A/N
This is a one shot story about our two most favourite lovers finding each other that popped up in my head at the wee hours of the morning while having busy brain( you know, that time when you think about everything under the sun when you're supposed to be falling asleep). So, busy brain birthed 'Save This Dance' and I couldn't stop writing until I felt it was complete - that happened to be at 4:38 in the morning. This is not my first attempt at writing, but the first that I have posted on Fan Fiction. My first attempt is still in progress and this is my second. I have no experience in writing other than the stuff we used to do in school, so I'm just doing this for enjoyment.
Ps: I include songs in my writing that you can choose to listen to while reading a certain section of a chapter. I like how music can convey some of the emotions and feelings of what is being written about and sometimes transport you to a place you maybe wouldn't have gone to without it.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story. The characters, other than the ones I have created, belong to E.L James.
SAVE THIS DANCE
CHAPTER 1
[Song : Smothered by Daughter]
It was a beautiful evening. The moon's pale light brightened the dark clear cloudless sky and bright sequin-silver stars danced in the indistinct atmosphere. Like a beautiful canvas it reflected back into the pond that Christian was staring into. His thoughts were muffled by the loud music coming from the big white wedding tent where his family were celebrating. He never was someone for such social events, but a forced promise to his mother was the cause for his presence at a wedding he did not want to attend. She pleaded with him to come to his cousin's wedding and as much as he didn't give a fuck about what his cousins were up to he gave in just so that his mother could stop the torturous pursuit to get him involved in family gatherings. He was a recluse, plain and simple. He didn't like mingling with other people or socialise with them to create relationships and companionships. He was different and he always was, there were no two ways about it and he made no excuses for it. This was the life he created for himself. Controlled and planned out, cold and meticulous, keeping people at a distance so that no one can be important enough to make an impact on it. If he allowed people to come into his life, form trusting relationships and build a bond, there were always the possibilities of losing them, of them hurting and deserting him. He knew how it felt to trust in someone and have that trust broken into irreparable pieces. He knew how it felt to be ripped from someone he cared for and loved, and he knew the hollow and empty feeling it left behind when he was left alone and vulnerable. It was the same incident in his life that made him put trust in no one and only trust himself. It was the same incident in his life that closed him off from the world and it was the same incident in his life that made him exercise control in all things. Because, as much as Christian would have wanted to resist the thought that it hurt and scarred him greatly, it did. The same demons that tortured him when he was a little toddler looking for love still tormented him to this day and the effects still lingered, still pained, still consumed him to the point of a lonely and cold life where he allowed no light and no colour. He didn't know anything else. He couldn't even remember the last time he laughed or smiled, he couldn't remember the last time he felt happy or so overjoyed his heart felt it could jump out of his chest. In fact, he has never really experienced true joy. He has never experienced freedom. He wanted to be free from the dark clutches that tormented his dreams every night, freed from the loneliness that consumed his day-to-day life, freed from the cold and distant life he lead - free from hurt. He has worked hard for the wealth he has attained, the large empire he built a trophy and example of it. He has the amount of power that would make many human beings lose their sanity and yet he has not managed to overpower the demons of his past. He has lost himself in his work and got by the days in a daze that was hard to shake, coming home to an apartment that was cold and empty, no evidence of any person living in it. As he looked into the calm ripples of the water he realised that he was in fact cold and empty. And lost. He was lost and he didn't know if he could ever be found, so far gone that no lifeline was long enough to reach him. Christian yearned for freedom. He didn't admit it to himself, but he yearned to be filled. With what, he did not yet know, but he was yearning for something unknown, something he was not yet aware of. And that's when it hit him like a bulldozer. He will never get it. He will never feel what he desired to feel because, he didn't deserve it. He was never good enough, his life is fucked up, he had too many demons, he will never be happy, he will never be free. All these thoughts swam through his head as he walked over to the side of the large pond where no one could see him.
