MARSHA
Up my nose and down my throat, into my stomach.
DEADEYE
Ach .... I see.
(turns to Benedict)
Ya came to a party to read?
BENEDICT
I've got finals.
MARSHA
Benedict has finals every consecutive week.
JONATHAN
(calls out with his head buried in the cabinet)
Got any scotch?
MARSHA
Sorry, neither of us drink. Claudia does.
JONATHAN
You know where she is?
MARSHA
Making out with Josh in the broom closet.
BENEDICT
(disapprovingly)
Marsha!
MARSHA
What?
(back to Jonathan)
The punch in the living room has some scotch in it, I think.
JONATHAN
(getting down)
Thanks.
(to Deadeye)
Let's go.
They leave.
MARSHA
Funny looking guys.
BENEDICT
Yeah.
SCENE 8 - UPSTAIRS
A short while later. The game has progressed, and there is a large
pot of poker chips in the center. Several members of the group are
wearing considerably less articles of clothing then when they started.
Mike has lost his shoes, socks, hat, and sweatshirt. Willy is still
fully-clothed, holding the cards nervously.
MIKE
Geez, Willy. Chill.
(hands him a reefer)
Smoke?
WILLY
I don't --
MIKE
(shoves it in his mouth)
Shut up.
Willy involuntarily puffs on it before taking it out of his mouth,
looking at it. He exhales, blowing smoke and chuckling.
WILLY
Who wrapped this?
STEVEN
(perks up)
Huh? Me.
WILLY
This is terrible. The end is too tight and the mouth is too loose.
He begins to rewrap it, to Mike's endless amusement.
MIKE
Like you don't smoke!
WILLY
Seriously, I don't. My parents taught me.
JOHN
Like shit.
STEVEN
No, I've met his parents. Their potheads.
TINA
So what happened to you, Willy?
WILLY
What?
TINA
So why are you such a square?
WILLY
I'm not.
T.J.
(rolls her eyes)
Right.
WILLY
I'm not!
(grabs the reefer and puffs it)
Anyway, give me another two cards.
T.J. laughs and hands him another two cards.
JOHN
Hey, dork!
WILLY
What?
JOHN
I'm raising five.
WILLY
Oh, yeah?
(grabs Mike's chips and tosses them in)
I'll see you and raise it ten.
T.J.
You know the rules, DuWitt.
WILLY
Huh? Mike's doin' it for me.
T.J.
No, he isn't. You raised, he didn't.
JOHN
Yeah, dorkboy. Shut up and strip.
WILLY
Fuck you.
John stands angrily, but T.J. grabs him by his pant leg and pulls
him down.
T.J.
Cool it.
(to Willy)
Do it. And the shoes don't count. This is the second hand already.
Willy frowns nervously and, after some hesitation, pulls his shirt
over his head, feeling very unhappy that he didn't bother to wear an
undershirt.
STEVEN
See, what were you worried about? You're cute.
TINA
Steven you fag, stop making passes at him.
STEVEN
(offended)
What? He's not seeing anyone. Right, Willy?
The camera turns back to Willy, who is now nursing the reefer to
ease his nerves.
WILLY
Huh?
STEVEN
Forget it.
(beat)
You work out, Willy?
WILLY
No, but I have a very physically demanding job.
TINA
Like shit, DuWitt. You're an engineer.
STEVEN
Engineer? Where do you work?
Willy is now incredibly high.
WILLY
(laughing)
On a spaceship.
They all giggle, smoke filling the room.
SCENE 9 - OUTSIDE
Jonathan and Deadeye emerge from the house to get a breath of
fresh air. Deadeye is sober, but Jonathan leers a bit in his steps.
Outside, there is a gang of kids sitting in and around a beat-up car
parked on the lawn, crushing the mailbox. One of the kids is
recognizable as DOUG MCNAMARA, now a high school senior. They are
talking amongst themselves until they spot the two aniversians.
TOM
Woah, what a bunch of wierdos.
Jonathan growls drunkenly.
TOM
What?
(gets up, approaching them)
Didn't anyone tell you guys this isn't fuckin' Halloween.
DEADEYE
Aye, we ain't wearing costumes.
TOM
Like shit.
(looks at them closely)
Do you even go to our school?
JONATHAN
(slurred)
We're wi' Willy.
DEADEYE
Aye, crewmates.
DOUG
(from hood of car)
Willy DuWitt? That fucking wierdo?
Both of the mammals perk up.
DEADEYE
Ya be insultin' me crewmate?
TOM
What the fuck did you just say?
JONATHAN
H' ask'd if yer insultin' Willy.
DOUG
(stands, still on car, towering over them)
Of course I am. That faggot? I beat his ass once a week.
JONATHAN
Before or after I screw your momma?
