1. Tell him that Ponyo hates him

2. When he asks who Ponyo is, roll your eyes and rant about how behind times he is

3. Tell him the whole story and laugh as he panics

4. Bathe the stink spirit from Spirited Away right over where he lives

, fill his house with soot sprites

6. When he rants about how disgusting humans are, scream, "BUG OFF BUG OFF BUG OFF!" and cover your ears

7. Laugh as he doesn't get the "bug off" joke

8. Then remind him that he was once a human too

9. Do this constantly

10. Rant to him about how painfully obvious it is that Ponyo was ripped off of The Little Mermaid

11. Because he looks exactly like Ariel with the long red hair

12. Call him Ariel from now on

13. Buy him a purple seashell bra for his birthday

14. Switch around all his elixirs

15. During the part where he goes on land to take Ponyo back, grab his weird spritzer thing, run away with it, and start spritzing it over your garden

16. When he runs after you and tells you he needs the spritzer to keep from drying out on land, tell him he can't have his weed killer back

17. Give him a bottle of lotion instead

18. Burst into his home uninvited the next day

19. When he asks what you're doing at his house, tell him it's payback for him barging in on your property yesterday

20. Complain about how hungry you are and demand that he give you something to eat

21. If he says no, cry until he says yes

22. Then no matter what he gives you, scream, "I WANT HAM!" and throw your food at his face

23. Even if he gives you ham

24. Sic all of his weird fish things after him

25. Taunt him mercilessly as he contemplates sending a tsunami after you