Welcome everyone to my admissions to Fraxus Week 2018. Hopefully I can get something done for all of these, I'm pretty sure I should be able to but you never know what'll happen. This is for the first prompt First Kiss and I really enjoyed writing it. It also has some mentions of a little headcanon I have about what Laxus did during his exile that might be familiar for some of the readers of my other things.
As always, thank you so much for any comments and kudos you leave. They mean so much. Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading. ^.^
The Heart Grows Fonder
Freed glanced down at the small piece of paper in his hand, turning his body so that it was protected from the heavy downpour of rain. He made sure that the address on the small note was the same as the building before him, pushing open the rusted and creaking gate and walking into a garden that had become overgrown and infested with plants. Though the rune mage hadn't had many pre-conceptions of what the place would look like, this certainly wasn't it.
Before him stood a shell of a building. The paint covering the walls was peeling and flaking, half the visible windows had been boarded up with now rotting planks of wood, and the decking of the porch was starting to crumble away. Despite this, Freed continued on.
He pushed open the front door, which had clearly lost the ability the lock or even close properly years ago. When he walked inside, he was met with what could have once been a glamorous looking hallway but had fallen into disrepair. Against the left most wall was an old staircase that seemed as if it would collapse if he tried to climb it, to the right was an archway where a door would have been before having been taken out. The wooden floor had a large hole in the middle, most likely where someone had stood on it and the old material had given way under the person's bodyweight. The mage considered calling out his wings for safety but classed it as a waste of his magic energy and instead focused on carefully making his way towards the archway.
In the next room, he saw a small improvement. The floors and wall were still lacking in quality, and the ceiling was dripping in the left most corner with rain water. However, a metal bucket had been placed under the leak, a white tarp covered most of floor and the rubble that populated the hallway was nowhere to be seen. But that didn't interest the rune mage, he was more interested on the hulking blonde man sitting on a stool with his back to Freed.
"Hey." Freed said softly, the blonde man's shoulders jumping and his head turning around instantly.
Looking at Laxus, Freed had to pause. The last time the two men had seen each other was the day of Laxus' exile. After a short conversation in which Laxus insisted the Raijinshuu shouldn't be punished for his choices, the blonde had left the town without so much as a word to his team. For months, there had been no communication between them both, until Freed had received a letter from Laxus asking if he would be willing to organise a meeting.
Freed immediately concluded that Laxus looked like a different man. The sneer that had painted his features in the months leading to his exile was replaced with an expression more humble and remorseful. His body language no longer projected superiority, instead it was hunched and nervous. Even his eyes no longer hid what he was thinking, instead they were like open books.
"Hi." Laxus said, standing up. "You came."
Although he opened his mouth to speak, Freed could only watch as Laxus quickly closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around the rune mage. It took the Freed a second to adjust to the tight, almost desperate embrace, but he soon reciprocated the hug.
The two men silently stayed in their embrace for a short while. Freed had been shocked by the sudden gesture, unused to Laxus doing something so obviously intimate; he certainly wouldn't have done anything close to that in the months before his exile. When Freed glanced to look at Laxus' face and saw he had his eyes clenched shut, perhaps even to hold back tears, Freed concluded that Laxus defiantly wasn't the same man he had been before.
Laxus burrowed his face in the crook of Freed's neck, showing no signs of letting his ex-guildmate go. The last time he had seen anyone who he considered a friend had been on the day of his exile and he was scared that, the moment he let go of Freed, he wouldn't be there. Freed must have sensed this, as he gently rubbed his back.
"Thank you." Laxus croaked, voice quivering slightly. "I know you didn't have to come here and-"
"It's fine." Freed spoke calmly, pulling back slightly with a soft expression on his face. "And I'm glad to see you, I've missed you."
The statement had more meaning than what was presented. It was true that he had missed seeing and talking to the blonde in person, but he had also missed the man he hoped was the true Laxus. Seeing the other mange become cruel, arrogant and perhaps even unstable had been hard, for Freed knew that his friend wasn't really like that. It seemed that the Laxus clinging tightly to him had rejected the cruelty and allowed himself to be the more vulnerable, emotional man Freed knew he really was.
"I missed you too." Laxus whispered, finally pulling away.
When he could see his face again, Freed noticed that a tear was slowly sliding down the blonde's cheek. The rune mage slowly brought his finger up and wiped it away, Laxus not moving but having the smallest of smiles on his face. Freed replied with an equally subtle smile.
"I'm glad to see that you're safe." Freed continued. "Can I ask why you wanted to meet here? You don't live here, do you?"
"Erm, no." Laxus said, wiping his face and getting a slightly better control of his voice. "I mean, I live in Hargeon. Not in the house, though. Some crappy inn near the coast lets me stay in a room full time for a discount if I help the owner's son haul fish at the docks in the mornings."