Doug's rage is ignited by Jonathan's comment. Deadeye is confused
by it, but understand Jonathan's intent. The bully leaps off the car
and comes charging at Jonathan, who is less than half his size.
Unnerved, Jonathan simply puts out his paw in a fist in front of him.
Doug hits it, and the sound of a body hitting a metal-like object is
herd. Doug doubles back, seething. Jonathan laughs.
DEADEYE
Ya'd better watch out for me fleetmate, lass. He's a dawg of steel.
JONATHAN
You said it.
The charge at the group. Fighting ensues.
SCENE 10 - UPSTAIRS
The group upstairs has continued their game, the room filled with
smoke. Only Willy, Mike, and John are left with cards. Everyone else
has tossed in their hands or passed out.
JOHN
Okay ... let's get this damn game finished.
He tosses down his hand.
JOHN
Full house.
Willy also exposes his hand.
WILLY
Royal flush.
JOHN
Fuck you!
WILLY
What? We won, asshole.
John and Willy simultaniously stand angrily. Mike has an "oh shit"
look on his face as he rises beside his partner.
MIKE
Let's get out of here.
WILLY
What's the problem?!?
MIKE
(whispering)
He's gonna kick our asses!
WILLY
Oh, you're *quick.*
MIKE
Screw it, I'm outta here!
Mike darts out the door, leaving John and Mike standing. Before
Willy can say anything, John pushes his exposed chest. The engineer is
shoved back into the dresser. He collapses onto the ground, in a pile
of clothing.
T.J.
*Jesus* John!
(stands and grabs his arm)
You're going to ruin my parents' furniture!
With John distracted, Willy hurries to his feet and scrambles out
of the room. Still disoriented, he stumbles through the hallway,
avoiding the other teenagers until he runs into STEPHANIE, one of the
girls from the poker game.
STEPHANIE
Hey ....
Dumbfounded that somene popular is talking to him, Willy gapes and
says nothing.
STEPHANIE
Come on...
SCENE 11 - UPSTAIRS
Stephanie pulls him into the bathroom, shutting the door behind
her. As he stands there, dumbfounded as the drugs wear off, she hops
up on the counter, her short skirt hiking higher in front of Willy's
eyes.
STEPHANIE
(in a soft voice)
Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to stare?
He says nothing, still quite removed from the situation, until she
rubs her hand against his chest. He doubles back, frightened.
STEPHANIE
What?
(beat)
It's just sex.
WILLY
I know .... but ....
(straightens himself out)
This isn't what I want.
Stephanie sighs and looks around.
STEPHANIE
Take it or leave it, Willy.
Willy steels himself, but says nothing, obviously intent on
standing firm. She groans, tosses him his shirt, and storms out of the
bathroom.
SCENE 12 - OUTSIDE
Deadeye and Jonathan are the only two left standing on the lawn.
The entire gang is laid out on the grass. The aniversians are
congradulating each other when they feel a tap on their shoulder. They
spin around to face BUCKY O'HARE and JENNY, out of uniform.
DEADEYE
Ah... hi, Cap'n. Can we help you?
BUCKY
Jenny and I wanted to check this out, after Chairman Warner told us
what happens at human parties.
JONATHAN
You gotta stop talking to Fritz. He's got an overactive imagination.
BUCKY
(checking out the pile of unconscious teens)
It doesn't look like it. What the hell happened here?
DEADEYE
Ah, Cap -- we were defendin' Willy's honor.
JENNY
Does Willy know about this?
DEADEYE
I haven't seem 'im recently.
JONATHAN
Me neither.
Bucky sighs and shakes his head.
BUCKY
Do I have to remind you guys that you are supposed to be *responsible
adults*?
DEADEYE
Corsairs consider honor-defending responsible, Cap'n.
BUCKY
They also consider looting and plundering responsible.
Deadeye shrugs. Willy emerges from the house in a haze, but
wearing all of his clothes.
BUCKY
Engineer DuWitt?
The teenager sobers himself and salutes.
WILLY
Captain.
JENNY
(looks at him)
Are you okay?
WILLY
Yeah, man.
Jenny shoots a glance at her captain, who rolls his eyes.
BUCKY
Isn't there someone you're supposed to be with?
Willy's eyes widen as realization sinks in.
DEADEYE
Aye, mate. The lassie was lookin' for ya.
WILLY
Oh *shit* -- 'scuse me, Cap --
He runs off, back into the house. Bucky grins, then turns back to
Jenny, seriously.
BUCKY
Is my engineer -- what's the word I'm looking for?
JONATHAN
Stoned, sir?
BUCKY
Right. Is he "stoned"?
JENNY
Ah, Bucky...
(wraps her arm around him)
He's just a teenager. He's acting his age, for once. Let him go.
