What's New
Welcome to the sequel of That's Just Not Me! Who I Am Now is 25 chapters long and around nine months. I think a bit more.
Anyway, enjoy and review!
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Mercedes: POV
"Whatever you do
Don't take your love away from me!"
I sang to Harmony, who trilled back. I continued to dance around her cage like a complete loon while I still had the energy.
Sometimes my strength zapped out of me like a superpower draining. It was so annoying. But I count my blessings when I am able to move.
I guess you could be wondering about what has happened since graduation...
Well…
I've been to plenty more doctor's appointments (I hate that) and we found out I'm having a girl. Lucy and Tana are so excited that they were right. Since Marcy let me name Mally his middle name, I let Marcy name my baby.
I really love the name Ivy so whatever she chose would've had to go with that. She ended up picking Raven. I really liked it so the baby's name is Raven Ivy Puckerman. I didn't want her to have so many names like we did growing up so she's just a Puckerman.
Annie is over the moon for this. We've gone shopping for toys so much that my room looks like the mall. Laura, Marc, Maddie and Nic are at camp again so we can't see them but Laura has been online shopping something fierce and I get packages nearly every day.
My friends are all excited. Rory and Sammy had to go back home but everyone else still here is doing some major planning.
Kurt, T and Britt want her to be a fashionista, Tana wants her to rule the sandbox, Artie wants to teach her about computers, Finn wants to teach her drumming, Blaine wants to teach her how to box, Joe wants to teach her bible verses and how to play the guitar and Sugar just likes going shopping.
Even Ellen and Lauren (who's going to Florida State) are going bananas. Ellen wants to teach her how to shoot a camera while Lauren wants to teach her how to wrestle.
My friends were a mess.
But my family was even moreso. Mikey has completely gotten over his anger about this pregnancy and is saying how he's going to win Greatest Uncle again. Marc and Mal take exception to that but he stands by it.
Laura, Lucy and Maddie are all about being Best Aunt. They fight about it daily. Even our parents are nuts. Now that Beth has started calling Ms. Judy, Mrs. C and Ms. Nadine "Gram", they are pressing the twins to talk and are eager for me to have this baby so she can talk and call them Gram.
The only sane people are Marcy and Noah's grandmother, Bubbie Ruth. Bubbie continuously asks after me and tries to make sure I'm fine. She keeps on Noah to make sure he's "taking care of" me.
As for Marcy, she just doesn't care. She barely cares about baby talk that involves the twins. She does not put up with my moods or my cravings. If I get overwhelmed by my feelings, she'll call Noah or Annie and have them come over cuz she says she's not about to be bothered with me.
It's crazy to think I appreciate that. Someone who isn't treating me like spun glass? Noah breaks his neck trying to anticipate my every desire and Annie is driving me nuts asking after me every few minutes like I'm going to go from fine one second to not fine the next (not bringing up the fact that I totally have!).
Even Beth is ecstatic about this. Lucy explained how I'm going to have a baby and that it was a girl. So now when Beth sees me, she rubs my belly and yells, "Sissy!". It's super cute though.
The only person not excited is me. I always thought I'd be so happy when I got pregnant. Then again I always thought I'd be in my late twenties.
It doesn't seem fair. I've always practiced safe sex. Why was this happening to me?
My dreams were put on hold for the foreseeable future and I felt like crumbling into a mass of tears and bitter regret. I love Noah, la knows I do but I kinda resent him.
I know we both made this bed but I can't help but to blame him. He was why I couldn't go to Pepperdine. He was why I was stuck in Ohio, going to State and possibly becoming a dentist like my daddy. He was why I was slowly hating everyone and everything around me.
Well not my family. Mikey was staying close for at least a year because he was trying to be supportive and Lucy was as stuck as I was. That made me feel a little better.
But that really just made me feel bad because I totally was going to leave Lucy here by herself. What kind of sister was I? I was going to make tracks to California and act like I'd never heard of Ohio.
I didn't know what to do about my thoughts and feelings so I buried them deep within myself and acted happy on the outside. Whenever anybody brought up Raven, I smiled and nodded and pretended I wanted to stay here my whole life.
