A few things to go over before you start reading this: This story contains highly sensitive topics inside, by clicking on it you acknowledge the trigger warnings located both in the summary and right underneath this little note.

Trigger Warnings: Suicide, Mental illness, Depression, Murder, Self-Harm, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Delusions, Drug use.

But enough of the serious talk! Let's get on to the story!


Crimson

Dark red. Crimson. All around more red. In the middle of the red, a man, a man who's eyes are devoid of life and who's skin is devoid of color. The white walls have more red splattered about, the light blue carpet forever stained, and the bed you would soundly sleep in at night has forever changed to a place of nightmares, forever haunting your peace. As you continue to stare at the scene, you realize it wasn't just any man that's blood has stained every part of your room, it's your older brother, your guardian, your best friend. He's now gone, forever.

You aren't sure how long you had been standing there, staring at your now red room. You can't move, you can't speak. You can only stare, your eyes glued to the lifeless body that was once your very lively brother.

You are eventually pulled away from the scene as you feel your back pocket vibrate. You are startled but recover long enough to get your phone out of your pocket. You don't even see who had called, you're focused instead on what's on your hands. Your phone has dropped onto the stained carpet though you barely notice, instead your focusing on the dark red that stains your pale hands. The same dark red that stained everywhere else in the room. What had exactly happened? Why couldn't you remember? Why did you have blood on your hands? Could it be... that you had been the one to have caused this? Had you... killed your own brother?

"No... No! No! I c-couldn't have..." You trail off as you remember something, an argument between you and your brother. You were angry at him while he was trying to calm you down, you were yelling and telling him you no longer needed to take medicine, the medicine he tries to give you daily. Could that argument led to you killing him?

"That has to be true... We argued, I was angry... And then I-I killed him..." You feel your chest tighten up as you think about what a monster you really are. You had killed him because he had wanted to help you. You had taken his life because he wanted to keep you well. "But... I didn't need them anymore... I was better..." You tell yourself this as you slowly slide to the floor, feeling tears slowly trail down your cheeks.

You look at your phone, the small dark blue device that lay on your floor beside you. You have to tell someone, right? That's what most people do in situations like this... Right? You finally decide on grabbing it, choosing to call the one person you can think of, your little brother.

As you hear ringing, you think of your older brother again. In the afterlife is he disappointed in you?You didn't mean to kill him, right? Did that even matter though? You still killed him, You're a murderer.

"Hello?" Your thoughts are interrupted as you hear your younger brother's tired voice. Had you woken him up? What a terrible person you are. First you kill your older brother, now you have woken your younger brother to tell him of the horrible crime you had just committed.

"L-little brother?" You speak lowly, your own voice quiet and filled with sadness.

"Lukas? What's wrong?" Your brother sounds worried.

"I-I...It's M-Mathias... He..." Your crying harder as you think of your older brother and how now he was gone forever. And that he was gone forever because of you.

"What about him? Lukas what's going on?" Each word you had said seemed to have increased his worry, but still you cannot stop now.

"H-he's dead... Emil! H-he died!" You sob into the phone, your emotions all over the place.

You sit clutching the phone in silence, hoping your brother hadn't hung up due to you admitting to being a killer.

"...Emil?" You whisper into phone.

You hear movement through the phone. "What happened? How did he die? Lukas, where are you?" his voice is strained, like he had to struggle to get the words out.

He's questioning you. But as you think of the answers to his questions, you pause. What did happen? How did he die? You know you killed him, you remember the argument and have his blood on your hands... But why can't you remember what had happened? "I... we got into an argument a-a-and..." You take a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Emil... I think I killed him in my room..."

You're surrounded by more silence. "I'm sending Tino and Berwald over... Lukas, stay there okay?"

That shouldn't be too hard for you as it feels like your legs are made of lead. As start to agree you pause, does he really believe you? Does he trust you? You killed your oldest brother, you're a murderer, was he sending Tino and Berwald in order to take you to the Institution again? "I-I didn't mean it... Emil..." You begin to cry again. "I... I don't even remember it..." You tell him, your voice trailing off into endless sobs.