BUCKY
(sighs)
I suppose you're right.
(turns to Jonathand Deadeye)
But that doesn't mean *you* guys get off. You're adults, remember?
(at Jonathan)
And *you're* on medication.
JONATHAN
Damnit, does everyone in the aniverse have to know about that?
BUCKY
I read your personnel file.
JONATHAN
G-d damnit --
BUCKY
Language!
(hardens)
As a result of both of your failures to keep a responsible watch on
Willy and yourselfs, you both have KP duty for a week.
JONATHAN & DEADEYE
*What*?
BUCKY
(grins maliciously)
You heard me. Now go.
The two aniversians salute and run off. Bucky shakes his head and
clicks his tongue.
BUCKY
You think I was too hard on them?
JENNY
It's always nice to make sure those ruffians stay in line, Buck.
(smiles)
Besides, you don't want them to set a bad example for Willy.
BUCKY
You want to stay and see how the girlfriend situation turns out?
JENNY
I don't think it's any of our business, actually.
BUCKY
Then let's ... what's the term Fritz would use?
JENNY
Blow this joint?
BUCKY
Exactly.
They walk away from the house, arm in arm.
SCENE 13 - TJ'S HOUSE, ROOF
Laura is sitting on the low, flat roof, staring out at the sky and
hanging her legs over the edge silently. She does not turn away when
she hears footsteps behind her, as Willy climbs out of the window and
makes it way up next to her.
WILLY
Geez, was it hard to find you --
Laura does not respond.
WILLY
Hey, I'm sorry, okay? It wasn't, like, supposed to happen.
LAURA
(not looking at him)
What? That you weren't supposed to ditch me?
WILLY
Yeah. But Mike grabbed me and you were in the bathroom and I was in
this game, and John Gretzky was gonna kick my ass, and --
LAURA
(sighs, looking at him)
Willy, do you get this conversation at *all*?
WILLY
What?
LAURA
(sighs heavily and looks away again)
Are we in a relationship or not?
WILLY
*What*?
LAURA
Are you *completely* oblivious?!?
(beat)
Are we going out or not?
WILLY
Huh?
(thinks about it)
I mean, yes ... no ... I didn't know I was committed to, like,
something here.
LAURA
(softer)
Well, do you want to be?
Willy looks completely petrified, not saying anything for quite a
long time.
WILLY
I ... don't know.
LAURA
What are you, gay or something?
WILLY
(without thinking)
No!
LAURA
Then what's up with you?
WILLY
I just ... I dunno. I'm not sure what I ... want in a relationship
yet.
Laura looks genuinely touched by his honestly. She leans over and
kisses him deeply, then pulls away before he can retract in fear.
LAURA
Give me a call when you figure it out.
She stands and climbs back in the house through the window. Willy
lies back against the roof, looking up at the stars for several
minutes. He is only distracted when his vision is blocked by an
approaching figure.
STEVEN
Hey, Willy.
WILLY
Hello, queer.
STEVEN
(unaffected; sits down beside him)
Laura just dump you?
WILLY
No, I think I dumped her.
STEVEN
Why? I mean, if I was interested, I would go out with her.
WILLY
Well, I'm not, so I'm not.
(beat)
How come the entire grade seems to think we're a couple?
STEVEN
Because she flirts with you. We were just assuming that you're
flirting back if she's keeping it up like she is.
WILLY
I'm not.
STEVEN
(shrugs)
That's life, I guess. Consider yourself lucky.
WILLY
Why?
STEVEN
Most guys would consider themselves lucky to have someone all over
them.
WILLY
I guess. But ... my mind's not on it, you know? I'm not used to people
finding me attractive.
STEVEN
This is because you were a dork all of your life.
WILLY
And I'm not a dork now all of the sudden?
STEVEN
You wouldn't be if you fucked Stephanie.
WILLY
(sits up)
What?
STEVEN
The bet. You didn't know?
(takes out a candy bar, unwraps it, and begins eating)
T.J. bet Steph to fuck you.
Willy sighs and takes off his glasses.
STEVEN
Not surprised, huh?
(breaks off a piece of the bar and hands it to Willy)
If it means anything, I respect you for turning her down.
WILLY
I'm glad someone does.
STEVEN
You realize the entire school's gonna think you're homo now?
WILLY
It's occured to me.
(beat)
Of course, that's not really a bad thing in this town.
STEVEN
You said it.
WILLY
Do *you* find me attractive?
STEVEN
(glances at him briefly)
Yeah.
WILLY
(giggling)
Fuckin' homo.
STEVEN
Yeah, but at least *I'm* comfortable with *my* sexuality.
(stands before Willy can answer)
See ya in homeroom.
Steven leaves Willy to himself.
THE END