To make matters worse, I was having a pretty easy pregnancy. All the stuff that Lucy and Marcy said could happen to me, passed me by. I only had to deal with morning sickness and swollen feet. I could totally ignore that.
The only thing I was really looking forward to was next weekend. My baby shower. Ever since Momma got over her shock of me being pregnant, she threw herself into doing a big elaborate shower.
She got the court to allow her a one day reprieve from her order to host the shower and she's going all out. I only knew where it was and what time I had to be there.
According to Ms. Judy and Mrs. C, I even had a special dress I was to wear. Like Marcy, I'd be wearing the tiara I was Christened in. I was excited about that part. I loved bling.
We picked next week because it was before everyone went to college and I wanted it to be after Lucy's and my birthdays. Since we were born seven days apart, we always celebrated together and I just wanted to be eighteen before I truly acknowledged this pregnancy.
So I'm eighteen and pregnant.
Things could be worse, right?
MAP
I walked into Marcy's room. "Hey."
"Sup?" She closed the book she held open and set it on her nightstand.
"How are you doing?" I sat on the bed.
"With?"
"With things. You know. School."
She sighed. "I'm fine."
"So have you thought anymore to going back to OSU?"
"Mercy,-"
"You don't have a lot of time left to decide and it's a really good school."
She looked at me with a lifted brow. Could she tell I didn't really want to go to State? "I haven't made a decision."
After Marcy finished her courses at Harvard, she realized she didn't have any real schoolwork to do for her senior year. She was still taking her same two courses (band and JROTC) but had no other subjects and didn't feel like slugging through high school level classes.
Ohio State University offered her the opportunity to come back but for a different major. I just wanted her up at OSU with me and Lucy.
"Come on, Marce." I put a hand on her leg. "What's stopping you from saying yes?"
She just stared at me. The front door slammed. "That's probably Lucy."
I moved my hand. It probably was. She spent her time between us all evenly. She spent time just family, friends, Rachel and Finn or just me, her and Marcy since the whole mother thing. "Want me to get snacks?"
"Yeah, I can go for pretzels and Soy-Nut Butter."
I nodded and got up. Lucy met me on the stairs. "Hey!"
"Hey!"
"Me!" Beth screamed.
I kissed her cheek. "Bethie!"
"Where are we?" Lucy asked.
"In Marcy's room." I hooked a thumb at the open doorway.
"Beth, look!" Lucy pointed to my stomach.
Beth reached out and rubbed it. "Sissy!"
"Yeah! Sissy!"
I smiled and tried to quell the bitterness welling up. "Want pretzels and peanut butter?"
"Oh yeah." Lucy nodded and continued up the stairs.
I continued down the stairs and went into the kitchen. I luckily didn't have weird cravings. Just cravings. I've been eating a lot of peanut butter but not too much because Momma ate peanut butter nonstop when she was pregnant with Marcy and Marcy is allergic to nuts.
I tried not to eat too much of any one thing but it was hard because I had a real craving for peanut butter nearly all the time.
I picked out three different jars of peanut butter (smooth Soy-Nut butter, smooth peanut butter and a peanut butter and jelly mix) and picked out three different bags of pretzels (tiny twists, rods and the skinny sticks) from the pantry. I put them on a tray and grabbed juice from the fridge (apple, strawberry and sweetened cherry).
I put them on the tray and took it upstairs. I entered Marcy's room and put the tray on her desk before handing everything out. They took their snacks but they seemed… preoccupied.
Marcy had brought the twins over and were switching between them, rubbing her nose against their cheeks rapidly as they laughed and thrashed around. Lucy was playing Patty Cake with Beth, who was giggling up a storm.
I sat on the bed and looked at them. I know it's silly but I felt such longing at that moment. I felt… jealous. I wanted to have that. I wanted to play with a baby that was mine and have them giggle. I wanted to bond with someone that was wholly mine.
Then I realized; duh Mercy, you'll have that in four months. And I felt so happy. I put my hand on my stomach and felt Raven move. I didn't know if she could feel my changing feelings regarding her but I sure did.
More than anything, I wanted to meet her.