"I know Lukas... I-I know you wouldn't hurt him on purpose... J-just wait there, okay? Berwald will help make it better." Your brother tries to sound calm, but deep down you can hear the slight fear in his voice.

"Please Emil... Just please don't send me back to that place..." You whisper, the grip you had on your phone had loosened considerably. You were scared, scared he didn't believe you and he was sending Berwald to take you away again.

"It's okay... It's okay... I promise, you won't go there again, just wait there."

Hearing those words starts to calm you a bit, but then the bad thoughts come back. What if your brother had only said that to calm you? What if when Berwald came he ended up taking you away anyway? What if he meant nothing with that promise? "I-I'll be okay?" You sound so unsure as you ask. Why did you ask? Was it to reassure yourself, or to reassure him?

"Yeah... just hold on okay? Did you take your medicine today?" He asks and you can tell he's struggling to keep his voice even.

"I... I was better... I didn't need it anymore..." You answer truthfully. "I was better... I didn't need it anymore..." It was like a repeating phrase you spoke over and over, telling yourself more than anyone else that you really were better and didn't need the medicine anymore.

"Okay Lukas... But you said that Mat was..." Your brother pauses, taking a deep breath. "W-was dead...? Maybe it's j-just you needing to take your medicine? You know how bad it can get when you have been off your medicine for a while." Your brother responds carefully.

"It's real Emil! His blood is all over me and my room! His body is right in front of me on the floor! I killed him getting into an argument over those stupid pills!" You snap, you don't mean to, but he really doesn't believe you! Even after you told him everything. He still thinks it's all in your head... but... Maybe it is... Maybe your older brother is not dead, maybe this is all in your head due to you skipping your medicine. If so then... That would mean you hadn't actually harmed anyone.

"Lukas. Remember the last time you stopped taking them for a long time? You said that I was dead... You said you watched me be torn apart by demons... It's what put you in the psychiatric ward to begin with... So please? Take them?" He's pleading for you to take your medicine.

But you aren't sure you can. You hate how they make you feel, and you had been better... But, maybe going back to taking them was for the best... maybe once you take them, you'll stop seeing Mathias lying motionless on your bedroom floor.

"I... Okay... I'll take them..." You tell him.

"That's good. Berwald should be there soon, okay? Can you do me a favor though? Can you stay on the line for me? Just stay on the line and talk with me until Berwald gets there. Can you do that for me?" He asks, sounding far more relaxed then he had been earlier.

"O-okay..." You feel a sliver of hope. When Berwald comes everything will be better, you tell yourself this, reassuring yourself that Berwald would fix everything.

You and Emil continue to talk about an endless amount of stuff for a while, both of you waiting for Berwald to show up. You had closed your eyes at some point to keep from seeing your older brother's dead body, but even then you still can smell the metallic scent of blood and the wretched odor of a rotting corpse. You feel your nose twitch and try hard to ignore the nauseating smells your surrounded with.

The smell grows stronger with each passing second and it's enough to make you want to vomit. You gag out of reflex as you struggle to hold in the bile that's threatening to come out. You have to leave this room.

"Hey? Hey Lukas...Are you okay? What's happening?" You nearly forgot that Emil was still on the phone with you.

"...It smells like blood and death here... I can't stand it..." you answer, feeling another wave of nausea hit you.

"It's not real. It's all in your head. Just keep talking with me and try and keep your mind preoccupied." He tells you it's not real, but it sure feels it. Your nose is telling you it's real. Your hands with dried blood caked on them feel real to the touch.

How can you keep your mind preoccupied if all you can think of is this putrid odor? You lean your head back against the wall, trying hard not to think of the sensations your experiencing. You open your eyes and see a tall figure stand there at the doorway, eyes glued to where Mathias' body still lay.

You stare at the body as well, eyes growing large in shock. You see the tall figure go over to the body and examine it, appearing grim as he did so. Why can someone else see your delusions? That's what all of this is, right? You try to get away but you feel glued to the floor. The tall figure moves closer to you and as he does you recognize that this is your other older brother, Berwald, so he finally came.

