Cramps, Fire, New Hormones and the Mangekyo Sharingan.
Chapter – 1 – WHY THE HELL AM I A GIRL!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, I do however own this laptop.
Hello and welcome to the CFNHMS network, don't touch that dial (unless you're already put off then kindly go) so that you can read this amazingly terrible unoriginal piece of garbage that I call a story, I'm your host nameless guy and I'm being held here against my will (SEND HELP!)
Now this whole self-insert shtick's been done before and an Uchiha with the mangekyo already is common as hell but I haven't seen many where it's a dude turned into a chick (in fact I've only seen like three stories that start that way) as si-oc anyways)) and having to deal with hormonal imbalances and shit (but that won't be for a while and I'll have to research the hell outta that) while also dealing with plotting, subterfuge, rampant mind wandering, putting up with children, a revenge obsessed Sasuke, a painfully oblivious Naruto and being rude enough to earn many people's ire. (likely yours as well)
Now our story begins with death, usually that would be something like a car crash, getting murdered or slipping on stairs or something like that. Well in this story our protagonist was flattened by a construction crane falling off a high-rise being re-constructed in Wellington, New Zealand.
Now I won't be going into detail about much and im gonna probably skip bits but info dumps Will happen and will likely be frequent, for instance the new age of our new hero is seven, making them the same age as the rookie nine post massacre, which is when they wake up in a hospital ward and thus we start the story.
Pain blossomed everywhere, and the only thing I could think was 'how in our lord and saviour fuck did I survive getting squished?' what I didn't expect was a reply in the form of 'fuck knows' and I thought to myself 'mate that's why I asked him' then realised I was having a conversation in my head. I promptly stopped thinking and tried to open my eyes. Keyword here being TRIED cause everything was in such hyper detail to the point it burnt my retinas when I tried to look up and all I could see was SUN REFLECTED WHITE SURFACE GOD-FUCKING-DAMNIT. Why couldn't it be a light gray ceiling or black that's a good idea maybe it WON'T burn the eyes of patients.
I wiggled around a bit but found myself strapped to a bed covered in bandages from the neck down. Also my body was TINY, like three, four feet tall.
I heard a fast-ish beeping and noticed that I was hooked to an IV bag and a heart rate monitor displaying a fluctuating 75 to 83 bpm rate. I was also painfully aware of a coursing sensation roiling through my body and wondered what the hell it was as I tried to sit up, but all I got for my troubles was a burning sensation that made me groan. And that groan was feminine as hell, like yeah when you're little your voice is high pitched but that was ACTUALLY girly. Then a nurse walked in and started replacing the blood in the IV before noticing I was actually awake. She does not appear to have situational awareness because she squawked, like ACTUALLY squawked and ran off.
My stomach growled, and I REALLY wished I could get mince pie in a hospital. I don't think you could. Shit. Anyway duck lady came back with this old guy and another doctor and this old guy had a MAJOR resemblance to the third Hokage from Naruto, robes hat and all that, and all I could do was wriggle a little, and when I tried to talk I just croaked like a crow or something. Old guy just smiled and chuckled a bit, but the three of them freaked when I glared at them. Everything was all clear but I felt a drain on that stuff I could feel. I don't like that feeling much. Old guy said to the two doctors and like, THREE (took me a little) other people in the room that what they saw was not to leave this room, under threat of an A rank punishment.
. . Holy fuck im actually in Naruto and this IS the third Hokage. Which meant that clearness was a Dojutsu which meant I was either an Uchiha or a Hyuga. Either one spoke ill of what would happen in my life time, because I was either one of the last of the clan, or I was a part of a pompous jackass clan. I think I yelled out what went through my mind cause all I heard was "FUCK!" and six people jumped in surprise, it was great. What was I thinking about? Oh right Naruto. Joy. I also had to contend with a possible paedophile who would want my body, and a guy who thought it was okay to indoctrinate children to the point that they would serve him and only him and do nothing else. Which was actually rather squicky if you thought about it because he could order them to do ANYTHING and they'd have no problem with it. I should stop thinking down that path because those are some gross dark thoughts to have about an old guy eww.
