Oh dear god, I'm back.
Did you miss me? Did you? Did you?
Of course not, you don't even remember me. I'll give you a clue. I was the stupid, bitchy little weeaboo that lurked in the Gakuen Alice section a year and a half ago. Kuhwaii Daysoo ne~?
Anyway, I have joined the dark side of the force and decided to write a drabble. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: If I owned Yu Gi Oh, 4kids would never see the light of day again for making shitty invisible guns.
Footsteps
I can hear them everywhere, everywhere I go.
The footsteps follow me, echoing.
Tap tap tap
Sometimes, I think I'm just overcautious, paranoid, a bit over my head. Maybe it's the stress from school. Sometimes, I think it's my own footsteps I hear. Loud, clear, ringing in my head, so I block out the sound with music, with voices. I surround myself with people so I can't hear the horrible, hypnotizing
Tap tap tap
But it doesn't work. I look over my shoulder, but nobody's there. Nobody following me, not a soul. Just me and the ringing in my head.
"I'm going insane" I muse and shake the thought off my head. No insane person would ever admit their condition, I'm fine. It's just a little noise.
Tap tap tap
I discovered the sounds the footsteps make are the same as the sound my shoes make. I start wearing slippers to school and for a moment, there's bliss. People laugh, make snarky comments and remarks, but I don't listen. All I can hear is the blissful silence and…
Shhf shhf shhf
The slippers sound like snakes, coiling, waiting for a prey. They drag themselves on the ground even though I try my best to keep my knees up high when I walk. The noise is loud, clear, frightening. I go back to wearing regular shoes.
I feel the dire need to punch something… someone. To rip, tear, stab, claw. I've never felt this way. Mum and dad say I'm a good boy. They're worried about me. I don't act like myself anymore. When I walk with them, I turn around. Searching for the source of the bloody, blasted footsteps that drive me insane.
Tap tap tap
I try to tell people what's going on. They all tell me to go to the doctor. I do as I'm told. I always do as I'm told. The doctor can't help me. He can't get rid of the sounds. He gives me breathing exercises, sleeping pills and earplugs. Nothing I haven't yet tried.
Frustration builds up; rage follows right after it. Now my pillows are all torn, my walls are smudged with blood from all the punching and my ears might never be the same after all the clawing I've done to them. I scream. That seems to drown out the steps, only for a minute though, because I run out of air and fall silent again.
Tap tap tap
Something's different today. No "tap tap tap's", no paranoia. Just pure, blissful silence. I feel happiness, something I haven't felt in a great deal of time. I wait, and wait, and wait.
Nothing.
I gain confidence and smile. So it's finally gone? Forever?
Tap tap tap
The little colour in my face drains and I scream. I punch a wall, over and over again, screaming. My hands get red, flesh starts to appear, but I don't care anymore. Personal safety can go to hell.
Laughter
I hear a laugh and turn around, ready to dismember the poor chap who dared laugh at me. Nobody. Not a soul in sight, but the laughter, the deep, cruel, gruff voice continued. I realized, a bit too late considering the whole "footstep ordeal", that the voice was coming from my head. Brilliant. Just, bloody brilliant.
"Alright, kid. I believe I've tortured you enough." The deep voice chuckled. I wondered what he meant, but only for a second.
The next second I was yanked from my flesh. I blinked, opened and closed my eyes, but all around me was darkness. I tried walking, but couldn't feel anything. Not my legs, not my arms, not even my head. It felt strange, but comforting. No more need to claw or punch. No more tapping and clicking and shuffling, just pure silence.
I waited, waited, waited. I could've been seconds. It could've been days, but the tapping never came back. I felt blissful. I wasn't dead, just… not very alive. I grew to love that silence that kept me from insanity. I wanted to stay there forever. No taps, clicks, shuffles.
And the voice in my head kept me there, in the dark and silence.
I loved that place so much, I didn't even mind when days later I woke up in a hospital bed, battered, beaten, bruised. I didn't even mind when people interrogated me on the disappearing of some of my classmates. I didn't even mind the looks I got from friends and family alike, because I knew soon enough I'd get sent back to my beloved dark room, and the
Tap tap tap
Would stop.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaangst.
If you managed to read this until the end, consider yourself hugged. Melvin style.
Love,
Gramps