Would she be shy and sweet like Beth or a silly, giggly, loud girl like Mickey? Or would she end up like Mally, who was already showing signs of being bad like his mama?
I felt an urgency like never before to know this small lima bean inside me. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to know her.
Was this how Noah and Annie felt? No wonder they've lost their minds. I could feel myself welling up with emotional tears.
I tried to be quiet as I sniffled but I forgot Marcy had the hearing of a dog. She looked up as I tried to wipe my eyes discreetly. "What's wrong, Mercy?"
Lucy looked over, worried. "Are you okay?"
Tears started falling faster as I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"Then why are you crying, honey?" Marcy asked.
"I just-" I couldn't say it. "Nothing. Never mind."
"It's not nothing. You're crying." Lucy leaned on her hand. "What's going on?"
I wiped away more tears. "I just want to meet her."
"Meet who?"
"Raven." They stared at me. "I know it's stupid but-"
"It's not stupid." Marcy cut in.
"It's not stupid at all." Lucy agreed.
I hiccuped. "I just want her. I don't know why. I never wanted to meet her before."
"All of your feelings are valid." Marcy said. "You're in a delicate place right now and you're in a influx of emotions. You're going to feel a myriad of contradicting emotions all the time and none of it is wrong."
My tears slowed. "Really?"
"Of course." Lucy put her hand on my shoulder. "All of these things you're going through is new to you and it's going to be like this for a while."
"How long?" I was terrified to go through this for too much longer.
"It's going to be a while." Marcy chuckled. "I'm still dealing with different emotions."
"The twins are eleven months old!" I was shocked.
"I know. My emotions probably won't even out until a few more months at the very least. But it's okay. Because they're worth it."
I felt a deep sense of self at those words. Would Raven be worth it? Would I look at her how Marcy and Lucy looked at their kids? Would I love her like I always imagined I would love my kids? "I'm scared."
"Of what?" Lucy asked.
"I wasn't very happy about getting pregnant." I admitted. I waited but they didn't say anything. "Aren't you surprised?"
"By what?" Marcy seemed confused. "You just turned eighteen. Why would you want to be pregnant?"
I stared at her in shock. "You knew I wasn't excited by the baby?"
"Mercy, you're not subtle." Lucy patted my hand.
I was blown away. "But you haven't said anything!"
"Because you didn't say anything." Marcy pointed out.
I breathed deeply. "I felt so resentful! I thought I wouldn't love Raven because she ruined my life! I feel like I hate Noah sometimes because I have to stay here! I really wanted to go to Malibu but I have to stay here and I hate that!"
"Mercy, I felt so resentful when I got pregnant. You were the one who figured out I was angry." Lucy took my hand. "Everything was changing and that was with me giving Beth up. I resented Daddy and Mom throwing me out. I resented my body going through changes. I resented how people treated me.
I resented having to rely on Puck. I resented a lot of things. Things got even worse after I gave Beth up. I resented having to make the choice. I resented Shelby for coming in and saving the day-"
"Wait! What?!" I was so confused over that.
"I wanted to give Beth up because I still saw her as a mistake and I wanted to never be reminded of it again but I resented Shelby because she took care of it. She gave me what I wanted and deep down I realized it wasn't what I really wanted. I really wanted to be a mother to my daughter but I wanted it to not be a choice so it couldn't be that I chose this life.
But I had to get over that. I love Beth and I wouldn't change getting her back. I wouldn't change getting pregnant in high school. I wouldn't change Shelby having her. Being her mother is the best thing I've ever done."
"I was totally resentful when I found out I was pregnant." Marcy said. "I hated that I was. I was so mad at Mal and now he knocked me up. I couldn't believe this happened to me. I went to an abortion clinic."
"What?!" Lucy and I leaned forward.
"I went to an abortion clinic." She didn't pretend to misunderstand.
I was completely blown away. I looked at the twins and realized that they could have not been here. "What happened? Why do you have kids if you went to an abortion clinic?"
"I just wanted information. I wanted to know I had the option to make this all go away."
I won't lie; it never occurred to me to go to an abortion clinic. "Then why didn't you go through with it?"