Anyways the Third ordered everyone but the ANBU out while I was having my little internal squickfest and turned and sat down in the seat next to my bed, looking real pensive about something. Maybe that means I AM an Uchiha and he's tryna break the news everyone's dead. That's a really bleak thought, I've got like no family in this world. Oh well from what I saw they were stuck up PRICKS so they can die in a hole. Poor kids though, I mean even if Danzo did use Kotoamatsukami on Itachi he should've spared the kids so it was probably Obito that did them in. I wonder if im Sasuke, or I guess in my situation, Sasu-KO because I can't feel shit between my legs. Hiruzen's stopped looking pensive, wonder what he's gonna say.
He sighed a world's on your shoulders sigh, before he turned and looked at me with what seemed to be remorse in his eyes, and he spoke rather softly too. "I know you must be confused about what happened and why you're in the hospital, Hisoka-chan"
Yeah fuck you, why couldn't you use san or something jerk, but I did as was smart and nodded, hurting my neck too in the process. He sighed again, before speaking in that soft but firm voice of his. "Well, your brother Itachi, he went mad and killed your family and your clan down to you and Sasuke-san"
PRICK why can I not get san as my honorific. Anyway I blinked and then, probably to the astonishment of all of them, I shrugged. "I can understand all of that mister" DEAR GOD my voice was so CHIRPY I found my inner male CRYING. "But why am I covered in bandages?"
I said in that oh so guilt inducing voice only kids can use. Judging from the way he coughed it was fault on their part. "Yes well, when we went in to see if there were any survivors, one of our more jumpy shinobi saw you wander out of your house, with such blank eyes, and little Sasuke on your shoulder, he must've over reacted and thought you were an enemy, as he encased you in an earth casing to the neck down after one of his team members grabbed Sasuke. I believe he thought you were Itachi, as unlike your younger brother of two minutes as you hold over him, you look more like your mother without the infamous bird bottom haircut"
He got me to snigger at that, the old codger's slippery I tell you, which is to be expected from the leader of the village but still. "So a dickhead encased me in earth and tried to take away my little brother then?" he twitched and I nearly smirked cause HAH, but thinking over it must've been root or something, combining for mangekyo's for the old war hawk.
Hiruzen and I talked back and forth for a while, before he told me that Sasuke would probably want to visit me soon, so with a great amount of apprehension I said words that would haunt me forever. Nah im joking about that but still Sasuke was a little shit back then, still kinda is later on in the manga too. Then he brought up how I had the Mangekyo Sharingan and I groaned and just answered with "only our lord and saviour fuck knows, but no one has ever found him but the great sage himself, and even then he cheated." I had to bite my cheek to not smile but Hiru-jiji actually considered that seriously for a second, then huffed and told me I should swear less. I gave him the stink eye pink eye that I now possessed (though with MUCH less chakra mind you, I may not have Naruto levels of chakra but I know that I have bloody HEAPS of yin chakra, which Is odd cause I only lived to about seventeen and a quarter but im not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Anyway old man told me I'd be cleared in about half a week, and that I'd been unconscious for one whole week.
About a day and a half went by before I saw Sasuke. And dear god did he look like shit. Like I've had pretty off days but right now he takes the cake. Well since I was a 'responsible two minute older sibling™' I just told it to him straight. "You look like shit sausage" his lil black eyes widened in surprise before he snickered and asked "sausage is all you could come up with you silly clown?" that gave me pause before I LITERALLY shouted "I AM HISOKA, FEAR MY CLOWN POWERS OF DOOMY DOOM" which started everyone off giggling, even the ANBU, which was surprising cause I thought they were trained to be emotionless.
Anyway Sasuke asked if he could stay with me, and I was all like "but this is my bed get your own". He pouted and said a firm "No" that surprised me, so I decided to be a dick. I used a dramatic long winded sigh and then hit with the kicker. "Very well my immature younger brother, I guess I shall have to make an exception untoward thee." How the hell did this kid get so depressed? Maybe he had too long to think about what happened, which coupled with the Tsukiyomi probably didn't go too well with him. Eesh maybe that was it. I mean when he walked in he looked like he'd been crying like hell but still I got him to smile at least.
It took FOUR MORE BLOODY DAYS before I was cleared and by god they were so bloody long. I wasn't even allowed to read, which sucked like hell since all I could do was practice with the eyes of hax that can do whatever the plot demands. Maybe if im lucky I'll get the sharinnegann. That'd be pretty sweet actually. I really pray that im not one of those mary sues that everyone falls in love with, first off on the principle that I still identify as a dude for now and second off that it'd just be tedious as fuck to deal with. Wouldn't mind Naruto, Choji or Lee though those three are all right cause they'd treat anyone they're with right. Naruto because he's never had someone, Choji because he's that nice form what you see and Lee because it'd be un-youthful.