"It's good that you've got that, at least." Freed smiled. "So, why the abandoned house?"
"I own it. I wanna clean it up and move in, eventually." Laxus sighed, seeing Freed open his mouth to ask questions. "I'll explain, but can we sit down first?"
Freed nodded and they walked towards where Laxus had previously been sitting. Beside the stool, a wooden chair was facing a heating lacrima in the middle of the room. Freed noticed a large flask and an empty bowl, stained with tomato soup on the side, and hoped Laxus was telling the truth about him not living there. Laxus motioned for Freed to sit at the chair, which looked considerably more comfortable that the splintering and uneven stool that Laxus would be sitting at. Freed took the chair without a word.
Laxus picked up the flask and poured out a large mug of coffee, offering it to Freed who took it and cupped it in his hands. The heating lacrima slightly combatted the effects of the cold rain, but the boarded-up window was still letting in a harsh draft that gave the room a minor chill.
As the blonde poured himself a cup of the steaming beverage, Freed noticed that there was sleeping bag rolled up in the corner on an unstable looking camp bed. The rune mage frowned a little at that, not seeing any reason for Laxus to lie about his inn situation with that much detail, but it was obvious he had prepared the means to sleep in the house. He hoped that it at least didn't happen often, the house wasn't an appropriate environment for sleeping.
"Sometimes when I'm working time gets away from me. Better to sleep here than go back to the inn, it's a couple miles away." Laxus explained, sitting on the stool. "Only reason they're here tonight it because I didn't wanna risk leaving before you came."
"Okay." Freed nodded. "Make sure you don't sleep here too often, though."
"Sure."
The room fell into silence, other than the dripping water hitting the metal bucket in the far corner. A gust of wind whistled through the house as Freed gently sipped at the coffee Laxus had made; the blonde hadn't put sugar in it despite usually having at least two teaspoons per cup, meaning he had purposefully gone against his own tastes so that Freed, who never had sugared coffee, would enjoy the drink more.
Despite the silence between the two, Freed made no effort to speak. The blonde had called him here, obviously having something he wanted to say. The rune mage didn't want to rush his friend, so would wait until Laxus could gather his thoughts and begin when he was comfortable. That took less time than he had expected.
"I'm so fucking sorry." Laxus said suddenly, taking Freed by surprise. "All the shit that I did, how I treated all of you and abused your trust in me, I was just being a massive fucking dick. I don't know why I was acting like that, but I ain't gonna make any excuses about it. Everything I did was just… horrible. I treated people like crap, like they didn't matter unless they thought exactly like I did. I made you fight people you cared about for fucks sake. I…"
Laxus trailed off, looking at his lap. From the corner of his eye he could see Freed's arm reach over and gently rest his hand on his thigh. Laxus grasped his friend's hand and squeezed it, thankful for the comforting gesture. Freed sat patiently, waiting for Laxus to continue.
"Everything I did to you was sick. I was just being cruel, and I made you do things you shouldn't have." Laxus let out a shaky breath. "And, even though I don't think I should get it, I wanna earn your forgiveness. And, I think to do that, I really need some time alone to think about who I am, 'cause I don't wanna be the guy who pulls crap like that anymore. I don't wanna make you deal with that guy, and I don't wanna look into the mirror and see that guy anymore. I wanna make myself the guy you, everyone, deserves."
"That's…" Freed said slowly. "That's good. I think that's what's best for you right now."
"So do I. Even if it means I have to, I don't know, keep to myself, I think it's for the best." He sighed, Freed nodding. "Kinda why I got this house, I guess. Right now, it's a load of crap, but I'm gonna make it better."
"For what it's worth." Freed smiled again. "I think, given the time and attention needed, it has the potential to be so much better than anyone would ever think."
Laxus was silent for a few moments. "Me too."
Again they fell into silence, Freed slowly sipping at his coffee as he looked towards Laxus. The other man was still holding his hand, but his posture seemed a little more relaxed. Freed wondered what Laxus had expected, maybe he thought Freed would be angry at him or felt betrayed in some way. Maybe he had, at one point, but that had passed. At that moment, he saw Laxus as a man who knew he had done wrong in his life and wanted to make up for it; he would be cruel and bitter to not at least show him support.
In the silence between them both, Freed managed to hear what sounded like the crashing of waves. He stood up and walked to one of the windows that had managed to remain intact, noticing that Laxus was watching him. He didn't say anything, instead looked out of the window in surprise. The front of the property had hidden it well, but the house stood on a cliff and gave an unhindered view of the ocean, which was at high tide and filled with manic looking waves because of the rainstorm. The rune mage smiled a little, knowing of Laxus' fondness for coastal storms. He wondered if the view had pushed him to buying the house.