Suddenly nothing made sense anymore, his life didn't make sense, his wealth didn't matter, the multi-billion dollar empire he built didn't matter, the family he inherited who were celebrating in a tent in the distance didn't matter, he didn't matter. Everything became a jumbled mess inside his mind to the point where he became numb to his reality, the ghost of his futile existence laughing in his face. That is why, when he looked at the reflection of the silver moon reflecting in the dark murky pond, he gave in to the pressure of thirty-one years and took off his tux jacket, placing it over the armrest of a wooden bench nearby and walked towards the edge of the pond, never stopping when the water penetrated his dress shoes. When the water reached his calves he looked back at the tent with a heavy heart, this was it. Muffled voices and laughter could be heard over the music, but his mind was suddenly empty. It was like the calm before the storm. He looked heavenward then and closed his eyes, his arms hanging enervated at his sides as if all his troubles were hanging from them. Christian felt himself slipping as the thirty-one years of his life flashed through his consciousness and allowed himself to experience every single emotion that presented itself. For the first time in his life he felt for that little four year old boy who was waiting for his mommy to wake up, he felt for the lost and troubled sixteen year old teenager who allowed himself to be dragged into BDSM and he felt for the broken grown man who had everything, but yet nothing. It was all so difficult to bear - painful. It teared him apart, but he endured every second of it. He wanted to feel it. He had suppressed it long enough and it became too much. It restricted his thoughts, it restricted his mind, it restricted his heart and it restricted his entire life. He never felt anything in his life, never allowed himself to and for the first time he felt a hot stream of tears roll down his cheeks. He has never cried in twenty-seven years and everything inside him became heightened as the weight of his life descended upon him, so much so that it felt hard to breath. It was so overwhelming that his legs gave way and he landed on his knees, the water splashing around him. He didn't make a sound, he couldn't, his arms felt heavy and his chest ached like something was squeezing the life out of him. Tears silently rolled over his cheeks as his emotions spilled over into the peaceful and statue-still pond.
"Aren't you a bit overdressed for skinny dipping?"
A soft and delicate feminine voice brought him back to reality and his senses as shock and panic seized him before he breathed in heavily. He thought his mind was playing tricks on him, that maybe he imagined hearing someone, but then he heard the crunch of grass underneath feet as the person came closer. He swiftly got up out of the water and splashed his face to get rid of the salty tracks on his cheeks. He didn't expect anyone to be coming near this part of the venue and he felt himself unprepared to turn around and explain himself. So as he stalled while staying frozen to the spot he listened and hoped that she walked away, but she didn't. He decided to turn around then, to get out of the pond and just walk away without a word, but when he finally turned around he was met with the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on staring at him with softened jewel-blue eyes, gently smiling at him with her hands behind her back. Her dark mocha brown tresses of hair curtained her beautiful face and fell over her breasts, her gold and cream chiffon dress fluttering in the warm breeze, exposing her porcelain skin as the slit of her dress flipped open by the mischievous draft of air. Here, in front of him, stood an angel. Her spellbinding eyes still stared at him, her gentle smile still lingered as she went to sit down on the bench gesturing for him to sit down next to her. His feet moved of their own accord, the rustling of the water the only sound as he dragged his feet through it. When he sat down next to her on the opposite end of the bench he looked at her as if she were a ghost as she stared straight ahead at the spot he was just occupying a few seconds ago. He took that time to examine her beautiful face, his eyes moving from the halo of her dark mocha brown hair, past her spider's leg eyelashes and perfect cheekbones, over her cute little pixie nose and resting on her cupid's bow lips that was painted in bright red. She was extraordinarily beautiful.
"Beautiful night isn't it?" She smiled then, he too captivated by her beauty to say anything. She turned to him, her beautiful face so alluring he could only stare.
"I'm Ana." She extended her hand, but he didn't make a move to take it. He was still overwhelmed with what just happened and the realisation of what he just tried to do dawned on him. He looked away as shame and embarrassment covered him and looked at the pond now void of his body. The weight of what he was about to do weighed down his shoulders as a sigh escaped from his mouth. The first people that came to his mind were his parents, brother and sister and how what he wanted to do could have affected them. Would they have cared? Would they have been relieved? Would they have hurt? Her voice brought him back when she spoke again.
"I know what you wanted to do, and it's not worth it you know." She dropped her hand and went back to staring at the pond.