I heard Gai yell out "YOUTH" as he sped by on his hands past us, and I was impressed because goddamn he was fucking RIPPED! I just drooled. Eww. Anyway we were following Hiru-jiji when Naruto came flying into him. I have the right to deny that I squee'd. No one can prove anything and I'll take that to my grave. Anyway after that he just followed along, and I asked Hiru-jiji if I could keep him like he was a puppy. Old man tripped but he caught himself too quick for it to look like nothing more than a stumble. I still laughed before saying I was serious though. I think that fear actually flashed in his face. YES FEAR MY ARMY OF TINY CHILDREN that I probably won't gather for a long while because dealing with kids is difficult when they're little bags of shit. The academy is gonna be just a big ball of sunshine.
I think Hiruzen was gonna make the mistake of saying no, but he did a stupid thing and looked at my eyes'puppy-eyes jutsu success' he caved in seconds. Fear the puppy dog eyes of doom, where only your proficiency with it can save you. Naruto looked scared for a second but then I grabbed him and Sasuke in a hug, and in my most serious little girl voice, said "we're gonna prank the hell outta these villagers." They were both smiling after that, and even I'll admit I was grinning.
After about two weeks of recovery time, with Naruto bringing us books on the academy subjects (which were as easy as taking a piss, iffin you actually had a dick ((or at least easy to me anyways cause like +17 years of knowledge up in hurr)) we were finally cleared to go to the academy, but not without being shadowed by like two ANBU, which were rabbit and Hound, and I'll admit Yugao looked amazing, and I actually asked her what the secret to great hotness when I was older was. She choked a bit before stammering that she didn't know any secret. So she was naturally attractive, like Kurenai and Anko, or an older Hinata, Sakura or Ino. I had a lot to look forward to. Hopefully
Anyway once we arrived there and we were seated, me, fishcakes and sausage by the window in the fifth row, I decided I didn't like how people were looking at me like I was a porcelain doll. I was scowling for most of the day. Then kunoichi classes came up and I groaned again because I don't wanna do no flowery shit.
I learnt that those girls that bullied Sakura had really stale material in insults. I made them all cry with my level d insults. It was kinda pathetic. Then I saw them try to pick on Sakura, so I walked up and decked one in the mouth, I think it was that Ami chick. They all scrambled away, before I turned to Sakura and helped her up. I guess her and Ino weren't friends yet cause she was self-conscious as FUCK. But then I said I liked her pink hair, and that she shouldn't cry cause it makes her a thousand times uglier. She smiled at that. Ino walked up to us after that. They started a good friendship, which was nice, and Sakura got her red head band thing. I also said from now on I was gonna call her blossom, because she was smart and had pink hair.
Kunoichi classes were boring but useful (and kinda fun) my masculinity just died a little more)), the teacher was a Chunin by the name of Suzume, who taught us that we could brew a minor paralysing agent from this giant flower (by giant I mean the size of a child's head in length from the leaves itself) but for the life of me I can't remember the name, only that it was yellow. Flower pressing was boring and really stupid, but a good time waster, which was nice, and we learnt about disguises and how geisha could be ninja in disguise.
The bell rang, and we were herded back into class, when the teacher (who was definitely NOT Iruka) told us we were going to be doing taijutsu bouts. I smiled at that. Ten minutes later my smile turned into a scowl because I WASN'T ALLOWED TO FIGHT BOYS. It was BULLSHIT. Anyway most of the girls' fights were pathetic, with the only contenders being Sakura, Hinata, Ino, Me and that Ami girl. I literally only lightly threw one out of the ring and she started crying. So I got fed up and asked the teacher if I could fight with the boys. He said no. When I asked why he said "because I said so" so with an aggravated groan I sat back down by a tree on my lonesome. When my name was called I got up and found I was fighting Ami. Wouldn't be too difficult since a single deck was enough to make her run off. I nearly ate my words when she rebounded, but then knocked her out with a head-butt. I saw stars for two seconds before walking back to the tree. Sakura got a by. And Ino got beat by Hinata. Then Sakura got beaten by Hinata. I was actually really impressed, cause it was usually decided in four small strikes before the fight was over.