You open your mouth to speak but find no words able to come out. He's bending down in front of you and is embracing you. You're stunned. He's hugging you but you can't imagine why. He saw Mathias right? So why isn't he yelling at you and calling you a murderer? Maybe he's not real? But then... what was? You struggle out of his grip, you mind trying to comprehend what was going on, while you try and think of what was happening, he has let go of you and left to your bathroom.

"Lukas? Are you still there?" You shake and look down at your phone as you hear Emil's voice. He was real right?

"Y-yeah... I'm here..." You tell him, your voice shaky and full of unease.

"What's going on?" You're making your little brother worry again.

"I...I think Berwald is here?" You answer, though you aren't sure if that was really true.

"Can you put him n the phone please?" Emil asks softly.

"I..." You see Berwald return and you hold your phone out for him silently.

You flinch slightly as Berwald's gaze moves from Mathias to you, looking sullen. "Yes I'm here and it's worse than we thought. No he's okay, a little scared but fine." Is he talking about you? "I'll tell you more later, I have to get him out of this house for now." He has hung up the phone now and has gone back over to you.

He's now standing over you and despite how gentle he was looking at you, you still felt fear. You're looking him over carefully. He looks like your brother, sounds like him, but is this really him? You've had some pretty realistic delusions before... is he simply one of those delusions? Has your crazed mind chosen to create him in order to give you peace? Yes, you saw him talk with your little brother, but was that real? What if you had never called Emil, what if that was also in your head? Had you even gotten your phone out of your pocket earlier?

You feel confused, what was even going on anymore? He's lifting you up in his arms, but still you can't help but think this was all in your head, even as he carries you down the stairs and outside, you still can't help but feel it was all in your head.

The sights and smells of the outside, though usually comfort you, bring you more confusion and worry. Were you actually outside? Or had you imagined that to keep from seeing and smelling death?

"Are you feeling better?" Berwald asks gently, cradling you in his arms.

You shake your head 'no'. No you don't feel better. You feel confused and afraid. Despite how real this feels to you, how pleasant the fresh air was compared to the scent of death you experienced earlier. But was this real?

"What's wrong then?" Berwald asks, his voice is calm and level.

"I-is this actually real? Where's Mat?" You ask while you look around, as if by doing so, you'll be able to find your oldest brother.

"I heard you had stopped taking your medicine again. You know you have to take it everyday to avoid situations like this. Do you know where you are right now?" Berwald asks. He's starting to gently rock you in his large arms.

You look around. "The... Front yard?" you answer carefully, somewhat hoping you were right.

Berwald nods. "Yes. And where did I find you?"

You frown in thought. "...My... Room?"

Again, he nods. "Correct. Can you tell me what happened in your room before I found you?"

"I was talking with Emil?" You are starting to not like where he was going with these questions.

"And what happened before you talked to Emil?"

You look up at the sky, your head leaning against Berwald's shoulder as you tried to think of what happened before you called Emil. You feel the gentle rocking stop and feel his intense gaze on you.

As you looked up you felt a wave of panic and guilt settle over you. "...B-before that...I..." You stop, a wave of fear hitting you, your breathing rapid, your heart pounding rapidly in your chest, enough it feels almost painful. "...I..." You feel like you're choking. You gasp for air, hoping to get some into your lungs. Why? Why is it so hard to breathe? You feel tears welling in your eyes, if you finish speaking... And tell him about Mathias, would he still care about you? Would he still hold you in his arms like he is right now? No, he would hate you, wouldn't he... Your nothing more than a killer, he would stop loving you entirely if you told him what had happened. The more you thought of things like that, the harder it was to breathe and the harder your heart pounded out of your chest.

"Lukas. I want you to breathe okay? I want you to take a deep breath in..." He's talking to you, encouraging you to breathe.

You take a deep breath in. you eyes are still watering, and your heart is still pounding rapidly in your chest. You notice hes counting on his fingers, holding them up so you can see.

"Now let it out." he said and you see he's stopped counting at four.

"Now deep breath in." he says and like before he's counting on his fingers.