"I don't know what you are going through and it might be painful to the point where you feel like your heart wants to tear open and bleed out, but no life is worth giving up on. You might have followed a rainbow in search of the pot of gold your whole life, walking through trenches, raking through briers and thorns and giving up when you only had one branch to move away to see the pot of gold waiting on the other side." She turned to him again, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears and her hands gently resting in her lap. "My point really, is to never give up. Never give up searching, never give up on yourself. Your life is worth living, no matter how hard it is, there will be a rainbow after your storm. It might not feel like it now, but there are always people out there who cares. You should just look carefully enough or they will find you. The world isn't as bad as you might think." She looked away quickly, blinking away her unshed tears as she felt the intensity of the moment.
She stunned him with her words and he listened to every bit of it, it penetrating through the stoic facade and steel walls he put up over the years. She brought him peace and calmed him the moment he saw her, her presence supplying light to his dark world. For some reason, without her ever having said anything she made him feel lighter, just by being there.
"Dance with me."
Just like his feet earlier, words escaped his mouth without him thinking. The first time he has ever asked someone to dance with him and it is a total stranger. A stranger he felt a strange connection to that he couldn't explain, but he felt it. The first drop of colour on his black and white world because, for the first time he felt something stir inside of him. It was like the first crack on a caterpillar's cocoon. She looked up at him and smiled, his heart skipping a beat for the first time in his entire life.
"Of course, shall we?"
[Song: Save You by Turin Brakes]
She got up and extended her hand out to him which he took, an electric current tingling from where they touched and making its way up their arms. Both of them felt it and their eyes locked. Silver-grey stared into paradise-blue as he got up, never taking his eyes from hers. She smiled at him and curtsied which elicited a smile from him, the feeling alien as it was such a rarity. He bowed before taking her into his arms, never thinking about his fear of touch. Her hand landed over his chest and he expected to feel the scorching heat and pain that always accompanied any person's touch, but there was nothing. No pain, just the warmth of her hand which she pulled away and rested on his shoulder. He twirled her around and she giggled, another skip of his heart following, the sound of her giggles the most beautiful thing he has ever heard. This woman in front of him took his breath away and he didn't even know her. He never thought it possible that he could experience the things he felt at that moment and when he took her into his arms again it felt like home. As much as he didn't want to get his hopes up, he revelled in the moment of being this close to her. Never in his life did he think he would be dancing with a stranger next to a pond which he almost took his life in, the evening turning out to be nothing like he expected.
"Thank you Ana."
She pulled away and looked at him.
"For what?"
"For saving me, for giving me hope again."
"I didn't do anything. It's all you, you have the power. You made the decision to save yourself and I'd say that's a very brave thing to do. It's easy to give up, but it takes a strong person to keep going. You are strong."
Her words punched him in the gut with their severity. No-one's words has ever impacted him as much as the woman dancing with him. He felt overwhelmed and stayed quiet, not really sure how to respond.
"I was there too you know, a few years ago." His brows furrowed as he tried to make out what she meant.
"I almost took my life when I was seventeen years old. My stepdad died in a car crash while on his way home from the store. He went to go buy macaroni because we were out and I wanted to prepare him his favourite dish. When the police came to the door and gave me the news I pretty much died inside." She looked away into the distance as if recalling the event in her mind before continuing. "He was all I had, since my mom's presence in my life was practically non-existent. I refused to stay with her and ended up staying at my friend Kate's house who's parents later adopted me. I was in a dark place and felt that I didn't belong anywhere, that my life didn't matter. I felt responsible for his death, but I now know that it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't change anything. At that time I couldn't see the future or me being happy in it so one day I just decided to take a bunch of Kate's dad's pills and went to go sit in the tub. Kate found me and her mom rushed me to the hospital. I didn't want to live, I had nothing to live for, but it took me a while to get to a place where I viewed my life as more than just my experiences. It has been a long road, but a road worth treading, because I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for my tribulations. It pushed me to challenge myself, to go inside and find myself. In the end it's about becoming the best version of yourself and trying to connect to the true source of love inside of you."
"I'm sorry that you had to go through that."
"I am not." She smiled at him before tilting her head to the side with an expression of one who is thinking about something. She returned her gaze to him and continued.
"I see affliction as a way for me to grow as a person. If we didn't go through things that hurt and challenged us and life was all dandy whoopty-doo-da, we would just not grow as a person." She shrugged and continued. "We'll then just be content with how we are, no matter how much we still needed to grow. It is part of the school of life. Start seeing it as a lesson or a challenge instead of affliction. It will only weigh you down and become too much. You can do this you know. Live. Live and do what makes you happy. If I could do it, so could you."