"Um…" Her eyes slid to the left.
"Why, Marce?" Lucy pressed.
"There was a major reason. A couple minor ones."
"Like?" I went on.
She licked her lips. "Faith for one. I believe abortion is wrong. Killing a baby just because of my own actions? Way wrong."
I nodded but that wasn't it. At least not all of it. "And?"
"And I couldn't go through with it. I did my homework and I searched my heart and I couldn't go through with it."
"Since you couldn't end their lives, you went to the next best thing; adoption…?" Lucy led.
"Yeah." She nodded. "I knew there was no way I could take care of a kid. I was broken and so messed up and there was no way I was bringing a child into all this mess. So I did more research and contacted an adoption agency.
They showed me different couples and I liked the two from California. I thought it was far enough away from us and our dysfunction that they'd be safe and happy."
"What changed your mind about keeping them?" I wanted to know. "You never said."
She licked her lips. "It's stupid."
"No, it's not. Whatever it was that made you decide to keep the twins was obviously important to you. What was it?"
"You know that picture of us on Daddy's desk? The one with us at the park when we were younger? Remember how we hadn't really seen him in months and he took us to the park to spend time with us? The whole day, just us."
I frowned a little as I thought back. I did remember that vaguely but it didn't make sense. "Yeah but what does that have to do with anything?"
"If he could make it up to us, why couldn't I make it up to my kids? I mean I wouldn't have the chance. Not until they got older and came looking for me. If they came looking for me. What would I have to say to them? Mrs. C was right. They'd only know I didn't want them and that was just not true."
"How long did it take for you to want them?"
"I think I always wanted them. I just didn't let myself want them."
"So seeing that picture changed everything for you?" Lucy asked.
"Yeah. I just realized that I wasn't being selfish in wanting to give them up. I was selfish in wanting to keep them. And why shouldn't I be selfish? They're mine. No one else could claim to have had them under their breast, right beneath their heart but me.
They grew from my body. They have half my DNA. I made them. Me. And I wanted them. I wanted them so much and I knew right then in that moment that I would fight anybody who would try to come between me and my babies."
"Who would try to come between you and the twins?" I put my hand on my invisible baby bump.
"Anybody could have tried. Momma wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of me keeping them. Anyone could have said I was too sick."
Just thinking of someone taking my baby made me unbearably mad. Raven was mine. Marcy was right. She was under my heart. I was giving her the tools necessary for life with my very body. Who else could say that? "I know it's a little late to jump on the bandwagon but I think I love my baby."
"You always loved her. You were just a little angry with her."
I smiled. "Thanks for not making me feel like I was crazy."
Lucy hugged me. "No problem, Mercy. You're not crazy. You're a mom."
I felt thrilled at that. I was going to be a mom. Eek! I was going to be a mom!
MAP
Puck: POV
I flipped through channels. "This is boring."
Of course no one answered me because I was alone. Moms was at work and Nic was at camp again.
I shut the TV off and went to pull on clothes so I could head out. There had to be something for me to do.
I got dressed and slammed the door on my way out and made my way to my truck. I got inside and just drove.
I didn't know where I was going but I wasn't too surprised when I found myself outside Finn's house. I parked and got out to go knock on the door. I hoped he was there.
Kurt opened the door. "Hey, Puck. Finn's in his room. Come in."
"Sup, Kurt?" I came inside. "What are you up to?"
"Spending quality time with Blaine. We're watching classic love stories."
Ugh! Sounded awful. "Tell him I said what's up."
"Will do." He went into the living room while I headed upstairs.
I knocked on Finn's door before just coming inside anyway. Lucky for him, he was at his desk. Not that I was trying to catch him jerkin off or anything but I liked messing people up.
"What's up?!" I yelled.
He turned around. "Hey."
"Whatcha up to?"
"Just looking over some classes for in a few weeks." He frowned.
"I haven't signed up for classes either." I picked up the course book and flipped through it.
"I have no idea what to take. Everything sounds either too boring or too hard."
"Like what?" I skimmed over words.
"Like astrophysics. I don't know what that is!"
"Astro-what?!" I looked at him like he stopped speaking English.