When it was finally my turn, I continually praised Hinata for such decisive fighting, before I activated my Sharingan (three tomoe cause mangekyo would be over kill) and got into the Uchiha interceptor style. She had her Byakugan activated (wonder if I could find a way to get her the tenseigan?) and was in the standard Jyuken, but was blushing heavily from the praise. The match was quick paced and neither of us were allowed a break, I had to duck and weave through strikes that only narrowly missed because of the Sharingan, and only managed to get a few good hits in edge wise. She had disabled part of my left hand, but I could still use it to parry her blows. She wasn't expecting kicks though as when I bent backwards to dodge a Jyuken palm strike, before kicking out and hitting her stomach. She dropped pretty quickly after that, as she was more focused on it then me.
After the fight was over I went to see if she was okay, and learnt something. I hit harder than the average Chunin because she was REALLY hurt. Like not blood from the mouth hurt but there would be a major bruise on her stomach tomorrow. I wouldn't stop apologising for hours, but she just grit her teeth, smiled a little and praised me for my fighting abilities in her shy little voice. I nearly cried at that point, and made a vow I would never go back on. "Hinata, I want you to listen to me okay? You will always be welcome in my home, and if you EVER need help all you need to do is ask!" This time I did cry. So did she. I'd made a lifelong friend that day without realising it.
By the time my first month in Konoha went by I realised that people REALLY didn't like Naruto, but even Chunin would lose heart when they saw the Sharingan. I helped Sasuke unlock one tomoe in each eye as well which was nice. Now all I needed was someone to teach me how to use it.
Anyway after my spar with Hinata I was invited to the Hyuga manor. Hiashi was PISSED but he was really good at hiding it away. And before I knew what happened I was set to spar with Neji. Well at least the man actually CARES for Hinata. Neji beat the shit outta me, but I decked him square in the balls so I say we're even. Even though im paralysed on over half my body HE was the one unconscious so HA I win.
Afterwards Hiashi asked me why I'd hurt Hinata so badly and I told him that I somehow had the strength of a low to mid-level Chunin, all because of an abundance of yin chakra throwing my body out of scale. He offered to teach me chakra control after school, and I brought Naruto and Sasuke every day. Sadly they didn't get to train and some of the Hyuga were tense around Naruto but no one started anything, no one even glared. He liked it there, and we started hanging out with Hinata more often.
Now I had seven minions, as apparently I was now friends with Sakura and Ino, and with Ino came Shika and Choji. I got along pretty well with Choji, even giving him ideas for recipes to tell his parents (I even gave them the idea for mince pies and PIZZA) which allowed me to make some money on the side, and unless I was excited about something Shika actually enjoyed my presence well enough.
One month and a week in Konoha and I upgraded my minion roster to Ten with Kiba, Shino and Torune. Kiba just sort of gravitated towards us, but when he tried to establish he was top dog I just smacked the back of his head. He dropped easily, not as easy as Ami but still pretty easy.
The Surprise came with Shino since it was more of a chance thing. I just stopped a Kikaichuu beetle from being crushed and he literally CLUNG to me whenever Torune wasn't there. Oh yeah I also stopped Danzo from sniffing up the Aburame by dropping a letter to Shibi. It was well written for my stubby hands and all it said was there was a creepy old man with a bandaged head watching Shino and Torune. He flew into a mother hen type flurry. And his rage was legendary. I could hear it from halfway across the village. It was something like "DANZO SHIMURA IF YOU TOUCH MY SON OR MY NEPHEW I WILL SHOVE KIKAICHUU SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU'LL TURN INTO A NEW HIVE" I was really impressed, even asked Shino to high five his dad for me. Shibi cordially invited me and all my minions (and Torune cause he's more like a supervisor since he's the oldest) over to his house in thank you.
I like Shibi, and his wife is gorgeous, never did find out her name but that'll probably change later on as I come over more often. Anyway Shibi invited us to get to know his 'little Shino-kun's' friends. His eye brows shot up over his glasses when he saw we were all clan heirs except Sakura. Now we have Shibi helping us with shinobi training, which was rather nice of him since it meant Naruto could actually learn chakra control.