"Nice, isn't it?" Laxus grumbled, walking across the room with the floor creaking underfoot.
"Spectacular, certainly fitting for you." Freed agreed, looking back towards Laxus. "If you plan to move here once it's suitable, does that mean you have no intention of coming back to Fairy Tail, in time of course?"
"You think Gramps' is gonna want me back after what I did?"
"Yes." Freed said, slightly shocked by the face Laxus thought anything different. "If you are as repentant as you suggest, then of course he will. He welcomed Gajeel and Juvia in and, even though they have proven they are worth much more than their past, they did belong to a guild that were our enemies. I'm sure he knows your intentions were, at the core, in the best interest of Fairy Tail, even if the way you went about it was…"
"Say it." Laxus insisted gently. "Please, I don't wanna be let of for anything. And I defiantly don't wanna stop you from speaking your mind."
"It was cruel." Freed spoke slightly quietly. "As was I, but Makarov still let me and the Raijinshuu remain in the guild. Even if it takes some time, and even if it's not in the same way it was before, you will be welcomed back into the guild eventually. I'm sure."
Laxus didn't reply, instead he sighed and stepped back slightly and leaning against the wall. Freed could see by the look on his face that his potential return to Fairy Tail might have been a subject that was still sensitive to the man. The rune-mage didn't say anything, however, and allowed him to think through his reply. He knew that was what he would have wanted from Laxus if the situations were turned, so expected that would be the best thing for Laxus.
Gently patting his friend's shoulder, Freed slowly turned back to the crashing ocean. He wondered if the sea was a reflection of what was happening in his mind: a storm. The blonde had shown a lot of anger at himself, as well as a lot of guilt and regret for what had happened. Despite there perhaps being justification for Laxus feeling like that, Freed wasn't enjoying it.
Taking the mans bicep in his hand, Freed slowly walked him towards the small seating area Laxus had made. The heat coming from the lacrima was a gentle improvement as Freed motioned for Laxus to take the seat, immediately sitting on the stool as to stop any arguments. Laxus did as he was told.
"I know you want me to be honest, so I will." Freed began, looking directly into Laxus' eyes. "What happened was wrong, cruel and vindictive. Running the guild in the way you suggested would have taken away the very essence of Fairy Tail, and for doing what you did many people now dislike you. But, the Raijinshuu were just as much to blame and, although it took some time to get to this place, we have been forgiven for what happened and are now judged on what good we can do for the guild, rather than the bad we now cannot change. Just like with us, it will take time for the bitterness between the guild and you to dissipate, but it will happen. You're working towards forgiveness and you will get it."
"Thanks." Laxus muttered after a few seconds of silence. "But it ain't just them I wronged, is it? The three of you, I dragged you all down with me and made you betray people you care about. I was selfish and made you get involved with my own issues."
"If we were so against what was planned, we would have stopped-"
"But you wouldn't have needed to stop anything if it wasn't for me." Laxus groaned. "Look, I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, I really do, but I caused all of this. And if the three of you were exiled as well… I would have taken the closest thing to a home you had from you, I couldn't have dealt with that and I shouldn't have put you in a position where it could have happened."
Freed didn't say anything. Not only was it obvious that Laxus was intending to take full responsibility of what happened, and no amount of convincing would change that, but what Laxus had said was true. Although Freed knew he could have handled himself if he'd been exiled, he wouldn't forgive himself if Bickslow and Evergreen had lost their home. He suspected that Laxus was feeling the same sense of regret at what could have happened that Freed was, so it would be hypocritical of him to say that Laxus didn't need to feel that way.
The sound of the wind making a window-shutter bang against the exterior wall mixed with the gentle tapping of droplets of water hitting the bottom of the metal bottle filled the room, a layer of tension blanketing them both. There wasn't much to be said in this situation. They just needed to accept that it was what it was.
As Freed sipped at the coffee, that was slightly cooler now, he noticed Laxus shuffle slightly. He picked up the chair he was sitting on and moved it so he was right in front of Freed, looking directly at him. Knowing the blonde wanted to continue their conversation – and his expression suggested that he had something serious to say – he placed the mug of coffee down. He was shocked slightly when Laxus cupped both of his hands in his own.
"I haven't apologised to you." Laxus said calmly, speaking for interrupting. "I said I was sorry about what happened, but not what I did to you. You put trust in me and cared for me more than I fucking deserved. I abused that and made you go along with what I wanted. I know you'll say you chose to, but I never even asked what you thought about it. That's just as bad as you only doing it out of obligation."