"Now let it out." You do that a few more times, feeling the air slowly return to your lungs, the choking feeling slowly going away.

"Do you want to take your medicine now?" He asks, his voice soothing.

You nod, not trusting yourself to be able to speak properly yet. He puts the accursed pill box in front of you and takes out the set of pills you need. Mathias was always surprisingly organized with them, making it so you had everything convenient and easy to get to. He was the real reason you're still even alive to this day. Damn you suck...

You notice that Berwald is looking around, your own eyes wandering from the bright red car Mathias drove daily, to the flower garden you and he worked so hard on, both of you so happy once you were done. "I forgot to get water..." You jump as you hear your brother speak again and blink up at him.

"What?" You ask softly, curious about why he suddenly needed water.

"I forgot to get water for you to take those pills with." He answers you, his voice still calm and collected.

"Oh.. I think Mat forgot to get water... the last time he was out shopping..." You tell him, frowning as you spoke, god, your voice sounds awful.

He nods and puts the pills he was going to have you take back into the pill organizer, his eyes now focused on you. "Come on." He tells you, helping you to your feet. You wobble, almost as if you had forgotten how to use your legs and feel a hand grip your own, guiding you to the black car he so regularly drives.


You weren't really paying attention to anything the entire drive, but soon the car has pulled up to the ever familiar sight of Berwald and Tino's house. You liked coming here, Mathias would take you whenever you wanted to come, and you were greeted with baked cookies and many other baked goods. You smile at the memory, not noticing that Berwald had gotten out of the car and over to your door, opening it for you. He helps you out of the car and like before you wobble. He grabs you before you fall completely and keeps you close, guiding you as he did not to long ago. You and he walk carefully to the front door, the path the same as it's always been, flowers lining the way up to the door, grass on either side of the cement walkway. You open the door to the usually cozy house and frown. This feels different, the usual scent of baked treats was absent, the inside of the house felt cold, enough that it made you shiver.

You walk further in, finding Tino pacing around the living room, appearing frantic. "Lukas! Are you okay? What happened? Is that blood?! Why do you have blood on you?!" He asks you rapidly, holding your hands out so he could study the dried blood caked on you.

"I..." How do you respond? "I'm covered in blood because I just killed Mathias" He'd kick you out of the house and call the police probably if you said that... But, maybe that's for the best. You deserve punishment for what you did, You killed your own brother after all...

"We'll talk more later." Berwald said, gently guiding you to the kitchen. You stand still as he gets out a cup and fills it with water, handing it to you while he takes out the pill organizer. He gets the dreaded pills out again and hands them to you, expectantly waiting for you to take them.

You stare at the pills in your hand for the longest time, you don't really want to take these but you can feel Tino and Berwald's eyes on you, waiting for you to take them. You grimace but finally stick them in your mouth, getting them down with the cool water Berwald gave you. You chug the rest of the water down, not realizing how thirsty you really were.

"Go rest, it'll help." Berwald suggested, nudging you toward the hallway that held the bedrooms. You didn't want to rest though. Despite how mentally tired you were, you felt like you could stay away for hours.

"But..." You argue.

"Rest." He repeats, sterner than he had been speaking, but still with a hint of gentleness in his tone.

You start to argue again, but really, what's the point? This might be the last rest you have before your sent to a psychiatric ward or prison. After all you did kill your brother, didn't you? "Fine..." You give in, heading to the room they made for you. It had your clothes, some books, and even some of the stuffed animals you had left here before. You look down at your hands again, still covered in dried blood, should you wash them? Probably... you head out of the room and to the bathroom, watching as the soap and water had changed with blood washing off your skin.

Now clean you head back to the bedroom, clutching one of the stuffed animals tightly, you're eyes are growing heavy and soon you are taken to the world of dreams.


You were running, to where, you weren't sure, all you knew was that you were looking for something... You stop running and look around, trying hard to find whatever it was you were looking for, and finally, you find it. You had been looking for a house. The same house your brother lives in. you knock on the door, once, twice. No response. You knock again before finally you just walk in.