He stopped dancing and looked at her then, what she was doing to him almost hard to believe. She was saving him. Her presence, her words, all of her came in the form of redemption and he was awed. She was the epitome of gentleness and compassion, her empathy at the core of her being. She stared at him too. She was staring at a lost man and if she could be the light that illuminated his dark path to freedom she would do it. She didn't know why she was drawn to him, she didn't know why she felt to take a walk and a break from all the noise and she didn't know why she walked to the spot where this stranger was about to take his life. All she knew was that she found herself halting in her tracks when she saw him fall to his knees, his emotional state evident by his slump shoulders and limp arms. She knew he was giving up, she knew what it felt like and she knew what it looked like. She was also attracted to him and it felt so good in his strong arms, the energy between them enough to light an entire city. She wanted to help him heal, just like she had to heal. She knew how it felt to experience salvation and freedom from the chains that used to bind her, that liberating feeling of coming into your own. She wanted that for him too.
"What's your favourite colour?"
"Well, that's a one-eighty turn in conversation." A laugh escaped from his mouth, which surprised him, but he decided not to dwell on it when she joined him and waved her hand in the air.
"Well, I think we have had enough heavy talk for the evening. Besides, my dress and legs are wet, which is a bit distracting." She giggled and he realised only then that he has been dancing with wet pants and shoes. He burst out laughing, full out laugh and he could feel the tension lifting slowly. He was laughing, genuinely laughing for the first time in years and it was with a beautiful stranger who saved his life. It felt amazing.
"I've never thought about it, but I guess it would be blue. What is yours? Apologies for my wet pants, I chased a goose into the pond." Their laughter filled the quiet night again.
"You're joking, which is good. All worth the wet dress. My favourite colour is purple, but I don't really like to wear it. Okay, your turn." She jutted out her chin towards him to indicate that he needed to ask a question next.
"My turn for what?"
"To ask a random question."
"Hhmmm." He pursed his lips in thought as he stared at her waiting in anticipation for what he will ask her next.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" She smiled shyly at the question, but she had hoped it was one of the questions he would ask.
"No. What about you?"
"Have a boyfriend? No, and neither a girlfriend." They both chuckled and continued dancing, the moonlight splashing down its watery white-silver glow bathing them.
"Okay, my turn. How old are you."
"Turned thirty-one a few months ago. I'm not so sure if I could ask you the same question though?"
"Why is that?" She asked with her lips twitching trying to hide her smile.
"Because they say a lady never reveals her age."
"Well, age is just an illusion anyway. I always say you are as old as you feel. I am twenty-two years young, by the way, and will be turning twenty-three in September." He chuckled at her wittiness and held her a little bit tighter, the fragrance of her shampoo filling his senses.
"If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?"
"Hmmm, that's easy. I'd go to London." She answered immediately. "What about you?"
"Here." He pulled away a fraction and looked down at her. "At this moment If I could be anywhere in the world it would be here dancing with you Ana."
Her heart jumped at his words. She thought about the broken man she saw just a few minutes ago and how in the few minutes that they have been dancing he already has shed so much weight from his shoulders. If he was open to her advice, he could be open to the prospect of saving his own life and living it to the fullest. She watched him as his grey intense stare bore into her, his chestnut brown hair slightly disarrayed and hanging over his forehead. She had to hold back from taking her hand and raking it through the silky strands gently fluttering in the soft warm breeze. He was a handsome man, but a broken man and she made the choice to be there for him and help him through whatever battles he was fighting. She knew that this man in front of her will be in her life for a very long time, she didn't know how, but she just knew.
"I didn't get your name." She said softly while looking up into his beautiful and unique grey eyes.
"It's Christian."
"Well Christian, I would like to help you if you'll let me." She smiled up at him. Christian could hear the faint crack of the metaphorical shackles around his life.
"I would love that Ana." And he meant it as he stared down into her beautiful smiling face. He couldn't think of anything better.
The music in the tent has stopped long ago and people were stacking up chairs outside of it, but Ana and Christian didn't care, because in that moment it was just them, two souls who found each other and provided light and warmth to each other's worlds. They continued to dance, the silence soothing and their hearts providing the tempo and beat to the song they danced to.