"Laxus, you really don't need to apologise to-"
"Yes I do." The blonde spoke with rigidness in his voice. "And it wasn't just that I made you do something you never would've done without me. I hurt you too. Fuck's sake, that last day I nearly electrocuted you, you could've died, and I didn't care. And since I left, I realised how much I miss you. That I need you in my life and that I wanna see you every fucking day. I wanna be the person who's always there for you, that you can depend on. I wanna be someone you'll wanna be with as much as I wanna be with you."
Freed could see that tears were starting to flow down Laxus' face as he spoke. The rune mage didn't say anything however, Laxus clearly not wanting to stop.
"I ain't had feelings like this for anyone before, Freed, and I ain't really sure what they are. But I know I wanna be able to hold onto you, to make you happy, to be there for you. I know I don't deserve to even think about you like that, and that it'll probably never happen. But the least I can do is make what I did right and make myself the kinda guy you deserve, even if you never look at me in that way."
Looking at the man in shock, Freed had to take a few moments to process what had been said. The rune mage had anticipated that Laxus would start become more upfront with his emotions given time, but the sudden outpour of feelings hadn't been what he expected. And he certainly hadn't expected Laxus to say what, when summarised, equated to the fact Laxus had some kind of feelings for him.
It was obvious that Laxus felt vulnerable, perhaps he was regretting admitting his feelings to Freed. Freed gently shifted so that he was cupping Laxus' hands instead of Laxus holding him. He gently began to stroke the other man's hands, Laxus slowly looking up to him.
"You want me to be honest with you, don't you?" Freed asked, Laxus nodding hesitantly. "You need time. What you said, I don't doubt you were telling the truth. But I think that it's clear to us both that you're somewhat of a mess right now. I think you need time to yourself, so you can discover who you are, so you can drop the façade I think you've had for far too long. Part of that self-discovery may be about what your feelings are for me, but I think you should take great care in making sure you know who you are yourself before you try and get intimate with someone else. For both yourself and for whoever you end up with romantically, including me."
Laxus nodded, knowing that Freed's advice was what needed to happen. He wasn't ready for a relationship yet, it would be wrong for him to bring another person into the mess that was his life. He went to pull his hands away from Freed's, but the rune mage wouldn't let him. Laxus looked up with a small amount of confusion, seeing Freed had leant forward slightly.
"But I want you to know this." Freed spoke in almost a whisper. "You're a good person, everything you've said today proves it. You've already shown yourself to be caring, kind and genuine. I think the time you spend reflecting will only make you better. And the man you reveal yourself to be at the end of this, if he is who I think he will be, is a man I would be happy to love."
As Freed had spoken, the two men had subconsciously started to lean closer. Their eyes had never broken contact and slowly, affection had snuck onto both men's face. When Freed had stopped speaking, their faces were so close their foreheads nearly touched, and they could feel the other's breath tickling their faces.
Despite himself, Freed closed the gap and took his friend into their first kiss.
It was slow and tentative. Freed could feel how chapped Laxus' lips were against his own as both men closed their eyes. As their lips began to move with caution, Freed carefully placed his hand on the other man's jaw and tilted his head down. Laxus seemed to flinch at that, not expecting the cold hand on his face, but quickly pushed himself a little further forward. They leant into each other, Laxus gently resting his hand on Freed's legs as the rune mage cupped his cheeks fully and their kiss became just a little more caring and passionate.
They pulled away before it even bordered on becoming heated. They rested with their foreheads together softly, both slightly breathless as they looked at each other, sporting the smallest of smiles.
Although feeling that he shouldn't have done that, as it might have caused unneeded confusion in his friend, Freed was glad the kiss had happened. The fact he had made Laxus smile was a good thing, and the tenderness of the kiss had told Freed everything he needed to know about Laxus and left him with no doubts. Laxus was going to stop denying who he was to himself and be all the better for it.
"You were right, we can't be like this now." Laxus whispered. "But I'm gonna make sure I become someone who deserved that kiss, 'cause I really do wanna be better. For you."
"For yourself, Laxus." Freed whispered as well, gently stroking Laxus' face with his thumb. "I'm not to be your priority now. Perhaps one day, maybe, but not now."
"Yeah, guess you're right." Laxus sighed a little.
Despite wanting to pull his friend into another kiss, Laxus pulled himself back. He had the feeling that, if he kissed Freed again, it would be hard to stop. Freed had been right, he needed to get himself in line, and do it for himself. Even if that meant he wouldn't be able to see Freed until that time happened, Laxus knew that was what needed to happen. The assurance that Freed still thought about him in any kind of fondness was more than he dared hoped for when requesting his friend meet him again; the fact he had admitted there was even a chance that he might reciprocate the mess of feelings Laxus was undergoing was more than he deserved.
Besides, if he didn't see Freed again for some time, that was okay. If his exile had proven anything, it was that distance truly made the heart grow fonder.