The door creaks as it opens, the inside cover in a layer of dust so thick you could visibly see it everywhere. Did anyone even live here? You look around, spotting an old dusty picture frame and pick it up, blowing the dust off. You hack and cough as a cloud of dust hits you. Once it clears you stare at the picture you were holding. It was a picture of you, Mathias, and Emil, the three of you were smiling at the camera, but as you looked closer at Emil you noticed how sad he appeared in the picture.

You continue to study the picture for a while before you hear a loud noise from behind you. You were actually so startled you nearly dropped the picture onto the cracked floor. You see a dark shadow enter into another room and after setting the picture down, you head toward it. As you draw closer to the room the mysterious shadow had entered you see the back of Mathias' head.

"You really left Emil hanging yesterday, huh Lukas." You gasp as he turns around, his entire torso is oozing blood, his eyes are lifeless, and his neck has a deep gash going through it.

"Hey Lukas! I was just dying to see you again!" He moves closer to you, his movements sluggish.

You back away in fear, doing the only thing you can think to do. You scream.


"Lukas!" You hear your name being called, but still you can only see Mathias' corpse-like face as he continues to move closer to you.

"Lukas! Please wake up!" You feel like your being pulled away from Mathias, the house, and everything. You feel your eyes open as you feel a weight on your body, something warm was holding you close, pulling you away from the horrifying sight you had just encountered. As your eyes open you notice that you are back in the guest room you had fallen asleep in before. On top of you was Tino, holding you close, sitting on the bed while he fought of the last remaining bits of fear you had.

"...T-Tino?" You ask, your voice hoarse.

Tino's arms relax as he hears you speak and he pulls back just slightly, his violet eyes scanning your face. "Oh thank goodness!" was all he said before he went back to hugging you.

You awkwardly sit there, letting him hug you while you think back to the dream you had. You were in Emil's house, you encountered Mathias, and he spoke to you... what had he said again?

"Tino, can I use your phone? I want to call Emil." You say, realizing you weren't really sure where your own phone was.

"What for?" He asks, though you see that's he's fishing in his pockets for it.

"I just... want to tell him I'm with you guys right now." You answer and it's not a lie, but that's not the only reason. Something about what had happened in your dream had made you feel you had to talk to him.

"Okay." He seems to accept what you had said and hands you his phone.

You look at it before you type in your brother's number, holding it to your ear as it rings.

"We're sorry, the person you are trying to reach could not answer the phone right now. Please leave a message after the tone." You frown. "The voice mailbox is full. Good bye."

What? No! You hit redial, ignoring Tino's concerned gaze. "We're sorry, the per-" You hang up before the recording could finish, Your eyes glued to the screen.

You hit redial again. "We're sorry-" You hang up.

No, no, no! Why? Why won't he pick up? You get up from the bed, Tino's phone still in hand as you leave the room, your mind racing. Was Emil okay? He always answers his phone. Did he silence his phone and leave it in another room?

You run outside, ignoring Tino's cries for you as you continue running from the house. You have to see your brother, that dream, no that nightmare... You remember now, it was mentioning something about Emil!

You continue running, trying to recall exactly which house was Emil's while in your distressed state of mind. You stop running, panting slightly and spot your brother's house. The same house you had previously dreamed about. Gulping you run to the house.

You take a deep breath as you stand at the front door and knock. One knock, two knocks. No response. You knock again this time louder and more frantically. "Please be in here..." You whisper as you open the door and step in side.

To your relief it didn't appear to be quite as dusty as it had been in your dream. You look around, spotting the picture you had been looking at in that realistic nightmare. There you three were, all smiling, all appearing happy. You set it back down and look around, the house silent. Perhaps he's up in his room sleeping?

You head toward the stairs. Walking up them, your heart pounding as you headed further upstairs. You make your way to Emil's bedroom and stand before the door, your hand inching closer to the door knob. You slowly turn it, the door creaking open.

As it opens further you are met with a horrifying sight...


Thanks for reading the first chapter of Crimson guys! Shout-out to TrueCanadianGirl, the totally awesome Bun, and Snowflower for helping with with this story! See you next chapter!