Because of Shibi I found out that I had about one third more chakra then him, which came as a great surprise cause DAYUM I didn't think I had that much. (In explanation, though an Aburame's Chakra levels aren't too high compared to everyone else, Shibi had almost as much chakra as Tsume Inuzuka, who mainly relied on chakra intensive attacks and so had one of the highest reserves in the village at the time, aside from Naruto and Hiru-jiji.) ((At least that makes sense to me cause Jiraya aint here))
It had been about three months since I woke up before I went to the Uchiha district, mainly cause I wanted to see if my other self had left stuff before I took over her body (still have to find a way to say sorry for that like jesus she must be pissed) and as I got there I started flashing back to when they were alive and well. It was irritating. Also it felt like I was constantly being watched aside from Yugao-san. It was creepy.
Anyway so I get to the Uchiha manor entrance (there's like fifty normal houses, twenty shops and im fairly certain the library is hidden with a seal) and this massive sense of foreboding shows up, and I think to myself 'maybe I shouldn't go in there' but then decided fuck self-preservation I'll use amaterasu if I have to damn it! And so I go inside and there's a note on the table. It's labelled as weasel. So Itachi left a note for someone to find (likely me or Sasuke).
After a couple minutes debating, I decided to just put it in my satchel bag thing (it's like a bag that hangs over your shoulders but I can't remember what it's called) before raiding the rest of the house for anything useful or valuable, found a shitload of scrolls, kunai, shuriken, a couple tanto in Itachi's room, and a REALLY ornate katana that sparkled with lightning chakra.
Three months and a half in Konoha and I did something stupid. Like so infantismally stupid that it could've gotten me killed. I used Tsukiyomi on Naruto during a spar. We both ended up in his mind and there we saw Kurama-Sama in all his glory. Naruto peed. And I flinched when his voice boomed. Apparently he was throwing out killing intent but I never noticed it.
Anyway so we meet him and I (like the idiot I am) spout off "greetings and salutations Kurama-sama" which kinda cut his tirade about how infinitely inferior we are to him. He glared at me and I was half tempted to use Tsukiyomi on him, but that'd be asking for trouble.
Anyway I think he was insulted but impressed, cause he had summoned up his 'face of the angry chicken™' and stared at us, before Naruto, being the genius he is, asked why the hell we were talking to the kyuubi. I really wanted to slap Naruto, but refrained and half explained the story of how he was a jinchuuriki. He asked me how I knew, I replied with the fact that I was an inter-dimensional traveller who died and was inserted onto this plain of existence as one Hisoka Uchiha. Even Kurama-san was wide eyed at that and I thought to myself 'HAH refuge in audacity for the win." Anyway we had three days but I was like nah I don't wanna wait that long, and before I left I asked Kurama to be nicer to Naruto. Then we woke up, the Hokage was there and he was PISSED. At me. And im now glad im immune to killing intent cause Naruto and Sasuke were nearly unconscious before he realised what he was doing.
We were taken to the Hokage's office, and he asked me what I saw, and I told him that I saw the Kyuubi-no-yoko inside a cage in Naruto's mind and the fact that I knew he was a Jinchuuriki. He asked me how I knew, I looked at Naruto, and Naruto told Hiruzen my story. He didn't buy it for a second. Guess my name is Cassandra cause it WAS the truth.
After that I was taken into the custody the of Torture and Interrogation department, a place for hardened war criminals and people with valuable information, on the grounds that I was a spy. And just my luck I got a one Mitarashi Anko as my interrogator. This was gonna be wonderfully fun wannit?
She looked bored, which was surprising cause I thought she'd be rather giggly to work on someone, and asked questions in a monotone voice, before asking if I had any questions before the interrogation. I asked for her secret to hotness cause if I grew up to look like her holy shit. She laughed her ass off at that, and replied with "training kid, lots and lots of training."
Then the interrogation started, and all I knew for the next eight hours was pain, before I passed out.
Hiruzen's pov:
Hiruzen was unsure what was more surprising, that she wasn't a spy? Or the fact that her story of traveling dimensions was true. Both put a heavy weight back on his conscious though, as it meant he just had a seven year old interrogated for telling the truth. Though learning that he was originally part of a manga series did put him off a little. Also that little Anko was going to get fat if she stopped training for a couple years. Whose bright idea was that?
All he could do now was hope that Hisoka woke up. And that she would accept his apologies.
Back to Hisoka now
I woke up in the hospital again, and again MY EYES BURNED LIKE HELLFIRE BECAUSE OF THE CURSED WHITE CEILING REFLECTIONS. I'd have to suggest to Hiru-jiji that they change the tiles to a grey colour or something.