"Yeah! I couldn't understand the description of the class either!"
I grimaced. "Ugh! What's in here that looks easy?"
He took the book back and flipped through it to a page then pointed.
I read what it said. "Isn't that retarded math?"
"It's easy math."
He had a point. "When the hell do we have to sign up for this crap anyway?"
"Soon. We lucked out with grants and stuff and they need to know how much to pay out."
Mama had gotten down searching for scholarships and stuff for me so I could pay for college. I never would have known where to look. She even got me a scholarship for being the first person in my family to go to college. It was boss.
"Want to go up to school and lock in our classes?" Finn asked.
I shrugged. "What's Mama and Q taking?"
"You're crazy if you think we can take the classes they take." He told me straight out.
Hell, I knew that. "I know we can't take the same exact classes but if they have a math class, they could help us in our math class."
He nodded. "Good point. Where are they? We can ask them."
I took out my phone and dialed Mama's number. She picked up after three rings. "Mama?"
"Hi, Noah." She yawned.
"Are you tired? Do you need to lie down?" My instincts kicked in.
"Noah, I'm fine. What's up?"
"Where are you?"
"I'm at home. Why?"
"I want to come see you."
She giggled. "Why? You miss me?"
"Hell yeah. I miss a lot of things about you. Starting with your eyes and your lips."
Finn cleared his throat.
I remembered why I was on the phone. "Finn and I want to come through."
"To hang out?"
"Not quite. We need help picking out classes. Where's Q? He wants her help, too."
"She's at home but I can ask her to come over."
"Okay. We'll be right over."
"Okay. See you when you get here. Bye."
I put my hand over my mouth so I could whisper something into the phone that let her know what other parts of her I missed. She just laughed and told me to "get my silly self off the phone". I hung up with a huge smile on my face.
Finn grinned. "You look good in love."
I blushed and scowled. "Shut up!"
He got up and picked up the book. "Let's go, lover boy."
MAP
I leaned on the doorbell. Mini Mama opened the door with two bottles in her hand. "Sup, Mini Mama?"
"What it do?" She lifted her chin.
"Hi, Marcy." Finn waved.
"They're upstairs." She moved and opened the door wider.
We went inside and she shut the door. She led us to the stairs and went up first. I hit Finn's arm and pointed in front of me.
"I will push you down the stairs. Stop staring at my ass." She said flatly.
Finn blushed as my jaw dropped. How'd she know?!
She made it to the second floor and went into her room. She shut the door behind herself.
Finn hit me. "That was your fault."
I shrugged. "She's a mom. She has eyes in the back of her head. I should have remembered that."
"I've never been up here before." He looked around.
I know he and Mama didn't do anything together but just hearing that made me feel better.
I pushed open Mama's door. She and Q were sitting on her bed with their computers out while Beth played by the couch and chairs.
"Hey." I went to the bed and laid across it to kiss Mama's cheek.
She wrinkled her nose. "Hi, Noah."
I kissed her again for not sounding happy as hell that I was there. "Hi, Beth! Hey, Q."
"Hello, Puck." Q nodded. "Hi, Finn."
"Hi, Quinn. Hi, Sadie." Finn looked around the room.
Beth stood up and ran over. She clutched the covers and shrieked. "Papa!"
Q picked her up and set her on the bed. She crawled forward and set herself in my lap. She cupped my face and smiled.
I kissed her cheek. "Hi, Beth!"
"Hi, Papa!"
"How're you doing today?" I kissed her again.
"Good!" She patted my cheeks.
"You see Finn? Say hi to Finn." I pointed to Finn.
She turned around and leaned against me. "Hi."
She was still shy with people. I picked her up and held her above my head. "You're an airplane!"
"Papa!" She laughed.
"Noah, if she throws up on you, that's one thing but if she throws up on my bed, you're going to be cleaning it." Mama threatened.
I put Beth down quick.
Finn laughed and sat on that small couch at the end of her bed. "You have a nice room, Sadie." He kissed Q.
"Thank you, Finn." She looked around.
"You have a lot of pictures of us up."
She lifted a shoulder. "My friends are my life."
