I am trying to sleep, but it is no use.
Visions of you and her wrack my brain, playing movies on the inside of my eyelids every time I close my eyes. I wrap the blanket tighter around my shoulders, burying my face in the pillow, trying to think of anything else but you.
It does not work.
I sigh, sitting up once more, glancing at the clock. The glowing red numbers pierce my eyes through the darkness.
11:11
I snort to myself and close my eyes tightly once more, whispering out something I'd been saying for the past 6 months.
"I wish for you."
But you never come.
I wait in vain for a few minutes. Nothing. Suddenly my exhaustion overcomes me, and I close my tired eyes, thankful for the rest about to come.
I am floating.
I am on a silent river, the wind a bare whisper, hushing the waves into ripples against the side of the boat. I look upwards, towards the sky, the feeling of harmony covering my very being. I smile wide, taking in the perfection of the scene, leaning back to breathe in the air...
RING RING
The sound of my phone is harsh to my ears, and I scramble under my blanket, trying to hide like a vampire to sun. I eventually peek out from underneath, and scramble for my phone before it stops ringing. The blinding light of the screen momentarily dazes me, and I can barely make out the name I am seeing.
It is yours. I answer it.
"Hello?" I am cautious; my voice is barely above a whisper. This must be a prank call, or a sleep dial somehow, or even a dream.
"Hey. Did I wake you?" Your voice is hoarse. It worries me.
"Yeah, but it's alright, what's up?"
I hear you take a deep breath. You laugh a fake chuckle that sounds awkward, like you don't want to say. "I really need someone to talk to."
I smile. "Well, I'm here, pour your heart out."
You sigh. "It's hard to explain over the phone, I'll just wait till tomorrow, yeah? I'm sorry I woke you."
No, I won't let you go that easy. "No, it's fine. Come over, if you can."
I know you can, and so I wait for your answer.
"Really? Wow, that's cool. Okay, thanks, I'll be there in about twenty minutes, alright?"
"Okay, see you soon."
I hang up, a slow smile spreading across my face. I quickly unlock the back door, before walking in to the kitchen and turning on the jug.
They are the slowest twenty minutes of my life.
It is honestly as if the numbers on the clock are taunting me, going as slow as they possibly can, and trying to delay you from me.
But it doesn't work. My phone beeps, signifying a message.
"I'm here; I'll be inside in a few."
I throw my phone down, walking to the back door and opening it when I hear your footsteps near.
You walk in, leather jacket on, a hand ruffling through your hair.
"Hey."
"Hey, want a drink?"
You nod silently, thin lipped, walking into my bedroom and sitting on my bed. I stand in the kitchen, mixing you a cup, bringing it back to you and setting it next to you.
"Thanks." You say, without looking up.
You are silent then, not saying anything, only interrupted by the sound of you taking a sip and muttering your approval.
You set down the cup beside you again, and I watch, concerned, sitting on the carpet in front of you.
"What happened?" I ask, watching your face.
Pain.
You run another hand through your hair.
"She was cheating on me."
You are almost amused by the gasp that escapes my lips.
You smirk. "I know, we were meant to be the perfect couple. Yet, here we are."
I struggle for words. "I- I'm sorry."
You just merely shrug, finishing the drink and putting the cup down. I wait for you to speak again.
"It's an ex of hers, I guess I should've seen it coming,." You tell me the story of you finding out and all that rips through me is anger and sadness. Anger at her for hurting you, sadness because I understand what you're going through.
"... and I can't exactly complain, I deserved it but still..."
I cut you off. "Why would you deserve it? No one deserves to be cheated on."
You sigh and look at me.
"Because I was falling for someone else anyway."
The moment you say that, butterflies, no, birds begin to flutter in my stomach, and it is a strange feeling.
You bend down, pulling my hand until I am sitting next to you.
I am speechless. "I-"
You cut me off. "Yeah, I know. Complicated, isn't it?"
I am silent once more, and so I just nod.
You pull me into a hug and at first I am frozen, so untrusting of this, so sure I will wake up any moment.
But I do not.
I feel my body soften, feel it mould against yours, feeling your heartbeat.
We stay like that for what seems like hours, but it could be minutes, or moments, but I can never tell.
You glance at your watch over my shoulder.
"Shit, it's really late, I better go."
I pull back and grab your wrist, looking at the time.
1:55
I realise I had no idea how long we had been together. You got here at 12:50, we talked for a while, then we hugged for the rest.
As you stand, you unsuccessfully stifle a yawn escaping.
"I'm not letting you drive. You can have my bed, I'll grab a mattress or I'll go on the couch."
You smile thankfully, before closing the distance between us. "Don't be silly, it's your bed, I don't want to impose."
I feel brave for the first time tonight.
"Or... we could share it?"
And that's how I end up in your arms that night, as you climb in next to me and we pull the blankets up, curling them around our shoulders, although I grumble because you demand your shoulders to be covered but when they are, my face is also.
"Move up then, I can't help being a giraffe."
I laugh at that, you can't. I shuffle upwards, and you bring your arms around me, one tucked under my head like a pillow, the other wrapped around my torso, pulling me closer to you.
I snuggle my face into the curve of your neck and shoulder, your hair tickling my face. I feel your breath along my back and I wrap my arms around you, pulling myself even closer.
"I don't think you realise how long I've been wishing for this." My voice cracks at the end, the rush of emotions getting to me.
You says nothing, only nestling into my neck closer, placing a soft kiss. I smile and close my eyes, finally pleased that I'll be able to sleep, with you here.
It isn't until I am nearly asleep that you reply.
"I don't think you do either."
I can't believe, you actually picked me.