Three and a half months and I was already interrogated. Surprised it didn't happen sooner but oh well it has now. The torture surprisingly wasn't too bad until right near the very end, and it all turned out to be genjutsu while I was under a truth poison or something of the sort.
I looked to my side and most of my minions were camped out asleep in the hospital room. Naruto and Sasuke were spooning, and I wish I had a camera. Then I remembered Sharingan, and activated it, forever cementing my blackmail material. The only ones that weren't here were Ino and Shino, which kinda surprised me, but their parents probably wanted to make sure I wasn't a spy yet.
A root agent tried to take me, Sasuke and Naruto. I burnt him to death with amaterasu. Now my eye's all splotchy like when you get that eye ball white stuff on your pupil and have to blink it away. The smell was horrendous, and when a nurse came in to check on us the smell nearly knocked her out. She threw up before running off, and about twenty minutes later Hiruzen was running into the room. I thought you were supposed to have a breakdown when you killed someone, but im just overjoyed he can't take any of my minions ''you mean family and you know it'' 'shut it'.
Hiruzen's got that contemplating look on his face, he and Danzo will probably be having talks later. After a bit the corpse and the smell were gone, and the minions were waking up. I asked hound to grab my satchel, as I hadn't read the letter from Itachi yet.
Itachi's letter:
Dear little brother and sister. You are probably wondering why I would send you a letter after what I have done. The reason I have done so is because if you wish to kill me, you will have to live in hatred to match up to me. When you have eyes like mine only then will you be able to kill me.
Signed Itachi.
Back to me:
That letter was rather stupid, but Sasuke took to it like a fish to water until I logic bombed him by asking why he was listening to the man that killed our family. He realised he was being duped, and I laughed at his expense for a bit.
After four months, an idea for a jutsu popped into my head, and I rushed to the hokage's office and asked Hiruzen if he knew the Doton: Earth Spear Jutsu, when he replied with the affirmative I asked him to teach me, and he said only if I could master two chakra control exercises.
The tree walking exercise and water walking exercise or the surface stick chakra control exercise if you want to get technical, which I had been learning the theory behind for a while because of Shibi-sama (he also inducted me, Naruto and Sasuke as unofficial members of the Aburame clan which was COMPLETELY FUCKING AWESOME) but probably some kind of political thing when I think about it. Hope it's not marriage cause Shino is more my adorable evil minion and Torune is kind of a stiff neck, not to mention his Kikaichuu would probably destroy my body)) and in practice the tree walking part was surprisingly easy and I managed to get it to the point where I can balance a kunai on my finger after about three weeks of doing it (can't lose concentration or it falls though) but water walking was a BITCH.
I had to micro manage every step to regulate the chakra volume correctly, which was irritating, in fact by the time I managed to get it down where I wasn't wobbly the entire month was up, so it was back to the academy for me. But Hiru-jiji is a man of his word and showed me a scroll for it, but I was only allowed to practice it if hound or rabbit were nearby. I wouldn't finish it for another two and a half months, and I'd usually pass out after three attempted activations but soon I would find a way to refine it from an a rank defence to an S RANK DEFENCE MWAHAHA. And then I'd try to turn it into carbon so I'd have greed's ultimate shield. That'd be awesome cause diamond skin dude. Then I'd teach it to Naruto.
During those two months, I'd managed to coax Hinata out of her shell a bit more and more. She wasn't an adorable wall flower anymore, more just a silent girl who'd kick your ass if you tried to hurt her. I also met some of Naruto's bullies, and broke the head bully's nose. He stopped going after anyone in my class for fear that he would incur my fists again. It was hilarious.
ALSO during those two months we got a new teacher named (dananana!) Iruka Umino, recently promoted Chunin.
I was both happy and angry cause while he kept his rage hidden he kept glaring at Naruto. It was irritating cause im supposed to like this guy for being NICE to Naruto not a dickhead to him like jesus. Oh well give him time I guess and he'll eventually come around.
I also learnt during those two months that I can focus the great fire ball jutsu into a small, white hot ball if I focus enough, which is AWESOME but it burns my lips when I use it so IMPRACTIAL as well, which really sucks cause it'd be helpful if I went up against someone like Gaara or Haku, then I could use it to try and break their defences. Experiments for later then.