Q hit her with a pillow.
"Ah! You can't hit me! I'm pregnant!" She giggled.
Q giggled, too. "Then stop leaving us out!"
"My family is my soul! Happy?!"
Q sniffed. "I suppose."
Mama leaned forward and grabbed her by her shoulders and dragged her forward to press their noses together. "Love you, Luce."
Q shook her head, rubbing their noses together. "Love you, too Merce."
I was hoping they'd just close the distance and stop torturing me already. I was staring kinda hard when Beth moved out of my arms and wrapped her arms around the two of them and kissed their faces.
That broke the ice as they laughed and covered her in kisses. I looked at Finn and saw he was red. I knew at that moment that he was thinking what I was thinking.
"So…?" I said slowly. "Are y'all going to help us pick out classes? We do need your help."
Mama leaned back and picked up her computer. "Yes. Yes. Now what classes do you want to take?"
"I don't know. I don't want anything too hard."
"Well how about classes where you already know the material?"
"Like what?" I leaned over to watch whatever she was doing on the computer.
She pointed to the screen. "How about Guitar 101?"
"But I already know how to play the guitar."
"I know." She said patiently. "It'll be an easy A. It's worth three credits so you'll raise your GPA while sailing through."
"Okay, cool."
Q clicked on her computer. "They have Drumming 101. Want to take that, Finn?"
Finn nodded. "I'll always take an easy A."
"Your reading comprehension is low." Mama said. "You should take English 101."
"Which one?" I asked.
"Both of you honestly. You don't have a love of reading and that frightens me."
I frowned. My hatred of books scared her? "Okay. I'll take it."
"But, Sadie,-" Finn started.
"You need to read more." Q cut in. "Rachel doesn't even read that much but she at least knows the classics. You don't know anything."
"I know Shakespeare."
"You know Romeo and Juliet. The movie with Leonardo DiCaprio."
He frowned. "So?"
"Finn, you're taking English 101."
He crossed his arms behind her.
I grinned, preparing to laugh but I made the mistake of looking at Mama, who shook her head. I pouted. Dating my moral compass was killing me.
"Noah, you're good in math. Take a math class." Mama said.
"I hate math." I didn't want to do that.
"You need to keep your grades up and taking classes where you excel is a good start."
I groaned. "Fine!"
"Good. Now Finn, you're good at biology since Mikey helped you pass."
Finn was already shaking his head. "No, Sadie! I barely got by! I didn't understand any of what Mike was saying!"
"Yes, you did. You're smart. You can do this."
He made a rude sound.
"I'm signing you up for biology 101 and you're going to go." Q said.
Finn glared at her.
She obviously didn't care. "You need to take a social class."
"What about sociology?" Mama suggested.
I didn't even know what the hell that was. "Nope. No way."
"What about psychology?" Q went on.
"The study of crazy people?" Finn asked.
Q hit him. "Don't say that! That is not even remotely true!"
"Ow! Okay! I'm sorry!"
She set the pillow down. "You're taking one of these courses. You need a social class."
"Fine. I'll take the crazy- I mean the psychology class."
I shrugged. "Me too."
"What's your username and password?" Mama asked.
I typed it in.
She went about selecting classes for me. "Do you want to have the same English and psychology class as Finn?"
I nodded. It'd be easier to study together if we had the same classes.
"What days? There's a Monday/Wednesday class at one o'clock and a Tuesday/Thursday class at two o'clock."
I looked at Finn, who shrugged. "I guess Monday/Wednesday at one o'clock."
"Okay." She clicked buttons. "You have Professor Burton's English 101 at one o'clock every Monday and Wednesday."
Q typed in Finn's info. "Okay, I have you in the same block. What about your biology class? There's one Monday/Wednesday at ten o'clock and a Tuesday/Thursday at three o'clock. Which do you want?"
"Tuesday/Thursday at three." He answered.
And that was how it went down. They went down the list for our classes and that's how Finn and I got our schedules mapped out.
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There we go! Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Who I Am Now. I'm going to try to upload every Wednesday. I'm uploading on a Tuesday now because I'll be too busy tomorrow. So be on the lookout next week.
