The Tale of Two Pities

Parody, One-Shot

Once upon a time there was a Mennonite, Nazi whose name was Emma she was year in her early teen years and she dreaded Wendy and Jane for possibly stealing her soul mate from her. Emma figured that she and Peterpan were meant to be, Emma even loved to fairy skipped all the time. Emma prayed every night that somehow she would get to escape her bland suburban town and venture away from the bores of her tedious school with her obnoxious loud mouth teacher. Emma had the worst teacher in the history of the world she screamed and yelled for no reason and hated everyone just because her life sucked because she was such a girl dog! Emma would have actually said the word I described because she uses profanities nonchalantly every three seconds you would hear Emma shout "What the hell!" it was simply uncalled for and unruly inappropriate. Some speculated that the only reason that Emma wanted to go to Neverland so desperately was because she despised the United States and all Americans, which disgusted her patriotic friends until they unveiled the truth that there other friend was the Amish terrorist so they apologized to Emma and accepted her back as an American and not a terrorist. Though it was inevitable to then question her status as a Nazi terrorist though some said it was undeniably uncountable. One day Emma and her awesome friend, Charlie and Shea had a computer project that this teacher, Mrs. Dunce had taken over despite the fact it was not even her profession as a teacher but she was so cocky conceded that she took Miss Flock's job anyway. Charlie, however, was flawless, unlike Emma which sent her into a constant fury of envy, Charlie had it all, looks, talent, intelligence, popularity Emma would give anything to be like Charlie, Shay and Cecelia worshiped what was thought to be an immaculate example of a teenager. No one didn't like Charlie, no one. Charlie came in on the due date of the computer project with a stunning work of art. It was a fabulous trailer for a movie called Bedtime Stories Not as You Know Them it was dazzling with brilliant effects and breath taking acting by the wicked with of the northeastern hemisphere and not so great acting by the fairy grandmother. No one knew of the absolute hell that Charlie had went through to complete her masterpiece she was up until like 3 AM relentlessly searching for a resolution to the problem night after night. So, when Emma came up with her adequate project she had a tough act to follow with her mediocre technology craftsmanship. She was already lionized by Charlie's project's concept; fairytale land a.k.a. Neverland. After presenting her so-so project she was then sent into a spiraling world of criticism by Mrs. Dunce.

"This is not above and beyond work. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a perfect example of what not to do on your project. And for you Emma, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER! I swear sometimes I say on thing and it goes in one ear and out the other. Blah, blah, blah, blab, blah yelling blah insane, psychotic screaming, etc. Why can't you be more like Charlie!" Mrs. Dunce screamed on a psychotic rampage as she went on a tirade ranting about everything imaginable. "And who is the cause for world hunger….EMMA!" She continued, everyone despised Mrs. Dunce with a blistering animosity. Charlie went up to Emma to comfort her.

"It's okay, Emma, I thought your project was great no one cares what that old hag has to say anyway. I just ignore her IS ALL." Charlie said in comfort as Emma thrashed her to the ground and fairy skipped home as she was consumed in covetous hatred for the world around her and buried herself into a book, Peterpan that is. Peterpan was like the hottest, sexiest guy in Neverland but Captain Hook and the fat pirate guy was a close second. Emma fell into a daydream about her and Peter's wedding when suddenly a knock was heard at her window.

"Who is it? Who's there, is it you Winnie the Pooh, I told you we're over okay, I was young and in love okay! Take your honey pots and get out!" Emma screamed at who she presumed to be her ex-husband, Winnie the Pooh. But, as Emma peered out her window pane once more she realized it was the love her life.

"Peter, is-is it really you!" Emma muttered in a love struck, flirty tone.

"You bet cha, baby!" Peter replied.

"Wooooow, I love you!" Emma shouted.

"I love you too, what do you say I get Tink here to give us some pixie dust and we'll get ourselves hitched, Neverland style!" Peter proposed.

"Sure thing, sweetheart! But, one question why the hell are we getting married in Neverland, where no one ages… I don't get it." Emma interrogated her fiancée.

"Oh, come on, honey don't worry about that stuff. Come-on hurry up before Jane or Wendy beats you to it!" Peter pressured. Emma started uncontrollably weeping.

"I'm sorry, Peter, but I can't! I love you more than anything but it's better this way! I'm too young I won't make the same mistake I did years ago with Winnie I can't relive the heartbreak, I'm sorry!" Emma cried as she chocked on tears as a pang of pain struck her heart and Peter felt the sting of neglect and betrayal.

"Fine! I'll go meet someone else like Captain Hook he's always had a thing for me and he hasn't got neatly as many quirks and idiosyncrasies as you he's almost as perfect as Charlie!" Peter said and with that Emma's kindred spirit flew away with tinker bell not far behind he flew away from her but he lived forever in her heart well into her lonely cat lady life. Emma forever rued denying Peter's proposal for all time and longed for her heart to reach tranquility to cease her inner turmoil but alas she lived in horror and distraught for eternity and it was all her fault for being paranoid. As for Charlie she became a successful multi-trillionare by making a revolutionary advancement in Technology after getting her master's in technology from Harvard University and she went on to marry world renowned Pokémon Master Ash Ketchum whom Charlie had cured his rare no-agingidise disorder and finally caught up to his age after not aging for fifteen years. Cecelia went on to become supreme ultralord of Cambodia under the nom-de-plume of Paul Pot she was a fugitive from the US government after an act of treason trying to overthrow President, Shea despite their childhood friendship. So Cecelia escaped to Cambodia and ruled there after her failed attempt at overthrowing the most powerful nation in the world. As for Shea she became America's first female president and put an end to Emma's problem of world hunger. Mrs. Dunce was barbecued by the class of 2012 and everyone celebrated. And Emma like I said before lived a lonely life in a cardboard box rejected for even a job at McDonald's and community college and even her cats left her and she spent all of eternity with a Peterpan book as ghosts haunted her forcing her to believe in them. THE END