The Earth Spear is an amazing jutsu to use, not only does it allow a defensive body armor, it also allows you to be more in tune with the latent chakra in the earth, letting it come to you more naturally. Meaning I learnt Doton: Earth Wall by complete accident (I was trying to make that dome jutsu that Jirobo of the Sound six ((because there ARE six members counting Sakon and Ukon as two plus Kimimaro)) uses to sap chakra at the time) and also created Edward Elric's multiple hand fist attack from the final battle (you know the one).
Then I passed out from Chakra exhaustion. I had also apparently made an A rank jutsu by accident. Which was cool. Doesn't change that I was unconscious for two days. Sasuke and Naruto are worried it's gonna become a thing where I'll keep ending up in the hospital. They're probably right too. Anyway I needed a name for that jutsu. I wonder if Ashura's will is a jutsu yet (I wanted to name it one thousand fist of the divine but Hashirama beat me to that ((prick)) when he was facing Madara with his whole sage mode statue thing)
Well after five months it's finally set in that Konoha is real, and that I likely died in my home world. But I don't really mind. I've got the magical eyes of doing whatever the plot demands at the time, ten minions of doom, I'm named after a psycho clown from hunter x hunter, and I have super powers. This world is a crap sack world indeed, but it's also crap saccharine when you look at it.
My name is now Uchiha Hisoka, it used to be Hayden ********, and this whole world will know my name by the time I'm done with it. This I swear
|Omake: What if Hisoka was reborn in Full Metal Alchemist instead of Naruto?
Father watched, as all his plans crumbled because of one sacrifice he forgot to account for somehow offering both lust and greed something they wanted, in exchange for working for her against him. And the sad fact is that it worked. She made both the Elric brothers stronger somehow and also managed to seal off the tunnels that sloth was hard at work creating. When pride tried to confront her directly she just turned off the lights and continually broke his body down into nothing. NOTHING WAS LEFT TO SALVAGE. The promised day had crumbled, and she had somehow summoned truth to reclaim him. And as he faded back into the imp in the flask, he decided to give her a parting gift.
Two years and Many Shenanigans later.
Hisoka sat back, watching the two idiot brothers squabbling, and wondered how she would tell them that she was now a Homunculus because of father's machinations. But as she watched them, so happy at finally having their bodies back, because of her efforts. She realised that maybe it didn't matter too much. After all ling still had greed, and lust was somewhere with havoc. She was sad that she couldn't save Maes, but that was okay as he was seen as a hero. She made sure of it. So gathering her courage, she got up and called out to them.
Three years later
It took some doing, but she finally managed to hook up Ling and Lan Fan. Happiness was abundant that day, and though he had to take many brides by law, Lan would be his first, and would keep the others in line. Hisoka wondered how the others were, as she hadn't seen them since she told them she was a homunculus. They took it well enough but she went wandering. Now she was back where it all began (((I forgot the name of the FUCKING TOWN))) and was rather nostalgic. Then a yellow blur collided with her legs and she bit back about fifteen curses. It was Edward and Winry's kid. He was adorable. She looked up and they were both running to catch up with him. She smiled, and before she knew it Alphonse and Mei were there too. And then it was just one big hug. And she realised, that she was finally home.
End
Authors note:
Hi there, this will probably be my first published story and holy crap I couldn't stop writing. I get this is probably small compared to YAWALH or This Bites but it's still pretty impressive when my previous best was three thousand one hundred and thirty nine words. Anyway I haven't planned this story out shit for tit, it'll probably be stuck with an M rating or a T depending, but either way Pairings won't be happening till Shippuden except for some light fluff between Characters. I will spoil one potential outcome, Hisoka will slowly develop a crush on our favourite fishcake. But it'll probably be a whim that decides if that becomes a thing. I don't have a set writing style and im not that good so don't expect too much of me. I will be working on two other stories as well as this, but I'll try to update it every two weeks at least. But since this story has taken me it'll probably be closer to one and a half per update. When my other stories are posted if you could give them a read that'd be wonderful, if you dislike it then please just tell me why instead of bashing cause I really don't care of your opinion and to all who enjoyed this thank you so much. I feed off of reviews so please give me feedback on where I can improve and if someone could make potential names if I come up with a jutsu but don't name it that'd be wonderful. Love you bye.
This is HerpiousDerpious signing off.
